Alliance for Child Welfare Excellence
Vancouver, WA
November 5, 2015
Scott Hanauer, MA, MHP, CMHS
Community Youth Services
360-943-0780
www.communityyouthservices.org
7/29/2017
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They said I had “attachment disorder”
Really??? . . . I had a life disorder
I attached accordingly
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Resiliency
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Resiliency is Learned First by Example
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Resiliency is Learned by Someone Believing in You
Factors of “Resilience”.
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Sociability – The Ability to Elicit Positive Attention From Others
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Reasoning & Judgment – The Ability to Anticipate Consequences of Behavior & Decisions
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Autonomy – The Ability to Accomplish Tasks on Their Own
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Hope – A Belief That One Can Impact Their Own Destiny
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Attention – Resilient Children Receive Positive Attention From Adults
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Community – A child who has at Least One Positive Mentor or Role Model
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Peers – Do friends make their lives better those who make their lives worse?
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“The affectionate bond between two individuals that
endures through space and time.”
Henry Maier
Attached Children:
Are happier
Have more friends
Are better problem solvers
Turn to their parents for help & support
Are less angry and frustrated
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Needs
Scream
Parental Support
Trust
Attachment
Language
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Permissive
Provide Little Structure & Discipline
Make Few Demands for Mature Behavior
Tolerate Behavior not Acceptable by Society
Warm, Responsive but Not Demanding
Neglectful
Provide Little Discipline or Warmth
Disinterested in Parenting
Unresponsive to Needs of Children
Do not Expect Age Appropriate Behavior
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Authoritarian
Directive and Controlling
Requires Obedience
Intolerant of Mistakes
DemandIing without Warmth
Authoritative
Responsive and Reasonable
Reads Cues and Meet Needs
Clear, Well Defined Structure
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Children
1.
2.
Able to separate from parent.
Seeks comfort from parents when
upset.
Adults
1.
Have trusting, lasting relationships.
2.
Tend to have good self esteem.
3.
3.
When parents return they are met
with positive emotions.
4.
4.
Prefers parents to strangers.
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Comfortable sharing feelings with
people with whom they are close.
Seek out social support.
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TRAUMA CHECKLIST
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Physical Abuse
Emotional Neglect
Drug/Alcohol Abuse in Family
Untreated Mental Illness in Family
Prenatal Exposure to Drugs/Alcohol
Domestic Violence
Sexual Abuse
Disruption
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FEAR OF PHYSICAL HARM
EXCESSIVE WORRY & ANXIETY
LYING & “CRAZY” LYING
FEAR OF ABANDONMENT
ANIMAL ABUSE
CRUELTY TO OTHERS & ANIMALS
DESTRUCTIVE
DRUG/ALCOHOL ABUSE
UNSURE OF THE FUTURE
UNSURE OF WHAT IS TRUE
LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE
SUPERFICIALLY ENGAGIING
DEMANDING & QUESTIONING
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VICTIMS BECOME ABUSERS
SCHOOL PROBLEMS
 ACADEMIC & BEHAVIORAL
EXCESSIVELY GUILTY
INABILITY TO ACCEPT
NURTURING
SELF HURTFUL
POOR JUDGMENT
IMPULSIVE
LIMITED SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS
SLEEP DISRUPTION
DEPRESSION
NEUROLOGICAL DISSIMLITUDE
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Prefrontal Cortex
Lymbic System
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Escalated Behavior
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Difficulty learning.
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Superficially engaging & charming.
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Absence of remorse.
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Lack of eye contact.
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Blames others.
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Poor judgment.
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Abnormal eating (hoarding food).
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Limited social relationships.
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Preoccupation with fire.
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Indiscriminate affection with
strangers.
Lack of affection with parents.
Destructive & accident prone.
Cruelty to animals.
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Crazy lying,
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Lack of impulse control.
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Inappropriate demands & incessant
questions and demands.
Short Fuse
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DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS
“I am worthless”
“No one has ever cared about me”
“I can’t do anything well”
“Nothing is ever going to change for the better”
“There is no point in even trying”
“It wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t around”
“No matter how much I try . . . it doesn’t work out”
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Anxious Thoughts
“Something bad is going to happen”
“I’m worried and in danger”
“People cannot be trusted”
“The world and the people in it are dangerous”
“People are judging me”
“I’m overwhelmed and stressed out”
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AGGRESSIVE/ANTIOSICAL THOUGHTS
“It’s not my fault”
“They deserved it”
“You deserve it”
“They’re disrespecting me”
“He/she is lying and trying to provoke me”
“You have no idea what I’m dealing with”
“No one is doing anything for me”
“They are out to get me”
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Allegiance & Loyalty
Engaging Birth Families
Gauging Emotional Closeness
Reciprocity
Power Struggles
“Worries” of Foster Youth?
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Love
Nurturing
Acceptance
Enrichment
Pro-Social
Discipline
Structure
Predictability
Limits
Accountability
Attachment
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Research: Engagement:
Difference Between High Success and Less Success
Acceptance
Accountability
Fun Together
Relationship Building
Empathy
Warmth
Pro-Social Activities
Listening
Flexibility
Unflappable Attitude
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Parents who Understand the Importance of Being Authoritative
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Caregivers who can manage their own behavior and emotions.
