Family Disease
Alcoholism and drug addiction affects the whole family - young, teenage, or
grown-up children; wives or husbands; brothers or sisters; parents or other
relatives and friends. One family member addicted to alcohol and drugs means
the whole family suffers. Addiction is a family disease that stresses the family to
the breaking point, impacts the stability of the home, the family's unity, mental
health, physical health, finances, and overall family dynamics.
Without help, active addiction can totally disrupt family life and cause harmful
effects that can last a lifetime.
Regrettably, no family is born with the knowledge of how to deal effectively with
addiction. It is a skill that must be learned and practiced daily.
But, with the proper help and support, family recovery has become a reality for
millions!
Preoccupation
Arguments
Guilt
Stress
Defensiveness
Mood Swings
Problems in Living
Depression
Rage
The Addict
The person with the addiction is the center, and though the key to alcohol and
drug addiction recovery, not necessarily the most important in family recovery.
The "world" revolves around this person, causing the addict to become the
center of attention. As the roles are defined, the others unconsciously take on
the rest of the roles to complete the balance after the problem has been
introduced. Recovery many times on this person.
The Hero
The Hero is the one who needs to make the family, and role players, look good.
They ignore the problem and present things in a positive manner as if the roles
within the family did not exist. The Hero is the perfectionist. If they overcome
this role they can play an important part in the addiction recovery process.
The underlying feelings are fear, guilt, and shame.
The Mascot
The Mascot's role is that of the jester. They will often make inappropriate jokes
about the those involved. Though they do bring humor to the family roles, it is
often harmful humor, and they sometimes hinder addiction recovery. The
underlying feelings are embarrassment, shame, and anger.
Continued…
The Lost Child
The Lost Child is the silent, "out of the way" family member, and will never
mention alcohol or recovery. They are quiet and reserved, careful to not make
problems. The Lost Child gives up self needs and makes efforts to avoid any
conversation regarding the underlying roles. The underlying feelings are guilt,
loneliness, neglect, and anger.
The Scapegoat
The Scapegoat often acts out in front of others. They will rebel, make noise, and
divert attention from the person who is addicted and their need for help in
addiction recovery. The Scapegoat covers or draws attention away from the
real problem. The underlying feelings are shame, guilt, and empty.
The Caretaker (Enabler)
The Caretaker (Enabler) makes all the other roles possible. They try to keep
everyone happy and the family in balance, void of the issue. They make
excuses for all behaviors and actions, and never mention addiction recovery or
getting help. The Caretaker (Enabler) presents a situation without problems to
the public. The underlying feelings are inadequacy, fear, and helplessness.
CODEPENDENT: A CLOSED SYSTEM
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from
one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition
that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying
relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people
with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are onesided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
I feel responsible for you… I have to:
 Fix
 Rescue
 Protect
 Control
I feel:
 Tired
 Anxious
 Fearful
 Guilty
 Angry
 Rejected
 Self pity
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“Standing between a person and his or her consequences.”

“Doing for someone something he or she should be doing for him or
herself.”

“Engaging in actions that ultimately perpetuate someone’s problematic
behavior.”
Continued…
Families will enable their loved ones and keep them
from recognizing the seriousness of their problem by:
• Getting stuck in the defenses
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Denying there is a problem
Minimizing the problem
Avoiding discussions about the problem
Blaming others or lashing out with anger
Joining in the rationalizations/justifications that their children create
Taking over their responsibilities
Continuing to provide financial support
Helping to resolve legal problems
Promising rewards for abstinence
Suggesting a physical fitness program or a job change
Threatening to kick them out
Provoking arguments/nagging
Avoiding getting help for themselves
Detachment is:
•Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick,
dysfunctional or irrational
•Giving another person the space to be himself
•Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people
•Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person
•Developing and maintaining a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have
previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life
•Establishing emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly
enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense
of autonomy and independence
•Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter
and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering
•Placing all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a
need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life
INTERDEPENDENT: AN OPEN SYSTEM
• I take responsibility for myself and bring the benefits of my healthy
lifestyle back into my relationships. I share myself with other healthy
people. I am responsible by being:
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Sensitive
Empathetic
Encouraging
Confronting when appropriate
Open to listening
• I feel:
– Relaxed
– Free
– Aware
• You take care of you; I take care of me; We support each other.
The phrase Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) refers to those individuals who
were adversely impacted by familial alcoholism. An ACOA is an individual who
experiences a recognizable, diagnosable reaction to familial alcoholism. These
individuals are particularly vulnerable to certain emotional, physical, and spiritual
problems.
Al-non is a resource and support group for adult relatives and close friends of
alcoholics. Al-Anon is available to interested individuals even if the alcoholic does
not participate in
Have group members write a short story to break through denial, have each
group member write a short story of how she began using drugs, including
all details leading up to her referral or entrance into the substance abuse
group therapy process. No member should include her name on the writing
assignment. The therapist collects the stories and redistributes them so that
no one receives her own story. Members read each story aloud, and all
members silently raise their hands whenever they hear a statement read
that appears to include denial of addiction or the seriousness of the
consequences involved.
Items needed:
Empty pop bottle
Baby oil
Water
Liquid food coloring
Step 1.Take your bottle and fill it with half water and
half baby oil.
Step 2. Put one drop of food coloring in. This
represents you in a normal world with out substance
abuse.
Step 3. Lightly shake the bottle. You’ve found out
your spouse is using substances and it has started to
trickle down an affect you and everyone surrounding.
Step 4. Drop the bottle on the ground from about eye
level with the cap screwed on tight. This represents
the cloud you are in and what substance abuse can do
to your family.
Step 5. Set the bottle on the table and let it settle. This
represents you talking to your souse and going to get
help.
Step 6. Reflect on how alcohol abuse is a family affair.
http://www.ehow.com/facts_5245370_ideas-substance-abuse-grouptherapy.html
http://www.ncadd.org/index.php/for-friends-and-family/family-diseaseand-recovery
http://www.hopelinks.net/addiction/family/roles.html
http://www.mental-healthmatters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=434
http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Al-Anon
http://detachwithlove.com/index.html
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/284430532688471243/
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/codependency-for-dummiescheat-sheet.html