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Tribes
Love and Logic
www.district287.org/clientuploads/287Staff/SEL/L&L.ppt, 11/15/2011
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Introduction
Love and Logic
A strategy used to reduce the reactivity of adults to students
by setting firm limits in caring ways without anger, lecture
and threats. When students do cause problems, the adults
hand the problem back to the student in caring ways that
promote thinking.
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Background

“Drill Sergeant” approach
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Tends to activate the Emotional Brain
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Does not develop thinking skills
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Insulting to some kids
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Interferes with free will
A.W. Atkinson, MD
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Background
 “Natural
Consequences”
Good but often not sufficient
 Adding empathy helps to increase the chances of
getting the thinking brain going

 Rewards, praise, stickers
etc.
Develops expectancy of always getting something
 Novelty wears off
 Some kids are immune--don’t care
 Does not develop thinking skills
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A.W. Atkinson, MD
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Background
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When we start feeling frustrated, we are entering the
Emotional/Reactive Brain Zone.
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We are giving over our own control.
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We increase the students’ reactivity.
A.W. Atkinson, MD
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Background

Love and Logic
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Calms the reactive brain with empathy and delayed
consequences
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Encourages thinking skills with choices and use of problems
solving with students
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One liners help staff to be less reactive
A.W. Atkinson, MD
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The Rules of Love and Logic
RULE #1
Use enforceable limits
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The Rules of Love and Logic
Rule #2
Provide choices within
limits.
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The Rules of Love and Logic
Rule #3
Apply consequences with
empathy.
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Enforceable Limits
Setting enforceable limits involves telling
students how you will be acting and
handling situations.
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Enforceable Limits
 The
effective application of limits requires
that children have implied choices and be
forced into thinking mode.
 This
means that we are not telling young
adults what to do we are telling them what
we will do. This is limit setting.
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Enforceable Limits
Turn Your Words Into Gold
“Are you raising your voice at me?”
“I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.”
“You show some respect.”
“I will be glad to discuss this when respect is shown”
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Choices Within Limits
Give 99% of your choices when things are going well.
Make deposits into the “Choices Saving Account”
Give choices before the student becomes resistant.
For each choice give two options, each of which you like.
If your student does not make a timely choice, make the choice
for him/her.
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Choices Within Limits
 Delivery
 You’re
 Feel
is important:
welcome to--or--
free to--or--
 Would
 What
you rather--or--
would be best for you--or--
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Choice Within Limits
 Assigning
math problems
 Bathroom
breaks
 Free
time
 Homework
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Choices Within Limits
Power Struggles
Often times winning a power struggle is
more important to a student than making a
good decision, particularly if the student
feels that he/she does not have much
control over things.
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Choices Within Limits
 Take
a “Savings Account” approach
 Make frequent deposits when things are going
well. Use phrases such as “That’s your choice,”
and “You decide.”
 When you need to make a withdrawal it is easier
because the child sees you sharing control. Use
phrases such as, “Don’t I let you make a lot of the
choices? Well, this time I need to decide.”
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Choices Within Limits
 Don’t
be afraid to say, “I usually give choices, but
not this time.”
 Never
give a choice unless you are willing to let
the student experience the consequence of that
choice
 Never
give choices when a student is in a
dangerous situation
 Never
give choices unless you are willing to make
the choice if the student does not
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Shared Control
 “We
either give control on our terms, or the kids
will take it on theirs.”
 “Do
I want to control kids or do I want to obtain
their cooperation?”
 “We
need control over our lives. When we don’t
get it, we go after control over others.”
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Consequences With Empathy
 The
effective teacher administers consequences
with empathy and understanding, as apposed to
anger and lecture.
 When
adults respond with anger and lectures,
children often transform their sorrow into anger
with the adult--the lesson may be lost.
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Consequences With Empathy
“No behavior technique will have a lasting,
positive result if it is not delivered with
compassion, empathy, or understanding.”
Teaching with Love and Logic
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Consequences With Empathy
 The
child is not distracted by the adult’s anger.
 The
child must “own” his or her pain rather than
blaming it on the adult.
 The
adult-child relationship is maintained.
 The
child is much less likely to seek revenge.
 The
adult is seen as being able to handle problems
without breaking a sweat.
 The
child learns through modeling to use empathy
with others.
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Consequences With Empathy
How to Destroy the Teaching Value of Logical
Consequences:
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Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”
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Display anger or disgust
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Explain the value of the consequence
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Talk too much
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Feel sorry and give in
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Contrive a consequence for the purpose of getting
even
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Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
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Most of us have great difficulty thinking of one
while we are teaching.
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We “own” the problem rather than handing it
back to the student. We do more thinking than
the child.
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We are forced to react while we and the student
are upset.
1/3
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Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate
Consequences:
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We don’t have time to anticipate how the
student, his/her parents, our administrators, and
others will react to our response.
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We don’t have time to put together a reasonable
plan.
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We often end up making threats we can’t back
up.
2/3
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Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate
Consequences:
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We generally fail to deliver a strong dose of
empathy before providing the consequence.
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Every day we live in fear that some student will
do something that we won’t know how to handle
with an immediate consequence.
3/3
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Consequences with Empathy
“This is sad. I’m going to have to do
something about this. But not now, later.”
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Consequences With Empathy
Delayed Consequence
 Consequences
 Take
 Include
do not need to be delivered
immediately.
time to develop a plan.
the student in the development of
the consequence by using the problem
solving steps.
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Consequences with Empathy
 Problem
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Solving Steps
Empathy: “How sad.” “Bummer.”
Send the power message: “What do you think you
are going to do?”
Offer choices: “”Would you like to hear what
other kids have tried.”
Have the child state the consequences: “And how
would that work for you?”
Give permission for the child to either solve or
not solve the problem: “Good luck. I hope it
works out for you.”
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The “Set Up”
The One Sentence Intervention
“I’ve noticed that__________. I’ve noticed
that.”
Do this twice a week for at least three weeks.
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When they argue
Neutralize student arguing
 Go
Brain Dead
 Choose a one-liner
 “I respect you too much to argue.”
 “I bet it feels that way.”
 “Could be.”
 Do not attempt to think--Become a broken
record. Keep voice soft.
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Rules ideas
Love and Logic Classroom Rules
1.
I will treat you with respect so you will know how to treat me.
2.
Feel free to do anything that does not cause a problem for
anyone else.
3.
If you cause a problem, I’ll ask you to solve it.
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Rule ideas
Love and Logic Classroom Rules
4.
If you can’t solve the problem or chose not to, I will do
something.
5.
What I do will depend on the special person and the special
circumstances.
6.
If you feel something is unfair, whisper to me, “I don’t think
that’s fair,” and we will talk.
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What you can do
Tease proof Your Students
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Put on your “cool look”
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Use a one liner, “Thanks for telling me.”
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Walk away
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Share with teacher in private
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Resources
www.loveandlogic.com
Bibliography
Teaching with Love and Logic
Jim Fay and David Funk
Calming the Reactive Brain
Presentation by A.W. Atkinson, MD