PRACTICAL STRATEGIES AND ALTERNATIVES FOR THE HOLIDAY
SEASON
(Material adapted from Victoria Hospice Society with thanks)
SELF CARE
The holiday season is a stressful time, particularly for those who are grieving. If ever there were a time in
your life to treat your self like a cherished friend, this is it! Many find that the more they need gentle selfcare, the harder it is to create it. Grief is hard work and it is often difficult to know where to start.
Remember there is no “right’ or “wrong” when it comes to mourning, there is only what works for
you...figuring this out takes practice. Here are some simple ideas other bereaved people have found
helpful.
Amidst holiday activities and demands plan restorative time alone or with others:
 Get lots and lots of REST as grieving can leave you mentally and physically exhausted
 Exercise, stretch, breathe deeply
 Avoid overuse of medications, alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine or food, to control your thoughts and
feelings
 Have a soothing bath, go for a massage, take a slow stroll or a brisk walk
 Have lunch with a friend
 Plan a retreat or take a trip
 See the doctor for a complete physical and let him or her know someone important has died
 Hold onto your faith, whatever that may be, in God, yourself, or others; seek hope
 Simplify whenever and wherever possible...doing so is not selfish, it is a way to make the season
more bearable and to experience some peace
SIMPLE RITUALS
When a loved one dies, their absence is naturally deeply felt. At special times of the year this felt absence
is often accentuated. Finding simple ways to pay tribute to the person who died acknowledges their
absence and offers an opportunity to come together in celebration and remembrance of their life. Some
simple rituals to consider:
 Light a candle in their honour
 Create a memorial space at home with photographs and decorations
 Make a scrapbook with family stories and photographs
 Include your loved one in prayers and/or the saying of grace
 Donate to a favourite charity in their name
 Purchase a gift with the person in mind and donate it to a charity or person in need
 Plant a tree on New Year’s Day.
GRIEF......HOW TO HELP YOURSELF THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS
(Material adapted from Victoria Hospice Society with thanks)
For many people the most difficult holiday time of the year is December. Feelings of loss can be
magnified and you may find that you want to avoid the reminders of celebration and togetherness at this
time. As the holidays approach, share your concerns, feelings and apprehensions with someone.
Anticipation of special days is usually worse than the experience. Let people know what is difficult for
you and accept their offers of help.
Here are some suggestions that may help to make your holiday season a little easier.
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Sit down with your family and decide what each of you wants to do for the holiday season. Don’t
set expectations too high for yourself or other family members. You need time to adjust.
Some people prefer to follow family traditions, while others decide to change them – it may help
to do some things a little differently. Remember, what you choose to do this year can always be
changed.
Give yourself permission to NOT do things. Once you have decided how your family will handle
the holidays, let others know.
Do the holiday preparations that you enjoy and look for alternatives for those you don’t.
If you decide to decorate your home, let children, other family members or friends help. It’s okay
to do something different, or to do no decorating at all. Similarly, consider cutting back or not
sending cards this year. It is not essential to send cards; especially to those people you will see
over the holidays.
If you find Christmas shopping upsetting, you may want to shop early, shop by telephone and
catalogue, internet, or take along an understanding friend. Family may be willing to shop for you.
Consider ahead of time how you will respond to “Merry Christmas” or Happy Hanukah”. You
could simply say “best wishes to you” or “thank you”.
You may decide to visit family and friends for holiday dinners this year. If you have dinner at
home, try changing the menu, the time or the room. You may want to prepare the meal, or you
may not.
Make sure the person who died continues to be part of the family conversation.
Be gentle with yourself and don’t expect too much. Allow the feelings of grief to surface.
Supporting each other in allowing grief and sadness at a “happy” time allows
healing to take place.
Often after the first year of bereavement, people expect you to return to normal. Holidays
will continue to be times filled with memories and your heart may continue to feel tender
and vulnerable. Make time for yourself and your memories as part of a new holiday
tradition.