Broken, day 1 Opening Prayer: O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Into Your Hand I Commit My Spirit To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; Let me never be put to shame; In your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear to me; Rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me, A strong fortress to save me! For you are my rock and my fortress; And for your name's sake you lead me and guide me; You take me out of the net they have hidden for me, For you are my refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God. I hate[a] those who pay regard to worthless idols, But I trust in the Lord. I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, Because you have seen my affliction; You have known the distress of my soul, And you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a broad place. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; My eye is wasted from grief; My soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, And my years with sighing; My strength fails because of my iniquity, And my bones waste away. Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach, Especially to my neighbors, And an object of dread to my acquaintances; Those who see me in the street flee from me. I have been forgotten like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel. For I hear the whispering of many— Terror on every side!— As they scheme together against me, As they plot to take my life. But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand; Rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! Make your face shine on your servant; Save me in your steadfast love! O Lord, let me not be put to shame, For I call upon you; Let the wicked be put to shame; Let them go silently to Sheol. Let the lying lips be mute, Which speak insolently against the righteous In pride and contempt. Oh, how abundant is your goodness, Which you have stored up for those who fear you And worked for those who take refuge in you, In the sight of the children of mankind! In the cover of your presence you hide them From the plots of men; You store them in your shelter From the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord, For he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me When I was in a besieged city. I had said in my alarm,[b] “I am cut off from your sight.” But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy When I cried to you for help. Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful But abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. Be strong, and let your heart take courage, All you who wait for the Lord! Scripture for Day 1: Psalm 51 Reading for Reflection: Jesus was broken at the cross. He lived his suffering and death not as an evil to avoid at all costs but as a mission to embrace. We too are broken. We live with broken bodies, broken hearts, broken minds, or broken spirits. We suffer from broken relationships. How can we live our brokenness? Jesus invites us to embrace our brokenness as he embraced the cross and live it as part of our mission. He asks us not to reject our brokenness as a curse from God that reminds us of our sinfulness but to accept it and put it under God’s blessing for our purification and sanctification. Thus, our brokenness can become a gateway to new life. (Bread for the Journey by Henri Nouwen) I am sure God wants us to be whole and healthy in every way possible, but love neither depends upon these things nor ends with them. In fact, blessings sometimes come through brokenness that could never come in any other way. In reflecting on my own life, I have to conclude that grace has come through me more powerfully sometimes when I have been very dysfunctional and maladjusted. Love transcends all possible adjustments and continually invites us through and beyond them. (The Awakened Heart by Gerald G. May) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Come, ye sinners, poor and needy, Weak and wounded, sick and sore; Jesus ready stands to save you, Full of pity, love and power. I will rise and go to Jesus, He will embrace me in His arms; In the arms of my dear Savior, O there are ten thousand charms. Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome, God’s free bounty glorify; True belief and true repentance, Every grace that brings you nigh. Come, ye weary, heavy laden, Lost and ruined by the fall; If you tarry till you’re better, You will never come at all. Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Broken, day 2 O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Scripture for Day 2: Luke 22:24-34 Reading for Reflection: Frederick Buechner once said, “To be a writer, one must be a good steward of their pain.” I think that is true as well for those who would pray. To be such a steward creates the possibility that others might be healed by your witness to such a thing, that others might see mercies granted to you in your suffering as evidence of the compassion of God for those who are broken. This gift of our brokenness is often the only real gift that we can give or receive with any real honesty and with any real hope and with any real power. We do not demonstrate our faith when we live in the light, we show our faith when we live in the dark. To embrace one’s brokenness, whatever it looks like, whatever has caused it, carries with it the possibility that one might come to embrace one’s healing, and then that one might come to the next step: to embrace another and their brokenness and their possibility for being healed. To avoid one’s brokenness is to turn one’s back on the possibility that the Healer might be at work here, perhaps for you, perhaps for another. It is to turn one’s back on another, one for whom you just might be the Christ, one for whom you might, even if just for a moment, become the Body and Blood. (Living Prayer by Robert Benson) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Broken, day 3 Opening Prayer: O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Scripture for Day 3: Genesis 32:22-32 Reading for Reflection: “Heel grabber” is what Jacob’s name means, a name you would expect of a wrestler. Jacob’s entire life up till now was spent calculating his next move and maneuvering to a position of advantage so he could pry from God’s hands so many of the blessings that God in time had wanted to give him anyway. Now it was God’s turn to grab Jacob’s heel, to wrestle with this fundamental flaw in his nature, and touch him in a way so he would never forget the encounter. Through the ordeal, Jacob learned that God’s blessing comes not from grabbing but from clinging. There is something of Jacob in all of us, I think. If so, there must be a night of reckoning for us as well. A night when God finds us alone, grabs us, throws us to the ground, and wrestles with that fundamental flaw in our character. In that dark night of the soul, though He cripples us in the dawn He blesses us. For some of us, the