IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
Method:____SelfRating(Staff)____EvaluatorRating____Co-SupervisionRating(Group)
____PeerRating(Guest)____PeerRating(Staff)____Other: Date:_____________
CRITERION1:
ENGAGESINCO-LEARNINGRATHERTHANHELPING
IPSDIMENSION Principle1:Learningvs.Helping
DESCRIPTION:
• Seesothersascapableco-learnersandresponsibleadults(vs.non-responsible,fragile,orneedingadvice,guidanceor
monitoring)
• Approachesrelationshipwithcuriosityandinterest(vs.setideas,assumptionsandpredictions)
• Iseagertolearnfromotheranddiscovertheirinterests,experiences,insightsandtalents
• Asksquestionstolearn,exploreandunderstand(vs.assess,problem-solve,teachorcorrect)
• Isopentonewwaysoflookingatthings(vs.imposingviewpointsorguidingtheothertolookatthingsinacertain
way)
• Iswillingtotryoutnewideasandapproaches(vs.inflexibleandattachedtoafixedideasorwaysdoingthings).
• Findswaysto‘staypeer’evenwhenaskedforhelporadvice(vs.assuminganexpertorhelpingrole)
• Allowstimefornewunderstandingstoemergeratherthanproblem-solvingorimposingsolutions
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
•
•
•
•
•
•
Stay“peer.”
Regardeachotherascapable,responsibleadultswithuniquegiftsandmuchtocontribute.
Rememberthatmuchof“helplessness”and“fragility”islearned
Becuriousratherthanoperatingfromourownagenda
Resistthetemptationtojumpintoanexpertorhelpingrole–evenwhenaskedforhelporadvice
Seewhatwecanlearnfromsomeoneelse’swayoflookingatthingsratherthanimposingourviewpointorsubtly
guidingotherstoseethingsourway
• Askquestionsratherthangiveanswers
• Bewillingtoexperimentwithnewideasandapproaches
• Havethecouragetowaitandseewhatemergesratherthanjumpingintoproblem-solvingorgivingadvice.
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION1
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
Usuallyassumesthe
roleofhelper,with
littleefforttolearn
fromoraboutthe
other.
Makessomeeffortto
learnwithothers,but
usuallybeginswithor
shiftsintohelping.
Combineshelpingand
learningin
approximatelyequal
measure.
Primarilylearning
Nearlyalways
witheachotherbut
learningfromeach
occasionallyshiftsinto other.
helping.
EXAMPLE:Sarah
Youlookdepressed,
youshouldwritein
yourjournal.
How’sitgoing?You
lookalittledown,
maybeyoushould
writeinyourjournal.
How’sitgoing?You
lookalittledownbut
I’dliketohearwhat
youthinkisgoingon.
Irealizethatmostly
knowyoufromour
talksabout
depression.I’dliketo
gettoknowsome
otherthingsabout
you.
IrealizethatIdon’t
knowyoubeyond
talkingaboutyour
experience.I’dlike
forustogettoknow
eachothermore.
OUTCOME
Naming/simplifying
someoneelse’s
experienceandtaking
controlofsolution.
Learningforboth
(e.g.bothpeoplesay
thingslike,“I’ve
neverthoughtabout
itthatwaybefore”).
hasbeentalkingto
Lisaforthelast
coupleofweeksand
eachtimetheyget
together,Lisatells
Sarahshe’s
depressed
p.2
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION2: FOCUSESONTHERELATIONSHIPANDRELATIONALCARE(VERSUSFOCUSINGON
INDIVIDUALSANDINDIVIDUALNEEDS)
IPSDIMENSION: Principle2:Relationshipvs.Individual
DESCRIPTION:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
Proactivelycaresforthehealthoftherelationshipandhowitisworkingforeveryone
Aspirestorelationshipsthatworkwellforallconcerned
Remainsconstantlymindfuloftherelationalqualityofinteraction
Attendstouniversalrelationalneeds-mutualrespect,dignity,interest,engagement,opennesstomultiple
perspectives
Invitesco-reflectiononexperienceofrelationshipandrelationaldynamics,including:
○ ebbsandflowsofconnection,disconnectionandreconnection
○ impactofdifferingassumptionsorexpectations
○ habitsorpatternsofinteracting
○ waysofmakingmeaning,and
○ mattersofpersonalstatus,privilegeandpower
Takesresponsibilityforpersonalagendas,assumptions,patterns,etc.,andtheirimpactontherelationship.
Prioritizestheneedsoftherelationship(whatisgoodfortherelationship)overindividualpreferencesorinterests
Sharespersonalexperienceoftherelationshipinwaysthatcanbeheardbyothers
Invitesandencouragesreciprocalfeedbackabouthowtherelationshipisworkingforeveryone.
• Payattentiontoandtalkabout:
○ ourexperienceoftherelationship(e.g.howitfeelstoeachofusintermsofconnection/disconnection)
○ thewaywerelatewitheachother(e.g.,thedynamicsintherelationship)
○ whetherwe’recaringfortheneedsofourrelationship–e.g.,areweofferingeachotherthingslikerespect,dignity,
interest,validationofexperiencesandworldview?
○ differencesinstatus,powerandprivilegepower–howdotheseaffectourwayofrelating?
○ ourassumptionsandhowtheyimpactourrelationship
○ themeaningsweareeachmakingofourinteractionsandwaysofrelatingtoeachother
• Share(inawaythatcanbeheard)
○ howtherelationshipisworkingforeveryone
○ whatweeacharefeeling,thinking,perceiving,appreciating,hopingforinourrelationship
○ whatwillcreateandmaintainconnectionandavoidorpreventdisconnection
p.3
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION2
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
Giveslittleorno
attentionto
relationshipor
relationalcare;almost
entirelyfocusedon
individualsandtheir
needs
Demonstratessome
awarenessof
relationshipandthe
needforrelational
care-thoughthe
interactionisfocused
onindividualneeds
Toucheson
relationshipand
relationalcarein
conversation,but
focusisstillon
individualneedsand
concerns
Attendsto
relationshipandthe
needforrelational
caredirectlyin
conversation,butmay
occasionallyoverlook
thiswhenitis
relevant
Continuallyawareof
relationship;
addressesneedfor
relationalcareboth
proactivelyand
spontaneouslyina
waythatdeepens
mutual
understandingand
connection.
EXAMPLE:Sarah
I’mheretosupport
youinyourrecovery.
Let’ssharesomeideas
aboutwhatmight
supportyour
recovery.
Igotfrustratedinour
conversationlast
week,buthoware
youdoingtoday?
Igotfrustratedinour
conversationlast
week.Iwishyou’dbe
moreopenwithmein
thefuture.
Igotfrustratedinour
conversationlast
week.Iwonderhow
itwasforyou?
OUTCOME
Expert/clienttype
relationship
Friendlyrelationship
withafocuson
individual
Raisingarelational
needbutstillfocused
ontheindividual
Raisingtheissueof
relationalneeds,but
stilltalkingaboutthis
somewhatfroma‘my
needs-yourneeds’
perspective.
