WHAP - COMPARISON
ESSAY
Thesis Writing INTRO
Law & Order: police procedural & legal drama tv series on NBC
- 2nd longest tv series of all time
(after The Simpsons & tied with Gunsmoke)
- aired for 20 seasons and had several spin offs
- Set and filmed in New York City
Law & Order follows a 2-part approach:
1st 30 min. is the investigation of a crime
(usually murder) & apprehension of a suspect
by New York City Police Department homicide
detectives
2nd 30 min. is the prosecution of the defendant
by the Manhattan District Attorney's Office.
Plots are often based on real cases that recently made headlines,
although the motivation for the crime and the perpetrator
may be different.
How is Law & Order & History Writing Similar?
L&O:
History Essay:
1st Step: Investigate a crime (murder).
1st Step: Investigate the prompt (question).
2nd: Gather & analyze evidence then ask
questions of witnesses, relatives/friends, &
persons of interest.
2nd: Gather & analyze evidence then ask
questions about what prior knowledge you
have about the prompt.
3rd: Identify the criminal who did the crime &
form a motive for the crime.
3rd: Identify the answer to the prompt &
form a thesis (answer) for the prompt.
4th: Organize the evidence, interview witnesses,
work with the court to prepare for trial.
4th: Organize the evidence, consider point
of view, begin to plan a basic outlined
approach to build a convincing solution.
5th: In the courtroom, make your opening
statement: Murder used weapon in location to
kill and give brief motive and explanation of
evidence that will prove your assertion correct.
6th: Present evidence and call witnesses to verify
motive, location, ability to commit the crime, all
showing beyond a reasonable doubt that the
accused committed the crime.
7th: Closing statement drives home the opening
statement and jury is convinced the accused is
guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.
5th: Write your introduction and declare your
thesis statement: Answer to the question
using a brief introduction to the evidence
that will be presented in the essay to prove
thesis.
6th: Present the evidence by using a topic
sentence and evidence to back it in each
paragraph.
7th: Conclude your essay by driving your
thesis home in a convincing fashion.
Free-Response: The Comparative Essay
Description: The comparative essay is one of 3 different styles of essay you will be
writing this year. It is the simplest in terms of structure but, of course, difficulty
varies with the prompt.
Introduction
3-4 direct comparisons
a conclusion paragraph
You must describe similarities and differences
And analyze why at least one similarity/difference exists
Similarities:
Since
Moreover
Similarly
As well as
Still
Likewise
Also
furthermore
Differences
But
However
Although
Though
In contrast
Alternatively
On the other hand
To the contrary
Thesis statement: this is the key to the entire essay. Start by brainstorming similarities or differences making
sure to go beyond restating the question. Remember a good thesis must:
1) specify the topic
2) answer the whole question asked (similarities and differences, all elements of the prompt)
3) be more specific than the question prompt (the HOW)
4) analyze the cause for differences or reason for similarities (the WHY)
Use the whole introductory paragraph to bring the thesis together. You can structure your introductory
paragraph in the following way:
- Topic of the essay (who, what, where, when)
- Similarities
- Differences
- Analysis (must refer back to similarities and differences in previous sentences)
Body Paragraphs: After your introduction you must fill in the body of your essay. Each paragraph should
start with an analytical topic sentence. This topic sentence must link back to and expand on
your thesis and contain the essence of the comparison you are trying to make.
If we label our topics of comparison A and B and our points of comparison 1, 2, 3 the best way to
structure the essay is:
I: 1 (A, B)
II: 2 (A, B)
III: 3 (A, B)
This allows you to spend the most time actually making and proving your thesis. You may have more comparisons to
make depending on the question. Try to make at least 3.
Conclusion: This is the least important piece of the essay but is a great opportunity to gain expanded core
points. Try to link the topic of the essay to the broader story of history.
Why are you conclusions important? What does it show us about history as a whole?
Scoring the Comparative Essay
Basic Core
Points
Is the thesis acceptable?
1
Does the students address all parts of the question? (This is
typically where the discussion of similarities and differences is
scored.)
2
Has the students addressed most parts of the question?
(1)
Has the student substantiated the thesis with appropriate historical
evidence?
2
(1)
Has the student done so partially?
Has the student shown at least one relevant, direct comparison
(similarity and/or difference) between or among the societies?
1
Has the student analyzed at least one reason for a similarity or
difference identified in a direct comparison?
1
Total
7
Expanded Core
Points
Does the student have a clear, analytical, and
comprehensive thesis?
