Trends in U.S. Relationships
Sliding vs. Deciding in Relationships: Research and Clinical Implications
Galena K. Rhoades, Ph.D.
University of Denver
• Children born to unmarried parents: 36.8% • Median age at first marriage: 27.1 for men, 25.3 for women • Median age at first birth: 24.6 • 60‐75% of couples live together before marriage • Cohabiting couples with children: 40%
• Divorce rate: 36‐60%
Bumpass & Lu, 2000; CDC, 2002, 2006; Raley & Bumpass, 2003; Stanley et al., 2004; U.S. Census, 2003
Trends in U.S. Beliefs
Cognitive Dissonance Theory
• 60% of Americans disagree that living together before marriage is a good idea
• 86.3% of never‐married Americans would like to be married someday
• 94% of Americans 18 or over agree that divorce is a serious national problem
• 97% of married Americans expect to be married for life
Festinger (1956):
• We are uncomfortable when we hold two contradictory ideas at the same time and so we work to diminish this dissonance by changing our attitudes, beliefs, or behavior so that they are compatible
• Beliefs are often easier to change than behaviors
Glenn, 2005
Dissonance and Commitment
• More difficult decisions are associated with greater dissonance reduction and better follow‐through • When a decision is made, commitment to that option tends to be stronger
• Sliding vs. deciding
Harmon‐Jones & Harmon‐Jones, 2002; Stanley & Rhoades, 2009
Satisficing
Herbert Simon (1957):
• We tend to make choices based on current needs rather than through rational processes
• We rarely evaluate all possible choices well enough and instead we choice the one that first fits the most proximal needs
“The Cohabitation Effect”
• Couples who cohabit premaritally are 1.26 –
1.86 times more likely to divorce
• Premarital cohabitation is associated with:
– Lower marital satisfaction
– Poorer perceived and observed communication in marriage
– More marital conflict
– Higher rates of domestic violence
– Higher rates of infidelity
Cohan & Kleinbaum, 2002; Forste & Tanfer, 1996; Kamp Dush et al., 2003; Phillips & Sweeney, 2005; Stafford et al., 2004; Stanley et al., 2004; Teachman, 2003
The Pre‐engagement
Cohabitation Effect
Once married, . . . • Those who did not live together until marriage or engagement are at lower risk.
• Those who cohabited before clear commitment to the future are at higher risk. • This finding holds across many aspects of marital quality. Who Cohabits?
• Compared to daters with plans to marry, those cohabiting with plans to marry…
– Are older
– Have less education
– Are more likely to already have children
– Have had more sexual partners
– Are more likely to have divorced parents
– Experienced more conflict in their families growing up
– Have more favorable attitudes toward divorce and less favorable attitudes toward marriage
– Are less religious
Inertia
• Cohabitation may make harder to break up. • Constraints such as sharing debt, having a lease, or making major purchases increase in cohabitation and are associated with thinking it’s less likely the relationship will end.
• Some might marry a person they would not have married if that hadn’t been cohabiting.
Rhoades, Stanley, & Markman, 2009; Stanley, Rhoades, & Markman, 2006
New National Study
• Funded by National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD)
• Random, fairly representative sample of
– 1,294 individuals
– 18‐34 years old
– 60% women, 40% men
– All unmarried (68% dating, 32% cohabiting)
• Longitudinal: mail surveys every 4 to 6 mo.
Religiousness and Cohabitation
“My religious beliefs suggest that it is wrong for people to live together without being married”:
•49% of those dating agree (35% strongly)
•30% of those cohabiting agree (16% strongly)
How does it Begin?
When does it Begin?
How did you start living together?
• Among those cohabiting:
1/3 “We didn’t think about it or plan it. We slid into it.”
1/3 “We talked about it, but then it just sort of happened.”
1/3 “We talked about it, planned it, and then made a decision together to do it.”
Why Live Together?
– 66% started cohabitation before plans – 23% started cohabitation with plans, but no engagement
– 11% started cohabitation with engagement
• People who were already engaged are more likely to have made a decision about cohabiting.
Summary: Research on Cohabitation
Men
Women
I wanted to spend more time with my partner
46%
44%
It was inconvenient to live apart
24%
22%
I wanted us to take a step up in commitment 13%
16%
We had a child to raise together 7%
13%
I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage
9%
5%
I don't believe in the institution of marriage
0.8%
0.4%
Expanding Sliding vs. Deciding
• People tend to slide into living together
• Other options become constrained, but before a decision to give up those alternatives is made
• Living together before marriage is associated with higher risk for marital distress and divorce
Traditional Model of Relationship Development
Other relevant developments in relationships that may constrain options?
– Beginning a sexual relationship
– Having a child, particularly outside of marriage
– Obtaining a divorce
Attraction
Stanley & Rhoades,2009
Learn
Information
Make
Decisions
Transitions
Constraints
Build
Contemporary Model of Relationship Development
Attraction
Sliding
Transitions
Constraints
Build
Learn
Information
Stanley & Rhoades,2009
Sliding vs. Deciding: Children
Attitude
Behavior
• National survey item: All things being equal, it is better for children to be raised in a household that has a married mother and father
• 89% agree
• 60% of births to women 20‐
24 are nonmarital; 33% to women 25‐29
• Children born to unmarried parents experience more financial and social problems
• Among unmarried couples, 71% of births were unplanned
Glenn, 2005; Ventura, 2009
Sliding vs. Deciding: Divorce
Sliding vs. Deciding: Divorce
Attitude
Behavior
Belief
Belief
• National survey item: Divorce is a serious national problem
• 94% agree
• 36‐60% of marriages end in divorce
• 97% of married Americans expect to be married for life
• 62% of divorced Americans said they wished their spouse had worked harder to save their marriage
• 35% of ex‐husbands and 21% of ex‐wives said they wished they, themselves, had worked harder.
Glenn, 2005; Raley & Bumpass, 2003
Relationship Education Example
• Sliding vs. deciding theme throughout
• Learn to identify ‘high‐
cost slides”
• Learn to identify and seek the information needed to make good relationship decisions Glenn, 2005; Raley & Bumpass, 2003
Contact Information and Additional Resources
• www.relationshipeducation.info
• Galena Rhoades:
– [email protected],
– www.portfolio.du.edu/grhoades
• PREP, Inc.
– www.PREPInc.com
– www.WithinMyReach.com