How to Successfully Navigate through
your Child’s High School Years.
The Teenage Brain
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In high school, teens begin to develop a sense of
self and personal identity.
Teens spend less time than they used to with
their families. They prefer to spend more time
with friends or alone.
As they make the transition from childhood to
adulthood, teens may begin to feel confused or
insecure about themselves and how they fit in to
society.
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Although teens are better able to solve problems, think about
their future, appreciate opinions of others, and understand the
long-term effects of their decisions, teens tend to use these
skills inconsistently.
In an attempt to answer the questions "Who am I?" and "What
should I be?" teens listen to new music, try out clothing fashions,
and begin to explore jobs, religion, political issues, and social
causes.
As part of this personal exploration, teens frequently question
and challenge school and parental rules, since they want control
over more aspects of their life.
Lenroot RK, Giedd JN. Brain development in children and adolescents: insights from anatomical magnetic resonance imaging.
Neurosci Biobehav Rev. 2006;30(6):718–729
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Pam Martin-SEL Parent Specialist
Hilary Simon-SEL Specialist
The MIT Work -Life Center
An extraordinary body of research
SEL Core Competencies
Self-Management
Self- Awareness
• Regulating one’s emotions
• Managing stress
• Self-control
• Self-motivation
• Setting and achieving goals
SELFMANAGEMENT
SELF-AWARENESS
• Labeling one’s feelings
• Relating feelings and thoughts
to behavior
• Accurate self-assessment of
strengths and challenges
• Self-efficacy
• Optimism
Social Awareness
• Perspective taking
• Empathy
• Respecting diversity
• Understanding social and
ethical norms of behavior
• Recognizing family, school,
and community supports
SOCIAL
AWARENESS
Social &
Emotional
Learning
RESPONSIBLE
DECISIONMAKING
RELATIONSHIP
Relationship Skills
SKILLS
• Building relationships with diverse
individuals and groups
• Communicating clearly
• Working cooperatively
• Resolving conflicts
• Seeking help
Sources: CASEL, Acknowledge Alliance
Responsible
Decision- Making
• Considering the well-being
of self and others
• Recognizing one’s
responsibility to behave
ethically
• Basing decisions on safety,
social and ethical
considerations
• Evaluating realistic
consequences of various
actions
• Making constructive, safe
choices for self,
relationships and school
Teens typically undergo
profound changes in their way
of thinking, allowing them to
more effectively to understand
and coordinate abstract ideas.
6.Understand
and express
more
complex
emotional
experiences
Offer support and acceptance while
affirming the teen’s increasing maturity.
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Research has shown that those with high
emotional intelligence have better attention skills
and fewer learning problems, and are generally
more successful in academic and workplace
settings.
Unlike IQ, social and emotional intelligence can
be enhanced at any age through thinking about
these competencies and putting them into
practice. You are your child’s greatest influence,
no matter how young or old your child is. In
order to help your child’s social and emotional
development, you can model the skills you would
like to see.
Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s about knowing your emotions,
strengths and challenges, and how your emotions affect your behavior.
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Model self-awareness by talking about your own feelings
often,
"I’m getting a bit anxious for the holidays already. While I’m excited to spend time with the family,
I’m nervous about taking time away from work and having even more to do when I get back. Has
this ever happened to you?"
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Talk to your high schooler about his/her plans for the
future. Ask questions like:
"Which class is your favorite right now? Do you think you’d like to explore careers where you could
use what you’re learning in that class every day? What are your strengths?" Also talk about
personal goals by asking "Who do you look up to and what makes them admirable?"
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(Daniel Goleman, author and co-founder of the Collaborative for Academic, Social,
and Emotional Learning).
Self-management is knowing how to control your behaviors
and moods, and setting and working toward goals.
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Reward your child’s effort.
"I noticed how hard you’re working on your math homework, and I’m really proud of
you," rather than "You’re going to get an A on that test because, you’re really smart."
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Take the time to point out moments in your teen’s
life that he/she struggled and persevered.
