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"The Cemetery Club" by Ivan Menchell
Looking for 4 women -- ages 40 through seniors
Looking for 1 man -- age 50 through senior
Monday, April 14, at The Barn Playhouse
Anyone wishing to audition, but unable to make the scheduled audition date, please call
239-4600 to arrange for another time.
REGISTRATION - 6:30 PM AUDITIONS - 7:00 PM
SHOWDATES: JUNE 18 thru June 29 (excluding Mondays). We may hold the show over to
June 30 & July 1 depending on ticket sales. (All shows begin at 7:30 pm) Sunday performances
will be in the afternoon starting at 2:00 pm.
STANDARD REHEARSAL SCHEDULE: Three to four nights/week plus week-ends (varies
depending upon how often each character is required and cast members prior commitments) Rehearsals may begin as early as MAY 8. Specific rehearsal schedule will be decided after
casting is complete.
General Audition Guidelines:
- Auditions are open to everyone.
- No appointments are necessary, auditions are conducted on a first-come first served
basis.
- If the audition date does not suit you please call 239-4600 to make alternate
arrangements for an audition.
- Casting can take up to two weeks. You will be notified if your presence is required at
a call back audition.
- Auditioners will be asked to read from the play - it will be a "cold reading".
- Please take note of performance dates and standard REHEARSAL SCHEDULE.
Bring any conflicts to note on your audition form.
We are a community theatre. All actors are volunteers, but because everyone will need to travel
out to the Barn for all rehearsals we try to help out with the cost of fuel. Should you be cast in a
roll you will be asked to keep track of the kilometers your vehicle has accumulated driving out to
the Barn and will be reimbursed 10 cents per kilometer. There is also a $50 honorarium.
SYNOPSIS OF “THE CEMETERY CLUB”
Ida, Lucille and Doris, as well as their husbands, have been friends for over 20 years.
Now that the husbands have all passed away the women make it a point to meet once a month for
tea and then head off to the cemetery to visit their husbands graves. That is where the story
begins.
Doris lives as though she is still married, it’s just that her husband is unable to be with her.
Lucille lives as a single woman looking for a new relationship, she enjoys dating and is quite
flamboyant. Ida is somewhere between the two. Ida wants something more out of life than
mourning for what has passed. There is a lot of comic banter that results because of their
differences. Yet, they are best friends.
It is light hearted and fun with a lot of “one-liners”, a lot of community gossip (although we
never meet most of the people they gossip about). The gossip is never mean.
They discuss their friend, Selma, who is going to be married for the 6th time! A whole lot of
comic material surfaces in the discussion about all Selma’s different weddings and different
husbands. Ida, Lucille, and Doris have been asked to be bridesmaids for Selma at this wedding
and the women take their role in this very seriously.
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On one of their visits to the cemetery they cross paths with Sam who is a widower visiting his
wife’s grave. Doris has all sort of opinions about Sam picking up lonely widows here. Lucille
sees him as a possible date. And Ida, who knows him as the local butcher, sees him as a friend.
When the women return to Ida’s home after the visit to the cemetery Sam shows up to visit Ida.
They are It is all a bit awkward to great comic effect. Finally Ida gets Doris and Lucille to leave
when it was Doris who was trying to make Sam leave. Lucille, of course, was trying to entice
Sam into going out on a date.
Sam and Ida form a bond and begin seeing each other. Sam invites Ida to be his escort to
Selma’s wedding. But because the three women are bridesmaids for Selma the agreement is
made that Sam will come to pick up Ida and they will give Doris and Lucille a ride to the
wedding.
Doris is disturbed by this new relationship. Through her own view of how the world works she
assumes that Ida just doesn’t know how to refuse Sam’s advances. So Doris decides that she and
Lucille will take Sam aside and put a stop to this. Lucille and Doris call Sam to meet them at the
cemetery and convince him that he has put Ida in a very uncomfortable spot. “How can Ida go to
this wedding and face all those people on the arm of another man, other than her husband?”