Takesresponsibility
forpersonalneeds,
sharesexperienceof
relationship,invites
co-reflectiononhow
therelationshipis
working.
hasbeentalkingto
Lisaforthelast
coupleofweeksand
eachtimetheyget
together,Lisatells
Sarahshe’s
depressed
p.4
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION3:
FOCUSESONHOPEANDPOSSIBILITY(VERSUSFEARANDMANAGINGDISCOMFORT)
IPSDIMENSION Principle3:Hope&Possibilityvs.Fear
DESCRIPTION
• Formshope-basedrelationships,focusedon:
○ Whatispossible
○ Wherewearegoing
○ Howwecanco-createsomethingnew
• Whenfearscomeup:
○ Takespersonalownershipofthemasownperspective(versusassessingyouas“unsafe”)
○ Discussesthemopenly(“Ifeelafraid”)versusimposingownneeds(“Youneedtocalmdown”)
○ Sitswithdiscomfortandnegotiatestosharepower(Iwonderifwecouldtalkaboutwhatwearebothwantingto
happenhere?)versusimposingownagenda(“I’mcalling911foryourgood”)
• Activelyexplorestherelationalpossibilitiesfor:
○ Learningandgrowingtogetherthroughchallengesandcrisis
○ Creatingwhatiswantedinawaythatmakeslifebetterforeveryone
• Bearswitnesstoothers’experiencesfromahope-basedperspective.
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Setourintentiontostaywithhopeandpossibilityversusfear
• Keepourfocuson:
○ Whatispossible
○ Wherewearegoing
○ Howwecancreatesomethingnewtogether
• Whenfearscomeup:
○ Practicesittingwithdiscomfort(versusreactingortakingover)
○ Takepersonalownershipoffearsasourownfears(versusassessingothers)
○ Discussourfearsopenly(“Ifeelafraid”)versusimposingourneeds(“Youneedtocalmdown”)
○ Negotiateandsharepower(versusimposingouragenda)
• Askourselves:
• Whatcanwelearnfromthis?
• Whereisthegrowthinthisforeachofus?
• Whatisitwereallywanttoseehappen?
• Howcanweuseourrelationshipandsupporteachothermovethroughfearintonewpossibilities?
p.5
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION3
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
Focusesalmost
entirelyonfearof
illnessandmanaging
symptoms..
Possibilitiesbeyond
thisarerarely
considered.Routinely
imposesfear-based
concernsonothers.
Stillfear-focused,but
abletorecognize
somefear-based
assumptionswhen
theyarepointedout.
Requiresconsiderable
coachingtoshiftto
hopeandpossibility.
Sometimesableto
seefear-based
assumptionsonown,
andusuallyifpointed
out.Sometimesable
toshiftfocustohope
andpossibilityonown
initiative.
Oftenabletofocuson
hopeandpossibility
independently.
Usuallyawareofown
fears.Sometimes
abletoself-correct
afterimposingown
fearsonothers.
Nearlyalwaysfocuses
onexploring
possibilities.Awareof
andownspersonal
fearsaslimitedbylife
experience
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Yourdepressionisn’t
goingaway.Weneed
tocallyourdoctor.
I’mconcernedthat
you’vebeen
depressedforsolong.
Shouldwecallyour
doctor?
Itworriesmethat
you’vebeen
depressedforsolong.
Whatdoyouthinkwe
shoulddo?
I’mhearingthatthese
bigfeelingshavebeen
stickingaround.What
wouldyouliketosee
happenfromhere?
Icanstarttofeelkind
ofstuckwhenbig
feelingsstickaround.
What’sitlikeforyou?
(Then,ifenough
connection:How
mightwebetogether
differentlythatwould
meetbothour
needs?)
OUTCOME
Optionsare
constrainedby
medicalmodel,risk
management,
expectationsof
illness,individual
limitations,andfears
ofbadoutcomes.
Awiderangeof
possibilitiesare
exploredina
relationalcontextof
encouragementand
connection
beentalkingtoLisa
forthelastcoupleof
weeksandeachtime
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s
depressed.
p.6
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION4:
NURTURESANDCULTIVATESCONNECTIONWITHOTHERS
IPSDIMENSION Task1:Connection
DESCRIPTION
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Communicateswarmthandvaluingofotherpeople
Demonstratesopenness,curiosityandinterestinothers’experiences,storiesandperspectives
Invitesandencouragesothers’sharing
Conveysrespect,acceptanceandadesiretounderstand(vs.,e.g.,judgmentorrefutationorcompetition)
Attendstoandreflects:
○ Inspiration(whatresonated,capturedattention,sparkedimagination,struckachord)
○ Identification(whatitmightbeliketolivelifeinotherperson’sshoes-intheirworldthewaytheyhavecometo
experienceit)
○ Meaning(values,beliefs,hopes,dreams,themes,purposesorcommitmentsthatothersseemtobeexpressing)
○ Personalimpact(waystheconversationmoved,touched,inspired,informedorchangedthelistener)
○ Relevantpersonalexperience(howthelisteneraccountsfortheirownresponsesbasedonownlifeexperiences)
Appreciatesandvalidatescorefeelings,themes,meaningsandunderstandings
Respondsinsyncwiththeotherperson’semotion,intensity,toneandcapacityforpayingattention
Risksvulnerability
○ Offersrelevantpersonalexperiencesandperspectives
○ Allowsthemselvestobepersonallyimpactedandsharesaboutthisinawaythatdeepenstheconnection
Whendisconnectionhappens:
○ Recognizesthisandtakesstepstocareforrelationalneeds
○ Ownsownpartandseekstofacilitateshonest,authenticreconnection.
○ Maintainshopethatconnectionandreconnectioncanbecomepossible.
p.7
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Offercuriosity,interest,acceptance,warmthandengagement
• Payattentiontowhereweconnectandwhatwehaveincommon,versusgettingside-trackedbydifferencesor
dislikes.
• Findwaystoconnectevenwhenothers’perspectivesorexperiencesaredifferentfromourown
• Listenactivelyandaskourselves:
○ Whatresonates,capturesattention,strikesachord,sparksimagination?(inspiration)
○ Whatwouldittaketosurvivelifethisperson’sshoes-intheirworld,fromtheirperspective,thewaytheyhave
cometoexperienceit…?(identification)
○ Whatcorevalues,beliefs,hopes,dreams,purposesorcommitmentsdoestheirstorysuggest?(meaning)
○ What“heroes”storyaretheytellingabouttheirexperienceasahumanbeing?(meaning)
○ Howhavewebeenmoved,changed,enlarged,enlightenedasaresultofourrelationship(personalimpact)
○ Whyhavewebeentouchedbytheotherperson’sexperience?(relevantpersonalexperience)
○ Whataboutourownstoriesaccountsforthis?(relevantpersonalexperience)
• Riskvulnerability:
○ Letothersknowthepositivewaystheconnectionisaffectingus
○ Validatecorefeelings,themesandmeanings
○ Offersrelevantpersonalexperiencesandperspectives
○ Allowsthemselvestobepersonallyimpactedandsharesaboutthisinawaythatdeepenstheconnection
• Payattentiontothe“feel”ofwhattheotherpersonissharing.
○ Getasenseoftheirtone,emotion,intensityandcapacityforpayingattention
○ Whatspirit/energydoesthatevokeinyou?
○ Isthereawaytorespondfromthatplace?
○ Whenwe’rejustgettingtoknowpeople,shorton-pointstory‘snippets’oftenworkbetterforbuildingconnection
thantheepic-lengthversionmanyofuseventuallysharewithpeopleweknowwell.
