THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME
FOR WRITER’S BLOCK
TEN MINUTE PLAY
By John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
All Rights Reserved
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The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME
FOR WRITER’S BLOCK
By John Shanahan
OP
Y
SYNOPSIS: Peter is dying, and he's trying to write one final poem before he
goes, but he's plagued by writer's block and there’s a Minion of Death in the
corner being a wiseguy. Will Peter's sister be able to buy him more time?
Will Peter be able to leave his final legacy?
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(TWO MEN, ONE WOMAN)
TC
PETER ..............................a man of any age.
ELAINE ............................his sister, a few years younger.
MINION OF DEATH .......any age.
NO
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block was first performed in January
2006 at Acme Theatre, directed by JulieAnn Govang, with the following
actors:
Minion: David Fisher
Peter: Ed Phaneuf
Elaine: Gail Bishop Nessman
DO
Additional performances:
Cedar Lane Stage, Bethesda MD
Flint City Theatre, Flint City MI
Heartlande Theatre Co., Rochester MI
Theatre Cooperative, Somerville MA
Mansfield Music & Arts Society, Mansfield MA
Knutsford Little Theatre, Knutsford, England
-2THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
PETER: That’s not helping.
MINION: Sorry.
TC
The Minion stops whistling.
OP
Y
AT RISE:
PETER is sitting at a desk. There’s a pad of paper in front of him and
a small wastebasket to one side. He’s nervously tapping a pen
against the paper. Upstage of him stands the MINION OF DEATH,
dressed all in black, neat but casual, and preferably with a black
hood. Peter is obviously worried, and focused on the paper. After a
few seconds the Minion starts distractedly whistling an upbeat tune.
Peter reacts, turning to glare at the Minion, who doesn’t stop.
He glances at his watch, then at Peter.
DO
NO
PETER: And stop doing that! It’s not funny.
MINION: Sorry.
PETER: No you’re not.
MINION: Just doing my job.
PETER: I know. I’m just trying to - - (He points to the paper.)
MINION: I know.
PETER: I just . . . I want to leave something behind. One thing, you
know? Just one thing! This would be a lot easier if you weren’t
hovering over me.
MINION: I’m all the way over here.
PETER: That doesn’t matter! You’re here.
Minion shrugs. Offstage there’s a knock at the door.
PETER: Oh what’s the point? (Calling off.) Come in, it’s open!
Elaine enters. Peter rises as she does, and she immediately throws a
tight bear hug on him.
-3THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
ELAINE: Peter, I got your message. I came as soon as I could. Are
you - Elaine sees the Minion.
TC
OP
Y
ELAINE: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.
PETER: I don’t. Not really. Elaine, this is the Minion of Death. Minion
of Death, my sister Elaine. Please don’t shake his hand.
MINION: (Happily.) Hi.
ELAINE: Minion of . . . oh, Peter, no! Then it really is time?
PETER: Looks that way. The doctors only gave me six months. And
I’m going on almost eight. I’m not surprised.
ELAINE: How long has he been here?
PETER: A day or so.
MINION: Regulations. There’s a 36-hour watch, just to be sure. It
avoids untimely deaths.
Elaine hurries over to Minion.
DO
NO
ELAINE: Please don’t take him. I’ll . . . I’ll do anything.
MINION: Can’t be helped.
ELAINE: No, listen to me. Just tell me what I need to do to stop this.
MINION: Hey, that’s “bargaining,” right? I recognize it from training.
I’m not allowed to get involved in any of those “five stages” kinds
of things. That’s somebody else’s area. I just do deliveries.
ELAINE: But you can’t just - PETER: Elaine, it’s okay. I’ve accepted it. I’m ready to die. The only
thing is . . .
ELAINE: What?
PETER: This! My poetry. I just wanted to . . . to get something out,
you know? One more thing. Something that matters. I wanted to
write something, anything, to leave some kind of legacy behind.
And I can’t.
ELAINE: Why?
PETER: Writer’s block. I know I need to write something before I go,
but every time I try to put pen to paper, nothing comes out.
MINION: Is there ink in the pen? Just a thought.
-4THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
NO
Pause.
TC
OP
Y
ELAINE: You mean you don’t have any ideas?
PETER: No. I can’t think of anything.
ELAINE: (Desperately.) Then . . . then . . . think harder!
PETER: It won’t work, Elaine. Inspiration is a gift. You can’t force the
Muse to just drop in when you need her.
