Responsibility is not a burden
… it's a blessing
Today's subject is responsibility. Not social responsibility, which is a separate issue, but
personal responsibility. When we take responsibility, we admit we are the ones
responsible for the choices we make. We, not other people or events, are responsible for
the way we think and feel. It is our life, and we are in charge of it. We are free to enjoy it
or disdain it. No, we are not responsible for all that happens to us, but we are
responsible for how we think, feel, and act when they happen.
Why did God make us so fleet-footed? Some would argue it is to allow us to dodge,
duck, and run from responsibility! Why would anyone want to do that? Well, many
people associate responsibility with duty and obligations, which, in turn, are thought of
as burdens. But personal responsibility is not a burden, it is a blessing. This becomes
clear when we understand that PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY IS NOTHING OTHER
THAN THE FREEDOM TO CREATE OUR OWN LIVES. Yes, responsibility is equated
with freedom and power. Once we awaken to this fact, we become liberated and
empowered. Once we become aware of this truth, we shed our victim mentality and gain
the power to transform ourselves.
The other day it was pouring rain. Some waved their arms in exasperation and
complained that their day off was 'ruined' by the weather. How can a free car wash and
watering of the lawn 'ruin' one's day? The complainers are not free. They are in prisons
of their own making. They 'can't' enjoy life simply because it's 'too' wet outside. Instead
of choosing to be miserable, why not choose to rent a hilarious video, play indoor mini
golf, visit the library or bookstore, see a friend, or dress properly, take an umbrella, and
enjoy a walk in the rain? Why reject the roles of creativity, flexibility, and resiliency in
order to play the role of victim? Why choose to be weak when one can be strong? Why
choose to be sullen when one can be thrilled?
Let's get personal and talk about you for a moment. Are you perfectly happy with the
way things are at this time, or do you wish things were better? Chances are you are
neither perfectly happy nor completely unhappy, for most of us lie somewhere between
both extremes. However, if you're not totally satisfied, what are you doing about it? If you
continue to do the same things, everything will remain the same. Nothing will change
until you do.
If a change in your life is warranted, why not begin by recognizing that your present
situation is not the result of your genes, parents, education, job, luck, timing, health, or
environment. Rather, it is the choices you have made and the actions you have taken
that have brought you where you are today. Change your choices and actions and you
will change the results that follow. This understanding is the first step in personal
transformation. The second step is the action that follows, for as Dietrich Bonhoffer
(1906 ~ 1945) wrote, "Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for
responsibility."
What action should we take? Start by taking a personal inventory. That is, examine your
life to learn the extent that you are either already taking responsibility or evading it. This
is best done by asking yourself a series of questions and writing the answers for later
study. Here's what I mean. Do you ever say to yourself or others any of the following?
Life is so unfair. I'm unlucky. No one wants to help me. It's not my fault that I'm the way I
am. Life is an endless struggle; there are too many burdens to bear. Terrible things are
always happening to me. My parents (spouse, friends, coworkers, boss, health, the
weather, or the political situation) make me depressed (angry or frustrated). I feel
overwhelmed and helpless. Some people get all the breaks; I'm just unfortunate. I'm sick
and tired of being sick and tired. There's nothing I can do; it's just the way the world is. I
can't succeed because of the corrupt government, blood-sucking corporations, greedy
employers, and back-stabbing coworkers. I'm unsuccessful because of the prejudice
(age discrimination, sexism, jealousy, hatred, stupidity) of others. I would be successful if
it weren't for the idiots holding me back. Self-help books, positive thinking, or the advice
of others can't help me.
Can you see where I'm going with this? All the above thoughts express the mindset of a
self made victim. Instead of taking personal responsibility and taking charge of one's life,
that kind of thinking is used to blame others or life for one's own failures. That type of
thinking is dead-end thinking, self-defeating thinking. With these thoughts in mind, and
tongue in cheek, Ambrose Bierce (1842 ~ 1914) defines responsibility in his "The Devil's
Dictionary" as follows: "RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the
shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was
customary to unload it upon a star."
Yes, it's easy to shift the responsibility and blame others or events. But what good is
that? All it does is keep us in a rut. We cannot make any real progress until we admit to
ourselves, "Only I can hold myself back. Only I can stand in my own way. Only I can help
myself. Only I can take personal responsibility. Only I can transform myself from a victim
of circumstances to a reasoning, choice-making, action oriented person. Only I can
make the decision to stop acting like a victim and start taking charge of my life."
One of the first 'people' we greet each morning is our reflection in the mirror. Don't we
want to be accountable, answerable, and responsible for the life we are creating for it?
By accepting that responsibility, we unleash great power and transform ourselves. It may
be convenient for a caterpillar to have so many legs, but it remains earthbound. It is far
better to make a dramatic change and transform ourselves like a butterfly, so we can
take flight and explore a new world.
Let me end by saying, all this emphasis on making the right choices and accepting
personal responsibility is for your benefit only. That is, use these ideas to improve
yourself, but not to judge others. You can never enter the mind, heart, and body of
another, so you are unaware of the reasons for their failures. Not everyone is as ready
as you are to change. That's why it is written in the Talmud (Rabbinical writings of the 1
~ 6 centuries AD), "A man may not be responsible for his actions in an hour of tribulation
and pain."
On the other hand, if you are racked with pain, saddled with poverty, or deprived of other
blessings most take for granted, use your experience to have compassion for those who
are even worst off than you, but do not use your burdens as excuses to remain in a
negative frame of mind. You have enough problems already; don't add to them by
endlessly complaining, for that only entrenches them deeper into your life. Rather, look
for the good, appreciate it, and take responsibility by making the most of what you have.
Happiness is a choice, just like misery is; we all have the responsibility to make the right
choices. We owe it to ourselves to do so.
© Chuck Gallozzi
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