How To Be Happy
And Productive
Come Hell Or High Water
Learn the 4 MegaSkills
June Darling, Ph.D.
What Are The Major Sources Of
This Work?
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•
•
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Positive Psychology
Appreciative Inquiry
Positive Organizational Science
The major religions (Judaism, Buddhism,
Christianity, Hinduism, and Islam)
• Ancient Greek Philosophers (Stoics, Epicureans)
• Cognitive Therapy, Logotherapy, and Emerging
3rd Wave Therapies
• Personal Experience With Clients and Paragons
Specific Authors
Cameron, K. (2008) Strategies for Extraordinary Performance.
Colvin, G. (2008). Talent Is Overrated
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2008). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.
Diener, E. & Biswas-Diener, R. (2008) Happiness.
Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself.
Dutton, & R. E. Quinn (Eds.), Positive Organizational Scholarship
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset:The New Psychology of Success.
Emmons, R.(2007). Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.
Ericcson, K. A., Charness, N., Feltovich, P., Hoffman, R. (2006). The Cambridge
Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance.
Frankl, V. (2006) Man’s Search for Meaning.
Fredrickson, B. (2009) Positivity.
Fredrickson, B. & Losada, M. (2005) Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human
flourishing. American Psychologist.
Goleman, D. (2002) Emotional Intelligence.
Grant, D. (2013) Givers and Takers.
Linley, A. (2008).Average to A+: Realising Strengths In Yourself And Others.
Locke, E.A. & Latham, G.P. (1990). A Theory of Goal Setting and Task Performance.
Losada, M. The Complex Dynamics of High Performance Teams (personal
correspondence)
Marston, W.M (1928) Emotions of Normal People.
Neff, K. (2011) Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind
Peterson, C. (2006) A Primer in Positive Psychology.
Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. (2004). Character Strengths and Virtues.
Peterson, C. (2006) Positive Psychology.
Reivich, K., & Shatte, A. (2003) The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to
Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles.
Seligman, M.(2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive
Psychology To Realize Your Potential For Lasting Fulfillment
Sheldon, K. (2004). Optimal Human Being.
Sternberg, R. (2003). Wisdom, Intelligence, And Creativity Synthesized.
Whitney,Trosten-Bloom, Cooperrider.(2003). The Power of
Appreciative Inquiry: A Practical Guide to Positive Change.
Wrzesniewski, Amy. (2003). Finding positive meaning in work. In K. S.
Cameron, J. E.
What Is Our Situation?
Cosmic – mostly unknown, hence scary
World – mixed, media focused on scary
Existential – One certainty - all people will die,
we don’t know when or how
National – mixed, media focused on scary
State – mixed, media focused on scary
Organizational – ? Probably mixed
Personal - ? Probably mixed; one certainty - we
will die, we don’t know when or how
Our Situation?
It may not always feel or seem so good
The 4 MegaSkills
That Help Us Feel Good and
Function Well No Matter What
Our Situation Is
MegaSkill #1
Become more masterful with
your emotions
Why Are Our Emotions
Important?
Emotions and thoughts are
intertwined with each other, with
the body, and with performance
relaxed alertness is usually best
The Broaden and Build
Emotions
examples: Love, Gratitude, Optimism,
Hope, Humor, Faith, Curiosity
enhance most performances, relationships, health,
and happiness
Minimum 3:1 ratio “higher” to “lower” emotions
Sympathetic Branch
“higher
emotions”
Anger
DHEA
CORTISOL
- emotions
Stress Zone
Sadness
+ emotions
peak performance
zone = relaxed alert
Serenity
AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM
Parasympathetic
Branch
How can I become more masterful?
Enhance your “positive”/broaden and
build emotions
Savor
Heart Rhythms on Heart Monitor – HeartMath Institute
The most fortunate are those who have a wonderful
capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and
naively, the basic good of life, with awe, pleasure,
wonder, and even ecstasy.
Abraham Maslow
Gratitude is not only the
greatest of all virtues,
but the parent of all
others.
Marcus Tullius Cicero – Roman statesman 106
BC-43 BC
Understand how your beliefs,
attention, and emotions are
linked
Stoic quote:
“Man is disturbed not by
things, but by the views he
takes of them.”
Certain thoughts lead to “negative”
emotions
Threat, danger
Anxiety
(something bad is going to happen that I can’t handle)
Harm
Anger
(I have been thwarted or injured)
Loss (I have lost something)
Caused Harm
Sadness
Guilt
(I have done something wrong)
Comparison/Inferiority
(I am not as good as I should be)
Embarrassment
I notice
I interpret
I have an emotion
What are you noticing?
What’s the story you are making up about
what you are noticing?
What emotion follows your story?
Could you choose different information to pay attention to?
How would that change your story?
Can you make up multiple stories about the same data?
Is your story true?
Is your story useful?
Are all your stories alike? (I am a failure, nobody loves me, I
can’t trust anyone, the world sucks)
Change your attention and you change
your story and your emotion; change
your story and you change your
attention and emotion
2 sailboats on either side of my boat. What
is the impact of focusing on one or the
other?
50 percent of the
time our minds are
wandering…
not usually a good thing
Becoming more masterful by
• Enhancing positive emotions; savor, build
hope, love, humor, gratitude
• Noticing your stories; looking for
disconfirming evidence; flipping stories
• Noticing your attention, gently bringing it
back
MegaSkill # 2
Move toward a GROWTH mindset
“I love a good challenge”
“Mindset” {noun}
A set of beliefs or way of
thinking that determines
one’s mental attitude,
behavior, and outlooks
2 mindsets
• Fixed – you can change a few small
things, but you cannot significantly change
who you are or your skillset
• Growth – you can always significantly
change
People who have fixed mindset avoid
challenging themselves.