crippling is the blessing. (Reflections on the Word by Ken Gire) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Broken, day 4 Opening Prayer: O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Scripture for Day 4: Isaiah 53:1-12 Reading for Reflection: The first response, then, to our brokenness is to face it squarely and befriend it. This may seem quite unnatural. Our first, most spontaneous response to pain and suffering is to avoid it, to keep it at arm’s length; to avoid, circumvent or deny it. Suffering—be it physical, mental or emotional—is almost always experienced as an unwelcome intrusion into our lives, something that should not be there. It is difficult, if not impossible, to see anything positive in suffering; it must be avoided away at all costs. When this is, indeed, our spontaneous attitude toward brokenness, it is no surprise that befriending it seems, at first, masochistic. Still, my own pain in life has taught me that the first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it. When brokenness is, in fact, just as intimate a part of our being as our chosenness and our blessedness, we have to dare to overcome our fear and become familiar with it. Yes, we have to find the courage to embrace our own brokenness, to make our most feared enemy into a friend and to claim it as an intimate companion. I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don’t want to know the pain. Although this is true of all pain, it is especially true of the pain that comes from a broken heart. The anguish and agony that result from rejection, separation, neglect, abuse and emotional manipulation serve only to paralyze us when we can’t face them and keep running away from them. When we need guidance in our suffering, it is first of all guidance that leads us closer to our pain and makes us aware that we do not have to avoid it, but can befriend it. (Life of the Beloved by Henri J. M. Nouwen) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Broken, day 5 Opening Prayer: O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Scripture for Day 5: Luke 22:54-62 Reading for Reflection: The first response, then, to our brokenness is to face it squarely and befriend it. This may seem quite unnatural. Our first, most spontaneous response to pain and suffering is to avoid it, to keep it at arm’s length; to avoid, circumvent or deny it. Suffering—be it physical, mental or emotional—is almost always experienced as an unwelcome intrusion into our lives, something that should not be there. It is difficult, if not impossible, to see anything positive in suffering; it must be avoided away at all costs. When this is, indeed, our spontaneous attitude toward brokenness, it is no surprise that befriending it seems, at first, masochistic. Still, my own pain in life has taught me that the first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it. When brokenness is, in fact, just as intimate a part of our being as our chosenness and our blessedness, we have to dare to overcome our fear and become familiar with it. Yes, we have to find the courage to embrace our own brokenness, to make our most feared enemy into a friend and to claim it as an intimate companion. I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don’t want to know the pain. Although this is true of all pain, it is especially true of the pain that comes from a broken heart. The anguish and agony that result from rejection, separation, neglect, abuse and emotional manipulation serve only to paralyze us when we can’t face them and keep running away from them. When we need guidance in our suffering, it is first of all guidance that leads us closer to our pain and makes us aware that we do not have to avoid it, but can befriend it. (Life of the Beloved by Henri J. M. Nouwen) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Broken, day 6 Opening Prayer: O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Scripture for Day 6: Psalm 147 Reading for Reflection: When loneliness is among the chief wounds of the minister, hospitality can convert that wound into a source of healing. Concentration [meditation and prayer] prevents the minister from burdening others with his pain and allows him to accept his wounds as helpful teachers of his own and his neighbor’s condition. Community arises where the sharing of pain takes place, not as a stifling form of self-complaint, but as a recognition of God’s saving promises. (The Wounded Healer by Henri J. M. Nouwen) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Broken, day 7 Opening Prayer: O persistent God, deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human, not through the lessening of my struggles, but through the expansion of them… Deepen my hurt until I learn to share it and myself openly, and my needs honestly. Sharpen my fears until I name them and release the power I have locked in them and they in me. Accentuate my confusion--until I shed those grandiose expectations that divert me from the small, glad gifts of the now and the here and the me. Expose my shame where it shivers, crouched behind the curtains of propriety, until I can laugh at last through my common frailties and failures, laugh my way toward becoming whole. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder) Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31 Scripture for Day 7: 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 Reading for Reflection: The great spiritual call of the Beloved Children of God is to pull their brokenness away from the shadow of curse and put it under the light of the blessing. This is not as easy as it sounds. The powers of darkness around us are strong, and our world finds it easier to manipulate self-rejecting people than self-accepting people. But when we keep listening attentively to the voice calling us the Beloved, it becomes possible to live our brokenness, not as confirmation of our fear that we are worthless, but as an opportunity to purify and deepen the blessing that rests upon us. Physical, mental or emotional pain lived under the blessing is experienced in ways radically different from physical, mental or emotional pain lived under the curse. Even a small burden, perceived as a sign of our worthlessness, can lead us to deep depression—even suicide. However, great and heavy burdens become light and easy when they are lived in the light of the blessing. What seemed intolerable becomes a challenge. What seemed a reason for depression becomes a source of purification. What seemed punishment becomes a gentle pruning. What seemed rejection becomes a way to a deeper communion. (Life of the Beloved by Henri J. M. Nouwen) Song for the Week: Come Ye Sinners Closing Prayer Now, O Lord, calm me into a quietness that heals and listens, and molds my longings and passions, my wounds and wonderings into a more holy and human shape. (Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder)
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