"When you were learning to walk, it took you some time to learn to stand on your
own two feet, but you eventually picked it up and you were running within a few
months. I understand that you feel frustrated right now, but it takes some time to
learn a new skill. Be patient and don’t give up, and before you know it, you will
accomplish your goal."
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(Daniel Goleman, author and co-founder of the Collaborative for
Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning).
Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of
others, and to apply this knowledge to interactions with people from diverse
backgrounds.
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Discuss the role that empathy plays in college and in the
workplace. You can say,
"I know you will be going to college soon, and it’s important to be able to deal with
different personalities and understand where they’re coming from. Has this ever
happened to you while working on group projects at school? How did you deal with
different personalities?"
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How to talk about differences and stereotypes:
"The world is made up of people with different personalities, backgrounds, beliefs,
religions, genders, sexual preferences and socioeconomic statuses, and all of these
groups have encountered stereotypes. Has anyone ever said something like this to
you? What can you do to be more accepting and tolerant of others?"
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(Daniel Goleman, author and co-founder of the Collaborative for Academic, Social,
and Emotional Learning).
Responsible decision-making involves identifying the impact of your choices
on yourself and others, and using empathy, relationship skills and self- and social awareness to make
decisions.
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Discuss your teen’s platonic and romantic relationships.
"What do your friends do after school?" You can use this as an opportunity to get her to open up about her
dating life. For instance, you may want to ask her, "Who do want to go to the school dance with?" or "Is
there anyone in your class that you like hanging out with?
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Talk to your teen about his personal ‘brand.’ You can say,
"A person’s social behavior has a major impact on how they relate to others, and it’s important to
remember that when you are out in the world, you are representing yourself and your ‘brand.’ How do you
want to be perceived by others?"
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Try to de-escalate conflicts. If you feel frustrated with your
teen, you can tell him/her:
"I don’t feel that this is going anywhere right now. I need to cool down and think and we can continue this
in an hour." Not only do you decrease the risk of saying something you will regret later, but you have also
modeled a vital skill for your teen, which is to avoid making decisions in the heat of the moment.
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(Daniel Goleman, author and co-founder of the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning).
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Having good relationship skills involves knowing how to establish
and keep rewarding and positive relationships with friends, family
and others from a wide range of backgrounds.
Talk about to your teen about accountability. You
can say,
"People who are responsible behave in ways that makes others trust them, and they take ownership for
their actions. They also don’t make excuses for bad behavior or blame others when something goes
wrong. How often do you try to take responsibility for your actions?"
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Discuss adult responsibilities with your teen.
"When you’re out in the real world and making a living, you should set a monthly budget, and use it as
a guide to pay bills, save, buy grocery and spend on clothes, outings or gifts. This will also help you
when you’re in college. What are some things you can do to make sure you follow your budget?"
(Daniel Goleman, author and co-founder of the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning).
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Help with thinking about the future
Be consistent and clear with rules and
expectations
Encourage finding balance in school and
extra-curricular activities
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Encourage Goal-Setting
◦Naviance (Family Connection) is a great place to
start.
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Help alleviate Fears or Pressure
◦Teens are excited and at the same time overwhelmed
by the possibilities for their future (college, work, or
military.)
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Facilitate Financial Literacy
1. Where in the school do you hang out the most? (Like a particular
hall, classroom, parking lot, etc.) Where in the school do you never
hang out?
2. What would your school be better with? What would your school
be better without?
3. If you were a teacher, what class would you teach? Which class
would be the worst to teach? Why?
4. What was the coolest (saddest, funniest, scariest) thing that you
saw today?
5. Tell me one thing that you learned today.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/liz-evans/28-ways-to-askyour-teens-how-was-school-today-without-asking-them-howwas-school-today_b_5751546.html
College Parents Blog Site
http://www.collegeparents.org/blog
 Huffington Post for Parents
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/parents/
 Preparing for College
www.studentaid.ed.gov/prepare-forcollege/checklists
 Parent Toolkit
http://www.parenttoolkit.com/
 Transition Resources for Parents
http://www.edutopia.org/blog/transitionresources-teachers-matt-davis
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