The book Your New Money Mindset begins with the story of Ryan and Alycia, a
married couple committed to God and each other yet feeling significant financial
tension as they pursue their dreams and raise a family. Ryan and Alycia never talk
about their biggest money fears, but they both wonder when the life they work so
hard to maintain will all fall apart.
Begin your message with Ryan and Alycia’s story to create a picture of the money
tension many people feel.
Ryan was never a fan of school, and after a couple of years of college he hit the job
market just as the Internet was becoming part of everyday life. He has an eye for web
design. He has a knack for coding. He worked for others long enough to save up cash and
strike out on his own. In good years, his new business has thrived. In several not-so-good
years, Ryan is proud to say he has survived.
This was the creative, driven entrepreneur Alycia fell in love with. The couple met as
young adults playing in a church softball league. Alycia and Ryan dreamed together of a
growing business. They envisioned a life more affluent than either of them had enjoyed
while growing up.
After the couple married, Alycia continued her career in human relations. When she gave
birth to a daughter, followed by a son a year later, she chose to work part-time. A decade
and a half later, she still has steady employment.
Ryan and Alycia both feel they have accomplished much, but they long for more. They want
a bigger house in a more prestigious neighborhood, for example, but they can’t move as long
as they owe more on their mortgage than their house is worth.
For the past several years, Ryan has felt increasing pressure in his business. In fact, his
company would shrink if he didn’t put in longer days than ever. He feels like he’s barely
holding his own as he competes with newcomers half his age who promote themselves as
experts in all things digital. Inexpensive, do-it-yourself design platforms mean Ryan’s
expertise isn’t valued even when it is badly needed.
Business has gone flat just at the time family expenses are exploding. They have a daughter in
her junior year of high school—and a son a year behind—and spending feels out of control.
Ryan used to think it was ridiculous when little Bekka wanted a hundred-dollar doll and a
tubful of accessories. Now the latest cellphone and a closet full of clothes are just a start. His
son once played endlessly with a glove and ball. Last week Daniel came home and
announced he needed hundreds of dollars of lacrosse equipment the next day.
Although the couple struggles to make payments on their vehicles, they keep rolling
over leases on new models. Ryan once vowed his family would never own more than
two cars, but when Bekka earned her driver’s license, he realized an extra car would
make it easier for her to get to activities like club soccer. Soon a third vehicle appeared
in the driveway, and now Ryan is wondering about getting a fourth. Not that there’s
anywhere to park it. The space is already filled with an SUV and trailer for hauling
Daniel’s motocross bike and a spare to races.
The college clock is ticking down for their children, but Ryan and Alycia block that
from their minds. Ryan assures Alycia that if he just has a steady stream of business, he
can write checks to cover tuition. They need to convince Bekka and Daniel to enroll in
public universities close to home, but both kids have other ideas. The children might
need sizable loans to cover their schooling, but these days, who doesn’t?
Ryan sees himself as an astute, self-made man. Thanks to his hard work, and Alycia’s
contributions, they have always lived well. They look like they make a lot more money
than they do. Ryan is living the dream of being his own boss. Alycia always has a
confident, put-together look. And the couple is popular with other parents at school and
church. Those relationships create demands to spend money on going out, weekend
getaways, and group vacations. But Ryan and Alycia feel like those outings are
investments in their family.
Ryan rolls out of bed feeling like every day is make-or-break. Landing the next client
gets him weeks or months of work, and until the next shortfall, he feels pretty good.
When he has hit lean stretches, extended family have helped with loans. Ryan dreads
the day someone discovers he often borrows from one family member to pay off
another. Not long ago Alycia went behind his back to get money from her parents
and from a sibling who has less but still feels sorry for her.
Ryan and Alycia never speak about it, but they both wonder when the life they work
so hard to maintain will all fall apart.
It’s tough to blame people for wanting a better life.
Ryan and Alycia are good people. They work hard. Through all of life’s ups
and downs, they’re still in love. As parents, they just want the best for their
kids. And if we were to have a heart-to-heart conversation with them, it would
be clear they’re committed to God. If we were looking for solid friends, they
would probably be high on our list.