• Whendisconnectionhappens:
○ Remainrespectfulevenwhenothersdoorsaysomethingthatraisespersonaldiscomfort
○ Gobacktorelationalneeds:What’smissing?Howcanwecarefortherelationalneedsofallconcerned?
○ Reflectonourownpart:What’shappeningformehereintermsofmyownneeds&myownlifeexperience?
○ Shareinwaysthatcanbeheard:Behonest,authenticandsincere,butalsoremembertohonormultiple
perspectives
○ Leadwithvulnerability:“Mypart&whatI’mhopingtododifferentlyis…”
○ Moveintohope&possibility:“I’msharingthisbecauseI’dreallylikeustohavethekindofrelationshipthat…”
○ Inviteco-reflection:“Iwonderwhatyourexperiencewas&howyou’refeelingaboutthingsnow…?”
p.8
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION4
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
Unawareofimpacton
relationshipofvaluing
orvalidating
responses.Typically
devaluesand
invalidatestheother
intheinteraction
Someattentionto
relationalimpactof
valuingandvalidation.
Communications,on
balance,remain
devaluingand
invalidating
Intermittentattention
torelationalimpactof
valuingandvalidation.
Communicationsare
inconsistentormixed.
Frequentattentionto
relationalimpactof
valuingandvalidation.
Communications,on
balance,arevaluing
andvalidating
Continualawareness
relationalimpacts
relatedtovaluingand
validation.Valuing
andvalidatingare
communicated
naturally,fluentlyand
consistently
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Whydon’tyoujust
getoverit,youcan’t
alwaysbedepressed.
Depressionishardbut Itmustbehardfor
maybeyou’retoo
you.Youmustbe
tiredbutyouhaveto
focusedonit.
rememberthatyou’ll
getthroughit.
Soundslikethings
Icanimaginethatit’s
havebeenreallyhard beenreallyhardfor
youlately.I
foryoulately.
rememberatime
whenitseemedthe
onlythingIfeltwas
depressed.
OUTCOME
Invalidatesand
disconnectsfrom
otherperson.
beentalkingtoLisa
forthelastcoupleof
weeksandeachtime
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s
depressed
Peoplefeelseen,
heardandvalidated
andknowthat
they’renotalone
p.9
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION5:
ISAWAREOFTHEPOWEROFLANGUAGETOCREATEREALITY
IPSDIMENSION Task2:Worldview(PowerofLanguage)
DESCRIPTION
• Isawareofthedominantcultureworldviews(e.g.,medicalmodel,psychiatriclabeling,institutionalizedpowerand
privilege)inherentinmuchofeverydaylanguage
• Invitesawarenessofmedical,clinicalorpopularjargonthatdefineshumanexperiencesinthelanguageofdominant
cultureassumptionsabout‘mentalillness.’
• Usespeople-friendly,everydaylanguagetodescribehumanexperience.Thisincludesthelanguageof:
○ ordinaryexperience(e.g.,feelingoverwhelmed,seeingthingsothersdidn’t)versusmedicaljargonorlabeling(e.g.,
decompensate,psychotic)
○ curiosity(e.g.,Iwonderwhatshe’sfeeling?)insteadofassumptionsofillness(e.g.shemustbesick)
○ acceptance(that’satoughsituation,I’vebeenthere)vs.judgments(e.g.,thatwasstupid,heshouldhaveknown
better)
○ neutral,sensoryobservations(saw,heard,touched,tasted,smelled)thattakeintoaccountsituationandcontext
(shewalkedoutoftheroomfasterandmoreenergeticallythansheusuallydoes)versusvalues-laden
generalizationsthatprojectfixedcategoriesorpermanence(e.g.,womenaretoosensitive!;she’sgettingmanic)
○ transparencyandself-disclosure(shecameacrossasverypersuasivetome)versusexpertcharacterizations(e.g.,
sheisthebestadvocatearound)
• Intentionallyuseslanguageinserviceoflisteningtounderstandandopenupworldview
• Explorestheuntoldstoryofhowmedicallanguageusagedeveloped
• Invitesotherstodescribetheirexperiencesusinglanguagethatmakesenseforthem
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Cultivateawarenessofourlanguageandhowweuseit
• Thinkcriticallyaboutwhatwordsmean–especiallyifwesaythemalotorhearthemrepeatedbyothers
○ Whatdotheymeantousineverydaylanguage?
○ Whatexperiencesandmeaningsdotheystandfor?
○ Whatworldviewofourselvesandourpossibilitiesdotheypromote?
○ Dothewordsreinforcestatusquoassumptionsaboutpowerandprivilegeorhelptodeconstructit?
• Rememberthatexperiencesandpeopleareforeverchanging–sothebestdescriptionsstayspecifictosituationand
context
• Usethelanguageofeverydayexperience(seeabove)
• Staypeerandbetransparent.Thismeansowningourexperienceasourexperience(e.g.,shecameacrossasvery
persuasivetome)versustalkinglikeexperts(e.g.,she’sthebestadvocateintown)
p.10
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION5
SCORE
1
2
Unconsciousofjargon
andlabeling.Nearly
alwaysuses
dehumanizing
languagethatlabels
thosereceiving
servicesandtheir
experiences
Developing
awarenessofjargon
andlabeling.
Languageuse
acknowledgesbasic
humanityofpeople
receivingservices
Awareofjargon
andlabeling.
Languageshows
compassionand
concernforthose
receivingservices
Oftenuseseveryday
languagetodescribe
experiences.Allows
roomforpeople
receivingservicesto
describeanddefine
theirown
experiences
Consistentlyuseslanguage
ofeverydayexperience.
Invitesotherstodescribe
anddefinetheirown
experiencesinwaysthat
makesensetothem.
Youneedtoface
facts:Youhaveclinical
beentalkingtoLisa
forthelastcoupleof depressionand
weeksandeachtime you’vegottenreally
perseverativeand
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s attention-seeking
depressed.
Itlookslikeyou’re
havingarecurrence
ofsevere
depression.That’s
probablycausinga
lotofyour
ruminatingandselfabsorption
Youseemtohave
somerealmood
challengesandthe
symptomsput
stressonyour
socialfunctioning.
You’vetalkedabout
“beingdepressed”
thelasttwotimes
we’vemet.What
does“being
depressed”looklike
foryou?
Iusedtocallmybig
feelings“depression.”That
meantsomethingformy
doctors,soIguessIjust
wentwithit.Butaftera
while,IrealizedIhad
stoppedpayingattention
towhat“depression”
meanttome.I’m
wonderingifyouthink
aboutwhatdepression
meansforyou?
OUTCOME
Peoplefeelfreetodefine
theirownexperiences;
languageofdominant
culture/medicalmodel
(illness/diagnosis)is
merelyoneofchoice
amongmany.
RATINGSCALE
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Peopleareassessed,
labeled,categorized
and,judged,
reinforcinga
dehumanizingillness
framework
3
4
5
p.11
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION6:
LISTENSTOOPENUPANDEXPLOREWORLDVIEW.
