Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
Introduction to Parents as Agents of Change
Parents realize they play an influential role in guiding and encouraging their
child’s development and future success. There is a definite link between
positive parenting behaviours and positive child outcomes (Invest in Kids,
2002). The role of the parent as an agent of change is a key factor in setting
the stage for future achievements.
Parents want their child to become a happy, responsible, caring and emotionally
mature adult. Building a positive parent/child relationship is essential. “Without
nurturing, caring and support, the child withers. Without positive discipline, the
child’s behaviour may become increasingly problematic” (Improving the Odds:
Healthy Child Development, 2010, p. 20).
Quality time, effective communication and listening skills, responsiveness to the
child’s needs and modeling good behaviour, all create the supportive
environment necessary for the child’s learning. Creating structure in the child’s
life is also essential. Rules and consequences support the development of
values, social and problem-solving skills, self-confidence and self-esteem.
All children misbehave at some time. Some child behaviours are biological, but
most are learned. Positive discipline strategies are necessary to deal with the
challenges of unacceptable behaviours. The child requires guidance, support,
understanding and encouragement to make a change.
Knowledge of growth and development and insight into the child’s temperament
type are also key factors. Parental expectations must be realistic. There is no
“cookie cutter” solution to planning for behaviour change, as each child is unique.
Parents must realize that change takes time and mistakes occur. Good behaviour
should be noticed and acknowledged and negative behaviour should be
corrected. Treating the child with respect usually helps to secure his cooperation
in making a behaviour change.
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
Quick Facts
Personal factors that may compromise a parent’s responsiveness include
depression, perception of the parent’s own child-rearing history as negative, or
beliefs and attitudes that detract from a parent’s sense of importance in his or her
child’s life (Encyclopedia on Early Child Development, 2008).
With repeated positive experiences, a trust and bond develop between the child
and parent that promote the child’s continued engagement in learning activities
with his or her parent (Encyclopedia on Early Child Development, 2008).
Parents lack confidence in their parenting skills…only 43%of parents reported
feeling confident in their parenting skills, their ability to handle difficult situations
and to understand their child’s feelings and needs (Invest in Kids, 2002).
Parents’ knowledge about child development is not high. Parents were
knowledgeable about the vital influence of the environment and less
knowledgeable about children’s development – they really don’t understand what
children are capable of at young ages (Invest in Kids, 2002).
Parents were not certain about the signs to look for to indicate that their child’s
physical, emotional, social or intellectual development is healthy or about right for
his/her age (Invest in Kids, 2002).
Parents can help a child deal with the frustrations of struggling to master skills
and tasks by being patient and encouraging (Dwivedi, 1997).
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
Open-Ended Questions
What are some of the things you like to spend time doing as a family?
Consider: Daily activities such as meal-time, grocery shopping, bedtime,
walks, driving in the car, chores and interacting with others.
How can you use these times to support, guide and encourage your
child’s learning?
Examples: Social skills, manners, responsibility, family values, everyday
skills, self-esteem, problem-solving, acceptable behaviour…
How can YOU use these opportunities to model good behaviour?
Discuss: Social skills, manners, responsibility, family values, everyday skills,
self-esteem, problem-solving, acceptable behaviour.
What behaviours have presented a challenge for you?
Examples: Whining, temper tantrums, talking back, bullying, stealing, lying,
skipping school.
What positive parenting approaches have you used to help change the
behaviour?
Discuss: Communication of expectations, listening, use of rules and
consequences, discussion of what can be done differently the next time and
negotiation.
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
What YOU Can Do to Support Your Child’s Learning

Be a good role model. Your child watches what you say and do and your
behaviour has a strong effect on what your child learns and how he will
behave.

Build a positive relationship with your child through quality time. Take
advantage of time spent driving in the car or grocery shopping to
communicate with your child and find out what he is thinking and feeling.

Talk about feelings with your child. He needs to know that feelings are
acceptable, but that the behaviour accompanying the feeling may not be
acceptable.