MINION: There was a knock on the door last night, and we were both
sort of hopeful, but it was just the guy from the deli bringing
supper. They make a great meatloaf sandwich. Speaking of
which, do you mind if I grab another soda, there, Pete?
PETER: No. Go ahead.
ELAINE: How can you be so casual about this?
MINION: About what?
ELAINE: This man is dying!
MINION: I know that!
ELAINE: He could be just minutes away from you dragging him off to
his death - MINION: I don’t “drag.”
ELAINE: - - and all that matters to you is a soda?
MINION:
You’re right. You’re absolutely right. (In big, mock
melodrama.) Oh, Peter, you’re going to diiiiie. The end is at
hand! A life cut so tragically short! Oh, Peter, what can I do?
(Brightly.) I know! I’ll have a soda!
DO
He smiles at Elaine and exits.
ELAINE: Someone needs to talk to Death about his help.
PETER: I don’t care about him. I care about this. Why can’t I write
anything?
ELAINE: How long have you been trying?
Peter reacts rather sheepishly.
ELAINE: How long?
PETER: Only since he showed up.
-5THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
TC
OP
Y
ELAINE: Just since yesterday?
PETER: Yes.
ELAINE: You’ve been terminally ill for eight months and you only
think of this now? What the hell were you waiting for?
PETER: Well, it didn’t seem that important before! I was thinking
about other things I wanted to do. You do that when you know
you’re dying. You make a list of the things you wish you’d already
done. And then the list starts to get real long and you get
depressed. Writing didn’t even make the list. I haven’t written
anything for years. I gave it up.
ELAINE: Why?
PETER: Because it wasn’t getting me anywhere. Maybe I wasn’t that
good.
Minion enters with a soda and resumes his place.
DO
NO
ELAINE: Didn’t you get published before?
PETER: Yes. Once. Back in college, in a literary journal. I showed it
to you. The poem about the hat mother always wore to church.
ELAINE: Oh, yes! I remember that. It was good.
PETER: I was proud of that piece. It took a long time to write. It was
the perfect juxtaposition of a montage of pastel childhood
memories of my mother’s love and a scathing statement about
the lasting effects that my strict Catholic upbringing had on my
adult relationships.
ELAINE: Oh. (Beat.) I always thought you just liked the hat.
PETER: (Dejectedly.) No. God, who am I kidding here? I could never
write.
ELAINE: Of course you could! Wait! Remember . . . I remember one
I really liked. It was the one about the bee whose feet are stuck in
honey and he’s thinking about how ironic it is to die that way. You
know . . . stuck in the honey that he loves?
Minion snorts, trying to suppress a laugh. Peter glares at him.
MINION: Sorry. I wasn’t listening. Really.
PETER: I wrote it in high school, okay?
-6THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
MINION: No need to explain it to me.
Peter turns back to Elaine. Minion makes a buzzing sound and says
“Help me” in a cartoon voice. Peter’s head snaps back around.
Silence.
TC
OP
Y
MINION: Oh, come on! That was funny!
ELAINE: Leave him alone! He’s dying!
MINION: Really?
PETER: Please, you two. I need to think. I’m running out of time.
MINION: (Glancing at his watch.) That you are.
PETER: I must have one more poem in me somewhere! I have to!
ELAINE: You could . . . write about your family.
PETER: I wouldn’t know what to say.
ELAINE: You could write about your life!
PETER: I haven’t done anything with it!
MINION: You could write about a fly with his feet stuck in poop.
NO
MINION: My timing’s bad, isn’t it?
PETER: It’s no good! I’m not going to write anything. Nothing! I have
nothing! Just take me now! Take me now!
DO
Choking back sobs, Peter puts his head down. Elaine hugs him from
behind, quietly consoling him. Minion looks at them for a moment,
then looks at his watch. He looks up again, and is clearly thinking, if
reservedly so. Elaine looks over and catches him at this but doesn’t
let on that she’s seen it. She stands, rubbing Peter’s shoulders. After
a beat, Minion sighs.
MINION: (Flatly.) Why don’t you write about dying?
PETER: What?
MINION: You’re sitting there trying to figure out what to write about,
and the perfect subject is standing right here. Death. It’s a classic.
Where’s thy sting? Don’t go quietly. Everything Emily Dickinson
ever wrote that wasn’t actually about masturbation. I don’t mean
-7THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
OP
Y
to kick you when you’re down, but it’s hard to see how you
missed it.