Sam, feeling bad about having caused Ida any trouble, stops calling her. Ida has no idea about
what has passed between Sam and her two friends and has no idea why Sam is suddenly so cold.
There is a very funny scene as the three women dress at Ida’s place for the wedding. Three
women each with their own style wearing the same bridesmaids dress! Lucille, ever the
flamboyant one, adds a huge blonde wig to her look!
As far as anyone knows Sam is still going to give them a ride to the wedding. Believing that Ida
doesn’t want to date him, Sam has agreed to be Mildred’s escort to the wedding. Sam shows up
at Ida’s with Mildred and a very confused and hurt Ida walks out the door along with the rest of
them at the end of Act 1.
Act 2 begins with the women coming home from the wedding. They are all a little “loose”, not
drunk, just pleasantly relaxed. They will all spend the night at Ida’s as it is very late and all their
things are still here. There is a wonderful and funny conversation about there lives and
marriages and Doris keeps pulling one thing after another out of her pockets that she has “lifted”
from the wedding: a bottle of wine, appetizers, fruit, and desserts!
The topic of Sam comes up and Doris admits to Ida that they have meddled in her relationship
with Sam. Ida is very hurt and there are some stark and pointed things that are discussed and
admitted to by all three women. It is a very moving seen. Doris, who has an irregular heart, has
a bit of an episode and that stops the conversation. Each women is what she is; and will live in a
way that seems best for her.
The next morning Lucille and Ida are up first and begin cleaning up last nights refreshments.
They make up for the argument the night before – “I forgive you, I may not like you for a while,
but I forgive you.”
Sam drops by as well. He wants to apologize to Ida, admitting that if he hadn’t been scared
already Doris and Lucille’s intervention would not have worked. He really would like to
continue their relationship if Ida is willing. Ida decides to follow this path with Sam to see
where it will lead. To celebrate he will take all three women to lunch. Lucille goes to wake
Doris and comes back with terrible news. Doris’s episode the night before has resulted in her
passing away during the night.
The last scene is of the three of them, Lucille, Ida and Sam in the cemetery. They visited Doris’s
grave beside her husband. Then each of them goes to their spouses grave and lets them know
they won’t be coming as often – they are choosing to move on with their lives.
CHARACTERS –
These are older Jewish women -- (65 – 72) We are NOT LOOKING FOR ACCENTS but the
lilt of the words and the grammar they use are influenced by the Yiddish language which is very
similar to Low German. (For those familiar with that language). This grammar is written into the
script and is what gives the women their old world feel.
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IDA – is the peacemaker among the three friends, the thoughtful one. She loved her husband
and misses him dearly, but is coming to the realization that she is open to the idea of moving on
with her life and the possibility of finding love again.
LUCILLE- is the flamboyant one. She has a real zest for life. She appears to have fully
recovered from the death of her husband, dating often. She enjoys having a broad social life and
has a flirtatious energy.
DORIS- a devoted wife, content to have loved her husband well, and seeks nothing more than
simply to go on mourning his loss. Doris sees life one way and she cannot understand that any
of her friends could think differently.
SAM- a widower who meets the ladies during one of their cemetery visits. Ida knows him as the
local butcher and has been a customer. He and Ida develop a romantic relationship. Sam had a
good marriage. He believes he SHOULD move on but is unsure about doing that.
MILDRED- a glamorous and slightly younger widow; Sam's unexpected date to the wedding of
a mutual friend. Mildred is oblivious to the “story” that she is stepping into when she appears
with Sam at Ida’s house. (This is a relatively small role.)
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"The Marquis Crossing Ladies Society's 1st Attempt at Murder"
by Pat Cook
Looking for 6 women -- ages 20 through seniors
Looking for 3 men -- age 20 through senior
Wednesday, April 16, at The Barn Playhouse
Anyone wishing to audition, but unable to make the scheduled audition date, please call
239-4600 to arrange for another time.
