1
How to Handle Conflict Biblically
2
Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV)
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
3
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
 The moment Adam and Eve sinned, the peace and unity of paradise was lost.
 Their sin threw them into immediate conflict; Adam blaming Eve, and Eve blaming
the serpent for their sinful actions.
 Disunity rather than unity came to characterize the human race.
 Life in the world became life in a battlefield.
 Human conflict is one of the dreaded consequences of sin entering the world.
 Because of sin, all human relationships are a struggle and are prone to conflict.

 Throughout scripture we see the ugly reality of sin displayed in cruel wars and
fighting even among those who are called God’s people.
 Cain killed Abel – Jealousy, out of control anger, selfish ambition, and pride drove
Cain to kill his brother (Gen 4:8)
 While in the womb, Jacob and Esau struggled for dominance. Gen 25:22
 Jealousy over their younger brother’s favorite son status, drove ten of Jacob’s son’s
to sell Joseph into slavery and deceive their father into thinking he was dead (Gen
37:18-33).
 For years in the desert, the children of Israel relentlessly criticized and stubbornly
resisted Moses’ leadership. At one point, Moses wanted to die because of their nonstop complaining (Numbers 11:14-15).
 King Saul was insanely jealous over David and did everything in his power to kill
David (1 Sam. 15:12; 18:6-16)
 In the New Testament there is a struggle between the religious leaders of the day
and Jesus. Out of hatred and jealousy over Christ’s exposure of their hypocrisy and
self-righteous behavior, they killed the “Author of Life” (Acts 3:15).
 Jesus had to deal with selfish disciples who quarreled over who was the greatest and
who would be enthroned at Christ’s side (Mark 9:34).
 Jesus taught unique principles of humility, servant hood, forgiveness and love; and
He promised to send a helper to enable them to live by his teaching.
 But the Holy Spirit did not eliminate all fighting and controversy among the Spiritindwelt people of God.
 The churches of the NT experienced plenty of conflict.
 As the writers of the NT addressed these matters, they provided instructions on how
Christians are to think, act, speak and treat one another when conflict arises.
 By studying the scriptures we can learn how to live in harmony even when we
disagree with one another.
2
 There is Nothing Wrong with disagreeing with one another or passionately
defending our beliefs.
 This is one way we learn and sharpen or correct our thinking.
 The Holy Spirit uses the emotional upheaval that accompanies disagreement and
conflict to get our attention and drive us to make changes in our families, churches
and personal lives.
 Conflict can help us to discover our character weaknesses, correct mistaken
theological ideas, sharpen our beliefs, refine our plans, grow in wisdom and life
experience, learn to trust God in difficult times, and deepen our prayer lives.
 What is wrong is for believers to behave in an ungodly, unbiblical manner.
 Sadly this is not uncommon.

 My intent through the next few weeks is to explore God’s way of handling conflict, so
that we can experience peace and unity by drawing key principles from Scripture,
with special emphasis on biblical attitudes and behaviors.
 Some of these principles will come from Mt 18:15-17 and others will come from
general instructions for living that become even more important when conflict
arises.
 All Christians need to know and practice these biblical principles because everyone
faces controversies and relational disagreements.
 By knowing and practicing these principles we can change our family dynamics,
workplace environment, church life, marriage, and friendships.
ILL – one evangelist started several churches over a 40 year period and every one of them
folded because of sinful infighting among believers. No deliberate effort had been made to
teach new churches and their leaders how to deal with conflict according to biblical
principles. A missionary in another country had witnessed the same from previous
missionaries and decided to do something different. As he studied those churches, he
drafted a document outlining how to deal with conflict biblically.
The document included a pledge to speak the truth to one another and never slander or
backbite. They promised to not gossip about one another and agreed to represent each
other’s beliefs accurately. They decided to follow scriptural instructions and confront one
another about known problems. They committed themselves to pray for one another and
to love one another despite their differences. This approach proved to be very successful.
Psalm 133:1 (NIV) “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!”
Big Idea for today:
When conflict arises, our attitudes and behaviors should reflect our new life in Christ.
We are to display the fruit of the Holy Spirit who lives within us and not the works of the
flesh.
We are to walk in step with the Spirit’s leading.
We are to be Spirit controlled and not flesh controlled or out of control.
3
1. When facing conflict, do not display the works of the flesh
 Much of the fighting and unnecessary divisions that plague many churches today
results from believers acting according to the flesh and not walking by the Spirit.
 Serious discord over the role of the Mosaic Law in regard to salvation and Christian
living threatened the life and unity of the church in Galatia
 Paul warns them about potential for mutual destruction
 Galatians 5:15 (NIV)
15
If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by
each other.

 Paul identifies the cause of the disunity as the “Works of the Flesh”
 Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV)
19
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
20
idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition,
dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did
before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
 Eight social sins describe the sinful attitudes and behaviors of the Galatians

 The Holy Spirit is opposed to these works of the flesh
 Galatians 5:16-18 (NIV)
16
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
17
For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is
contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do
what you want.
18
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
 The Holy Spirit does not lead believers to commit these social sins; to bite and
devour one another or to provoke one another to fits of anger or bitter jealousy.

 Paul also warns that Pride is at the root of many of these sinful behaviors.
 Galatians 5:26 (NIV)
26
Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
 The church at Corinth acted no different than the rest of Corinthian society.
4
 1 Corinthians 3:3-4 (NIV)
3
You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you
not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?
4
For when one says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos," are you not mere
men?

 The Corinthian church prided themselves on their spirituality and knowledge.
 Their quarrels, jealousies, and factiousness proved that they were not walking by
the Spirit.
 There was an inconsistency between their walk and their talk.

 Paul lists eight sins of discord
 2 Corinthians 12:20 (NIV)
20
For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may
not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts
of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.

 These eight are similar to the eight listed in Galatians
 Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV)
19
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
20
idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition,
dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did
before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
 There could be no hope of unity in the church in Corinth until believers
acknowledged and repented of their fleshly, unChrist-like conduct.
2. When facing conflict, display the Fruit of the Spirit
 God always wanted His people to live in a way that shows His holy character to an
unbelieving world.
 The one thing Christians are NOT to do when engaged in conflict is to revert back to
our old, pre-conversion, flesh-driven ways of behavior.
 Galatians 5:16 (NIV)
16
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
 Galatians 5:18 (NIV)
18
But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
 Galatians 5:25 (NIV)
25
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
 Nothing but the indwelling of the Holy Spirit can enable believers to resist the flesh
and live according to Christ’s principles.
5
 We must ask ourselves, “Am I displaying Christ-like character and the indwelling of
the Holy Spirit when I deal with someone who disagrees with me or opposes me?”
 The fruit of the Spirit that is most needed in the storm of conflict is Self-Control
 The lack of self-control is a major problem
 Christians who control their emotions and thinking by the power of the Spirit are
best able to handle conflict constructively and bring about a just resolution
3. When facing conflict, display the wisdom from above.
James 3:14-17 (NIV)
14
But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or
deny the truth.
15
Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.
16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil
practice.
17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate,
submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
Conclusion
Two Principles to remember
1. When facing conflict, display the fruit of the Spirit not the works of the flesh. Be
Spirit controlled not out of control
2. Be as concerned about your attitude and behavior as about the issue of
disagreement.