To divorce or to
forgive? Or both?
Biblical studies and
concepts on marriage
and divorce
The permission to remarry
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Mtt. 19:9 - “And I say to you, whoever
divorces his wife, except for immorality,
and marries another woman commits
adultery."
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Implication: if my spouse commits adultery,
I have the right to divorce and remarry
without committing adultery myself
The question: SHOULD I divorce?
The permission to remarry
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The questions that must be answered:
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Can I forgive someone and still divorce
them?
While not committing adultery, am I still
violating the marriage bond or oath?
Does this violate Jesus’ teachings on
“turning the other cheek”?
We must first understand forgiveness!
What does forgiveness look like?
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Our model for forgiveness
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Eph 4:31-5:2 – “Let all bitterness and wrath and
anger and clamor and slander be put away from
you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another,
tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as
God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved
children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved
you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a
sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”
We should forgive in the same way, under the
same conditions that God forgives us!
What does forgiveness look like?
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The nature of God is to forgive; so should
ours be!
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Neh 9:17 – “But You are a God of forgiveness,
Gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger and
abounding in lovingkindness;”
Not a “new” development: Lev 4:20-21 – “So the
priest shall make atonement for them, and they
will be forgiven.” – nine other such statements in
Leviticus alone!
What does forgiveness look like?
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Num 14:18-20 – “The Lord is slow to anger and
abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving iniquity and
transgression; but He will by no means clear
the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the
children to the third and the fourth generations.'
Pardon, I pray, the iniquity of this people according to
the greatness of Your lovingkindness, just as You also
have forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now.
So the Lord said, ‘I have pardoned them according
to your word;”
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How does God distinguish these two aspects? Are
they contradictory?
What does forgiveness look like?

 Joel
2:11-14
– “The
day of the Lord is
The
key
is in the
attitude!
indeed great and very awesome, And who can
 1 Kings 8:38-39 – “Whatever prayer or
endure
it? Yet
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rend
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gracious
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Slow
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You know, for You alone know the hearts of all
abounding
lovingkindness And relenting of
the sons ofinmen;”
evil. Who knows whether He will not turn and
 Josh. 24:19-20 – “will not forgive” those who turn
relent
And leave a blessing behind Him…”
their backs – implication: the “unrepentant”
God
will ALWAYS forgive if we repent!
What does forgiveness look like?
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God’s attitude is a willingness to forgive,
not begrudging!
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“How often would I have gathered you…”,
Mtt. 23:37 – contrast to the story of Jonah!
Jesus on Calvary: “Forgive them, they
know not what they do!” (Fulfilled in Acts
2:38)
But if I want God’s forgiveness, I must
understand WHY He forgives me! Ezek.
16:58-63
What does forgiveness look like?
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One can be forgiven when:
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When we hear, understand and return to
God, Mk. 4:12
When we desire greatly to be forgiven
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Luke 7:47-48 – “For this reason I say to you,
her sins, which are many, have been forgiven,
for she loved much; but he who is forgiven
little, loves little.”
When we acknowledge our sin, not deflect
or “accommodate”, I John 1:9-10
What does forgiveness look like?
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When God forgives us, the sin is gone and
forgotten!
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Col 2:13-14 – “When you were dead in your
transgressions and the uncircumcision of your
flesh, He made you alive together with Him,
having forgiven us all our transgressions, having
canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of
decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and
He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to
the cross.”
Heb. 8:12 – “For I will be merciful to their
iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”
As God forgives, we forgive others
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We ought to be ready, eager to forgive, Eph.
4:31-32
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Forgiveness does not include reminders of past
guilt
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We forgive those who want to be forgiven, II
Cor. 2:5-8
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We forgive when one accepts accountability,
confesses their sin, James 5:16
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We forget one who truly repents, Luke 17:3
How can we know hearts?
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“You are those who justify yourselves in the
sight of men, but God knows your hearts”,
Luke 16:15
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God reserves the judgment of hearts for Himself –
we are not responsible!
Luke 17:3-4 – accept repentance “seven times a
day”
“Judge by fruits”, Mtt. 7:16 refers to false teachers
Luke 3:8 – “fruits worthy of repentance” directed
at those who had refused to change their lives
Responsibilities to forgive
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Concern for the soul of the repenter
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2 Cor 2:5-8 – “But if any has caused sorrow, he
has caused sorrow not to me, but in some degree
— in order not to say too much — to all of you.
Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which
was inflicted by the majority, so that on the
contrary you should rather forgive and
comfort him, otherwise such a one might be
overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Wherefore
I urge you to reaffirm your love for him.”
V. 7 – that includes third parties!
Responsibilities to forgive
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Concern for our own souls
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Matt 18:33-35 – “Should you not also have had
mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I
had mercy on you?' And his lord, moved with
anger, handed him over to the torturers until he
should repay all that was owed him. My
heavenly Father will also do the same to
you, if each of you does not forgive his
brother from 1your heart.”
Mark 11:25-26 – “Whenever you stand praying,
forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so
that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive
you your transgressions.”
Forgiveness and divorce
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Overriding concerns – no different from any other
Christian brother or sister!
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What is my motive for divorce?
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Has the spouse confessed, repented of sin?
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Can I truly forgive someone when I refuse to allow
them a chance to make amends?
Will my refusal to remain married have an impact on
the spouse’s soul?
Will my refusal to remain married have an impact on
my own soul?
Matt. 19 absolves of adultery, says nothing about
Remembering truths on marriage
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Applying what we’ve learned
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Marriage was instituted from creation for all men
and women
A bond initiated by God makes two people one
until either death or the bond is removed by God
Unlawful sexual acts, infidelity defile a marriage
and reflect a disregard for the gift of God
God hates divorce
Question: does God cast away the adulterous
Christian who wishes to put aside his sin and
return?
Should the marriage be saved?
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The penitent adulterer
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Adultery defiles marriage, but adultery can be cleansed
Can we forgive and yet refuse to take them back?
Difficulty does not absolve us from God’s
commandments! Have I “tried” as hard as God tried?
The unrepentent adulterer
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“But it wasn’t my fault”
Judging “by their fruits” – an unwillingness to change
“I didn’t do anything wrong”
The one who simply chooses not to return
These attitudes don’t work with God, how can they
work with our spouse?
Should the marriage be saved?
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Remember Solomon’s prayer
 1 Kings 8:38-39 – “Whatever prayer or
supplication is made by any man or by all Your
people Israel, each knowing the affliction of his
own heart, and spreading his hands toward this
house; then hear in heaven Your dwelling
place, and forgive and act and render to
each according to all his ways, whose
heart You know, for You alone know the
hearts of all the sons of men;”