Slugs Produce Electricity: Latest Energy News
The new way to produce electricity has been proven by scientists in New Zealand. The way you do it is by
taking a slug and feeding it willow bark for 6 months. Then, you diagnose its physical element in caustic acid,
add it to malt vinegar and put the tampered element back in. You attach it to a wire and attach the other end to
a used battery. Glutinious Hyperiumus is the only type of slug which can do this which is not surprising as this
amazing phenomenon must induce a lot of physical strain on their little bodies. . This means they must have a
way of expelling leftover energy. They do this by forcing heat energy out of their horns, so if you find ashes
under your local willow tree then you know who the culprit is.
This discovery was made in Uganda when a slug
fell into the native’s supper pot. It was a willow tree
hotspot and they were having fish (with vinegar)
for supper. This “diagnosed” it and they were
about to eat when an electric beam came out of
the soup they called the emergency services and
made the discovery .That is how it happened.
This, amazingly, is what Bobby, the slug that
was accidently diagnosed, looks like on the
inside. Also, ten other parts of his body are
producing an extra volt every five seconds.
In New Zealand, there is a power station ran almost entirely on these little beauties called ‘Slugs
Of Power’ and it is the power source of many electrical items we use today (eg : phones, laptops,
computers etc.). They produce 50,000 volts a day.These 50,000 volts go to ample use in every
day totally ordinary houses around the world. Why, your shower this morning was probably 63%
slug power.
The Process
Power
Station
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The Dreaded Sugar Weevil!
The dreaded ‘Sugar Weevil’ has arrived at the Caribbean, eating ten thousand sugar cane sticks a
day. Such chocolate factories as ‘Cadburys’ are running low on sugar. As a result of this, they are
pricing them much higher than usual (one pound a bar. Two bars for ten pounds). The animals
have turned to the destruction of Cadburys and Bourneville! Africa has a force called ‘Weevil
hunters’ and they are armed with pesticide guns
CARS RUN ON MELTED CHEESE
(PETROL STATIONS CLOSING DOWN)
This fabulous (and crazy) discovery happened in the United States of America this 2010. The reason this hasn’t been heard is
that it was during the World Cup. This was discovered when a farmer, called Dave Stevens (who was transporting some
melted cheese for the burger factory in Birmingham) ran out of petrol. He was so angry that he dumped all his melted cheddar
cheese in his petrol tank. Amazingly, when he started to drive, he was actually moving. When he started to put in his Red
Leicester cheese, he started to drive. But it didn’t work! This new way of making cars move has gone around the whole city of
Las Vegas before you could ‘Bogglewog’! Many other people have tried this idea, but it hasn’t worked for them. They tried all
the options from ‘Bree to Mozzarella’ but they did not work. The reason for this is the farmer that had made this fabulous
cheese used a dash of: blueberry, cranberry, cherry, coconut jackfruit and lint excellence chocolate (The cause of these
ingenious ingredients is because the farmer ‘loved’ lint chocolate and bought it with some of his spare money). The farmer
quoted ‘some of the lint chocolate must have slipped into my melted cheddar cheese.’ This news went out, although, every
other farmer, who tried, didn’t know how much of each chocolate to put in the cheddar cheese. This farmer has become one of
the richest men in the world buy selling litres of his strange concoction of chocolate and cheese to Kings and Queens around
the world. With the amount of money he earned, he has already set up 10 factories around the world. (Indonesia, Chile, China,
Hong Kong, Belgium, United States of America, Alaska). Three of these factories, the biggest ones, and no one knows where
they are. The reason for this is, the farmer doesn’t want to be robbed. Only 3 people know where they are. The farmer’s family
(wife and 1 kid) and him.
COMPETITION:
If you want to win 20 litres of the farmers liquid. You need to write a new recipe for the farmer’s chocolate cheese mix. Hand
your entry to Mr King’s office. Due date: June 1st.
People Can Live Without a Heart
Recently, some people in Australia, have discovered an extraordinary fact.
