Chapter Six
Love, Attraction, Attachment,
and Intimate Relationships
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Characteristics of Love
• Caring
• Trust
• Companionship
• Affection
• Happiness
• Security
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Historical and Contemporary Conceptions
of Love
• Buddhist


Self-love
Creative spiritual attainment
• Greek and Hebrew



Phileo
Agape
Eros
• Medieval Europe

Economics to Romance
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love - 1
• Intimacy: Emotional connectedness or bondedness
• Passion: Romantic feelings and physical sexual
desire
• Commitment: Desire to maintain the relationship
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love - 2
Types of Love - 1
• Nonlove: Absence of all three components
• Liking: Intimacy without passion or commitment
• Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitment
• Romantic love: Intimacy and passion without
commitment
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love - 3
Types of Love – 2
• Companionate love: Intimacy and commitment
without passion
• Fatuous love: Passion and commitment without
intimacy
• Empty love: Commitment without passion or intimacy
• Consummate love: Combination of intimacy, passion,
and commitment
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Styles of Love
From Hendrick and Hendrick (1992) based on Lee’s styles:

Eros: Passionate love

Ludus: Game-playing love
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Storge: Friendship; companionate love
•
Pragma: Pragmatic and practical love

Mania: Manic, jealous, obsessive love

Agape: Selfless, idealistic love

Love as a Story
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Attraction and Mate Selection - 1
• Cultural Factors in Mate Selection

Endogamy
The cultural expectation to marry within one’s own
social group, e.g., within one’s race, religion, and
social class.

Exogamy
The cultural expectation to marry outside one’s
own family group.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Attraction and Mate Selection - 2
• Sociological Factors
in Mate Selection

Homogamy theory
Theory that individuals
are attracted to and
become involved with
those who have similar
characteristics.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Homogamous factors
•
Race
•
Age
•
Education
•
Social Class
•
Physical Appearance
•
Marital Status
•
Religion
•
Love Story Homogamy
•
Personality
•
Attachment
Attraction and Mate Selection - 3
• Psychological Factors in Mate Selection
 Complementary-needs theory
One tends to select mates whose needs are
opposite and complementary to one’s own needs.

Exchange theory
Partners select each other on the basis of who
offers the greatest rewards at the lowest cost.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Attraction and Mate Selection - 4

Principle of least interest
The person who has the least interest in a
relationship controls the relationship.

Relationships with Primary Caregivers
A man looks for a wife who has similar
characteristics to those of his mother, and a
woman looks for a husband who is very similar to
her father.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Attraction and Mate Selection - 5
• Desired Personality Characteristics for a Potential
Mate
Desired characteristics identified by both men and
women are identical:
 Mutual attraction (love),
 Dependable character,
 Emotional stability/maturity,
 Pleasing disposition.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Commitment and Love in Intimate
Relationships - 1
• Commitment in Relationships
 Friends with benefits: Nonromantic friends who
have a sexual relationship
 Plural marriages: One husband and two or more
wives
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Commitment and Love in Intimate
Relationships - 2
• Similarities between Love and Sex
 Represent intense feelings
 Involve physiological changes
 Have a cognitive component
 May be expressed in various ways
 Need increases with deprivation
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Commitment and Love in Intimate
Relationships - 3
• Differences between Love and Sex
 Love is crucial for happiness; sex is important
 Love is pervasive; sex is localized
 Love is more selective than sex
Personal choices: Sex with or without love?
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Challenges to Intimate Relationships - 1
• Jealousy
An emotional response to a perceived or real threat to
an important or valued relationship.
Desirable and undesirable outcomes
• Guilt
Sexual guilt: Personal emotional reaction to engaging
in sexual behavior that violates personal sexual
values.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Challenges to Intimate Relationships - 2
• Unrequited Love/Sexual Rejection
When love is unrequited, it can result in negative
emotions.
• Obsessive relational intrusion (ORI)
Behavior pursued by a stranger or an acquaintance
who repeatedly invades one’s physical or symbolic
privacy in their attempts to have an intimate
relationship.
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004
Challenges to Intimate Relationships - 3
• Stalking
An extreme form of ORI that may involve following or
watching a victim, property damage, threats, home
invasion, or threats of physical harm
Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004