A Conversation about Conversation:
deepening
relationship & engagement
Welcome
WHY BOTHER?:
The ‘Have to’ and ‘Want To’
of Relationships
…& a word on ‘deepening’
Intentions and Content
To:
• share the four most transformational practices that I have ever come across in
building great relationships
• give you the five most powerful words you can use to shift any relationship
• give you two improvements you can make immediately to the effectiveness of
your conversations
Part 1
CHANGE YOUR WORLD ONE WORD AT A TIME
How the Way You Speak Creates Your Life
A beautiful, poetic, forceful and, above all, useful book on the impact of words in shaping our futures. It
argues for care in choosing the words (and the thoughts that precede them) so that we create what we
would choose to create. I strongly recommend this book as a short but forceful course in living.
PAUL BIRCH, VISIONJUICE, UK
Firth has split the atom with this small and explosive book about words and their huge creative
leverage... read this, and all your communication will increase in power.
STEVE CHANDLER, AUTHOR OF TIME WARRIOR
The Problem:
‘There are other Humans’
Human 2.0 The Upgrade is Available
The Universal Human Paradigm:
we are disappointed in others and
want them to be different
Part 2
Practice 1
Who will I be?
Practice 2
Avoidance doesn’t work!
Relationship: the word
late 14c., from Anglo-Fr. relacioun, O.Fr. relacion
(14c.), from L. relationem (nom. relatio) “a
bringing back, restoring,” from relatus (see relate)
Only connect...and human love
will be seen at its height. Live in
fragments no longer.
~ EM Forster
Conversation: the word
conversation
mid-14c., from O.Fr. conversation, from L.
conversationem (nom. conversatio) "act of
living with," prp. of conversari "to live with,
keep company with," lit. "turn about with,"
from L. com- intens. prefix + vertare, freq. of
vertere (see versus).
Practice 3
I have a say…
Practice 4
The two levels of every communication…
Part 3
FIVE WORDS…
The five words:
Invitation
Request
Promise
Offer
Apology
TWO WAYS…
1. The invitation
“I would like to have a conversation with you about [this aspect of our
relationship]...
because I want to try and change/fix/ improve [the problem, issue,
barrier you’d both acknowledge exists]...
Would you be willing to talk with me about that?”
Authenticity vs pretending
2. The envelope
Tell them what you are committed to in terms of a shared result or goal.
Those of you who are married committed to some parameters around a
shared goal.
eg ‘in sickness and in health.’
There is no way back into a relationship without articulating another shared
goal or common aim. If you and I are going to change the world with our
love, I might be prepared to listen to some of the ‘difficult’ things you have to
say about me right now. Without that shared context, why would I hear all
those painful things?
Examples:
“I really want us to have a loving, intimate relationship again...”
“I can promise you I want us to laugh again like we used to when we first
started being together...”
“If we get our working relationship back on track, this project is going to be
phenomenal...”
This stage of the conversation puts us in the place of creating a shared future
rather than attempting to fix the past.
The five words:
Invitation
Request
Promise
Offer
Apology
Beyond Leadership
Colorado/Arizona – June
2013 – March 2014
Adding Consulting to your
Coaching Practice
Phoenix/Denver May
– October 2013
MY GIFT: a free 45 minute coaching conversation with you
During this conversation, we will look at your current situation, your goals, your
roadblocks and give you focused, strategic advice.
•
Create a sense of clarity about the business and/or life and/or relationship that you
really want to have
•
Find out the essential building blocks for having your vision become a reality
•
Discover the #1 thing stopping you from having what you want
•
Identify the most powerful actions that will move towards the business, career,
relationship or life you desire
•
Complete the consultation with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to
create what you truly want
[email protected]
Final Thought
I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated,
and a person is humanized or de-humanized.
If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.
If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of
becoming.
Goethe, 1749-1832
[email protected]