At the same time that we empathize with Ryan and Alycia’s desire to have a
nice life, we can’t help but notice their unhealthy relationship with money.
They have developed obvious patterns in how they think about money—and
how they act with money. Those patterns are their “money relationship.”
Our money relationship is our everyday attitudes and actions toward money—
how we think and feel about money, and how we use or misuse it. Like any
relationship, our money relationship can be good or bad, healthy or unhealthy,
on the upswing or on life support.
Think about that for a moment. How would you describe your own
relationship with money? What thoughts fill your mind? How does money
make you feel? How is your relationship with money revealed in your habits?
If you’re anything like Ryan and Alycia, when it comes to your relationship
with money, you might feel tense. It might be a little or a lot, but it’s there.
Maybe you’re on your own, living solo. You’re taking charge of your future
and carving out a meaningful life. But it can feel like a struggle to get ahead on
your own.
Maybe you’re a married couple. You’re bringing together your individual
attitudes and habits around money. You might feel pushed to the limit getting
established or managing debt.
Or maybe you’re parents of a growing family. All you want is to give your
children a good life. Your kids are growing up, and expenses are exploding.
Many people in our society—Christians included—feel unease about money. But
if that’s where you’re at, you maybe don’t see a way to turn back from the
choices you’ve made… the habits you’ve developed… the lifestyle to which
you’ve become accustomed.
You might hear all this money talk and think, “That’s not me. Money doesn’t
make me nervous. I feel good about my choices. I have my budget under control.
I’m on track for the future.”
If you can say those things, I applaud you. You’re ready to take a good
relationship with money to an even higher level of health—and you can help
the rest of us move forward.
People who feel secure with their money are a small minority.
Many people who are in a relatively good place with their money still live with
unease that their plans won’t turn out the way that they hope. Others feel
exhausted by the amount of energy it takes to maintain financial discipline.
Wherever you’re at, imagine a life where you control your money instead of
your money controlling you.
If you find yourself wrestling with credit-card debt you can’t pay off… or a
car you can’t afford… or a house worth less than you owe on it… you’ll find
help over the next few weeks.
If you long to feel more satisfied at the end of each day… if you want more
out of life than the fleeting gratification of another purchase… this series is
for you.
If you want to help family and friends break free from debt and
consumerism… we’ll look at sound principles and insights from Scripture
that will help.
You might get nervous when the pastor starts talking about money, but I want
to relieve pressure, not add to it. I’m going to share some wisdom with you that
is life-giving and full of grace.
For the next four weeks we will be looking at content adapted from the book
Your New Money Mindset.
Your New Money Mindset is a new way of thinking about the role money plays
in our lives. The book was created by co-authors Brad Hewitt and James
Moline. They bring outstanding perspectives that help us understand this money
problem, with the goal of moving ourselves and others toward a new solution.
Brad is the CEO of Thrivent Financial, a Fortune 500 company that is also a
membership organization of Christians. The organization is more than a
hundred years old and serves over two million members.
Jim is a Ph.D.-licensed psychologist with a graduate degree in theology. He
is a former university professor and clinical therapist, and he now leads
people to excellence in the world of work.
Brad and Jim are both immersed in business, in non-profit causes, and in the
daily life of local churches. Brad knows math and money. Jim understands
beliefs and behavior. They both love Jesus. They are enthusiastically
committed to following him, and they believe their relationship with Jesus
integrates with every part of life—including money.
For all of the financial advice out there, Brad and Jim believe we haven’t spent
enough time examining our fundamental attitudes toward money and aligning
those attitudes to our core values.
At brightpeak financial, a division of Thrivent, researchers asked prospective
members to draw a picture of their relationship with money. These pictures are
worth millions of words:
The person who drew this picture says: “I’m in the middle of a spider web,
being pulled out from all directions. I feel helpless and alone, stuck, stretched,
scared. Here comes the financial future spider ready to swallow me up. He’s
overwhelming and dominating. There’s not enough money for what I need now
and the future. It feels out of reach. My finances are my day-to-day driving force,
the basis of every decision I make, and that’s overwhelming.”
