Chapter 6
Interdependency
Miller
Intimate Relationships, 6/e
McGraw-Hill/Irwin
Copyright (c) 2012 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
Couples Therapy
• The dirty little secret in relationship research
and practice:
• Satisfaction does not predict longevity
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Social Exchange
• Social Exchange Economy: Successful relationships
entail the mutual exchange of desirable rewards with
others.
Rewards and Costs
• Rewards are results of an interaction that are gratifying,
welcome, and fulfilling.
• Costs are consequences that are frustrating, distressing,
and undesirable.
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Social Exchange
Rewards and Costs
The outcome of an interaction is its net profit or loss.
Adding up all the rewards and costs that result:
Outcome = Rewards – Costs
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Social Exchange
Rewards and Costs
Interdependence theory suggests that we evaluate the
outcomes we receive with two criteria:
• What we expect from our relationships, and
• How well we think we can do with other partners.
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Social Exchange
What Do We Expect from Our Relationships?
Each of us has a personal comparison level
(or CL) that describes what we expect and feel we
deserve in our dealings with others.
– When our outcomes exceed our comparison levels, we’re
happy and content.
– But when our outcomes are lower than our comparison
levels, we’re disgruntled and distressed.
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Social Exchange
What Do We Expect from Our Relationships?
CL is thus the standard with which satisfaction with a
relationship is assessed.
Outcomes – CL = Satisfaction/Dissatisfaction
Even if a relationship is profitable and rewarding,
you may not be satisfied if the profit isn’t big enough
to meet your expectations.
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Social Exchange
How Well Could We Do Elsewhere? Social Market
Whether or not we’re happy, we also evaluate our
partnerships with a comparison level for alternatives (or
CLalt) that describes the outcomes we (think we) can get
elsewhere.
Our CLalts are the lowest level of outcomes we will
accept from our current partners.
Why?
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Social Exchange
How Well Could We Do Elsewhere?
If we think we can do better in another relationship, all
things considered, we’re likely to leave our present
partners and pursue those bigger payoffs even if we’re
currently happy with what we’ve got.
On the other hand, even if we’re currently miserable,
we won’t leave unless a better alternative presents
itself.
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Social Exchange
How Well Could We Do Elsewhere?
A CLalt is a complex, multifaceted judgment involving
both the costs of leaving and the rewards offered by
others.
Investments are the things we lose when a relationship
ends.
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Social Exchange
Four Types of Relationships
Good Outcomes
------ Current Outcomes
____ CL
____ CLalt
Poor Outcomes
When outcomes exceed both CL and CLalt,
it’s a HAPPY and STABLE relationship.
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Social Exchange
Four Types of Relationships
Good Outcomes
____ CL
------ Current Outcomes
____ CLalt
Poor Outcomes
When outcomes exceed CLalt but fall below CL,
it’s an UNHAPPY but STABLE relationship.
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Social Exchange
Four Types of Relationships
Good Outcomes
____ CLalt
------ Current Outcomes
____ CL
Poor Outcomes
When outcomes exceed CL but fall below CLalt,
it’s a HAPPY but UNSTABLE relationship.
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Social Exchange
Four Types of Relationships
Good Outcomes
____ CLalt
____ CL
------ Current Outcomes
Poor Outcomes
When outcomes fall below both CL and CLalt,
it’s an UNHAPPY and UNSTABLE relationship.
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Social Exchange
Four Types of Relationships
In real relationships, a huge variety of configurations are
possible as CLs, CLalts, and outcomes all range from
excellent to poor.
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Social Exchange
CL and CLalt as Time Goes By
Our CLs are based on our past experiences, and
they fluctuate along with the outcomes we receive.
Excellent outcomes delight us at first…
…but our CL begins to match our outcomes,
changing our expectations in relationships
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Social Exchange
Cultural effect on CLalt
Cultural changes may also have made our CLalts higher
than ever before:
• Women work
• People are mobile
• Legal and social barriers to divorce have eroded
The costs of departing a marriage have decreased, and
people have more options and partners available to
them.
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The Economies of Relationships
Counting up the rewards and costs of a relationship
provides extraordinary information about its current
state and likely future.
Costs are particularly influential because
bad is stronger than good.
Pain motivates behavior more than joy.
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The Economies of Relationships
Rewards need to outnumber costs
by at least 5-to-1
if we’re to stay satisfied
with a close relationship.
