Definition:
The process of ending a conflict by cooperating and problem solving
“I” Statements
1.
Read page 264 and answer
question #2 on page 269 in your
conflict resolution notes
AND
1.
Describe in a few sentences a
situation you witnessed or took part
in that involved violence or the
potential for violence
Preventing Conflict
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Tolerance
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Accepting others’ differences & allowing
them to be who they are without
expressing disapproval
Solving a Conflict
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Negotiation

Process in which compromising is used to reach
agreement
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1.
2.
3.
4.
Talking, listening, considering other person’s point of view,
compromising
No blaming
BEFORE YOU CAN NEGOTIATE
Make sure issue is important to you
Check the facts
Remember, the goal is to find a solution
Practice what you say
Why Use I Statements?
1. Promotes effective communication and
avoids the escalation of a negative
situation.
2. Discuss situations with a person you are
upset with.
3. Prevents the person from having a
reason to become defensive when
discussing the situation. Might prevent
the argument from becoming physical.
4. The purpose is to take responsibility for
your feelings because only you control
your feelings.
hate
violence
You
statements
anger
EXAMPLE OF WHY…
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Parents won’t let you out past 10
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I feel frustrated
when I can’t go out after 10
because I’ve been well behaved.
I want to try and compromise.
Would you consider letting me
stay out until 11 if I call you at 10
and 10:30?
Instead of:
I’m mad when you don’t let me
stay out because everyone else
is allowed to, why can’t I stay
out?!
Guidelines
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Tell what has happened and how you feel.
Start all of your statements with “I”.
Avoid the word “you”, “always/never”, swearing or
other aggressive terms.
Tell the person how your anger involves him/her.
Discuss what you think will reduce your anger and
how the other person can help you.
Provide a solution. If possible, the solution should
be a compromise.
DO NOT REPEAT YOURSELF
example: I’d like to not be made fun of
Would you consider not making fun of me
Other Considerations
Tone of Voice
Your tone of voice is important to consider.
Having a sincere, assertive (but not
aggressive or passive) tone of voice may
make the difference in whether or not the
situation is resolved.
Body Language
Make sure not to point your finger at the
person. Think of ways to show the person
you want to solve the problem through
body language.
How to Avoid “You”…

When you keep bothering me
Turn it into…

When I am distracted

Because you always make me
Turn it into…

Because I’m made to
Will They Always Work?

No

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You can’t control other people
But…


You’ve tried your best to resolve conflict in
an assertive way
Helps your self-esteem



Feel good
Might make the person think more about
situation
Didn’t escalate problem

Add to the fire
How to Use an I Statement
It is a verbal message!
Identify
feelings
and
situation
Give an
example
solution
(compromise)
DON’T
REPEAT
YOURSELF!!
I feel _identify a feeling (Use a feeling word: upset, let down,
sad, disappointed)__
when __describe the situation in detail & avoid YOU____
because __Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy
line: “it is important to me.” “it hurts my feelings.”)______.
I’d like/I want __ ideas of what to say here: fix our
misunderstanding, talk about this tonight, compromise, to be
friends again… (NO YOU) __.
Would you consider __ an idea/solution/compromise to
fix/improve the conflict. It must be specific & something
both people would agree to. _______
Think about what the other person would
want… put yourself in their shoes.
Responding to Conflicts
1. Aggressive


“You” statements

Bully

2. Assertive

Leader

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Follower
“I” statements

High self esteem
Admits mistakes
3. Passive



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Nothing solved
Have to get THEIR way
Best chance of resolution
Willing to compromise &
say sorry
Little/nothing said


Nothing solved, give in
Don’t stick up for yourself
TB 306-307
Example Conflicts
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Getting picked on by classmates or friends
Seeing someone else get picked on
Chores
Computer usage
Girl/boyfriend wants to spend every day with you
Not allowed to go somewhere
Clothes/hair
Curfew
Cell phone (bill…)
A person is saying “you’re stupid.”
You have more chores than your brother/sister.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend wants to spend every day with you.
You’re being picked on for being small.
Your parents will not let you go to a school dance.
You don’t like that a friend of yours keeps making fun at you.
Your parents won’t let you wear certain clothes on the weekend or do your
hair a certain way.
TRUE / FALSE
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1. T/F The word “you” is considered an assertive term.
2. T/F I statements are only shared with the friends of the person you
are upset with.
3. T/F I statements prevent people from trying to guess why you are
mad.
4. T /F Passive individuals always have to get their way.
5. T /F A compromise is when both people are comfortable with a
solution to a problem.
6. T/F I statements should involve a compromise.
7. T/F Assertive people use a sincere tone of voice when discussing
an issue.
8. T/F Tolerance is accepting others differences without expressing
disapproval.
9. T/F I statements are always effective in solving conflicts.
10. T/F You have no control over how the other person responds in a
conflict situation.
ANSWERS: F,F,T,F,T,T,T,T,F,T