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Whip Around
• What is your favorite Interpersonal Communication
concept you have learned thus far?
• Think about these questions.
• Be prepared to share aloud with the class.
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11
INTERPERSONAL
CONFLICT
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Our Agenda
• The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict
• Conflict in Personal Relationships
• Power and Conflict
• Managing Interpersonal Conflict
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The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict
Interpersonal conflict is an expressed
struggle between at least two interdependent
parties who perceive incompatible goals,
scarce resources, and interference from the
other party in achieving their goals
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The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict
• Points to remember from that definition:
• Conflict is an expressed struggle
• It occurs between two or more interdependent
parties
• It is about goals that the parties perceive to be
incompatible
• It arises over perceived scarce resources
• It includes interference
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Conflict in Personal Relationships
• In relationships, conflict . . .
• Is natural
• Has content, relational, and procedural
dimensions
• Can be direct or indirect
• Can be harmful
• Can be beneficial
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Conflict in Personal Relationships
• Common topics of conflict in marriage
•
Personal criticisms
• Employment
• Finances
• In-laws
• Chores
• Sex
• Children
• Use of time
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Conflict in Personal Relationships
• Sex and gender affect conflict
• Girls and women are encouraged by gender
socialization to “play nice” and avoid conflict
• Boys and men are encouraged to engage in conflict
directly, using competitive or aggressive behaviors,
but also not to hurt women
• Passive aggression and demand-withdraw
patterns frequently characterize conflict between
women and men
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Conflict in Personal Relationships
• Culture can affect conflict
• Individualistic cultures teach people to stand up for
themselves in the face of conflict
• Collectivistic cultures encourage accommodation,
rather than conflict, to preserve group harmony
• Language used during conflict can differ between
low- and high-context cultures
• Cross-cultural conflict is common because of
different traditions and expectations
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Conflict in Personal Relationships
• Conflict can be common online
• The disinhibition effect encourages people to say
or do things online that they would not in person
• This can encourage new conflicts or inflame
existing ones
• Several communication strategies can help
people avoid or manage conflict in online settings
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Power and Conflict
• Power is the ability to influence or control other
people or events
• Power is context-specific
• Power is always present
• Power influences communication
• Power can be positive or negative
• Power and conflict influence each other
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Power and Conflict
• French and Raven’s five forms of power
• Reward power
• Coercive power
• Legitimate power
• Expert power
© Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
• Referent power
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Power and Conflict
• Sex and gender influence power
• Patriarchy is a common organizing principle for
human societies
• Several nations have female heads of state and
women in powerful positions
• Masculinity and femininity express different
messages about power
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Variables in Conflict Styles
• Gender
• Men and women approach conflicts differently
• Adolescent boys tend to use direct aggression
• Adolescent girls tend to use indirect aggression
• Gender conflict style is often stereotyped and not always the same
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Power and Conflict
• Culture influences power
• People in high-power-distance
• People in low-power-distance
cultures often question power
differences
© Amos Morgan/Photodisc/Getty Images, RF
cultures accept power
differences as normal,
even desirable
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Managing Interpersonal Conflict
• Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling
© Davis Freeman/Queerstock, Inc/Alamy, RF
• Contempt
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Whip Around
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Managing Interpersonal Conflict
• Strategies for
managing conflict
• Competing
• Accommodating
• Compromising
• Collaborating
© BananaStock/PunchStock, RF
• Avoiding
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Conflict Styles
• Conflict Styles
• Avoiding
• No Way
• Accommodating
• Your way
• Competing
• My way
• Collaborating
• Our way
Figure 11.1
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Conflict Styles
• Avoiding (Lose – Lose)
• When people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict
• Avoidance reflects a pessimistic attitude about conflict under the
belief that there is no good way to solve the problem at hand
• Typically leads to unsatisfying relationships
• Not always a bad idea
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Conflict Styles
• Accommodating (Lose – Win)
• Occurs when you allow others to have their way rather than
asserting your point of view
• If accommodation is a genuine act of kindness, generosity, or love,
then chances are good that it will enhance the relationship
• People from high-context, collectivist backgrounds are likely to
regard avoidance and accommodating as face-saving
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Conflict Styles
• Competing (Win-Lose)
• Occurs when there is a high level of self concern and a low level of
concern for others
• Direct Aggression
• When a communicator expresses a criticism or demand that threatens
the face of another
• Passive Aggression
• Occurs when a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or
manipulative way
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Conflict Styles
• Compromising (Partial Lose – Lose)
• Gives both parties some of what they want although both sacrifice
part of their goals
• Compromising actually negotiates a solution where both lose
something
• Some compromises do leave both parties satisfied
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Conflict Styles
• Collaborating (Win – Win)
• Shows a high degree of concern for themselves as well as others
• The goal of collaboration is to find a solution that satisfies the
needs of everyone involved
• Collaboration gives you a way of creatively finding just the right
answer for your unique problem
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Ineffective Conflict Styles
• Avoiders
• People who hate arguing and will avoid
discussing conflict issues at all costs
• Erupters
• People who lose their temper and become
very emotional when angry
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Conflict Styles
• Which Style to Use
• Some issues to consider when deciding which style to use:
• The relationship
• The situation
• The other person
• Your goals
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Conflict in Relational Systems
• Complementary Style
• Partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors
• Symmetrical Style
• Both partners use the same behaviors
• Parallel Style
• Both partners shift between complementary and symmetrical
patterns
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Conflict in Relational Systems
• Complementary “fight-fight” style common in unhappy
marriages
• Some distressed marriages suffer from destructively
symmetrical communication
• Escalatory spiral
• Both complementary and symmetrical behaviors can
produce “good” results as well as “bad” results
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Conflict in Relational Systems
• Destructive Conflict Patters: The Four Horsemen
• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Contempt
• Stonewalling
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Conflict in Relational Systems
• Conflict Rituals
• Usually unacknowledged but very real patterns of interlocking
behavior
• Nothing inherently wrong with interaction in many rituals
• Rituals can cause problems though when they become the only
way relational partners handle their conflicts
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Constructive Conflict: Questions and
Answers
• Isn’t the Win-Win approach too good to be true?
• Not only is it a good idea, it actually works
• Win – Win produces better results than a Win – Lose approach
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Constructive Conflict: Questions and
Answers
• Isn’t the Win-Win approach too elaborate?
• The approach is detailed and highly structured
• Try to follow all of the steps carefully
• After you become familiar and skilled at using all steps you will be
able to use whichever proves necessary
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Constructive Conflict: Questions and
Answers
• Isn’t the Win-Win approach too rational?
• You might need to temporarily remove yourself from the situation to
calm down
• Be sure your partner understands the process
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Constructive Conflict: Questions and
Answers
• Is It Possible to Change Others?
• The key lies in showing that it’s in your partner's self-interest to
work together with you
• You can also boost the odds of getting your partner's cooperation
by modeling the communication skills described in this book