Chapter 4
Learn to Look
How to Notice When
Safety Is at Risk
Sophia Daniel
Denae Williams
Quinton Hill
Kimico Worsham
Crucial Conversation
A discussion between two or more
people where (1) stakes are high, (2)
opinions vary, and (3) emotions run
strong
Crucial Moment
The point in time where the right
behavior, if enacted, leads to the
results you want.
The three types of conversations that can be
held around a particular issue:
Content (discussing the issue itself),
Pattern (discussing the problem that the issue
keeps recurring), and
Relationship (discussing the fact that the issue is
affecting your overall relationship with the other
person).
o
Learn to Look—When a conversation turns crucial, we
either miss or misinterpret the early warning signs.
o
We want to be able to step out of the content of the
conversation and learn to look for signs that a
conversation has become crucial and that safety is at
risk so we can get back to dialogue more quickly.
Watch the following characters in a scene
and consider how each interacts with the
other during a Crucial Conversation.
Let’s revisit the scene again applying
the concepts of Crucial Conversations.



When people don’t feel safe
The moment the conversation turns crucial
Your Own Style Under Stress

Many of us tend to toggle back
and forth. As we try to deal
with crucial conversations, we
toggle between two ends of an
unproductive continuum.

We hold things inside by going
silent until we can tolerate it no
longer – then we drop a bomb.

We may not become physically
violent, but we do say things
that attack the ideas and
feelings of the other person. In
other words, we "do violence"
to the relationship.
STATE My Path—A set of
skills that help you share
difficult feedback or risky
meaning.
Share your facts
Tell your story
Ask for others’
paths
Talk tentatively
Encourage testing
Chapter 5
Make It Safe
How to Make It Safe to
Talk About Almost
Anything
•
Confront the current issue these two are having.
*What is the issue?...
•
Build Safety for the conversation.
*How does they build safety?....
-Negative
-Positive

Yvonne and Jotham have been in a relationship for
many years

Jotham is looking for affection while Yvonne is satisfied
in the relationship presently

Yvonne is actively seeking a resolution while Jotham is
continually avoiding her attempts at dialogue.

1. Understand the mutual purpose
 Shared goal
 Healthy climate
 Know the intent

2. Watch for signs that mutual purpose are at risk




Opinions are forced upon one another
Debate begins
Acquisitions arise
No resolution

3. Look for Mutual in Mutual Purpose
 Examine the motives
 THE PURPOSE HAS TO BE MUTUAL!

4. Look for Mutuality
 Avoid disaster
 Find the point of view
 Engage each person in conversation

Mutual Respect
 When people perceive that others don’t respect them the
conversation becomes unsafe
 Mutual Purpose Suffers
 The Conversation tanks
In What ways have you felt respected or disrespected in
a conversation? What was the result?

What are ways to mend a conversation once mutual
respect and purpose are at risk?
APOLOGIZE
CONTRAST
CREATE A MUTUAL PURPOSE: C.R.I.B

Commit to seek mutual purpose

Recognize the Purpose behind the strategy

Invent a Mutual Purpose

Brainstorm New Strategies

1. Make it Safe

2. Apologize

3. Find Mutual Purpose (Have Mutual Respect)

4. Brainstorm