Conversational
®
Intelligence
Juliann Wiese
Master Facilitator
The Creating WE Institute
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Our Intersection
Actuaries are experts in:
• Evaluating the likelihood of future events—using numbers
and statistics.
• Designing creative ways to reduce the likelihood of
undesirable events.
• Decreasing the impact of undesirable events that do occur.
Conversational Intelligence gives us abilities
in:
• Predicting and influencing patterns of interaction.
• Designing patterns of interaction to enable us to strengthen
relationships and business success.
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• Decrease the impact of undesirable events by increasing the
®
Conversational Intelligence
begins with elevating
the level of trust that you create with others –
and ends with the quality of interactions and
conversations that result.
– Judith E. Glaser
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How Good are WE at Conversations?
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Rate Your Conversational
Intelligence
1
Not
Important
2
When I have
time
3
When
conversations
are difficult
4
I am selfaware & I
have to
work on
impact
5
Self-aware
of my
impact &
mindful
everyday
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How often do you pretend to be listening, but you are not internalizing what is being said?
How often do you get into conversations where you really know you are right and are
focused on convincing others of your position?
How often do your emotions detract from your ability to listen to what others are saying?
How often do you find others are not understanding what you are saying and you need to
tell them over, and over again?
How often do you show concern for others' needs, interests, and aspirations?
How often do you tell the truth about what's really on your mind?
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Why
Leaders
Fail
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The brain treats many social threats and rewards
with the same intensity as physical threats and
rewards
(Lieberman, & Eisenberger, 2009).
The threat response is more intense and more
common and needs to be carefully minimized in
social interactions
(Baumeister et al, 2001).
The capacity to make decisions, solve problems and
collaborate with others is generally reduced by a
threat response and increased under a reward
response
(Elliot, 2008).
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Neurotransmitters, Our 5 Brains & the
Conversational Dashboard
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Neurotransmitters
• These chemicals open us up to connecting in healthy
ways
– Dopamine
– Oxytocin
– Serotonin
• These chemicals mitigate our ability to elevate our C-IQ
and close us down from connecting in healthy ways
– Testosterone
– Adrenaline
– Norepinephrine
– Cortisol
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5 Brains
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Conversational Intelligence Dashboard™
PARTNER
Trust
Integrity
Compassion
Foresight
Reality Gaps
PROTECT
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Appease
Distrust
Oxytocin
Cortisol
I-WE
Level I
Level II
Level III
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Five Mistakes that Lower C-IQ
(Influence)
“I-Centric” Behaviors
Ignoring Other
Perspectives
Tell-Sell Yell
Syndrome
Disengaged
Listeners
Addicted to
Being Right
Allow Emotions To Affect
Listening
Activates Cortisol
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Ignoring Other Perspectives
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Tell-Sell-Yell Syndrome
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Addicted to Being Right
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Disengaged Listening
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Allowing Emotions to Affect
Listening
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Why is Listening so Hard?
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Blind Spots
We make assumptions
Distrust changes our reality
We can’t empathize when we are fearful
We remember what we think, not what we hear
Meaning resides in the listener
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How our Blind
Spots are Created
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C-IQ In Action
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Star Skill #1 Build Rapport
• Warm words
• Handshakes
• Transparency and vulnerability
• Inclusive agenda setting
• Environmental considerations
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Star Skill #2 Empathetic Listening
• Listen to connect
• Focus on appreciation
• Explore other’s perspectives
• Listen without judgment
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Star Skill #3 Discovery Questions
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Are you asking…
Or
are open-ended
you asking questions
that
open
up others
to share and be
Vague
questions,
such
as “How
are you?”
vulnerable with you?
Closed ended questions, such as “Are you going to finish that
“When
you shared your thoughts about the project I saw you
project?”
smile about one of the ideas – what were you thinking about?
You
looked
excited!”such as “Shouldn't you be taking notes on this?”
Leading
questions,
Questions you know the answer to, such as
“How many times have we had this conversation?”
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Conversation Stoppers and Starters
Versus…
Howdo
was
your
What
you
findweekend?
the most stimulating about your job?
Isn’thas
thethe
weather
terrible?
What
weather
been like compared to last spring in
your hometown?
Did you read the HBJ article on data management?
What articles have you been reading that have caught your
How was your weekend?
interest?
Tell me about the ways you spend your free time on the
weekend?
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Star Skill #4 Reinforcing/Celebrating Success
• Validate common goals
• Focus on the relationship
• Eliminate uncertainty
• Create shared meaning
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Transformational Conversations
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Shape & Prime Environments
I
WE
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Conversational Intelligence
is the
intelligence for our times.
… and it’s
in all human beings
We just need to learn to
understand it and
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it!
For More Information Contact:
www.conversationalintelligence.com
www.creatingwe.com
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