Jerry and Judy’s 2008
“Top Ten Things We Didn’t Buy You This Year”
Holiday Greetings
to past and new recipients of our sometimes annual list of things
that we’re confident you’ll be glad you didn’t receive from us this year.
It has become both easier and harder to do the Top 10 selections since the last
edition, thanks to our increasingly sophisticated (though still relatively
primitive) mastery of the World Wide Web.
In fact, there’s so much really, really, really stupid stuff available online that the
primary challenge is to distinguish the items truly deserving not to be bought
from those that are merely tacky or only mildly stupid.
One minor hazard of publishing this list is that
it occasionally includes items that some recipients actually like
and sometimes (gasp!) even own.
We would like to apologize in advance
if that happens to be the case for you.
(But these are all really, really stupid, and if you have any of them,
perhaps you should rethink your entire life!)
As those of your who have previously received the Top 10 are aware,
we welcome (beg for) submissions of
candidate items for the list.
For her excellent submissions to the 2008 list,
we gratefully recognize Judy’s sister—
Andrea Davis
We feel miraculously fortunate to have so many wonderful
family, chosen kin, friends, and neighbors.
We hope your new year is filled with love and joy.
10. Starting out on a lofty note,
what could be better than some
good, old-fashioned potty humor?
In spite of how classy this desktop organizer is,
and how proud you would no doubt be to have it
on your desk, we didn’t buy it for you.
(Submitted by Andrea Davis)
9. Dopey Dog Stuff
As you know, we love Basil and Luna (our and Ben
and Laura’s wonderful Australian Shepherds), but
we still didn’t shell out for these lovely dog clogs
or even for the very tasteful “I kiss my dog on the
lips” bracelet, which we’re sure at least one of you
(you know who you are) would probably love.
8. Paper Towel Thingy.
Surely anyone would love to
be spared the incredible
drudgery of having to wrestle
a paper towel off the roll, so
we apologize for not having
bought this for you. Maybe
next year.
(It’s the sort of product that
will almost certainly be for
sale again next Christmas.)
7. Dale – This one is for you.
It should help you get ready
for your next game.
Should we have it shipped to
Seattle or Kauai?
6. We didn’t buy this fine
gift, even though we
totally believe that it
really does offer a way
to get rich on
slot machines and even
though it’s based on
SCIENCE !!
5. This item simply
leaves us speechless.
4.
We didn’t buy you this remarkable
product because we didn’t want you
to look like a total Doofus on your
next long flight.
3. We really should have
given one of these to the
children on our list to
encourage Freudian frugality.
2. We love our dogs, but
we didn’t buy you this
dopey dog item – a wildly
humping dog – even
though it’s one of the
funnier things we’ve ever
seen on the web . . .
AND …… THE NUMBER 1
THING WE DID NOT BUY
FOR YOU FOR
CHRISTMAS 2008 …
Well, we thought we would be serious for a change and
celebrate
Barak Obama’s election to the Presidency
with a series of flattering photos,
accompanied by descriptions of our deep admiration for him
and our delight and gratitude that he will soon be our
President.
However,
we discovered that there is an absolute treasure trove
of seriously tacky and terribly stupid Obama stuff…
So . . . the # 1 Thing
We Did Not Buy You for Christmas 2008 is …
STUPID OBAMA
STUFF!
Life-size cutout 
But despite being deprived
of these gifts, we hope you
have a happy 2009
– Judy & Jerry