Has the student addressed all parts of the
question thoroughly: comparisons,
chronology, causation, connections, themes,
interactions, and content?
Has the student given ample historical
evidence to substantiate his or her thesis?
Has the student related comparisons to a
larger global context?
Has the student made direct comparisons
consistently between and among societies?
Has the student consistently analyzed the
causes and effects of relevant similarities and
differences?
0-2
Total
2
The Confusing Part about Scoring
The thesis is worth one point according to all
writing rubrics, BUT not getting the point
for the thesis actually means that you
have lost more than one point.
This happens for all points in the basic core, but
since the thesis is the item that students miss
the most, it is the most important.
Essays are scored on a 0-9 scale, but they are
actually worth 20 points each.
Each essay score is multiplied by 2.22. If you
miss a point for the essay, you could end up with
a 6 instead of a 9. Those three points now
become 6.6 points.
See, it’s complicated!
Interesting AP Tip
Grammar does not count→ It may help, but it
doesn't count!
All you have to do is make your argument.
The thesis may be two or more contiguous
sentences.
A short thesis is better than a long one.
A thesis that is too long will cost points on
the exam.
“Has acceptable thesis…”
Acceptable is a SUBJECTIVE term!
What is NOT acceptable?
-- A restatement of the prompt into a
statement rather than a question.
-- A split thesis.
Example: The prompt asks you to compare and contrast.
You write a two-paragraph essay where the first paragraph is
about comparison and the second is about contrast. If you
were to take the first sentence from each paragraph and put
them together, you might have a decent thesis. The readers
are not allowed to do that.
The thesis has to be a stand alone
paragraph.
-- A non continuous thesis.
Example: a sentence at the beginning of the first
paragraph and a sentence at the end of the paragraph with
examples or information in between.
What should a thesis
be?
A specific argument that answers the question.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Compare the Italian Luigi's Pizza and Tex-Mex Fusion goodness of
Torchy's Tacos according to cost, taste, and overall eating experience.
In comparing pizzas and tacos, they are both similar and different.
DO NOT DO THIS!
This is a Pizza/Taco Thesis. Literally.
If you can exchange the two things you are comparing with Pizza/Tacos and it makes the same sense as Han
China & Roman Empire... it is a crime against humanity! And a very incorrect thesis statement.
TERRIBLE THESIS Example: Han China and the Roman Empire share many
similarities and differences.
EXAMPLE QUESTION AND THESIS
Compare and contrast the Han Empire during 206 B.C.E.-220 C.E. with the
Spanish empire of the sixteenth century.
The specific argument here would include at least one comparison and one
contrast and reference to both the empires and the time frames.
Many students may write:
“There were many similarities and differences between the
Han Empire during 206 B.C.E-220 B.C.E. and the Spanish
empire of the sixteenth century.”
Unfortunately, this is not good enough for the AP World exam. It is
too general and more or less repeats the prompt.
With a simple addition and a bit of tweaking, you can make this thesis work:
“There were many similarities and differences between the Han Empire during 206 B.C.E.220 B.C.E. and the Spanish empire of the sixteenth century. One was land-based and the
other sea-based yet they both grew rich from conquest of territory outside their
boundaries.”
You can make two sentences instead of one from the second sentence:
“There were many similarities and differences between the Han Empire during 206 B.C.E220 B.C.E and the Spanish empire of the sixteenth century. One was land-based and the
other sea-based. They both grew rich from conquest of territory outside their boundaries.”
How to Write a Compare Contrast Thesis
The following are some crucial points in writing a clear and analytic thesis for
Compare Contrast essays.
Example Question
For several hundred years the Mongols ruled over both Russia and
China. After casting off Mongol domination, both areas began a
process of political and cultural recovery. Compare and contrast these
processes in Russia and China.
1) Note the keywords in this essay prompt: compare and contrast. This means you must write a thesis that
expresses what China and Russia had in common and where they were different. In short, your thesis must
address the comparison.
2) Your thesis (and essay) should stay within the parameters of the question or prompt. An essay on
the Columbian exchange should not deal with the Swahili Coast of Africa .
3) Next, your thesis should state an opinion. Be bold. Do not merely restate the question or one of its
assumptions. To argue a point, you must first of all have one. The following is not an acceptable thesis; it
simply restates information given by the prompt:
Russia and China both gained freedom from Mongol domination.
4) Your thesis should contain the categories that you will use in the essay as evidence. Do not do this:
Bad
The recovery of Russia and China after the Mongols had many similarities and
differences.