IPSDIMENSION
Task2:Worldview:(ListeningDifferently)
DESCRIPTION
• Isawareofworldviewanditsimportanceinpeersupport
• Understandsthattheworldviewisbasedonmyriaddiversepersona,environmentalandexperientialfactorsandis
thereforedifferentforeveryone
• Understandshowexperiencewiththedominantculture,includingmedicalandclinicalconstructionsofillness,
impactworldviewformation.
• Isawareofownworldviewandkeyfactorsinhowitwasformed.
• Readilyexaminesownworldviewassumptions,withandwithoutinvitationorchallengefromothers.
• Iscomfortablewith,andabletoaffirmandvalidatemultipleperspectivesdifferentfromone’sown
• Activelyworkstoholdownworldviewlightly,andlistentoothers“fromapositionofnotknowing”
• Recognizesthattheinitial“toldstory”isonlythetipoftheicebergandisinfluencedbytheteller’sassumptions
aboutthelistenerandwhatthelistenerwantstohear
• Listensfor,andinvitesexplorationof,the“untoldstory”,includingkeyfeelings,thoughts,experiences,themes,and
meaningsthathaveremainedunspoken.
• Exploresothers’worldviewassumptionsanduntoldstoriesfromaplaceofgenuinevaluing,respect,curiosity,nonjudgmentandinterest.
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
Listeningfortheuntoldstory
• Rememberthatour“toldstories”areonlythetipoftheiceberg.
• The“untoldstory”iseverythingelsebelowthesurface.Thisincludes:
○ Thehugemassofexperienceswithself,othersandourworldthathavecontributedtowhoweareandhowwe
seetheworldtoday(worldview).
○ Ourfeelings,thoughts,sensations,experiences(physical,social,cultural,environmental,internal,sensations,
dreams,visions,self-talk,voices),family,relationships,culture,education,lifethemes,memories,longings,
personalmeanings–evenourgenesandbiology-makeacontribution.
• Cluestoouruntoldstoriescomeinmanyforms–choiceofwords,intensity,energy,facialexpressions,howfast
we’retalking,toneofvoice,howwecarryourselvesorphysicallyuseourbodiestoexpresswhatwe’refeelingor
thinking
Listeningfromapositionofnotknowing
• It’seasytomakeassumptionswhenpartsofourtoldstoriesstarttomatchup.However,weneedtobemindfulthat
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IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
ouruntoldstoriesarealwaysgoingtobedifferentinsomeuniqueandimportantways.
• Wealsoneedtokeepinmindthatwe’renotassessingordiagnosingeachother–we’retryingtounderstandand
appreciatewhateachotherisexperiencing.
• Agoodwaytopracticethisis“listeningfromapositionof‘notknowing.’”
• Somequestionswecanaskfromapositionof“notknowing”include:
○ Helpmeunderstand…
○ Iwonder…
○ Howdidyoulearn…
○ Whatmakesthatso…(hard,scary…)
p.13
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION6
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
Unconsciousof
worldview.Nearly
alwaystakesownand
other’stoldstoryat
facevalue.Worldview
differencesareseen
as“rightorwrong”
Developingawareness
ofworldview
formation.
Conversationstays
mostlyonthesurface.
Someworldviewsare
clearlybetterthan
others.
Consciousof
worldview.Startingto
exploreandopenup
untoldstory.Still
respondsfromaplace
of‘knowing,but
beginningto
acknowledge
alternate
perspectives.
Consciouslyexploring
worldviewand
openinguptheuntold
story.Nolonger
presumestoknow
other’sexperienceor
haveanswersfor
them.Invitesand
respectsalternate
perspectives.
Explorationof
worldviewanduntold
storyareintegrated
andnatural,
responses.Eschews
assumptionsabout
others’experiences.
Demonstratesdeep
respectand
appreciationof
multipleperspectives.
EXAMPLE:Sarah
You’rechronically
depressed;You
shouldseeyour
doctor.
You’vebeenpretty
depressedlately.It
mightbegoodifyou
calledyourdoctor.
You’vetalkedabout
feelingdepressedfor
awhilenow.What
wouldyouthink
aboutcallingyour
doctor?
You’vebeentelling
meyou’re
“depressed.”It
soundsreallypainful.
Whatdoes
‘depressed’meanfor
you?
Iknowwhat
“depressed”means
forme.ButIwantto
understandwhatit’s
likeforyou.Canyou
tellmemoreabout
whatyou’re
experiencing?
OUTCOME
Conversationsare
limitedbythe
speaker’sinitial
assumptionsabout
thelistenerandthe
listener’sworldview
ofwhatthespeaker
talksabout,withlittle
newlearningor
meaningful
connection.
Conversations
exploreandopenup
theworldview
assumptionsand
“untoldstories”of
everyoneinvolved,
resultingindeepened
understandingand
connectionwithself
andothers.
hasbeentalkingto
Lisaforthelast
coupleofweeksand
eachtimetheyget
together,Lisatells
Sarahshe’s
depressed
p.14
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION7:
ASPIRESTOMUTUALLYRESPONSIBLERELATIONSHIPSTHATWORKFOREVERYONE
IPSDIMENSION
Task3:Mutuality(MutualResponsibility)
DESCRIPTION:
•
•
•
•
•
•
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
•
•
•
•
Strivesforrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone
Activelyinvitesandmakesspaceforeveryone’sperspectives
Neitherignoresnorimposesownneedsandinterestsonothers
Valuesothers’concerns,interestsandperspectivesonaparwithone’sown
Negotiatesrelationalneedsandinterestsinwaysthatworkforallconcerned(selfaswellasothers)
Seekstonegotiatepowerandprivilegeinwaysthatworkforeveryone
○ Isawarepowerandprivilegeheldbyselfandothers
○ Invitesmutualexplorationofimpactonrelationship
○ andrelationaldynamics
• Facilitationeffortsresultinanengaged,collaborative,creativeprocessforallconcerned.
Beawareofourownneedsandinterests
Inviteandlearnaboutotherpeoples’needsandinterests
Thinkaboutwhatwillmakeforagoodrelationship
Whenthingsgetsticky,takeastepback&thinkaboutthisfromtheperspectiveofeveryoneintherelationship!
○ Whatcommonrelationalneedsandinterestsdoweshare?
○ Howarewedifferent?
○ Whatmightbedifferentifwevaluedtheotherperson’sneedsonaparwithourown(oriftheyvaluedourneeds
onthesamelevelastheirs)?
○ Isthereawaytonavigatethisthatmightworkforeveryone?
• Payattentiontopowerandprivilege-ourownandotherspeoples:
○ Howareissuesofpowerandprivilegeimpactingourrelationship?
○ Whatareourworldviewsaboutpowerandprivilege?
○ Whatuntoldstoriesdowehaveabouteachotheraroundtheseissues?
○ Wheredotheycomefrom?
○ Isthisthefirsttimetheseissueshavecomeup–ordoweeachhaveearlieruntoldstories?
○ Howdoourpriorexperiencesaffectourabilitytosharepowerandnegotiatemutuality?
○ Isthereawayofrelating/negotiatingthisthatmightworkforallofus?
p.15
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION7
SCORE
RATINGSCALE
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
1
Noapparentattention
tocreating
relationshipsthatwork
foreveryone.Needs
andinterestsare
ignoredorunilaterally
assertedwithlittle
attemptatnegotiation
“I’mhappytolistento
beentalkingtoLisafor whateveryouwantto
share.”
thelastcoupleof
weeksandeachtime OR
theygettogether,Lisa “Stopbeingsuchan
attentionhog–we’re
tellsSarahshe’s
alwaystalkingabout
depressed.
you”
OUTCOME
2
3
4
5
Beginningawareness
ofmutualityand
sharedresponsibility.