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The Economies of Relationships
Constant weighing of gains/losses
• Gain positive outcomes
– this is an approach motivation
• Avoid negative outcomes
– this is an avoidance motivation
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The Economies of Relationships
Rewards and Costs as Time Goes By
Early Relationships: both good and bad relationships
are equally rewarding
However, Doomed partnerships are more costly from
the moment they start.
Q: What does a doomed relationship look like early on?
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The Economies of Relationships
Rewards and Costs as Time Goes By
Interdependency increases over time=Costs
However, even in relationships that will succeed,
costs typically rise as the partners spend more time
together.
Pay heed to your doubts about new partners, but recognize
that most relationships probably go through an awkward
phase of adjustment as interdependency increases.
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The Economies of Relationships
Rewards and Costs as Time Goes By
Overall, though, marital satisfaction usually declines
as time passes…
…and there are probably several reasons why.
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The Economies of Relationships
Here is the usual trajectory of marital satisfaction:
Insert Figure 6.7 here
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The Economies of Relationships
Rewards and Costs as Time Goes By
– Lack of Effort
People may stop working as hard as they once did to be
consistently charming.
– Interdependency Is a Magnifying Glass
Conflict is more consequential, and annoyances more
aggravating, because of the close and frequent contact that
comes with intimacy.
– Access to Weaponry –
Intimate partners know our foibles and our secrets, and that
gives them the means to hurt us, even unintentionally, in
ways others can’t.
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The Economies of Relationships
Rewards and Costs as Time Goes By
–Unwelcome Surprises –
Stressors: Health concerns, financial, job change/move
– Unrealistic Expectations –
Don’t assume that having kids will bring you
closer together.
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Are We Really This Greedy?
Mutuality creates longevity
If you value a relationship, you’ll want to keep your
partner happy, so that he or she will want to stay with
you.
Providing rewarding outcomes to your partner, even if it
involves effort and sacrifice, can be self-serving if it
causes a desirable relationship to continue.
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Are We Really This Greedy?
Equitable Relationships
When equity exists, a relationship is fair:
Each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are
proportional to his or her contributions to it:
Your outcomes
Your partner’s outcomes
------------------------ = -----------------------------------Your contributions
Your partner’s contributions
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Are We Really This Greedy?
Equitable Relationships
When a partnership is inequitable: Common Complaint
– one partner is receiving too much, and is said to be
overbenefited, and
– the other partner is receiving too little, and is said to
be underbenefited.
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Are We Really This Greedy?
Equitable Relationships
It’s distressing to be underbenefited. In response:
• People may try to restore actual equity,
changing their (or their partner’s) contributions or outcomes.
• People may try to restore psychological equity,
convincing themselves that they are getting what they
deserve.
• Or, people may abandon the relationship,
seeking fairness elsewhere as a last resort.
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Are We Really This Greedy?
Equitable Relationships
It’s obnoxious to be underbenefited…
…but equity may not matter much if a relationship
is highly rewarding and both partners are prospering.
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The Nature of Commitment
Commitment is the intention to continue a
relationship.
• Committed partners expect their relationship to
continue;
• They take a long-term view; and
• They are psychologically attached to each other.
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The Nature of Commitment
According to the investment model of
commitment:
• Satisfaction increases commitment
• Other partners of high quality decrease commitment
• Investments in a relationship increase commitment to it
– Examples of investments that keep people in unsatisfying
relationships?
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The Nature of Commitment
Thus, the investment model suggests that people
remain with their partners when:
• they’re happy;
• there’s no place else to go; or
• it would cost too much to leave.
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The Nature of Commitment
Some theorists assert that there are three types of
commitment:
• Personal commitment – occurs when people want to continue
a relationship because it is satisfying.
• Constraint commitment –
• occurs when people feel they have to continue a relationship
because it would cost too much to leave.
• Moral commitment – occurs when people feel they ought to
continue a relationship because it would be wrong to break their
vows.
These three types of commitment feel different, and there
may be value in distinguishing them from one another.
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The Nature of Commitment
The Consequences of Commitment
A sense of commitment leads partners to take action to
protect and maintain their relationship:
• Accommodative behavior – temporarily tolerating
provocation from one’s partner without fighting back
• Willingness to sacrifice – putting the well-being of the
relationship ahead of one’s own self-interest
• Perceived superiority – considering one’s relationship to
be better than those of other people
Thus, even if people are self-serving, they are often
unselfish, considerate, and caring to those they befriend
and love.
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Summary
• Interdependency – the process of exchange is
key in predicting couples that remain intact
and those who experience dissolution.
• Satisfaction: mod/mild does not keep couples
together
• Availability of better partners and cost of
leaving important contributors to outcome.
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