Killarney Hardman IronMan Distance Triathlon 2012
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute or an hour or a day or a year but eventually it will subside
and something else will take its place. If I quit however it lasts forever.”
Lance Armstrong
Nope, that doesn’t do anything for me.
“Winners are losers who got up and gave it one more try.”
Dennis DeYoung
Not that one either.
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not
hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will
turn."
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Still No good.
“SHUT UP legs”
Jens Voight (Veteran German Cyclist who doesn’t give a ....)
Now we’re talking.
After all the training my time was up. Left Dublin on Friday and was welcomed into Killarney by
Biblical rain. As I am a positive/deluded person I thought the more rain that fell tonight the less
there would be for tomorrow.
I organised my gear and food for the race and then headed for dinner. Initially thought about trying
out a restaurant called “Flavours of India” as I am fairly gamey but that would be too much of a risk.
Instead I stuck to the Pasta. Indian Curry and 8 hours on the bike don’t go.
An old friend of mine rang and wished me good luck for the race. He wasn’t sure exactly what I was
doing but asked what time he thought I’d finish. I said 9.30. He thought that wasn’t too bad. I told
him 9.30 at night. He hung up.
Got to bed at 10 and fell asleep at 12.30 to the lovely soothing sound of driving rain. No nerves.
PreRace
Woke at 3.30am and started making my breakfast of Porridge, Granola, Bagel and Coffee. Very hard
to eat a full breakfast that early. Rattled around in the apartment with the bike and probably woke
everybody in the block. It was lightly raining outside but nothing to worry about. Got to Killarney
Golf Club at 5.15am and started to get ready for kick off at 6.30am.
3.8k swim first in the lake. I put on the wetsuit and pulled it right up tight so my knees were almost
up to my a**e and made my way to the water. I couldn’t fit the bananas in anywhere.
Still no nerves. Maybe I was still asleep? The morning was perfect with a blood red (apt) skyline and
very calm water. Spoke to one or two other competitors and nobody seemed too twitchy. The
organisers were organising and cracking jokes Kerry style. Everything was set.
The Swim 3.8k
The lake swim was 2 laps of Lough Leane which is pitch black under the surface and supposedly full
of Lampray Eels. The buoys looked miles away but the surface was flat and calm. We all hopped in
for the start and the hooter went and we were off.
The Elite guys (there was 2 women who started) took off fast but I kept to my strategy of letting
them at it, going to the back and staying there, which is not difficult considering I swim like a giraffe.
After about 10 minutes I had a splitting headache which I put down to nerves which I suppose had to
come out somewhere. I tipped along nicely for the first lap which took about 45 minutes when the
water suddenly started to get very choppy and I started to get sea (lake) sick and very queasy. It
didn’t help that I took on a good few mouthfuls of the peaty lake water. It wasn’t salty but there
was definitely a texture to it I hadn’t encountered before. In parts I veered off track as a kindly
kayaker made his way over to me a couple of times and told me to “keep her shtraighht”. I thought I
was going straight but must have been heading to Killorgin.
I struggled through the next lap and finished in a time of 1 hour 50 which was 20 minutes slower
than I had been hoping for. The eventual winners were long gone.
I got out of the water to a polite applause and Alan the MC telling the crowd how “hard” I was.
While he was regaling the crowd on the fact that I had only taken up swimming in January (and open
water swimming in June) and how tough I was I made my way over to the nearest ditch and start
heaving up the porridge, granola, bagel and coffee in front of the crowd. I could only imagine the
crowd all taking one big step backwards. I could hear Alan on the mic telling me “good man Robert,
get it all up”. I gave him the thumbs up (I think it was the thumb).
Did a full costume change into the cycling gear, had another quick breakfast of Lucozade Sport and
Banana on my now very queasy stomach and made my way gingerly to the Bike. There was no rain
and the conditions were still perfect.
The Bike 180k
I had been having problems with the bike for a little bit now and I am due an upgrade so I had a
slight concern it might let me down. I had it in the Bike Shop during the week for a quick service and
I was told that it was good for “hacking around on”. Not great for an IronMan I’d imagine. It is a bit
like Trigger’s brush (Only Fools and Horses) in that it is the original bike but with lots of
replacements, including a different frame.
The cycle consisted of a full circuit of The Ring of Kerry with a small bit added on at the end to bring
the distance up to 180k. There are two decent climbs, namely Molls Gap between Killarney and
Kenmare and Coom-a- Ciste which is just before Waterville at the halfway point and a number of
“pulls” in between.
After 12k you are heading up Molls Gap. I had just started the climb when I had already overtaken
someone. He was holding his wheel up, must be a puncture, but any sort of any overtake counts in
my book. I passed 2 others who were attending to natures call. They were all good for the
confidence and it looked like I was going to zip by everyone.
I didn’t pass the next guy until Sneem – 66k away.
My stomach started to act up and then my neck and back. This was all good as it meant I didn’t
notice my legs. There would be time enough for that later.
It was a lonely day on the bike with a headwind for about 100k with intermittent rain. Going down
Coom-a-Ciste I should have been hitting speeds of over 55kph. Because of the wind I could only
manage 35kph. In IronMan you are not allowed to draft or get in a group so I was on my own for the
majority of it which lasted for me 7 hours 20. I ran out of jokes fairly quickly.