REGISTRATION - 6:30 PM AUDITIONS - 7:00 PM
SHOWDATES: AUG 20 thru AUG 31 (excluding Mondays). We may hold the show over to
SEPT 1 depending on ticket sales. (All shows begin at 7:30 pm)
STANDARD REHEARSAL SCHEDULE: Three to four nights/week plus week-ends (varies
depending upon how often each character is required and cast members prior commitments) Rehearsals may begin as early as JULY 10. Specific rehearsal schedule will be decided after
casting is complete.
GENERAL AUDITION GUIDELINES:
- Auditions are open to everyone.
- No appointments are necessary, auditions are conducted on a first-come first served
basis.
- If the audition date does not suit you please call 239-4600 to make alternate
arrangements for an audition.
- Casting can take up to two weeks. You will be notified if your presence is required at
a call back audition.
- Auditioners will be asked to read from the play - it will be a "cold reading".
- Please take note of performance dates and standard REHEARSAL SCHEDULE.
Bring any conflicts to note on your audition form.
We are a community theatre. All actors are volunteers, but because everyone will need to travel
out to the Barn for all rehearsals we try to help out with the cost of fuel. Should you be cast in a
roll you will be asked to keep track of the kilometers your vehicle has accumulated driving out to
the Barn and will be reimbursed 10 cents per kilometer. There is also a $50 honorarium.
SYNOPSIS OF “THE MARQUIS CROSSING LADIES SOCIETY’S 1st ATTEMPT AT
MUDER”
The writing in this show requires a rapid-fire delivery style as the ideas fly back and forth
between the women. The ladies are writing a script because they don’t have the funds to pay
royalties for a script that is already written. They are getting together at Emma’s house to write
their play. They throw in anything that they think might go over well with an audience – “Oh,
they’ll love that!” It is hilarious as each of the ladies, promoting her own ideas, tries to work
them into the script no matter what might stand in the way.
The show begins with Emma looking through material about how to write a play. As she is
doing this, a masked figure sneaks around the room, finds something to knock her out with and
then sneaks up behind her – the doorbell rings and the figure hides behind the sofa. Emma’s
friend Audrey has arrived and the 2 of them discuss the particulars of their “story-line”. But it is
unknown to the audience or to the masked figure that they are writing a play. The ladies never
mention it. In fact their conversation sounds like they are plotting a murder and are deciding on
who their victim might be; a government official, an elected official, a lawyer?
When the doorbell rings for the second time the masked figure hides in the bedroom and two
more members of the society show up; Midge and Beryl. The discussion now moves to how
they will murder their victim. But not all ladies are on board with the victim they have chosen.
When it is mentioned that there is a car parked blocking a driveway out on the street someone
mentions that it’s probably a salesmen – why don’t we kill a sales men? – Yes, a used car sales
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men—people will like that! No, no – I think people will be much more in favor of killing a
politician! – Yup, and I know just the guy!
Opaline is intent on finding a good title – she comes up with some doozies through out the show!
Beryl, who is usually a step behind everyone else, is going to be the typist, but has some trouble
figuring out how to type. Audrey is working out the logistics of “doing the deed”. Midge, who
is learning to play the piano, offers to turn the show into a musical. Emma is in charge of the
storyline – of course everyone else is throwing in their two cents worth, as well.
The younger neighbor, Joan, arrives at the door asking the owner of the car that is blocking her
driveway to please move it. But the car doesn’t belong to any of the women. When Joan
inquires about what the ladies are working on, their reply is, “We’re planning a murder.” Joan,
of course, says, “I’ll be going now.” But once she hears about the project she is willing to stay
for the afternoon and become a part of the fun. She takes Beryl’s place as typist and they are off
to the races. What follows is a runaway freight train of ideas, one funnier then the last as the
play they are writing takes on a mammoth size!
When the ladies finally take a break and go into the kitchen for sandwiches the masked figure,
who has been trapped in the bedroom all this time, enters and tries to get to the front door. But
just as he gets there, the door opens and another man steps in. The masked figure takes off his
mask and we find out that these two men know each other.
