Play-Dates
The first thing to note about play-dates is to remember you do not HAVE to host play dates or even
have your child go on them, there are many ways for children to develop social skills such as team
activities like sports, girl-guides, scouts. If hosting play-dates, you want to avoid it feeling too much like
scheduled fun, it is important that there is still spontaneity and a natural feel to the play experience for
children.
Children of play-date stage age are exploring themselves and the world around them. They will often be “best friends” with a child
for a period of time and then not want to play with that same child ever again. This can cause difficulties between parents who
may be keen to set up play dates or where one child wants a play date and the other doesn’t. You may find yourself in a situation
whereby you must turn down a play date and this can become quite the political matter. It is best to keep it simple and casual
saying something like “You know he/she doesn’t seem that keen to do a play date right now, you know how children can be about
these things and I don’t want to force the issue, thanks for asking though!” If you are participating in play dates, follow these TIPS
to help them go as smooth as possible:
Let your child take the lead and pick their own friends
It can be tempting to try to orchestrate it so that your children are friends with the children of your own friends however, where
this doesn’t work out you may have now put your own friendship at risk. Children know who they want to play with and who they
like being around, so ask your child who they would like to invite over to play.
Give space for the play
Try to ensure that your child has time to play with their friend away from younger siblings
who could cause tension, perhaps you arrange an activity that you will do with the
younger sibling while the friend is over unless you know that all children will play well
together, alternatively arrange to have a friend over for the young sibling at same time.
Invite the parent in
This can help the child visiting to settle quicker if they have never been in your house
before and at the same time you get to meet their parents so that you can feel
comfortable with your child going to their house for a play date as well. You might
compromise on having the parent in for a coffee and then leaving once the children
are settled and happily playing.
Note the info
Make sure you have the contact numbers for the child’s parents/carers while they are with you should a problem arise; check for
any food allergies or special considerations like that. Arrange a particular pick up time as the best play dates are short and sweet
and end with everyone still getting on well, 2 hours is probably enough time. Always check with the other parent before arranging
an activity or outing outside of your home such as swimming.
For further information about this or other child development/behavioural challenges contact
Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic on 01-6976568 www.solamh.com
The information contained in this document is the sole property of Joanna Fortune.
Any reproduction of this material in part or as a whole is prohibited without the written permission of Joanna Fortune.
Set Rules
It can be useful to state some brief but clear rules for the benefit of the visiting child, even if your own child already knows, such as
“no-one plays in Mum and Dad’s room”, “no jumping on the furniture”, “20 minutes on computer games” etc.
Know when to step in and also when to step out
Young children (4/5 years and under) might need you to organise set activities to keep them entertained but older children are
able to come up with their own activities and games and you can just in occasionally to ensure all is ok…particularly if it has gotten
very quiet all of a sudden!
Prepare for Power Struggles
Your own child may start to act out in an attempt to test their power and authority over the guest in their house. If this happens,
engage the friend in an activity with you and your own child can opt out and reengage when they are ready and you can step out
again. This is quite normal and it is not helpful for you to highlight your child’s behaviour in front of their friend as they will be
embarrassed and it may escalate the situation. Later, reflect on the play date with your child and ask what was the best bit and
what bit would they like to do differently next time, you can also offer what you thought the best bit was and what bit you thought
could go differently i.e. sharing and giving the friend a chance to choose a game to play as well.
End on a high note
Ensure that the play date ends in a fun way even if they have fallen out during it. Have them make crispy buns with you in the
kitchen that the friend can take home with them at the end or have them make a “magic potion” in a basin by pouring in a mixture
of ketchup, flour, water, cocoa powder etc and mixing it up…children enjoy messy/sensory play and it can re engage them at this
sensory and contained level…it’s also fun!
Don’t allow swapping of toys during play dates
Children might decide to loan each other toys, which is a great idea at the time but rarely ends well when each child wants their toy
later that evening or the other child breaks or loses it, or it has been understood the toy was gifted as opposed to loaned
Tell all
If there has been some challenges during the play date, or arguments or broken toys or taps left running
with toilet roll stuffed plugs, tell the parent yourself when they arrive especially if you’ve
had to chastise the children during the play date. Focus on what was great as well as what
was a struggle and be very clear about what happened without overstating it.
Don’t expect reciprocity but take up the offer of it
Don’t take it personally if the other parents don’t offer to return the play-date by having your
child over, sometimes play dates don’t fit within families schedules but if they do offer, take
them up on it and respond by firming up a date to do this.
For further information about this or other child development/behavioural challenges contact
Solamh - Parent Child Relationship Clinic on 01-6976568 www.solamh.com
The information contained in this document is the sole property of Joanna Fortune.
Any reproduction of this material in part or as a whole is prohibited without the written permission of Joanna Fortune.