…to understand, to love, to influence, to be influenced
& to be heard
Listening
Exercise 1 - How well do you listen?
Listening
 Introduction
 God, who knows everything, asks
questions, invites us to talk & ask for
things. Why?
 We, who know very little, need to ask
for additional reasons
 The unity we desire is fostered – in part
through listening.
 Conflict is best addressed by listening
Listening
 The importance of humility
 Flesh problems require humility
 Brain problems require humility
Selective attention
 Memory formation & recall
 Projection
 Logic/Empathy switching
 Decisions are emotional

Listening
 Getting to intimacy
 Understanding the person
Biology
Genetics
Development
personality
predilections
Psychological
development
Nurture/Modeling
Experiences
Trauma/Loss
Biology
Genetics
Development
personality
predilections
Spirituality
Fallen
Satan
Redemption
Psychological
development
Nurture/Modeling
Experiences
Trauma/Loss
Biology
Genetics
Development
personality
predilections
Spirituality
Fallen
Satan
Redemption
Core Beliefs
Core Desires
Psychological
development
Nurture/Modeling
Experiences
Trauma/Loss
Core Strategies
Biology
Genetics
Development
personality
predilections
Intimacy is…
Saying what’s experienced
Saying what’s felt
Saying what’s being thought
Saying what’s wanted
Saying what you’ve done
Core beliefs, desires & strategies drive
much of what goes on in our inner life
Listening
Exercise 2 – mapping the inner life
(Johari Window, Understanding Beliefs
& Desires)
Listening
 Turning toward them
 Notice out loud & ask them to interpret
OR
 Let them have their turn first
 Reflect & summarize
 Validate (leaning out on the rail w/ them)
Exercise 3 – taking turns listening
with your body
Exercise 4 – taking turns reflecting &
validating
Listening
 Getting around their bad habits
Intimacy is saying what I…
Experience
But what’s presented is…
interpretation
Feel
blame
Think
insisting
Want
entitlement
Did
justification
Listening
 Getting around their bad habits
 When they interpret (mind read)
 When they blame you for their feelings
 When they insist their thoughts = reality
 When they feel entitled to their wants
 When they justify their behaviors
 Other offensive/defensive habits
Listening
Be offensive/defensive
Exercise 5 working around their bad
habits (and yours)
Listening
 The importance of personal humility
 Getting to intimacy
 Turning toward them
 Working around their bad habits
Q&A