The above sentence is vague, wimpy, and is really just a restatement of an assumption in the prompt.
It is a fluttering of loose ends needing to be nailed down onto concrete categories.
Better When Russia and China recovered from Mongol
domination they had similar political goals but different
cultural goals.
This thesis is getting there. It at least declares in general categories
how the paths of China and Russia were different and how they
were similar after the Mongols. It has broken down (analyzed) these
things into categories that lend themselves to a well defined essay.
But it could be better.
Note the difference between the above thesis and the one below:
Best While both Russia and China built strong
centralized governments after breaking free from the
Mongols, Russia imitated the culture and technology of
Europe while China became isolated and built upon its
own foundations.
Think about this thesis for a moment.
It directly addresses the comparison (tells what they have in
common and where they were different.) It contains the
categories (political and cultural) on which the writer will hang
relevant historical facts, and the terms (foreign influence and
isolationism) on which the comparisons will be made. These
categories will form the paragraphs of the essay.
This thesis is a verbal engine sufficient to drive the type of essays that
could generate an 8 or a 9 on your APWH test, providing you
accomplish the other thesis requirements.
Comparative Structure for Essay
I. Introduction: Thesis & Roadmap
II. Body of Essay (Each paragraph should include):
A. 1st Sentence for each body paragraph should be
a comparative (a direct comparison
sentence)
B. 2nd sentence then explains/analysis the
direct comparison in the first sentence
C. Then subsequent sentences in the paragraph
should provide at least 2 info
statements/evidence in each paragraph.
V. Conclusion
Keep in Mind:
* the thesis can only be counted as the thesis and not also as a
direct comparison
* use linking comparative words such as “whereas” to help set up
direct comparisons
* if in the comparative question there is a parenthetical qualifier
such as (political, economic, cultural), it is not required that
evidence is given for each. This parenthetical qualifier helps
students think about what to write.
Thesis Statement Construction
A thesis statement must
Fully address the question asked (not the one you'd prefer to
answer)
Take a position in answering the question asked
Provide organization categories to support your position (these
categories will be the subject of the topic sentences in the
main body paragraphs)
Helpful Prompt Terms: Understanding the prompt properly is key to writing a good essay.
Analyze: Determine the nature and relationship of the component parts of; explain; break apart. Tell “how,”
“why” something happened. It is like cause and effect.
Assess: Judge the value of character of something; appraise; evaluate. Give it a grade: Good, Bad, Average
Compare: Examine for the purpose of noting similarities and differences. When the questions call for
comparisons, they expect you to include differences as well.
Describe: Give an account of; tell about; give a word picture Tell what it “looks like” in words
Discuss: Talk over; write about; consider or examine by argument or from various points of view; debate;
present the different sides. Give more than one way to look at something
Evaluate: Give the positive and negative points; appraise; give an opinion regarding the value of; discuss the
advantages and disadvantages Give it a grade: Good, Bad, Average
Examine/Explain: Make clear or plain; make clear the causes or reasons; make known in detail; tell the
meaning of.
Illustrate: Make clear or intelligible using examples. Tell what it “looks like” in words
Interpret: Explain the meaning, make plain, present your thinking about (supported by historical evidence)
Trace: Follow the course over time; or pick 3-5 key points within the time period established to show how an
issue or condition changed or remained the same. Sequence to show change or continuity
To What Extent: How much? Understand both what was done and what was still left to be done.
In What Ways: In what ways did an event or condition relate to another? What ways are there to look at it?
Example:
"Compare and contrast methods of political control of the Han dynasty and the Roman
Empire."
1st Paragraph - Show you understand the prompt. Answer the prompt briefly with a thesis statement.
Example:
"Both the Han dynasty and the Roman Empire were bureaucratic. The central
rulers all eventually became hereditary and both empires had rulers that
oppressed the peasants in order to boost political control. However, the two
empires differ in that the emperors had varying justifications for ruling and rose
to power in different ways."
Body Paragraphs - Re-mention something from your thesis. Elaborate, analyze and explain it. Link it back to
your thesis & show how it is relevant/answers the prompt.
Example:
"The governments of Han China and the Roman Empire were dominated by a
bureaucratic government in which one ruler, typically the emperor, had absolute
power over the empire. The emperor made most of the executive decisions and
had the final word on all government actions. This method of political control
allowed the emperor to rule with an iron fist and discouraged rebellion."
Last Paragraph Restate your thesis and add a concluding remark. This is not as important as the body
paragraphs.