PETER: Death!
MINION: Duh!
PETER: Death! Of course! I’m dying. I’ve got all these thoughts,
these feelings I can capture in a poem. The darkness, the
heaviness, and yet the strange lightness and sense of hope. The
knowing and yet not knowing. I can show the uncertainty of it all,
the fleeting nature of the span of a man’s life! The insignifi - MINION: Hey, Pete? (Peter turns to him. Minion points to his watch.)
Not to push, but you’re on the clock.
PETER: Right! Yes! (He has a “moment of brilliance”.) YES!
TC
Peter rushes to the chair and immediately begins writing furiously.
During the exchange between Minion and Elaine, he writes the whole
time, often gesturing dramatically, doing the whole “artiste” thing. He’s
clearly quite caught up in the creative moment.
NO
Elaine watches Peter briefly, then crosses to Minion and pulls him
aside, a bit downstage.
DO
ELAINE: Thank you.
MINION: What are you talking about?
ELAINE: I saw you checking your watch. You’re running behind,
aren’t you?
MINION: (Deliberately, not wanting to let on.) Only slightly.
ELAINE: But still . . .
MINION: I have a few minutes either way.
ELAINE: Why are you giving this to him? From what little I’ve seen,
this isn’t like you.
MINION: You should get to know me. (Pause.) Look . . . I feel bad,
okay? I do a lot of these every day and I see a lot of things. I see
people giving up. I see people fighting it. I see them laugh or cry. I
see them say, thank God or what took you so long? Not too often
have I seen someone so caught up in wanting to leave a mark.
No offense, but your brother doesn’t seem to have too much
going on here. The phone hasn’t rung since I got here. No
-8THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
OP
Y
visitors. He’s dying, and no one calls or comes by? That’s kind of
sad. So the guy wants to write a poem in his last few minutes. I
can put him on a little overtime.
ELAINE: Do you do this a lot? Give dying people leeway?
MINION: No, I don’t. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t let this one get
around.
ELAINE: I don’t talk to that many people about death and dying.
MINION: You will.
She looks aghast; Minion hurries to cover.
MINION: No, no, no - - I don’t mean like soon!
TC
She starts to ask the obvious question. He cuts her off.
MINION: I don’t know. Not my area. Petey, you want to speed it up
over there? I got a guy in Madrid who’s starting to feel a little
funny around the pancreas.
NO
Peter holds up a “just-a-moment” finger, scribbles down a last-minute
sentence, then looks up, very pleased.
DO
PETER: Yes. (He points to the paper.) Yes! (He raises his arms and
shouts.) YES!
MINION: I’m thinking it went well.
PETER: It came to me! In a beautiful, wonderful rush it all came to
me! It was just the way it used to be, back when all I wanted to do
was write. I’d forgotten what an amazing feeling it is.
MINION: And now it’s time to go.
PETER: It is?
Minion simply nods. Peter puts a hand to his heart.
PETER: Yes, I guess it is. Elaine. (He crosses to her and hugs her.)
Thank you for being here at the end.
ELAINE: Peter . . .
-9THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
The Worst Possible Time for Writer’s Block by John Shanahan
Copyright © MMVIII by John Shanahan
PETER: It’s all right. I feel okay about this. Elaine, I wrote one final
poem. It’s okay. I’m going now to a better place.
MINION: (Absently.) Wouldn’t that be nice.
Y
Peter and Elaine look at him, shocked. Pause. Minion smiles guiltily.
OP
MINION: Forget I said that. Come on, Pete. Say bye. (He exits.)
PETER: Elaine, listen. The poem. You have to read it, and you have
to be sure it gets out to the world. I wrote it . . . (Dramatically.) for
the world. Let them see it.
Offstage, Minion whistles like he’s hailing a cab.
TC
MINION: Peter! Wrap it up!
PETER: Good-bye, Elaine. I love you.
NO
Peter exits. Elaine gets teary-eyed and watches him go. She walks
back to the desk and picks up the poem. Drying her eyes, she begins
to read. After a moment, a look of confusion crosses her face . . . then
distaste. The poem’s a real stinker, and it shows. She tries to read it
again . . . but it’s awful. She covers her mouth with one hand.
Carefully, she looks off the way Peter and Minion exited. A moment
passes as she makes a not-so-hard decision about the poem. Then,
with one more look, she crumbles the poem up and drops it into the
wastebasket. She exits as the lights fade.
DO
THE END
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