PEOPLE CAN LIVE WITHOUT A HEART! There are two meanings to this and both are of interest. The
first: no blood pumper. It has be discovered that if you have enough vents through your skin, letting the
blood breath, then you don’t need your heart to pump air from you lungs in to ventilate your blood. This
means you don’t need to breath either. The second is comical, almost. It means you are really, really mean.
A man, who was really mean, broke his rib cage and when they gave him and X-ray to see if it was any
better, they found out something really peculiar. He had no heart! This man was called Colin
Gryump. His family never actually had a surname, and because they were so mean, they were given the
name: The Gryumps. Occasionally, the Gryumps get really mad and try to strangle the nearest people to
them.
SUGAR BAY FOUND IN THE DEPTHS OF
THE ATLANTIC OCEAN 1 / 4 / 14
Diver who found sugar bay.
Down in the depths of the
Atlantic Ocean, lies a bay full of saturated sugar.
The divers that have been there have reported a
surprise beach that has formed underwater. This has been discovered as a new source of sugar. This discovery has been
found twice! The first time was when a diver / explorer swam down to the sea-bed of the Atlantic, hoping to find a new
species of fish. Instead he found the sugar bay. He originally thought it was a trick of the mind, then he thought of tasting it
but he didn’t want to risk taking off his oxygen mask because he could suffocate. The man made it out alive although
when he told the press, they thought he was going mad and sent him to the doctors for mental health check-up. He went
back the next day and tried to explain to the press, but they still thought it was a joke. Now they have been proven wrong.
The mad diver who witnessed this discovery first has been proved right. Unluckily, he has missed his chance to tell the
world all about it and his fabulous story because these scientists (from Cuba) have made this discovery with proof by
finding an old skeleton of a sailor from the Titanic and then he / she was covered in sugar. They searched an acre of
water around there and they found the sugar bay! This mysterious discovery has been found in the south-west of the
Atlantic Ocean deep down. These Cuban scientists have travelled over the world to
find a new divine discovery and then their find was as close as their family is to
them.
ROCKY ROADS DON’T MELT
IN HEAT!!
Rocky roads are delicious treats and now we can be certain that they don’t melt in gammer produced
heat. There is a chemical reaction which ensures that heat does not get through. This doesn’t mean
it’s invinsible as the shield is relitavly weak.However it is enough to keep the heat out and means it
does not melt. This is good and master chefs are already useing this as a major cooking tecnique as
they can gammerwave cakes containing rocky roads and make a vocano shape.
As this is our 100 edition, we would like to show our thanks to our
undercover reporters in Highfield, who have endured three months
of hard work, eating biscuits and squash.
If you want to find out more about us, unscramble this final message.
FAOPORLISL
Rumour has it that Highfield School will have some mysterious reporters, who will be making the newspapers
on the latest news in Highfield and around the world. Hopefully, a delivery of our newspapers will arrive every
other Friday.
Letter to the Editor
Scaly Sam
52 fish avenue
Gloomy water
Ashdene cave
F1SH EYE
1st of April
Dear Editor,
I’m sick to death of sailing in the stormy seas and being rescued every day by the life safety team. It occurs every
time that there is an immense fish, pulling me down into the dark, gloomy seas.
On one particular occasion, the wind was so stormy I decided to stay at fishmonger’s house, which is beside the sea.
During early morning, I decided to catch some fish for breakfast. I set off. It was as bright as sunshine. Do you know
what happened? As I put my net in the water I felt a heavy load in it, I thought it was a lot of fish, so I was very
happy. The load was so heavy it pulled me down into the miserable water. It wasn’t a full net. It was a great big hairy
ugly thing, weighing more than 100kg. I fell into the water with a crash. I felt cold and slimy and I was also
desperately struggling and gasping for breath. As soon as the monster had got me into the water, it had swam away
without a trace.
Luckily, on that day, my son was watching me fish. Once again, the life safety team was called by my son.
Each time anyone goes to sea, make sure you bring some type of weapon ready to kill the monster. It will be
enough to fill you up for a year!
I hope you can make some changes,
You’re sincerely,
Scaly Sam
Created and edited by Owen Ramamoorthy, Tom Savage and Samuel Hinks