The person who drew this picture says: “I’m driving a train, singing la la la. I
don’t realize that I’m going to fall off the tracks onto jagged rocks.”
We could each draw our own picture of our money relationship—a
depiction of our attitudes and actions about money. I’ve done that myself:
In Your New Money Mindset Brad and Jim explain their own struggles
to maintain a healthy relationship with money. Use your picture of your
own relationship with money to share your honest thoughts and feelings
about money.
These pictures capture how many people think and feel about money.
These attitudes are pervasive whether you have a little money or a lot…
whether you’re a single mom raising three kids and barely getting by… or
a two-income family that pulls in $200,000 a year yet feels detached from
each other and your community.
These dynamics transcend economic and educational categories. Many of us carry a
burden of money unease, tension, or panic. Many feel a distinct need to keep up
appearances. Many feel an urgent desire for more and bigger and better.
Our culture fuels this problem. We feel an outward and inward press of consumerism.
“Consumerism” is our desire to acquire more for ourselves when we already
have enough. It’s our obsession with money and all it can buy.
Consumerism is driven by external culture pressures—like the barrage of
advertisements we see each day, or how we constantly measure ourselves against
our peers.
But above all else, consumerism takes root and grows inside human hearts. It’s a
drive to obtain more and bigger and better for ourselves.
Consumerism shapes our habits not just at the mall or the car lot but in our homes, our
politics, our investing, and beyond.1 At its worst, consumerism feeds an unrestrained
selfishness throughout life.
Offer examples from your own life of a quest for more and bigger and better.
We can’t live in the modern world and not be affected by consumerism. Let me
share some honest words from Brad and Jim:
“As authors we want to tell you something that might shock you: we don’t claim
to have this money problem all figured out. We struggle against the same
impulses everyone does, and we are comfortable admitting it. Why? Because it’s
true. Consumerism is the air we all breathe. It fills our lungs and pumps through
every part of our being. If you don’t realize we fight the same battles you do, you
could easily conclude we don’t have anything to offer you regarding your own
relationship with money.”
Without intervention, those longings to acquire more just never go away.
We think, “If I could just buy that new thing, I would be content. If I could just
have that next job, I would finally be successful. If I just had a big stock
portfolio, I would be secure. If I just had my retirement all figured out, I wouldn’t
have to rely on anyone else.”
Most of all, we live with a persistent misbelief that if we just had a little more, we
would be happy forever.
That’s the consumer lie. That’s our money problem.
It used to be that four subjects were taboo to discuss around the dining room table:
sex, politics, religion, and money.
Today the only topic we can’t mention is money. Conversation about money is
impolite. Yet how we relate to money drives many of our behaviors and dictates
much of the good and bad of our lives.
Over the next few weeks, I want to encourage an honest dialogue with each other—
and with yourself.
I’m also going to suggest that it would be helpful for you to take the ideas we’re
talking about and start a conversation with people in your immediate world.
That might be your spouse or significant other. It could be others in your family
or close circle of friends. You could also begin a dialog with people in your
small group.
I’m not saying you should talk about how much money you make or even how
many dollars are enough to have the life you dream of. There are much deeper
issues to explore. Chances are, whatever goes on inside you about money is a
lot like what churns inside the person next to you.
So something needs to change—but where do we start? How do we remake an
unhealthy relationship with money? Or how do we take a good relationship with
money to even greater levels of health? What is the first step on this journey?
Our usual method of addressing our money problem is dealing with our financial
habits. And that’s very helpful. But the fixes often aren’t permanent, because
they don’t go deep enough.
Let me give you a concrete example. Financial professionals agree that hardly
anything is more crucial for the well-being of an individual or family than
paying down consumer debt—that is, paying down most debt beyond a home
mortgage, such as car loans or credit card balances. Consumer debt eats at us
like cancer. High interest rates mean wasted money and added worry.
But some solutions to destructive forms of debt can fuel the underlying
problem. There’s a mentality that often drives debt reduction. It says, “Get out
of debt and your life will be better.” “Just do these easy steps and you’ll be
financially home free.” “Go without now so you can accumulate more in the
long run.” “Don’t spend now so you can spend later.”