Learn about your child’s growth and development – what is the normal
behaviour for your child’s current age and stage.

Understand your child’s temperament. Different personality types require
different parenting approaches, support and guidance. Each child is
unique.

Be calm and tell your child firmly what behaviour is not okay, and what
behaviour is expected.

Be consistent about rules and follow through on consequences.

Behaviour change takes time and practice. Accept that mistakes will occur
and support your child in learning to make changes.

Correct the unacceptable behaviour but don’t use criticism. Your child
needs to know that he is still loved, even though his behaviour is not.

Give your child attention and encourage his efforts. A child who feels good
about himself is more likely to respect and cooperate with you.

Assist your child to discover activities or strategies that will help him feel
better when he is frustrated, upset or disappointed.
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
How you can guide your child to problem solve
1) Identify the behaviour you wish to change. Deal with one behaviour at a
time.
2) Observe your child and reflect on why he behaves the way he does. Also
reflect on how you respond to the situation.
3) Learn about your child’s age and stage of development and what the best
approach might be to guide behaviour change.
4) Develop a plan to guide your child’s understanding of the behaviour you
expect. Identify strategies you can use to teach and encourage a new
behaviour in your child. Consider changes you should make in your own
behaviour so that you make it easer for your child to learn.
5) Start the plan and evaluate it. What did you try? What worked? What
didn’t work? What will you try the next time?
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
Discussion Questions
Good listening skills are key to changing a child’s behaviour.
Many parents say that one of their greatest parenting challenges is when a child
does not listen. Thinking about the steps used in problem solving, share an
experience you have had in the past.
1) Identify a situation where your child was not listening to instructions. How
old was your child? What was your child doing?
2) What did you observe about how your child reacted to you? How did you
react when your child did not listen? Were emotions involved? How did
your own behaviour need to be changed in order to guide behaviour
change in your child?
3) How did your child’s age and stage of development impact on your
child’s behaviour? Did you need to seek out any resource information to
help you? Where did you go for help? What did you learn that was new?
4) Planning – What strategies did you use to increase your child’s listening
skills? Possible strategies: Teach, explain and show what is expected,
check that your child understands what is expected, model good listening
skills, praise, good manners, respect, rules and consequences (age
appropriate), discussion and practice with problem solving from an early
age, discussion with older children in self-determining their own rules and
consequences and examining pros and cons.
5) Evaluating - What strategies were most effective in increasing your
child’s listening skills? What didn’t work? What did you try next?
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
Hand Pocket Problem Solver
This is an activity that you can use to teach problem solving skills to a
young child:
Hold your child’s hand in yours and go through problem solving steps:

THUMB: Say what’s bugging you (the problem)

POINTER, MIDDLE MAN, RING MAN: Name 3 ways to solve the
problem (anything)

PINKIE: Name the best choice
Adapted from Michele Borba, Teaching Kids to Take a Stand and Solve
Problems. May 18, 2010.
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
Fill-In-The-Blanks
Your child learns behaviours by W _ _ _ _ _ _ G how you behave.
It takes effort and time to be a parent. Parents may make mistakes, but you can
L _ _ _ _ how to be a positive parent.
Knowing what is N _ _ _ _ L for your child’s age will help you know the best way
to deal with your child’s behaviour.
Having a positive relationship with your child will help him G _ _ W into a happy,
caring, responsible adult.
A child who feels G _ _ D about himself is more likely to respect you and work
together with you.
Parents & Families:
Parents as Agents of Change
True or False Quiz
1. Spending time together, talking, listening, and caring for your child will
help him to learn and to grow into a happy and healthy adult.
True or False
2. Good parents don’t make mistakes.
True or False
3. Stress is normal.
True or False
4. Taking time away to do things you like to do is selfish.
True or False
5. Your child will learn from what you do. If you spank your child, your child
may think that hitting another person is okay.
True or False