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Caregivers who can manage & tolerate their children’s behavior and emotions.
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Caregivers who can provide acceptance.
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Caregivers who know the difference between being authoritative and authoritarian.
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Parents who have an adequate support system.
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Caregivers who have a clear sense of their own adult identity.
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“Test” for adults
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Am I safe with you?
Are you stable?
Will you leave me?
Can I make you reject me?
Can I make you angry & frustrated?
What will you do when you get angry
and frustrated?
How will my life change with you?
Passing the “test”
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I can stay calm.
I’m in control of my emotions & I
can help you control yours.
I will not de-stabilize your life again.
I will give you time to trust me.
I will try to understand your feelings.
I will say what I mean & mean what
I say.
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HYPERAROUSED
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SELF REGULATED
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HYPOAROUSED
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Predictability
Consistency
Routines
Accountability
Organized Environment
Calm Environment
Monitoring & Supervision
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Hint: Never Wrestle in the Mud with Pig (the pigs like it)
Part of Human Development 0 -----------------------------18?
Offer Independence, Choices and Autonomy
Avoid Rigid Rules
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State Why Rules!!
State the Consequence
Be Clear & Specific
100% Enforcement
Stated Unemotionally
Utilize Praise for Positive
Stated Positively
All Adults Must Enforce
State the Reward
Predictability
Consistency
Routines
Accountability
Organized Environment
Calm Environment
Monitoring & Supervision
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Expectation
Reward
Consequence
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Intervene Early in Escalated Behavior
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0
Look for Predictors and Antecedents of Escalated
Behavior
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LISTENING
PROBLEM SOLVING
Listens for Feelings
Focus is on Past and “Problems”
Focus is on the Present & Future
Believing People are Their Own Experts
Questions = Solutions
Listening for “Strengths”
People Listen to Themselves More Than
What They are Told
“Fixing” the Problem
Listening for “Problems”
Lecturing
Moralizing
Advising
“Use Your Words”
Door Openers for Listening
“Tell Me More”
“Uh Huh”
“I See”
“Really”
“You Don’t Say”
“Let’s Discuss It”
“Go Ahead, I’m Listening”
“Would You Like to Talk About It?”
“Tell Me The Whole Story”
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Negative Behavior
Positive Behavior
Lying
Running Away
Swearing
Telling the Truth
Staying Home
Using Positive Language
_____________
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________________
________________
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Others?
Screen time
Money.
Special Desserts.
Increased Independence.
Time with Pro-Social Peers.
Later Bedtimes
Food
Praise
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Restorative Justice
= “Make it Right”
Utilize Consequences
Children learn by frequency NOT intensity of consequences.
Utilize “active” vs. “passive” consequences
Consequences should have a beginning, middle and end
then the consequence is OVER!
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Pro-Social Activities
Sports, Art, Music, Faith Based, Clubs, Service Learning
Pro-Social Peers
Research:
Youth Behavior is Most Influenced by “Friends”
“Do your friends make your life better or worse?”
Pro-Social Adults
Coaches, Teachers, Faith Based, Mentors, Friends
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SKILLS/TALENTS
CREATIVE LIFE
SOCIAL JUSTICE
HELPING OTHERS
LEADERSHIP
ATHELTICS
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SKILLS/TALENTS
CREATIVE LIFE
SOCIAL JUSTICE
HELPING OTHERS
LEADERSHIP
ATHELTICS
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Mutual Enjoyment
0 -------------------- 10
Shares Successes with Parents
0 -------------------- 10
Looks to Parents for Consoling
0 -------------------- 10
Happiness
0 -------------------- 10
Problem Solving Ability
0 -------------------- 10
Frequency of Positive Behavior
0 -------------------- 10
Friendships
0 -------------------- 10
Frequency of Calmness
0 -------------------- 10
Can/Will Console Others
0 -------------------- 10
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Proactive support at school
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Communicate regularly with the school.
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Support the school’s understanding of trauma.
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Understand the IEP process.
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Be in the school especially when the child is doing well
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Avoid being the “executioner”.
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THERAPIST EFFECTIVENESS
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Therapists who have experience
with attachment issues.
Therapists who encourage
caregiver input.
Therapists who build skills for
children and parents.
Therapy that is home, school and
community based.
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EVIDENCE BASED THERAPIES
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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
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Trauma Focused CBT
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Functional Family Therapy
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Multi-Systemic Therapy
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Parent-Child Interactive Therapy
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Signs of Vicarious Trauma
Addressing Vicarious Trauma
“Can Never do Enough”
Hypervigilence
Diminished Creativity
Inability to Embrace Complexity
Chronic Exhaustion
Physical Ailments
Inability to Listen
Avoidance of Others
Dissociative Moments
Sense of Persecution
Guilt
Inability to Empathize – Loss of Compassion
Numbing
Addictions
Inflated Sense of Self Importance (Grandiosity)
Feelings of Helpless or Hopeless
Trauma Stewardship van Dernoot Lipsky
7/29/2017
Balancing Caretaking with Hobbies and Engagement
Outside of Caretaking
Developing a Support Network
Counseling
Developing a Plan “B” for Your Life
(“The definition of mental is options”)
Building Compassion for Yourself and Community
Give Back to Others
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