Working with Difficult People
Dr. Jim Guinee &
Charlotte Strickland
February 19, 2009
Conflict at the Office
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=B4P32HO8
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
The Big Baby
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
The Lazy Dog
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
My way or the highway
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
Doom and gloom
What do we mean
by “difficult people?”
The sound of silence…
The most difficult person?
Helpful strategies
A. The problem with personalizing
Helpful strategies
A. The problem with personalizing
Problem 1: You can see behavior but you
cannot see what’s behind it
Problem 2: The default mode may be stuck
Helpful strategies
B. Fundamental attribution error
“Don’t judge my outsides with your insides”
Helpful strategies
Building on A, one must be careful not to
confuse internal and external factors
Q: Are you having a bad day, or are you
just that mean?
Helpful strategies
C. The Principle of Least Intervention
“An ounce of prevention…”
All big
fires
start
out small
OFFICE CONFLICT
• You work in an office where the
microwave is used frequently, and isn’t
getting cleaned. The next time you go to
use it, it is filthy.
• What do you do?
Helpful strategies
D. Self-talk is Good Medicine
Helpful strategies
EXAMPLES:
“My therapist says this is not about me, this
is about you.”
“You’re going to wear yourself out being
that nasty.”
“Thank you for sharing your anger, I’m not
allowed to accept gifts.”
Helpful strategies
E. Own the problem
Helpful strategies
E. Own the problem
Solve the problem vs. Win the argument
Decrease defensiveness, increase receptivity
FORMULA: "I have a problem. When you
______ (specific behavior), then _____
(specific consequences) happens, and I
feel ___. And I don’t like that.“
Helpful strategies
F. Don’t conflate the level of concern with
the degree of knowledge
Helpful strategies
F. Don’t conflate the level of concern with
the degree of knowledge
Q1: How much does this person know?
Q2: How much does this person care?
[Tip: Answer the questions IN ORDER]
Q: Which one do you have control over?
Helpful strategies
G. Keep your sense of Humor
Self-Assertion laced with humor
Self-Assertion laced with humor
Helpful Strategies
H. Spiritual Solutions
Helpful Strategies
H. Spiritual Solutions
James 1:19 Be slow to speak and slow to
become angry
Matthew 5:4 Love your enemies and pray
for those who persecute you
Helpful Strategies
I. Don’t forget the Counseling Center
Helpful Strategies
I. Don’t forget the Counseling Center
We offer services that are:
Cost and Collusion-free
Convenient
Confidential
Compassionate
OFFICE CONFLICT
• Your supervisor frequently asked you to
perform non-required duties, duties which
fall on other staff members but somehow
you wind up being ask to cover for them.
• Complaining to your supervisor has
resulted in absolutely no change.
• Now what?
I tried it, it didn’t work 
When faced with an immoveable obstacle
(i.e., the other person):
 Deal with it
 Leave the relationship, leave the
environment
I tried it, it didn’t work 
When faced with an immoveable obstacle:
 Change your behavior
 Change your attitude
• Is this fair? No.
• But who said life was fair?
Final Comments