SURVIVING THE LAB
A true-to-life representation of the way group projects always work.
An empty lab room. ROSS walks in, a little frantic, and is surprised to see that he’s the
first one to arrive, despite that it’s 7:45 pm, 15 minutes before the lab is supposed to
start. ROSS is visibly frustrated, and this is demonstrated in the way he throws his
backpack on the ground and gathers the materials for the lab project.
ROSS: (Shouts to himself) Where is everyone? Everyone was supposed to be here by 8
o'clock. This is the final lab project, and it makes up 50% of the grade, and no one is
here yet?
(ROSS continues to stomp around while gathering the lab materials.)
ELLE: (Runs into the room, obviously in a huge hurry, and talking to herself) Okay, it’s
7:45, and the concert is in two hours, so that gives me about an hour and a half to do the
lab and maybe I can make it in time for the opening act. (Sees ROSS stomping around
and stops her train of thought. To ROSS:) Woah, calm down! What’s wrong?
ROSS: Are you in my group? Why are you just now getting here? This is our final lab
project and it’s due at midnight and no one’s here yet. Where the hell is everyone?
ELLE: Relax child! I also want to finish this as soon as possible! I’m trying to get to a
concert in two hours, and I can’t wait to get out of here.
ROSS: (Stubbornly) No one is leaving until the lab report is complete.
(ELLE starts to argue when JESSICA walks in, talking to someone on the phone, with
MICHELLE right behind her.)
JESSICA: (On the phone.) Ugh, I don’t even know if I should go out tonight, I’m still
hungover from like two nights ago.
MICHELLE: Me too!
JESSICA: Plus this weird guy keeps texting me and won’t leave me alone, and I’m pretty
sure I might run into him tonight and I really don’t want to do that. (Pause.) Yeah, maybe.
Well, that’s true. Alright, I’ll come out again tonight.
MICHELLE: Me too!
JESSICA: (Barely acknowledging MICHELLE.) ...Okay. (Going back to her conversation
on the phone.) Yeah, but I have this stupid lab I need to do tonight, but I’ll just leave
early though.
ROSS: It’s not stupid. (Snatches the phone from JESSICA and speaks to the person on
the phone.) Chemistry is life!
(ROSS cuts the call and places JESSICA’s phone on the side table, but JESSICA
quickly snatches her phone back.)
ELLE: Hey guys! Let’s just start doing the work! I have get going for a concert soon!
(Sudden realization.) Wait, I have a history essay due at midnight. I need to work on
that! (ELLE pulls out her laptop and starts working on her essay.)
MICHELLE: (Looking at ELLE.) Me too! I need to work on my English essay tonight.
(Starts toward her backpack to get her laptop but she is interrupted by JESSICA.)
JESSICA: Okay, this is stupid. Who cares about chemistry? I have a party to go to
tonight. Chemistry is dumb.
ROSS: You’re dumb.
MICHELLE: Me too! …. oh wait, I didn’t mean to say that.
(ELLE sets aside her laptop momentarily to look at the lab instructions.)
ELLE: Wait, is Richard here?
JESSICA: (Without looking up from her phone.) Who the hell is Richard...
ELLE: I don’t know him either...
MICHELLE: Oh yeah, he sat next to me on the first day of class. I haven’t seen him
since then though.
ROSS: So where is he now?...You know what? Forget it, let’s just start without him.
(ROSS goes to the lab table and tries to start the lab when RICHARD walks in, with
earphones on blasting loud music.)
MICHELLE: Oh hey! That’s Richard!
(RICHARD doesn’t acknowledge MICHELLE or any of the group members. Instead, he
sits on a chair far from the rest of the group, staring at everyone angrily.)
ROSS: (Walks over to RICHARD, frustrated.) Why are you so late?
(RICHARD doesn’t respond, but just stares blankly at Ross.)
ROSS: (knocking off RICHARD’s headphones, shouting.) Why are you so late?
(RICHARD still doesn’t respond.)
ROSS: (Defeated.) Doesn’t matter... Get your act together and start working.
(ROSS walks away and goes to the lab table.)
JESSICA: (Texting.) Wow, Richard finally shows up the day it actually counts.
(ROSS takes away JESSICA’s phone and keeps it his lab coat pocket, and JESSICA
starts to make a big deal out of it.)
JESSICA: Hey!