Relationship
negotiationsremain
infrequentand
inconsistent.Needs
andinterestsare
mostlyignoredor
unilaterallyasserted.
Awareofmutuality
andshared
responsibility.
Relationship
negotiationsseekto
addresseveryone’s
needsandinterests,
thoughgenuinecocreationisoften
lacking
Importanceof
mutualityandshared
responsibilityisfully
appreciated.Genuine
dialogueisinvitedto
negotiaterelational
needsandinterests.
Practiceofmutuality
andshared
responsibilityappears
naturalandorganic.
Relationshipsare
negotiatedinways
thatappearbothcocreativeandinspired.
“Icanlistenagainif
youreallyneedme
to…”
OR
“I’mgettingtiredof
listeningsomuch–I’d
thinkitshouldbemy
turnthisweek.
“Icanlistenfora
while,butI’dliketo
talkaboutmesome
too”
Weseemtobetalking
aboutdepressionalot.
I’dliketolookathow
that’sworkingforboth
ofus.
IhavesomethingI’d
liketotalkabout
together.Itfeelsa
littlehardtometo
bringup,butI’dstill
likeitifwecouldtry.
Wouldthatbeokwith
you?
Mutualityandshared
responsibilityare
openlydiscussedand
negotiated.Living,
dynamicrelationships
thatworkfor
everyoneinthemare
co-createdovertime.
Relationshipsbecome imbalancedand
unhealthyfor
everyone.Coreneeds
areneverdiscussedor
negotiated.
Participantsfeel
dissatisfiedand
disconnected.
p.16
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION8:
SHARESTHERISKOFNEGOTIATINGCHALLENGESANDDISCOMFORTRELATIONALLY
IPSDIMENSION Task3:Mutuality(SharedRisk)
DESCRIPTION:
•
•
•
•
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Resistanurgetocontrol
• Selfreflectandacknowledgefear/anger/conflict.
○ Isthisanoldresponsetosometoughfeelings?
○ Canwefindawaytalktogetheraboutit?
○ Whatmightweeachinordertostayinrelationshipandhavethiskindofconversation?
• Makespacefortheothertotellhis/herstory
• Rememberthatanyone’srealityisvalidforthepersonexperiencingit.
• Trytounderstandandvalidatewheretheotherpersoniscomingfrom
• Nottakeourdifferencepersonally–weeachhaveourownworldviewsforgoodreasons
• Notmakeanyone’sworldviewrightorwrong–it’sjustoneworldviewofazillionpossibleworldviews
• Holdontoourownworldviewwhileatthesametimeholdinguptheworldviewsofothers
• Inquirewhatwebothneedandwant
• Striveforrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone
Aprocessfornegotiatingconflictandworldviewdifferences
• Eachshare&validateforeachother:
○ Whatneedstohappen/changeinourrelationshiptomakeitworkforeachofus?
○ Whydowefeelthisway?(untoldstory)
Resistsurgetotakepowerorcontrolinthefaceofpersonaldiscomfort
Activelyworkstosharepowerandresponsibilityduringtimesofchallenge,conflictordiscomfort.
Ownsandtakesresponsibilityforpersonaldiscomfortandreactivity,andholdsspaceforotherstodothesame.
Activelyuses(orcollaborativelyexploreswaystouse)therelationshipasaresourceto:
○ exploreandexaminepersonalworldview/untoldstoriescontributingtodiscomfort
○ riskgenuineness,vulnerabilityandtransparencyinmovingtowarddeeperconnectionandmutuality
○ listentoandappreciatetheworldview/experiencesoftheotherpersonasbeingtrueandvalidforthem
○ managethediscomfortanduncertaintyofmovingbeyondoldpatternsandexploringnewfrontiers
○ holdfaiththatconnection/reconnection,mutualityandmovingtowardarepossibleeveninthefaceofserious
challenge,disagreementordiscomfort
p.17
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
•
•
•
•
•
•
○ Whydowethinkweknowthis?(Whatexperienceshavecontributedtoourperspective?)
Compareandcontrast:
○ Noticetogetherwhereweagree(worldviews/experiences/needs/wants,etc.)
○ Validateourplacesofagreement
Wherearewedifferent(worldviews/experiences/needs/wants,etc)?
○ Noticethistogether.
○ Validateoursittingwiththisdiscomfort
Validateandnegotiateour‘alternaterealities’:
○ Worldviewdifferences=twopeopleinexperiencingrealitydifferently=“alteraterealities”
○ Ask:
• IfIhadexperiencedwhatyouaredescribing…
• AndifIsawthingstheinthewayyounowseethem…
• Then,whatwouldIbefeeling,experiencingorwantingrightnow?
○ Shareandvalidatethat.
Negotiateourrelationalneedsbasedonwhatwehavejustlearnedabouteachother
Holdingourrelationalneedsclearlyinmind,rinse&repeattheaboveprocesswithindividualneeds
Seewherethatleads….
p.18
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION8
SCORE
RATINGSCALE
1
Notwilling&/orable
totolerateor
negotiatediscomfort
(e.g.,fear,angeror
conflict),uncertainty
orrisk.Unquestioning
relianceontraditional
services.
2
3
4
5
Abletotoleratesome
discomfort,
uncertaintyorrisk.
Willingtonegotiate
somewhat,butheavy
relianceontraditional
services
Willingtotolerate
significantdiscomfort,
uncertaintyorrisk.
Opentogenuine
negotiation,but
prefersinvolving
traditionalservices
Readilytolerates
discomfort,
uncertaintyandrisk.
Engagesingenuine
negotiationaround
concernsandoptions,
thoughstillsomewhat
gearedtoward
managingsymptoms.
Fullyaccepts
discomfort,
uncertaintyandriskas
anecessarypartofthe
process.Sharesin
vulnerabilityand
invitesmutual
explorationof
concerns,meanings
andpossibilities
I’llhavetocall
beentalkingtoLisafor emergencyservices
thelastcoupleof
weeksandeachtime
theygettogether,Lisa
tellsSarahshe’s
depressed.Todayshe
tellsSarahshe’sready
toendit!
Howseriousareyou?
Doyouthinkwe
shouldcallemergency
services?
Ifeelafraidwhenyou
sayyou’regoingtoend
it.Iwonderifwe
shouldcallemergency
services?
Ifeelafraidwhenyou
sayyou’regoingtoend
it.Iwonderwhatwe
candotomakeyou
feelbetter?
Ifeelafraidwhenyou
sayyou’regoingto
enditbutIrealizeI
don’tknowwhatyou
meanbysayingyou’re
readytoendit
OUTCOME
Peopleconsider
discomfortanatural
partofthelearning
process.Moreability
toworkthroughhard
timeswithout
professional
intervention.People
feelmorecapableand
havehopeevenin
difficultsituations.
