Bone Memory
Catherine’s Critique Summary
What I think this story is about:
I think this story is about memory with a touch of the supernatural. The story is permeated by
loss and death – of flowers, of a sister, of those remembered by Park 57. Alfonsina spends an
evening making and consuming a meal with a family she has just met. Coldness -- via
insufficient insulation, a mysteriously open door attributed lightly to ghosts and a walk to get a
bottle of wine -- is threaded throughout.
What’s working for me right now:
1. Character: Alfonsina and Chloe are strong women who come alive on the page. Their
interaction is mesmerizing and is like a dance, with each taking turns leading. The glimpses
into the life of Alfonsina work well – the choices she has made, what she’s given up. Yanni
and the children are drawn with precision. The characters of the patients in the hospital
whom Alfonsina works with beautifully portrayed. Alfonsina’s relationship with her sister is
lovingly sketched.
2. Dialogue: The dialogue sounds realistic – the starts, stops and the complete sentences are
both real and contribute to the other worldliness of the narrative. Sometimes just enough
information is conveyed to add another detail to the story and sometimes I’m left wanting
to know more or asking what did what mean? The interactions with Alex and Thierry are
tightly drawn and evocative. Yanni’s lines can be disruptive, sometimes seeming to come
out of left field, and yet so intriguing.
3. Prose: The language of the story is spellbinding – the words conjure images, smells, unique
descriptions, colours that are integral to this narrative. Words power the story from one
sentence to the next. Your word choices are spectacular and make this such a visual story.
The ending – Yanni remembers a line from a poem -- is haunting.
A question I have about your story:
Your story is so rich in details/parallels that I’m left wanting more than one chapter of
Alfonsina’s story. You’ve hinted at such a rich range of experiences in her life that I wonder how
she met Chloe and Yanni, how/why she settled in New York and why has she left her
nieces/nephews. There are so many strong images/words --- the flowers, water quality, poetry
– that this could be part of something much larger.