Decoding Teenagers:
How To Understand and
Motivate Them
Debbie Lehr-Lee
Academic Life Coach
April 21, 2014
What You’ll Get From this Presentation
•
An Introduction to Core Motivation
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Insight into understanding your teenagers (as well as yourself)
How to tailor your communications with your teenager
How to set achievable and accountable goals
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2011
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Academic Life Coaching
•Dedicated
to helping students successfully navigate
school and life
•Founded
in 2004
•Organization
of nearly 150 Academic Life Coaches
located internationally from Boston to Dubai
•As
seen in CNN, Huffington Post, MSNBC, Wall
Street Journal, and the Associated Press
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• Nearly 25% of students leave college before finishing their
sophomore year
• Only 56% will graduate from college
• Tuition has increased 1120% since their parents went to
college
• Cost of 4 years of college is $86K-$173K
• Avg Counselor to Student Ratio is 1:460
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The Vaccine:
Give teenagers life tools:
•
to better understand themselves
•
to empower them with choice
•
to assume responsibility
•
to better communicate
Teenagers long to know:
Who am I?
How do I fit in?
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Coaching for students works:
…10 -to 15-percent increase in retention and
graduation rates among those in the coached
group..
• Increase in confidence 93%*
• Improved GPA 95%*
• Reported being less stressed 82%*
* based on 8 years of data
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Kick Starting the Term
Let’s us partner with you so that
your student will be more confident
and happy in navigating their
academic life
and be ready and prepared
for their life after college.
Core Motivation
• The messages students send to themselves and try to
accomplish in most of their actions
• A map to increase your self-awareness, a fundamental
component of Emotional Intelligence
• Same solution does NOT work for
everyone…understand that what works for you may not
work for them.
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#1: Perfectionist
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am perfect
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#1: Perfectionist
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am perfect
When Speaking to a One...
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Go easy on them, and be sure to point out
what they did right
• Encourage them to take care of themselves
•
Help them take the larger picture into account
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#2: Helper
Core Motivation
I am OK if I can help others
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#2: Helper
Core Motivation
I am OK if I can help others
When Speaking to a Two...
Be sure to show your gratitude for who they are and
what they do.
•
•
Help them draw clear boundaries
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Encourage them to take care of themselves.
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#3: Doer/Performer
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am the best
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#3: Doer/Performer
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am the best
When Speaking to a Three...
Appreciate the 3’s desire to accomplish the goal, but
encourage them to focus on fulfillment, not just
achievement.
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•
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Help them align their activities with their values
Let them know that you support them no matter if they
succeed or fail.
•
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#4: Individualist/Artist
Core Motivation
I am OK if I express myself
and I’m understood
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#4: Individualist/Artist
Core Motivation
I am OK if I express myself
and I’m understood
When speaking to a 4...
Understand that 4’s identify with their emotions. If it’s a positive
emotion, build on it. If it’s a negative emotion, acknowledge it and let
it pass.
•
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Give them time to emote on the situation
Gently bring the focus to something positive and possible actions to
take, but let the 4 decide to move into action.
•
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#5: Expert/Thinker
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am right
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#5: Expert/Thinker
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am right
When Speaking to a Five...
5’s love to be right. When speaking to a 5 avoid arguing the bottom-line
right or wrong answer but bring your focus to the 5’s reasons for their
decision.
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Gently encourage 5’s to move into action and to pay attention to results,
not just theory.
•
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#6: Loyal-Skeptic/Friend
Core Motivation
I am OK if I do what is expected
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#6: Loyal-Skeptic/Friend
Core Motivation
I am OK if I do what is expected
When Speaking to a Six...
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Let the 6 know you are on their side and trying to help.
Be careful what you promise and make sure that you follow through on
promises.
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Appreciate the 6’s wit and sense of humor and don’t take negativity too
seriously.
•
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They value safety and want to be prepared for worse case scenarios.
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#7: Enthusiast /Optimist
Core Motivation
I am OK if I get what I want
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#7: Enthusiast /Optimist
Core Motivation
I am OK if I get what I want
When Speaking to a Seven...
Encourage 7’s to slow down and appreciate what’s present. They love
high energy, excitement and can get bored easily.
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When giving feedback it’s helpful to say something positive before and
after something negative. Remember: positive, negative, positive.
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Let them know your needs and support them when facing anything
negative.
•
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#8: Challenger/Defender
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am in control
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#8: Challenger/Defender
Core Motivation
I am OK if I am in control
When Speaking to an Eight...
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Be straight forward and blunt - get to the point.
Keep focused on the goal, don’t make things personal, because they
aren’t.
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8s value control are hard workers and great leaders.
Encourage them to ask for help when they need it - willingly showing
vulnerability for 8’s is a sign of positive personal growth.
•
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#9: Peacemaker
Core Motivation
I am OK if everything is
peaceful
#9: Peacemaker
Core Motivation
I am OK if everything is
peaceful
When Speaking to an Nine...
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Encourage 9’s to know what they want and assert themselves.
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Encourage them to speak up before they “just can’t take it anymore.”
Support them when they step outside their comfort zones.
Encourage them when they take active steps toward a goal and focus
on performance.
•
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The Solution
• Well-Formed Outcomes
• Focus on the Process/Systems
•
Positive Outcomes happen naturally when the proper
system is in place
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Four Criteria for a Well-Formed Outcome
1.Stated in the Positive
2.Started and Completely Controlled by you
3.Appropriate size to time ratio
4.Specific and Measurable
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Example of Shifting Goals to Effective Outcomes
Goal: I want to earn all A’s
Effective Outcomes:
I want to turn in all my assignments completed and on
time this week.
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I want to talk to all my teachers about my learning and
performance once or more a month.
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I want to study for each test this month two days before
the test for an hour or more
•
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Bonus
Parents
Student
45 minute kick off session
Success
$150
[email protected]
Next Steps
•Help
your teenager understand him/herself as an
individual
•Encourage
your teenager to take increasing responsibility
for their active lives. Use Well Form Outcomes.
•Go
to YourCollegeGamePlan.com for additional
information about Core Motivation and the Academic Life
Coaching program
Thank You For Attending!!
I value your feedback. Please send your
comments to
Debbie@yourcollegegameplan
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