But any solution that offers a quick fix to an entrenched problem reflects the
consumer myth that we can have what we want when we want it.
Any approach that subtracts something from our life without adding a better
substitute just creates a craving for more. And the crazy idea that we should get
out of debt now so we can buy more later feeds an unhealthy longing to acquire
more when we already have enough.
You’ve maybe tried to give your money habits a makeover. You know you need
to change. So with fresh resolve you slice your spending right and left. You swear
off your favorite coffee shop. You back away from the mall. You stop cruising by
the car dealer. But our habits seem to go back to an unhealthy “normal.”
Unhealthy habits indeed need to change. But there’s a different starting point.
Countless resources give you the nuts and bolts of making smarter financial
decisions. Much of the advice you’ll find is helpful. But when it comes to our real
money problem, we need a radically different solution. Before you can remake
your habits, you need to start with your heart.
Habits and heart are both crucial, but starting with the heart is key. Head
knowledge alone doesn’t get us to a better relationship with money. The desires
of our heart must be reshaped first.
This need to focus on the heart shouldn’t surprise us. Financial people talk a lot
about money and habits. Jesus talks a lot about money and heart.
Use the following section to teach through major points in Matthew 6:19-33.
Offer illustrations from your own life or elsewhere.
Jesus goes straight for the heart when he talks about money in Matthew 6. He
starts by urging us to consider that the material things we treasure won’t last
forever. Money can only buy fleeting satisfaction.
Money can only buy fleeting satisfaction.
Jesus said, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and
rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves
treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do
not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:19-20 NIV)
What have you bought in the last month that means a lot to you? If it’s clothing,
it might get eaten by moths—but for sure it will go out of fashion. If it’s a car, it
will get dinged up and break down. And if you leave your nice piece of
electronics lying around, you know it will vanish. Storing up treasures on earth
is ultimately futile. We might know that truth in our heads, but we need to let it
reshape our hearts.
Jesus tells us that we can have only one master. Money challenges our allegiance to God.
Money wages a constant battle to rule in our hearts where only God belongs.
Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love
the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot
serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24 NIV)
Jesus isn’t simply referring to cash. The old word “mammon” captures a bigger
meaning, that we can be mastered not only by money but by property or wealth
of any kind.
In the grand scheme of life, money is relatively unimportant.
Jesus said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat
or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than
food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25 NIV)
Money worries often control us, but God knows our needs.
Jesus told us, “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we
drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and
your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and
his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew
6:31-33 NIV)
Jesus understands our human thoughts and feelings around money. He challenges
the attitudes and attachments that drive our everyday behavior. In order to lead us
to a healthier place, he starts with the heart.
You might be active in your faith and already think faith and finances go together.
Or you might be unsure about any part of that equation—your basic beliefs about
God, the right way to relate to money, or the compatibility of God and money.
Wherever you are right now, I want to invite you on a journey where we discover how
one of life’s most practical issues is impacted by a new mindset only the gospel can bring.
There are three reasons this journey is incredibly important to all of us. First,
Jesus makes money a crucial topic.
It’s impossible to miss in Scripture how often he talks about our unhealthy
relationship with money and how easily we make money an idol.
Second, this journey will change you.
However you would describe your feelings about money—unease, tension,
bondage, discouragement, dissatisfaction, even boredom—you will learn how
to grow a healthy money relationship.
Third, your own transformation can change the world.
When people—especially Christians—have a healthier relationship with
money, it can change the world. People who grow in a right relationship with
money as taught by Jesus and other voices of Scripture live openheartedly with
their time, energy, and money.
Finish your lesson with details of how your congregation or class is using
Your New Money Mindset. Encourage people to pick up the book both for
its extended Your New Money Mindset content and to take full advantage of
the New Money Mindset AssessmentTM. This quick inventory exposes myths
about money as well as how our thinking probably already lines up with
what the authors believe are sound financial, psychological, and spiritual
principles of a new money mindset.
1
Jon Alexander, “Viewpoint: How the Consumer Dream Went Wrong,” BBC News Magazine, October 29, 2014,
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29786733.