MICHELLE: (Walks up to RICHARD, talking quietly and seriously.) Hey, just so you
know, Ross is a psychopath- you need to be careful if you don’t want to get killed on the
last day of school.
(Meanwhile, ROSS motions everyone to gather around him. MICHELLE quickly walks
over, but RICHARD stays where he is, along with JESSICA, who is glaring at ROSS
angrily, and ELLE, who is busy typing away on her laptop.)
ROSS: Okay, well now that everyone is here, let’s get started. We need to work together
to finish this lab in time… Well, I can do it myself, but that would be too slow.
(ELLE nods her head half-heartedly, mostly focused on her history essay.)
ELLE: (Suddenly and anxiously.) Oh my goodness! How am I supposed to get this work
done tonight! (Looking up from her laptop at the group.) Hey you guys! Why aren’t you
working on the lab? You need to be quicker, or I can’t go to the concert! Is this lab not
important to you?
JESSICA: Well we can’t really get anything done with this psychopath (motioning toward
ROSS) taking all of our things.
ROSS: You can get your phone back when we’re done. Anyway...
RICHARD: (Interrupting ROSS.) When are we going to be done?
ROSS: (Exasperated.) You’ve just arrived!
RICHARD: You didn’t answer my question.
(ROSS ignores RICHARD’s question and turns around. He starts working on the lab,
pouring some liquids into a cup.)
ROSS: (To MICHELLE.) Here, hold this. (MICHELLE complies.)
(Meanwhile, JESSICA attempts to steal her phone back from ROSS, but she
accidentally pushes over MICHELLE, which causes her to spill the cup all over ROSS.)
MICHELLE: Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!
(MICHELLE goes to fetch ROSS some paper towels.)
JESSICA: (Laughing.) Wait do that again, I want to put that on my Snapchat story.
(JESSICA has her phone back and points her camera at a very angry ROSS.)
MICHELLE: (Stopping in her tracks.) Oh Snapchat?? Me too! I want to put that on my
story too! (MICHELLE pulls out her phone.)
ELLE: What is everyone thinking about? We’re running out of time!
RICHARD: (Shaking his head, looking at his phone.) Wow, what a shit show this
is…What am I doing here? Why the hell am I stuck in this room with these morons on a
Friday night. My bro has gone skiing in Canada yesterday with his hot ass girlfriend. But,
me? I am left with one science geek psychopath try to boss me around, a Freshman who
doesn’t even know what she’s doing, one drunk social media addict, and a girl who is
obsessed with a stupid popstar concert. I mean, I don’t even care what I get from this
class. I miss my friends back in Cali, just wanna start my vacation already.
ELLE: (Disregarding RICHARD, like the rest of the group.) Hey Michelle! Since you are
not doing the lab anyway, come help me with my history essay! I am stuck on this
paragraph.
MICHELLE: Sure, I’m coming! (MICHELLE walks over to ELLE and peers over her
laptop.) What do you need help with?
ELLE: (Hands her laptop over to MICHELLE.) Can you look at this paragraph and look
for any mistakes? I think I have everything correct, but I just want to be sure.
MICHELLE: Okay! (Starts typing on the laptop, but then suddenly stops, a scared look
on her face.) Oops.
ELLE: Wait, what happened?
MICHELLE: Um……
ELLE: (Looks over and is surprised to see that MICHELLE accidentally deleted the
entire document.) Oh my god, what did you do? (Takes the laptop back from
MICHELLE.)
MICHELLE: I’m so sorry. I accidentallyELLE: (Ignoring MICHELLE.) I should’ve never asked you for help, you do nothing right
around here.
MICHELLE: I’m sorry, but that was an accident! I just wanted to help you! Why does
everyone hate me? I just want to be a part of the group! (Pointing at ROSS.) You didn’t
even know that I was in your group, (pointing at JESSICA) you keep ignoring me, and
(pointing at RICHARD) you didn’t even say hi to me. I just want to go home. I miss my
friends and …. my mom.
(Despite MICHELLE’s sudden outburst of emotion, everyone carries on with what they’re
doing.)
ROSS: (Reading off of the lab report.) Okay, so the first thing we have to do is produce
oxygen and prove that it supports combustion.
JESSICA: (Takes out a lighter from her pocket and lights it.) Look, it’s still burning, I
already proved the experiment. Oxygen, combustion. We’re done, let’s leave.