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Passthis‘safety’
problemonto
someonewho‘knows
morethanhedoes’,a
professional;coercion
p.19
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION9: DIRECTSENERGYANDATTENTIONTOWARDWHATISWANTEDANDHOWITCANBE
CREATED
IPSDIMENSION Task4:MovingTowards(versusAwayFrom)
DESCRIPTION
• Invitesmutualsharingaroundvalues,hopes,dreams,possibilitiesandaspirationsforliving.
• Validatesandcreativelyworkswith(ratherthanagainst)theother’senergy,interests,perspectives,realities,and
meanings
• Personalandrelationalenergyandattentionarenaturally,continuallymovingtoward:
○ whatiswantedandhowitcouldbecreated(versusmovingawayfromwhatisn’torcan’t)
○ openinguppossibilitiesandnewperspectives(versusproblemsandproblem-solving)
○ values,aspirationsandambitionsforlivingwell(versusfocusingonlimitationsandhowtocopewithinthem)
○ jointcreation,exploration,anddiscovery(versusindividualgoalsandgoal-setting)
○ optimalhumanandrelationalfunctioning(versusindividualdiagnosisandtreatmentplans)
○ relationalandcommunitydevelopment(versuslocatingproblemsinindividuals)
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Tryputtingourenergyandattentioninto:
○ exploringandenvisioningwhatiswanted-versuswhatisbad,wrongornotwanted
○ seeingwhatemergesfromworkingtogether-versusgettingtoofocusedonmakinggoalsandachievingthem
○ sharingandbuildingonideasandexperiences-versusworryingaboutproblemsandsolvingthem
• Exploretogetherhowwecan:
○ usecrisisorchallengetolearnandgrow
○ makeourlivesbetterbycreatingwhatwereallywant
○ changeourrelationshipsandsocietysothateveryoneishappierandhealthier
p.20
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION9
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
Focusesonmoving
awayfromproblems.
Attentionisdirected
toproblem-solving
andindividualgoals
Someawarenessof
movingtowardwhat
iswanted,butstill
focusesonproblemsolvingandindividual
solutions.
Invitesmovingtoward
whatiswanted.
Individualand
relationalconcepts
aremixed,asare
problem-solvingand
co-creating
Consistentlyinvites
movingtowardwhat
iswanted,using
relationalandcocreatingfocus
Co-creativemoving
towardpossibilities
naturallyemerges
fromwayofbeingin
relationshipwith
others
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
You’vegottoomuch
goingon.Juststop
doingsomuch!
You’llfeelbetterif
youtakebettercare
ofyourselfanddon’t
getsoover-extended
Gosh,we’vebeen
talkingalotabout
depressionlately.
Maybeyou’dfeel
betterifwetalked
aboutsomethingelse
Iwonderwhatmight
bedifferentinour
relationshipifour
focuswasn’ton
depression?What
wouldyourather
feel?
Ihavebigfeelings
thatstaywithme
sometimestoo.Iwas
wondering,couldwe
useourrelationship
totrysomething
different?What
wouldyouthinkof
that?
Personfeelsvalidated
yetcuriousabout
other(new,
relational)waysof
responding
beentalkingtoLisa
forthelastcoupleof
weeksandeachtime
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s
depressed
OUTCOME(IN
ThinkthatthatIama
goodpeersupport
TERMSOF
workeronlywhenI
RELATIONAL/POWE amhelpingpeople
withtheirproblems.
RDYNAMICSAND
ROLES(EXPERT–
CLIENT)
p.21
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION10: CULTIVATESSELF-AWARENESSINSERVICEOFRELATIONALNEEDS
IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:RelationalSelf-Awareness
DESCRIPTION
• Activelyreflectsontheexperienceofselfinrelationship
• Isawareofownworldviewandhowitdeveloped,includingpersonalfeelings,thoughts,attitudes,assumptions,
judgments,agendas,power,privilege,defaultsandpatterns
• Isabletodistinguishshared(consensual)realityfromnon-shared(private)reality
○ Recognizesthelimitationsofownworldviewandexperienceofreality
○ Takesownershipofownperspectivewhensharingexperiencesorofferingfeedbacktoothers
○ Doesnotimposeownworldviewonothersorexpectorrequireotherstoshareit
○ Isabletosuspendownandopentootherperspectives
• Welcomesrelationaldifferences(experiences/perspectives/beliefs/judgments)asanopportunitytolearnandgrow
• Resiststhetendencytoblameothersforuncomfortablefeelings
○ Usesrelationaldifferencesordiscomfortproactivelytonoticeandexaminepersonalagendas,patterns,default
responsesandworldviewassumptions
○ Asksandexploreswithcuriosityandinterest:“Whatismypart?
○ Invitesandencouragesotherstosharealternateperspectivesandexperiencesthatchallengepersonalagendasand
worldviewassumptions
• Usesself-awarenesstobuildconnectionbybeingtransparent,approachableandauthentic
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Cultivateourcapacitytobeself-reflective
• Payattentionto:
○ whatattracts,intrigues,inspired,drawsattention,interest
○ whatcreatesdiscomfort,fear,anger,intensity,judgmentandreactivity
○ motivations,assumptionsandagendas
• Seerelationaldifferencesandchallengesasanopportunitytolearnandgrow
• Becomeconsciousofourdefaultresponsesandhowtheythatimpactourrelationships
• Askourselves:“Whatismypart?”
• Inviteotherstochallengeusinawaywecanhear(itcanhelptomakesuggestionsofhowtheycandothis)
• Useourself-awarenesstobuildconnectionbybecomingtransparent,approachableandauthentic
p.22
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION10
SCORE
RATINGSCALE
1
Unawareof,ornot
interestedin,how
ownvaluesand
assumptionsaffect
relational
interactions.
2
Showssome
recognitionofown
valuesand
assumptionsbut
continuestoimposes
themothers.
3
4
5
Generallyableto
identifyownvalues
andassumptions.
Mixedsuccessin
refrainingfrom
imposingtheseon
others.
Awareof,andwilling
toown,valuesand
assumptions.
Consciouslyavoids
imposingthemon
others.Ableto
acknowledgeandselfcorrectasneeded.
Deepawarenessof
ownvaluesand
assumptions.Uses
self-disclosureand
transparencyto
furthermutual
explorationand
relationalconnection
Youneedtolisten
Irealizethatnot
better.Ijusttoldyou
everythingthat’s
beentalkingtoLisa
workedformewill
whatworkedforme
forthelastcoupleof
workforyoubutat
weeksandeachtime
leastyoushouldtryit.
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s
depressed
Irealizethatnot
everythingthat’s
workedformewill
workforyou.
IrealizeI’vequietly
beenpushingmyown
agendasoI’dliketo
worktowardsnoticing
whenmyagenda
seemstocomeup.
I’mfeelingalittle
uncertainrightnow.
Howwouldyoulike
metorespondwhen
youtellmeyou’re
depressed?
