http://www.noneinthree.org
Myths
Session 1. Exploring values, perceptions and positions on domestic violence
Consider the following myths (adapted from www.refuge.org.uk) and indicate whether you
agree, disagree or not sure
Explain your responses
As a group rephrase the statement to turn it into a fact
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Men become abusers because they have grown up in violent homes
Some women like violence
Some women deserve to be hit
Abusive men must be mentally ill
People are only violent to their partners because they are under stress
Domestic violence happens because people are out of control, they simply lose
their temper
Domestic violence is a private family matter, outsiders shouldn’t get involved
Violence by women is less serious than violence by men
Men become abusers because they have
grown up in violent homes- Not True
Many abusers will have experienced or witnessed violence as children, and
growing up in a violent home may be a risk factor for some people. However
many people who have experienced violence as children are repelled by
violence because they know the destruction it causes and they would never
hit their partner. These people may have been socialised to believe that
violence is normal too, however they choose non-violent ways of resolving
their problems. Men learn to be violent from the environment they grow up
in, but equally, they have the power to change their personal environments
and relationships to ensure that there is no place for violence. Inequality
between the sexes means that men have more power than women –
inevitably some of them abuse or exploit that power. People who blame
violence on their childhood experiences are avoiding taking responsibility for
their actions. Violence is a choice an abuser makes.
Some women like violence – Not True
Most victims of domestic violence live in fear and have to be constantly
on guard to ensure they are not seen as ‘provoking’ the violence. This
is a way of blaming the victim for what is happening.
Some women deserve to be hit – Not True
Women are often beaten for no apparent reason or for very trivial
matters. Even if a person has behaved badly however, they do not
deserve to be beaten. Domestic violence is never justified, no matter
what and violence and intimidation are not acceptable ways to resolve
problems in a relationship. Arguments such as this make excuses for
the abuser and allow people who are violent to avoid responsibility for
their behaviour
Abusive men must be mentally ill – Not True
Some people who are violent in relationships may have a mental illness
however, the proportion of abusers who have a mental illness is likely
to be no higher than in the general population. Mental illness may
involve symptoms that can trigger violent responses but the majority of
men who abuse women are not mentally ill.
People are only violent to their partners
because they are under stress – Not True
Some men who abuse their partners do suffer from stress but this is a
trigger factor, not the cause of abuse. Most people manage stress in
their lives without resorting to violence against their partner. Also
many men who do abuse their partner cannot claim to be under stress.
Furthermore, women experience stress too, yet they do not commit
violence to the same extent as men.
Domestic violence happens because people are out
of control, they simply lose their temper – Not True
While some people who are violent do describe themselves as being
‘out of control’ there are patterns of behaviour which indicate the
opposite – an abusive man is very much in control. For example,
abusers are usually selective about when they hit their partner, e.g. in
private or when the children are asleep. They choose not to mark her
face or other parts of the body which show. They never “lost their
temper” with other people. This suggests they are very aware of what
they are doing. Some men (and women) abuse their partners
emotionally and psychologically, without ever using physical violence.
This shows the extent of self-control.
Domestic violence is a private family matter,
outsiders shouldn’t get involved. Not True
Although domestic violence happens in the home or within the privacy
of an intimate relationship, this does not mean that it is a private
matter. Domestic violence is a crime, it is against the law and we are all
affected by it. We all have a responsibility to speak out against
domestic violence and to take action against it if we are concerned
someone is at risk of harm – your intervention may be the only chance
a victim has of getting help.
Violence by women is less serious than violence by men –
Not True
Le Franc et al. (2008) in a study of 3,400 men and women 18-30 found no significant
differences overall in the numbers of men and women who were victims or perpetrators of
violence. A notable finding was that significantly more women than men reported being
perpetrators of physical violence within relationships (in Barbados, 54% of women and 49%
of men).
Such surveys however fail to account for gendered socialisation processes and differential
lived experiences which can lead to males perceiving aggression as normative and females
being more likely to attribute meanings of violence, even concerning their own actions
(Baxendale, Cross & Johnston, 2012). Women more likely than men to be maimed or killed
because of violence and far more likely to be subjected to sexual violence
Women were identified in the Ni3 research as having a role in the perpetuation of violence
in families. This is not only because they may be abusive to their male partners but as
primary caregivers, they are often the ones inflicting physical punishment (and physical
abuse) to children and in this way pass down messages about the acceptability of violence.
Though violence by women may take different forms, it must be considered as a serious
issue.