Guidelines for Group Leaders:
When an Individual’s Behavior Threatens The
Well-Being of Other Group Members
By: C. Alec Pollard, Ph.D
Purpose of the Guidelines
Share is an organization dedicated to helping all individuals who have experienced pregnancy or
infant loss. Excluding anyone from receiving the services of Share is generally discouraged.
However, an exception to this principle should be considered when an individual’s behavior
presents a clear and significant threat to the well-being of other group members. In this instance,
the welfare of the group takes priority over the needs of an individual. Deciding when someone’s
behavior threatens the welfare of others and determining what to do about it can be an
unpleasant and complicated task. The following guidelines were developed to help Share group
leaders when they are faced with this difficult situation.
Identifying “Detrimental” Behavior
The first issue for a group leader is identifying “detrimental” behavior. For the purpose of these
guidelines, the word “detrimental” is used to describe behavior that threatens the welfare of
others. An individual’s behavior is considered detrimental if it causes or threatens to cause
physical or psychological harm to other group members. Obviously, an individual who becomes
violent when angered is a threat to the physical well-being of others. There are less obvious forms
of threats as well, however. Psychological harm can be caused by a person who says things that
frighten or distress others unnecessarily. Although discussion of the loss of a child inevitably
involves emotional pain, disturbing comments or behavior that have no relevance to the grief
process would be considered harmful. Another type of psychological harm is interference with
the expression or resolution of grief. An individual who dominates a group may be preventing
others from expressing thoughts and feelings necessary for their own recovery.
Sometimes it is necessary to predict the potential for detrimental behavior. However, more often
there are clear signs that the behavior has already had a negative impact. Other group members
may complain about the behavior or might appear distraught when in the presence of the
individual in question. In other instances, group attendance may drop or members who are
usually talkative become noticeably silent.
When a Group Leader First Observes Detrimental Behavior
On a given day, any group member might engage in disruptive behavior. However in most
instances, the impact of the behavior is modest and successfully managed by the group leader.
For example, someone who is dominating the conversation can be gently interrupted by asking
other group members to share their perspectives. Individuals who are tangential can be
redirected by asking questions directly related to their loss. Even people who are blatantly
disruptive or abusive can be escorted from the group by the group pleader or a security officer,
while someone else facilitates the group. Sometimes it is also helpful to speak with individuals
after the group meeting to assess their interest in receiving additional information about
counselors, therapists and other sources of help available to them. In other words, there are
many effective strategies for dealing with potentially detrimental behavior before considering
more severe measures. (1)
When Detrimental Behavior Continues
Occasionally, despite the best efforts of the group leader, an individual’s behavior continues to
have detrimental impact upon the group. In this case, it may be necessary to take some more
definitive action. Typically, this includes asking the individual to stop attending Share group
meetings. Share believes strongly that the responsibility for deciding if and how to ban an
individual from group meetings belongs to the Share group leaders or facilitators. However the
leader is strongly encouraged to seek advice and support from other knowledgeable individuals.
There are four action steps which group leaders are advised to follow:
1. Seek Consultation
Deciding if and how to request someone to stop participating in Share group meetings is not an
easy job. It is therefore helpful to consider the viewpoints of other experienced individuals. The
purpose of seeking counsel from others is to help the group leader decide if the behavior in
question constitutes a significant threat to the well-being of other group members and to develop
a plan for how to proceed. It is recommended that group leaders confer with at least two
individuals. If at all possible, consultants should be knowledgeable about Share and issues
relevant to bereavement. Those individuals could be other Share group leaders, a local board
member, a grief counselor or therapist, or a staff member from the National Share Office. The
consultants can advise and support the group leader as he or she carries out the other three action
steps.
2. Determine the Seriousness of the Threat to Others
The decision to exclude someone from participation in Share groups should only be considered
after other interventions have failed. It is considered a measure of last result. Therefore, it is very
important for the group leader to be sure he or she had clearly determined the nature and
seriousness of the threat to other group members posed by an individual’s behavior. There are
three factors in particular that should be considered:
a.
Determine specifically how you believe the behavior has been or has the
potential to be detrimental to others. In other words, what exactly is the nature
of the psychological or physical harm that has resulted or is likely to result from this
behavior? Suspecting an individual of undesirable behavior is not sufficient grounds
for action. There must be a specifiable negative impact on the group.
b. Be sure that the behavior represents a legitimate threat to the well-being
of others. In other words, behavior that simply offends the personal preferences of
the group leader or another member would not be considered detrimental. Share
does not support discrimination of an individual on the basis of that individual’s race,
ethnic heritage, creed, religion, sex or lifestyle. In determining whether the impact of
a behavior has been detrimental, it is important that the group leader be certain he or
she is not making decisions on the basis of personal bias along. For example, the fact
that one individual’s religious beliefs offend some other group members would not be
considered a valid detrimental impact.
c.
Decide if there is reason to believe that the detrimental behavior is likely
to continue. The group leader must decide that the behavior in question was not
the result of unusual circumstances on a particular week and that there is reason to
believe it will not stop in the near future.
3. Develop a Plan of Action
In most cases, the plan of action will include asking the individual to stop attending Share group
meetings. However, there are several factors which should be considered before proceeding.
Therefore, it is important to develop a plan for how to intervene. Here are some questions the
group leader should answer in order to develop a plan of action:
a.
How soon do you need to inform the individual? Should this person be
informed immediately or after the next group meeting?
b. What is the best way to inform the individual? By phone? By letter? In
person?
c.
Do you have other resources to offer this individual? Even when extremely
disruptive, it is important not to abandon the person without assistance. Therefore,
the individual should be offered a list of at least two counselors, therapists or other
sources of support.
d. Are you prepared for a possible negative reaction? It is not unusual for the
individual to respond in a negative fashion to your request that he or she stop
attending the group. In most cases, the response is manageable. However, in rare
instances the individual’s reaction could be dangerous. It is important the group
leader is prepared for this possibility. For example, the group leader should be
prepared to call the police or an ambulance if the individual’s behavior becomes
hostile or suicidal.
e.
How will you respond if the person attempts to see you individually
outside of group meetings? This would not be an unusual response. It is
important that a group leader consider this potential response and how he or she will
handle it before it arises. Usually, seeing the person individually is not advisable.
Remember, it is very likely that disruptive group behavior will occur with the group
leader on an individual basis as well.
f.
Are there any conditions under which the individual could be allowed to
return to the group? This is a judgment that must be made on a case by case
basis. In some instances, an individual may be given an opportunity to return to the
group at a later date. If the group leader feels there is a way in which the individual
can demonstrate suitability for the group at some point in the future, the group leader
should outline these conditions clearly ahead of time.
4. Implement the Plan
It is the group leader’s responsibility to implement the plan. If unexpected problems arise, it is
important that the group leader seek assistance whenever possible. Group leaders may contact
the National Share Office for additional information, support and consultation.
(1) It is not within the scope of these guidelines to cover the many strategies available for
dealing with problematic behavior in groups. However, group leaders interested in reading
more about how to handle difficult group members may read the following references:
“The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy” by I.D. Yalom, New York, Basic Books, Inc.
1985
“Using Groups to Help People” by D.S. Whitaker, London, Routledge
4/24/01