A drunk goes into the library and loudly asks for a bag of chips.
The librarian shushes him and tells him that he is in a library.
“Oh”, he says, “sorry”.
He then whispers very softly; “one single of chips please”
Anyway, back to the cycle.
The route took us through Sneem, Waterville, Cahirciveen, Glenbeigh, Killorgan and back to
Killarney. In fairness to the organisers of Hardman the overall course is tough but very pretty, it is
the Kingdom after all but you couldn’t appreciate it with all the pain going on.
By Glenbeigh I was getting fairly peed off (excuse the language but you had to be there) with the
headwind and eventually he turned and eased off. My back, neck and legs were very sore and tired
but my mind was rock solid and I wasn’t going to any dark places. My mind wasn’t going anyway
actually so I have decided that I must be quite shallow. The IronMan will do that to you.
I arrived back into Killarney 9.5 hours after the start to be greeted by two good friends (very good
friends now), Philip and Woulfie. As I made my way into the transition tent for the changeover into
my run gear for the marathon there was a loud applause and cheering. Woulfie stuck his big head in
through the flap of the tent and with a cheesy smile told me that the applause was for the winner
who was just coming in. He followed that with “how you feeling?”. I told him to f*** off.
The Run 42k
I got on my gear and just didn’t think about the run. I just ran.
I took off in the style of Mrs Doubtfire with bunions. My arse was falling off me.
The run consists of 4 loops in Killarney National Park with a number of small gentle inclines. Philip
cycled his bike alongside me for a portion of the run and gave me a history of the place. Not sure if
he said that Ross’s Castle was invaded by the Nazis, Cromwell or The Beatles but I’ve no doubt the
whole thing was quite interesting.
When things start getting tough and in preparation for the mental battle I used the term Zulu
Warriors which was coined by Alan, another friend of mine. He talks about the Zulus away in the
field surrounding you in a big circle (picture it). They start approaching you slowly banging their
spears on their shields and chanting. They get closer and closer. Anyway you get the idea. I was
mentally prepared.
At one stage Philip (probably 15k into the run) warned me that I would be soon entering a dark
period and it will be like Hell on Earth, a World of Pain, House of Pain, Window Pain and other
phrases with pain in it. Demons and other nasty things were mentioned which was a bit scary. A
passer-by offered me some Jelly Babies – he was nice. I didn’t give any to Philip.
After a while Philip got tired and said he had to go home for dinner. I think he might have also
mentioned a hot bath. Woulfie took over. He started quoting passages from the Bible and told me
he read that when Paula Radcliffe was really suffering she thought of her kids. I thought of my kids
and decided that right now I would happily swop them for a banana. I was hungry and low on
energy. SHUT UP LEGS.
Mentally I was strong and my mind was fairly locked on to the task in hand but I found it difficult to
work out how many hours I was out and what time I needed to get to so obviously the system was
shutting down. It took me to work out what time it was if I added 6 hours to 6.30am. I think I
started speaking Arabic at the water stations.
After about 25k (the third lap) I stopped at a water station for a refill. A old farmer handed me a cup
of water and as he did he told me that I was doing great and was on the last lap. When I told him I
had another lap to go he threw his eyes up to the heavens and said “Holy F***” (as in Holy F*** you
haven’t a hope of finishing this thing). He then smiled and told me I’d be grand. I smiled back. I
asked him if he had any Jelly Babies.
Mentally I was feeling strong but there was pain everywhere and I was determined not to walk, even
though my running was very slow.
At the 35k mark things were getting dark (not as Philip had predicted but it was getting late). I
nearly set Kerry tourism back 10 years when a chunky American women tried to stop me to ask for
directions to the Lake. I tried to say, “go ask me B******s!” but what came out was more like the
sound a bull makes when he is being castrated. I pointed South and she thanked me kindly.
I had now one lap to go so it was almost over. The inclines on the last 2 laps were turning into snow
capped mountains and slowed my progress but I was nearly there. It was almost 9.30pm and
completely dark so I had the head torch on for the last hour. As I approached the last 1k there was a
huddle of 10 people and when they saw me they started cheering wildly and clapping. As I got
nearer the clapping stopped and they said “Oh that’s not Dave is it?” I said “NO it’s not Dave”. Oh,
we thought you were Dave – where is Dave? “I don’t know where f***ing Dave is do I”. It was
obvious my charming personality was starting to slip.
I saw the Finish Line and sprinted snail like to be wrapped up the arms of lovely warm and cuddly
Kerry ladies who made me sugary tea and hugged me up in a lovely blanket. I saw the Timer and it
showed my time at 15.01. Woulfie was still there and heroically looked after me with all the TLC
that a 16 stone bloke can muster in front of strangers. He handed me a sandwich. I said to Woulfie
if I had only gone a couple of minutes quicker I would have broken 15 hours. He told me to shut
f***ing up – you’ve just done an IronMan. And he was right.
Selfishly I did the IronMan for myself but of course it is nice to help others. I want to thank all those
who helped me and especially those who have made a donation to Crumlin Hospital. It is very much
appreciated. If you wish to donate some money I would be delighted. Just log onto www.cmrf.or g
and you can “sponsor a friend”. My name is Robert Kelly. Any amount is brilliant.