OUTCOME
Transparencyand
authenticityleadto
trust,mutualsharing
anddeepening
connection
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Othersfeelunheard,
shutdownandrolled
over,leadingto
frequent
disconnection
p.23
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERIA11
GIVESDIFFICULTMESSAGESWITHDUALAWARENESSOFOTHERWORLDVIEWSAND
ONE’SOWN
IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:ReflectiveFeedback(GivingFeedback)
DESCRIPTION
• Preparesthefeedback:
○ Acknowledgesandappreciatesothers’positivecontributions
○ Looksatthesituationthroughthelensoftheotherperson’slifeexperience,inadditiontoone’sown
○ Considerswhetherownworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias
○ Considershowtoofferfeedbackinawaythatcanbeheard
○ Framesfeedbackaroundobservationratherthanjudgment
○ Movestowardwhatiswantedversusawayfromwhatisn’t
○ Keepsthefocusonmovingtowardswhatiswantedfortherelationship(e.g.,closeness,connection,trust)rather
thanawayfromwhatisn’twanted(dishonesty,dirtydishes)
• Ensuresconnection
• Askspermission
• Inviteshonestresponsebyotherstofeedbackoffered
• Validatesother’sresponseanddemonstrateswillingnesstolearnandbechangedbywhattheyhaveshared
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
• Beforeofferingfeedback:
○ Totheextentpossible,lookatthesituationthroughthelensoftheotherperson’slifeexperience,inadditionto
ourown
○ Askswhetherourworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias
○ Considerhowtoofferfeedbackinawaythatcanbeheard
• Framefeedbackaroundobservationratherthanjudgment
• WhatdidIsee,hear,smell,taste?
• Howdidthatimpactme&why?(ownthisasmyexperience)
○ Keepthefocusonmovingtowardswhatwewantfortherelationship(e.g.,closeness,connection,trust,mutuality)
ratherthanawayfromwhatwedon’twant(dishonesty,inconsiderateness,amessykitchen)
• Acknowledgeandappreciatetheotherpersons’positivecontributions
• Ensureconnection(Ifwedon’tfeelconnected,waitingisoftenagoodoption)
• Askpermission
• Offerthefeedbackyouhavetakenthetimetocarefullyconsider
• Makeclearthatwe’reofferingthefeedbackbecausewewanttocreatearelationshiparoundthingswegenuinely
p.24
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
value,notbecausewe’retryingtocreatedistanceormoveawayfromrelationship
• Invite&makespaceforanhonestresponsefromtheotherperson
• Validatetheirresponseandreallytrytohearit:
○ Nowwearegettingfeedback!
○ That’sgoodformutualityandwecanusetheskillsinthenextcompetencytoreallyhearthepersonout.
p.25
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION11
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
RATINGSCALE
(GIVING
FEEDBACK)
Failstoownown
experienceor
allowspacefor
other’sexperience
ingivingfeedback
ordifficult
messages
Someeffortismade Isabletoownown
toownown
experienceand
experienceorallow allowforother’s
forother’s
experience.The
experience,butthe feedbacktakeson
feedbackretainsa
anappreciably
clearunilateraltone. mutualtone.
Feedbackisfully
ownedandother’s
experienceis
activelysought.The
conversation
becomesameansto
deepenawareness/
appreciationof
otherworldviews
Offersfeedbackinawaythat
sharesownexperienceand
opensroomformutual
sharing,learningandgrowth.
Dialogueisinvitedina
seamless,integratedmanner
thatnaturallydeepens
relationalconnection.
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Nooneis
depressedallthe
time.
Nooneisdepressed
allthetime.I’m
reallyfrustratedthat
we’retalkingabout
thisagain.
SometimesIget
stuckindepression
andit’sallIcantalk
about.Couldthat
begoingonfor
you?
What’sitbeenlike
foryouthatour
conversationshave
beensofocusedon
depression?Iknow
thatsometimesI
finditdifficult,but
I’dliketoknowwhat
it’slikeforyou.
I’venoticedthatwhenweget
togetherwetendtotalkabout
feelinglow.Forme,therewas
atimeIfeltsooverwhelmed
bymyfeelings,thattheywere
allIfeltliketalkingabout.I
kindofgotstuckthere.I
wonderwhatit’sbeenlikefor
you?
OUTCOME
Othersfeeljudged anddisconnected;
relationship
suffersasaresult
offeedback
Feedbackenhances
relationship,buildstrustand
depth,leadingtomutual
willingnesstoworkthrough
discomfort
beentalkingtoLisa
forthelastcoupleof
weeksandeachtime
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s
depressed.Sarah
offersLisareflective
feedback.
p.26
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERIA12:
RECEIVESDIFFICULTMESSAGESWITHDUALAWARENESSOFOTHERWORLDVIEWS
ANDONE’SOWN
IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:ReflectiveFeedback(ReceivingFeedback)
DESCRIPTION
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Demonstratesinterest,opennessandwillingnesstolistenandlearn
Remainsawareof-andowns-personalreactivityanddefenses
Listenstounderstandothers’needsandconcerns(versusdefendagainstthemorcriticize)
Considerswhetherownworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias
Invitesandcreatesspaceforworldviewdifferences,mutualnegotiationandpower-sharing
Maintainsfocusonmovingtowardswhatiswantedratherthanawayfromwhatisn’twanted
Followsguidelinesforgivingfeedbackwhenresponding
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
•
•
•
•
Beawareofourdefenses
Rememberthereisagrainoftruthinallcriticalfeedback
Beopentoothers’worldviews
Ask(self&/orothers):“Inthelightofthisfeedback,whatpossibilitiescanwe“movetowards”?
p.27
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION12
SCORE
1
2
3
4
5
Failstoallowspace
forothers’experience
orconsider‘ownpart’
whenreceiving
feedbackordifficult
messages
Makessomeeffortto
acknowledgeothers’
experienceor‘own
part’whenreceiving
feedbackordifficult
messages,butthe
feedbackismostly
rejected.
Bothacknowledges
others’experience
and‘ownpart’when
receivingfeedbackor
difficultmessages.
Theconversation
takesonan
appreciablymutual
tone.
Other’sexperience
andownpartarefully
acknowledged.A
deeperunderstanding
isactivelysought.
Mutuallearningis
apparent.
Receivesfeedbackin
aseamless,
integratedwaythat
naturallydeepens
relationalconnection.
Validatesothers’
experience,
acknowledgesown
partandopensdoor
tomutualsharing,
learningandgrowth.
Iamtoodepressed– Don’tgetfrustrated.I It’shardformeto
you’rejustlike
can’thelpit.I’mjust hearwhatyou’re
beentalkingtoLisa
saying,butmaybeit’s
sodepressed.
forthelastcoupleof everyoneelse!
true…MaybeIneedto
weeksandeachtime Or
change.
You’reright.Imustbe
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s fakingit.
depressed.When
SarahoffersLisa
feedback,Lisa
responds.
Ididn’tknowyoufelt
thatway.I’dliketo
hearmore.Maybeit
isapatternforme…
Huh.IguessIhadn’t
reallybeenpaying
attention.Itwasjust
sonicetohave
someonelistenand
bethereforme.I
guessIkindofforget
thatthereweretwo
ofushere.What’s
thatbeenlikefor
you…?