The plot twists here. Now we have two escaped convicts. Jack is the first convict. A nefarious
sort, we don’t trust him. When Jack broke out of jail the second convict, Terry, just followed
through the same tunnel taking his chances on escape as well. They have both come to Terry’s
aunts house. Emma is Terry’s aunt. While both were still in jail, Jack over heard Terry talking
about his aunt’s place as the perfect hide-out. So Jack decided to use Emma’s house as his own
hideout, thinking he would just knock her out and tie her up until it was safe to escape the city.
He never counted on all these crazy women being here.
Aunt Emma walks in on the two men talking and Terry makes some excuses for the two men
being there. Emma and the ladies take it in stride and decide the more the merrier. The men try
to make their excuses and leave but word arrives that there has been a jail-break and the police
are all over the place. So the men stay.
The bumbling cop, Officer Kerns, comes to warn the ladies and to search for the convicts. He
has no idea that the men he is looking for are right in front of him. While Terry takes officer
Kerns into the kitchen for refreshments the ladies continue brainstorming for their play. The
currant situation has spured on a fresh idea. The best way to have the villain in their play escape
the police would be to have him wear a dress and impersonate a woman – no, no one would
believe a man could pass for a woman – oh, yes I bet we could dress a man up to pass for a
woman—here, Jack why don’t we dress you up and see if it can be done!!!
Of course, Jack is only too happy to volunteer to be their guinea pig. This will be his way of
escape. End of Act 1
Act 2 begins with the ladies, in turn, entering and exiting through the bedroom door with
different items used in Jack’s disguise. Then at the most opportune moment Jack makes his
entrance and our bumbling Officer Kern has no idea that Jack is not really a woman.
This is where the action really picks up and we find out that Terry is really an undercover police
officer who saw Jack escaping and didn’t want to lose him, so he followed him through the
tunnel and then to Aunt Emma’s house. Now that they are at Aunt Emma’s he is trying to get
word to the police through Officer Kern—which is not always successful. There is a lot of
switching back and forth trying to figure our who has a weapon and who doesn’t, who is a bad
guy and who isn’t, and who is who’s hostage. Through it all Beryl still believes this is all a part
of their writing exercise, not realizing that any of this is real – “We’re still pretending, aren’t
we?”
True to the style of the Farce, this show has a lot of fast paced dialogue, doors closing and
opening and switching of characters. In the end the ladies have written a mammoth show
spanning the 7 continents and using over 100 actors, most of which will be killed off before the
end of their play but each will have had a song to sing (using the same tune because Midge only
knows how to play one song.) The real bad guys are caught and the hero saves the day!
Hilarious is the only word to describe this show. It will be a lot of fun.
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CHARACTERS
The ladies range in ages – all have passed middle age. Some are further down that road than
others J Joan is much younger than the rest.
The men can range in age as well.
EMMA – Fun-loving, creative, maternal. She is the oldest of the group and clearly the leader.
AUDREY – Emma’s back-up. Always ready to join in the fun following someone else’s lead.
Can be sarcastic, but never mean.
OPALINE – Forthright and speaks her mind. She can be suspicious and occasionally pushy.
Good hearted and fun loving.
MIDGE – All heart and excited to be a part of the group. She loves music and is learning to play
the piano. She is determined to make their play into a musical. So all the lines she suggests for
the script she sings. Not anything pretty – she plays a chord and then sings her suggested
dialogue all on one note!
BERYL – A lot slower than the others. She has a good heart and wants to be a part of
everything. She would also dearly love to understand everything. The problem is that she is
usually a step behind everything.
JOAN – the youngest of the lot. She is pulled into the project and becomes totally immersed in
it. She keeps track of the storyline that they are writing and types it out for the ladies. She
becomes a ring master for this circus.
JACK – a shady character. Would like to be dangerous but luck is never on his side – He is just
“a little” dangerous, of course, in a funny way.
TERRY – Emma’s nephew. An undercover cop whom we believe to be an escaped convict at
the beginning. He is quick thinking and intelligent. He is also very likable.
OFFICE KERNS – a bumbling policeman. The obvious always eludes him. Likeable and hard
working.