MICHELLE: Ooh, that’s smart.
ROSS: No, that’s stupid. We have to do something better than that.
JESSICA: Here, then why don’t we just split into smaller groups and see if we can figure
something out that way? It’s confusing trying to work with everyone here. Michelle and I
can work together, and you (pointing to ROSS) and Elle can work with Richard.
(Everyone turns to look at RICHARD, who in a sudden outburst of anger, is stomping
around and throwing whatever he can get his hands on across the room. At the same
time, RICHARD is mumbling under his breath about how much he hates the lab and his
group.)
JESSICA: (Turning back to the group.) Okay, never mind, let’s just leave angry Richard
alone.
ELLE: Why is nobody working on the project? This is insane! Seriously guys, I have the
concert in…(checking the time on her watch) one hour! (Starts panicking.)
JESSICA: ..and Elle. Seriously, how are we going to get any work done when we have
not just one but three psychopaths running around the room like this? This is insane, I
have to live-tweet this. (Pulls out her phone and starts typing) “Stuck in a lab room with
dangerous chemicals and three psychopaths #pray4jess.” This is gold, I have to put this
on my Snapchat story too.
ROSS: Guys, the professor just emailed me saying that the lab report is due tonight. So
we better get it done soon.
RICHARD: Who are you? Why do you only get the email?
ROSS: Cause I am the group leader.
MICHELLE: I was hoping he would give us an extension. What kind of teacher makes a
lab due right before winter break?
ELLE: The other section has their project due on Sunday. He’s impossible.
JESSICA: He’s going to be the reason if I don't get into med school.
ROSS: You? Medical school? That’s hilarious.
JESSICA: (Offended.) Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t just go do the lab right now
then?
ROSS: Fine, I will!
(ROSS walks toward the lab table, tries to mix some liquids into a cup. MICHELLE
follows ROSS and adds the wrong solution into the cup before ROSS could stop her.)
ROSS: Wait, you can’t…
(Explosion. Everyone is taken aback, and stares right at Michelle.)
MICHELLE: Oops, my bad.
(At this point, everyone is frustrated at one another and starts to fight with each other
about wanting to leave, finishing the lab, etc.)
JESSICA: (Gets up from her chair.) Okay, I’m not trying to die in here. See you guys.
(Walks over to the door and attempts to leave, but she finds that the door is locked.)
Wait, what? The door is locked! Oh my god, we’re locked in here. Oh my god, I’m
seriously going to die. I’m going to die surrounded by all these freaks. (Pulls out her
phone and takes a Snapchat selfie.) “ABOUT TO DIE SOS.”
(RICHARD walks over to the door.)
RICHARD: Shut up, you are so loud. Let me try…(Tries the door but he also finds that
the door is locked.) What is going on? It won’t open.
(RICHARD backs up and slams into the door, but to no avail. He then grabs a chair and
walks toward the door, about to throw the chair at the door.)
ELLE: What are you trying to do with that? Can you at least think before you act out?
MICHELLE: Wait, guys, are we stuck in here? What are we going to do? (Starts to
panic.)
(Everyone starts to argue with one another once again, with ROSS standing in the
middle, strangely calm.)
ROSS: Hey guys, look at the bright side! Now this means we have plenty of time to do
the lab!
JESSICA: Okay, fine, whatever. I’m done. If I’m going to die in here with you guys, I
might as well get an A in this class. (Walks over to the lab table and reluctantly puts her
phone down.)
MICHELLE: Me too! (Follows JESSICA.)
(RICHARD and ELLE follow, and they all look at the lab manual and materials, obviously
confused.)
ELLE: (Unsure.) Okay, here we go.
(Everyone begins working on the lab, cautiously and slowly. It’s obvious that ROSS is
the only one who truly knows what’s going on with the lab, but the rest of the group
members try their best.)
ROSS: (Gets a phone call and picks up.) Hello? Hi Mom! Oh, dinner’s ready? Okay, be
right there!
(ROSS hangs up and starts packing up his stuff, while everyone else stares at him in
disbelief. ROSS then walks over to the locked door, pulls out a key from his pocket, and
casually walks out of the lab, leaving the rest of the group confused.)
MICHELLE: (While pouring a solution into a beaker.) Wait what?
(Explosion.)
END.