OUTCOME
Feedbackenhances
relationship,builds
trustanddepth,
leadingtomutual
willingnesstowork
throughdiscomfort
RATINGSCALE
(RECEIVING
FEEDBACK)
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Othersfeeljudged
anddisconnected;
relationshipsuffersas
aresultoffeedback
p.28
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION13: PARTICIPATESREGULARLYANDMEANINGFULLYINCO-REFLECTION
IPSDIMENSION IntegrativePractice:Co-Reflection
DESCRIPTION
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
PRACTICETIPS
(WETRYTO…)
Introductorynote:IPSislikeamartialartorotherendeavorthatrequiresdiscipline,trainingandpractice.Regularcoreflectionispartofthisregulardiscipline.Itopensourpracticetotheinsightsofothersandteachesustoapplythe
principlesandtasksofIPStoeverydaycontexts.Fewofuswouldcallourselveskaratemastersaftertakinganentry
levelkarateclass.Werecognizethatdevelopinganadvancedskillrequiresongoingstudyandpractice.
• Setatime
• Setanintentionforwhatwe’lldo
• Showup
• Sharewhatwe’dliketofocusonormovetoward
• Agreeonwherewe’llgofromthere
• Applytheothertasksandprinciplestothebestofourabilityduringtheco-reflectionsession
• Especiallyremembertocareforourrelationshipsaspeerandco-workers
○ Keepthefocusonourownlearningandgrowth
○ Don’tturnpeopleintotopicsofthediscussionortotalkaboutthemwithoutthem
• Ifwe’reofferingfeedback,offerwithrespectandshareourownvulnerability
• Ifwe’rereceivingfeedback,listentoeachotherwithadesiretounderstandandawillingnesstolearn.
Attendsco-supervisionregularly
Showsuppreparedandontime
Readilyidentifiesareasforpersonallearningandgrowth
Expressescuriosityaboutothers’intentionsandaspirationsforco-learning
Maintainsconnection,mutualityandactivelycaresforrelationshipswithco-participants
Listensforworldview,untoldstoriesandfromapositionofnotknowingwithco-participantss
Exploresdifferencesinpowerandprivilegeandtheirrelationalimpactwithco-participants
Initiatesself-reflectionandreceivesandgivesreflectivefeedbackinwaysthatfurthermutuallearningandgrowth
Maintainsattitudesofhope,possibility,co-learning,co-creationandmovingtowardduringco-reflectionperiod
p.29
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION13
SCORE
1
2
RATINGSCALE
Noobservable
commitmenttocosupervision.Rarely
attendsco-reflection
&/orblamesothersor
getsdefensiverather
thanself-reflecting
Someobservable
commitmenttocoreflection;
occasionallyattends
&/ordemonstrates
somewillingnessto
growinrelationships
Observable
commitmenttocoreflection.Attends
regularlyand
demonstratesclear
interestinrelational
growth.
Activelyparticipates
andusesco-reflection
todeepen
understandingof–
andconnectionwith-
selfandothers
Participatesincoreflectionina
seamlessand
integratedmanner
thatinspiresmutual
growth,connection
andunderstanding.
EXAMPLE:Sarah
Lisaisadifficultpeer.
She’salways
complainingand
expectingmetotake
careofher.Sheneeds
toworkonthisinher
therapy.
Ifeelfrustrated
becauseofapeer’s
co-dependency.She’s
gotsomuchpotential.
HowcanIgetherto
seethat?
I’ddon’tunderstand
someoneI’vebeen
workingwith.I’dlike
toknowwhatshe
wantsfromme
IrealizeI’vebeen
tryingto‘help’
someoneelse‘get
better’andit’sbased
onmyagenda.I
wonderwhatIshould
do-Ishouldgo
apologizetoher?
I’vebeenpretty
uncomfortable.
SomeoneIknowhas
hadsomereallylow
feelingsforseveral
weeksnow.I’m
scaredaboutwhat
mighthappen.I’m
notsurehowtocare
forourrelationship.
Cananyonerelateto
this?What’syour
experience?
OUTCOME
Notopenoravailable tonewlearningso
nonoccurs.
Fullyopenand
availabletolearn
withothers;inspires
co-learningand
everyonelearns
together
hasbeentalkingto
Lisaforthelast
coupleofweeksand
eachtimetheyget
together,Lisatells
Sarahshe’s
depressed.Sarah
goestoco-reflection
3
4
5
p.30
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION14: DEMONSTRATESIPSINALLRELATIONSHIPSANDCONTEXTS,LEADINGTOPERSONAL
ANDSOCIALCHANGE.
IPSDIMENSION IntegrativePractice:Personal&SocialChange
DESCRIPTION
• PracticestheIPStasksandprinciplesinalllifedimensionsandcontexts(e.g.,co-workers,family,friends,atthe
grocerystore,withthereceptionistatthedoctor’soffice,outinthecommunity)-notjustinserviceorpaid
relationships
• What’sbeenlearnedcarriesoverandcreateschangesinnon-workareasoflife
• Long-standingrelationalpatternsanddifficultieschangeasaresultoflearningandgrowthinIPS
• Othersnoticechanges,remarkonthem,andbegintoengagerelationshipondeeperlevel
• Othersactivelyexpressinterestinrelationalchangeandbegintotakeinitiativetolearnandgrowrelationally
PRACTICETIPS
• Ideally,ourIPSpracticeisliving,breathingandever-responsivetorelationshipinthepresentmoment.
• Wecantellwhenwe’rereally“getting”IPSbecausewefindourselvesusingiteverywhere–notjustinatworkorin
co-supervision.
• ThereisnosetorrightwaytopracticeIPSinanygivensituation.Rather,ourappreciationofthepossibilitiesfor
practicingIPSgrowsanddeepensasourunderstandingdevelops.
• OurIPSpracticespeaksforitself–wedon’tneedtopreachittoothers.Ifwe’rereally‘doingIPS’,ourrelationships
willshowtheresults.
p.31
IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersion
CRITERION14
SCORE
RATINGSCALE
1
Noapparent
awarenessoruseof
IPS
2
3
4
5
UsesIPSasa“toolor
strategy”for
“managing”guests/
servicerecipients
DrawsonIPS
practicesand
principlestobuild
authentic
relationshipswith
servicerecipients
DrawsonIPS
experiencestobuild
authentic
relationshipsin
multipleareasoflife
WayoflivingoutIPS
practicesand
principlesineveryday
lifeinspiresothersto
reflectontheirways
ofrelatingandmake
changesthatenrich
connectionand
mutualityforall
concerned.
Sarah“helps”Lisa
withher“problems”
beentalkingtoLisa
forthelastcoupleof andthencomplains
weeksandeachtime aboutLisatocoworkersandothersin
theygettogether,
LisatellsSarahshe’s herlife
depressed
Sarah“usesIPSon
Lisa,”observes
“betterresults”and
thenreportstocoworkersthatIPSisa
greattoolfor
behavior
management.
SarahandLisa
developconnection
aroundshared
experienceofbig
feelingsandwhere
theywouldliketheir
relationshiptogo
fromhere
SarahandLisaboth
reflectontheir
patternsof
relationship,which
leadstopositive
changesintheway
Sarahrelatestoher
familyandhowLisa
respondstocriticism
fromherbossat
work.
OthersinSarah’san
Lisa’slivesnoticethe
changesinthem,and
begintoreflecton
theirownwaysof
relating.
OUTCOME
GrowthinIPScreates
rippleeffectthrough
multiplerelationship
andlifecircles,laying
thegroundworkfor
socialandcultural
change,authentic
connectionandtrue
community
EXAMPLE:Sarahhas
Traditionalhelping
dynamicsand
outcomesare
perpetuatedatgreat
costtoallconcerned.
p.32