They are concerned about looking
good.
They stay in their comfort zone.
They often have performance anxiety
Challenge Is What Helps Us
Grow
Our brain is malleable
“Life is challenging, but I’m always
up for a good challenge” – Venus
Williams
We Are What We Repeatedly Do
Aristotle
How Can I Change My Mindset?
• Think of things you have changed about
yourself
• Think of others who have significantly
changed
• Consider the brain research
Progress Toward Goals Makes Us
Happy
The right sized, well articulated goal
helps us focus and feel in a “flow” state
Go To Your Strengths and Interests
Your strengths show up when you are energized
and doing your best work; they feel natural
Chance of being
engaged in your
work if not using
strengths
7%
Chance of being
engaged in work
if using your
strengths
73%
PETER F. DRUCKER, 1909 -2005
"The idea that there are "well-rounded"
people, people who have only strengths and
no weaknesses ... is a prescription for
mediocrity if not incompetence. Strong
people always have strong weaknesses. ...
And no one is strong in many areas."
But what about fear?
be compassionate with yourself
In order to be more response-able
Learn How To Work With Your Inner
Critic and Hear Your Inner Encourager
Kicking yourself around doesn’t
work in the long term
Neither Does Overthinking
Bingeing on the same unproductive thoughts
Nurture Your Mind, Body, Spirit
by
Exercising
Breathing calmly
Positive imagining
Relaxing
Being appreciative, savoring
Doing activities You Enjoy
Spending time Alone
Eating/drinking moderately and nutritiously
Meditating, praying, listening to encourager
Enjoying challenge; stretching strengths
Focusing on your values
The Coup de Grace for
Fear and Overthinking
Focus on the life you want
to lead, your purpose,
your values.
Courage is not the
absence of fear, but
rather the judgment that
something else is more
important than fear.”
Ambrose Redmoon
Keep your face always toward the
sunshine and shadows will fall
behind you
Walt Whitman
MegaSkill # 3
Find your purpose or passion or be
passionate about what you have already
found
Bad Dream
Your life has no meaning
the
consequences?
What Are Your Values?
Achievement
Adventure
Knowledge
Competence
Creativity
Independence
Leadership
Pleasure
Power
Serenity
Self-respect
Fame
Cooperation
Freedom
Wisdom
Wealth
Nature
Excellence
Excitement
Integrity
Friends
Education
Truth
Beauty
Competition
Meaning
Religion
Status
Security
Challenge
Helping
Privacy
Justice
Harmony
Quality
Family
Decisiveness
Efficiency
You might be able
to “go do it” right
where you are
Job or Calling
Once upon a time, there were three bricklayers.
When asked, “What are you doing?” the first bricklayer replied:
“I’m laying bricks.”
The second bricklayer was asked the same question. He answered:
“I’m putting up a wall.”
The third bricklayer, when asked the question “What are you doing?”
responded, with pride in his voice:
“I’m building a cathedral.”
Each bricklayer was doing the same work, but had a very different
idea of its meaning.
Job Crafting
Who: How could I change my social interactions so
that they are more rewarding?
What: What are the tasks of my job that I like and
which don’t I like? What are the ways to increase
what I like and decrease what I don’t like?
When: When is it that I do my best work?
Where: Where do I do my best work? What changes
could be made?
From Robert Biswas-Diener
What is the most noble
way of thinking about your
work?
Of bagboys, janitors, toll both
operators, orchardists,
doctors, dentists, lawyers,
mom & dad
“Life is never made
unbearable by circumstances,
but only by lack of meaning
and purpose.” Viktor Frankl
MegaSkill #4
Develop strong relationships
How steep is that hill?
When people are with you, it seems
much easier to climb
I live and work with people I enjoy
Others matter to me
We support each other at home & work
We know each other as people (whole
human beings, not just people who live
together or do a job together)
People Have Different Behavioral Style
Orientations and Strengths
Which Can Be Cause For Delight And For Conflict
Dominant (more extroverted and achievement
oriented) Fortitude strengths
Influencing (more extroverted and inspiring)
Vitality strengths
Steady (more introverted and sensitive to others)
Interpersonal strengths
Conscientious (more introverted and concerned
about excellence) Cautiousness strengths
We Are Different
• How useful and delightful!
• How frustrating and exhausting!
What We Can Do
• Understand different styles and strengths
• Become better communicators
• Be kinder
E
X
T
R
O
I
N
Cautiousness
Fortitude
V
T
E
R
R
O
T
V
E
R
T
Social Intelligence
Influencer,
Vitality
Communication
Different styles have different ways of communicating.
Know how to separate your assumptions from the facts
Know what you want, stay focused on solutions
Know how to empathize
Know how to respond to good news
Know how to appreciate
Close relationships
Requires coming out of the
shell - vulnerablity
Observe The Golden Rule
Make Generous Assumptions
It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned
with the human problem all one’s life and find at
the end that one has no more to offer by way of
advance than a
try to be a little kinder
Aldous Huxley
If we have no peace,
it is because we
have forgotten that
we belong to each
other – Mother Theresa
Resilient Paragons I Have Met
the value of positive emotions,
growth mindset, meaning, and
especially relationships
Summary: The 4 MegaSkills for
Happiness and Productivity
•Become more masterful with our
emotions
•Move toward a growth mindset
•Find our purpose or passion or
be passionate and purposeful
about what we have already
found
•Build strong relationships
FOR OURSELVES
For Our Many Organizations And
Wider World
FOR OUR LITTLE ONES
For Our Brothers And Sisters
My
brother,
Steve
and in memory of all those who have known hell
and high water
How To Be Happy
And Productive
Come Hell Or High Water
4 MegaSkills for Well-being and Performance
June Darling, Ph.D.