Transforming Inaccurate Beliefs Exercise
Reminder: As with the life story exercise, this activity is not designed to bring you back to painful
childhood memories. Instead, imagine looking back in an objective manner, as if watching a movie go
by. Try and see memories as an on-looker and reflect on them insightfully using your pre-frontal
cortex to guide you. Pay attention to your own insights and wisdom as you look at the past.
Sit comfortably in a quiet spot. Close your eyes gently, or find a soft gaze without focusing on anything.
Begin to focus on your breathing, and take three long breaths, noticing the rise and fall of your chest
with every inhale and exhale. Set an intention to bring compassion and empathy to both yourself and
your loved ones as you reflect on the questions.
We will be reviewing experiences from the past that may have resulted in negative thoughts or beliefs
about who we are as a person. Remember that our beliefs inform about attitudes about the world and
influence our emotions, thoughts, behaviors and expectations. Yet many times, the beliefs we have
developed at a time when we were very young and less sophisticated in thought processes. Try to look
back at these experiences from a more skillful place now, and see how you might have interpreted those
events then, and how you would interpret them now, based on your maturity, insight and compassion.
NOTE: Remember that you are not reliving negative experiences, but rather looking at them from a
distance. If at any time you feel overwhelmed, feel free to stop. This is not designed to be a triggering
experience.
Think back to our work over the past few weeks, especially the Personal Story exercise from last week.
See if you can bring to mind a negative message or conclusion you have about yourself from a past
experience or situation. Answer the following questions based on that negative thought pattern of
thought.
1.
Take a deep breath: How did you reach the conclusion of that belief about yourself? What
might persons involved have said or done that would have resulted in you thinking that way
about yourself? Reflect and write…..
E.g. I am a bad person
2. Take a deep breath: How might you have misinterpreted what happened in that situation, or
personalized in the experience that might not have been intended to be taken that way? Reflect
and write…..
E.g. My mother used to tell me that I was a pain in the @#$ on a regular basis which made me
feel like a bad person. I think she was very stressed as a mom, and said things she didn’t mean,
without thinking and I felt badly when she did that.
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3. Take a deep breath….Are you aware of any information now about the adults in your life that
might better explain their behavior back then, or might have led them to treat you in a
particular way, which led to your negative conclusion about yourself? Reflect and write….
E.g. My mother was alone a lot, had four children very close in age and my father wasn’t there
at all. She had to worry about money, clothes, food and taking care of us, which caused her a
ton of stress. She used to cry a lot and I felt bad for her.
4. Take a deep breath….Given this reflection, is there anything that you are aware of about the
adults in your life that would give you a different perspective on the negative conclusions you
have about yourself? Reflect and write….
E.g. I am aware that I was a normal and active child to a person who could not handle stress very
well at all. She expressed her stress in a verbal way, and had no adaptive coping skills to
manage the stress she felt every day. She also had untreated anxiety disorder, which
contributed to her suffering.
5. Take a deep breath…..Is it possible that the negative messages you received either directly or
indirectly, were a result of your family members pain or suffering and have little or nothing to
do with you as a person? Reflect and write…..
E.g. I realize now that my mother’s stress was not a personal attack on me, but a symptom of
her pain.
6. Take a deep breath…..Looking back as an insightful adult, with increased understanding of
situations and events of the past, can you begin to consider that the belief you have about
yourself is actually untrue? That it was a result of the pain and suffering of another person that
impacted how you felt about yourself? Reflect and write….
E.g. The negative belief that I have of myself now is not true or in any way realistic. In fact, as a
result of that belief, I have spent my life working as hard as I can to NOT get in other people’s
way. So much so, that I have a hard time having my needs met because I do not want to bother
anyone or make waves. I have turned out to be the opposite of the message sent to me.
7. Take a deep breath…..What would an insightful and compassionate person looking at all of the
contributing factors to your negative belief say to you regarding this message? Reflect and
write….
E.g. This would say that the belief is not true and that I developed that belief as a result of my
mother’s stress. She did not mean it either, but was reacting to her own triggers and inability to
manage daily activities. This person would remind me that just because I have a thought about
myself and have repeated it over time, does not make it true. They would also say that there is
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a new way of thinking possible, and that I just have to remind myself when I get triggered to
practice a new thought that is affirming, supportive and more realistic.
8. Take a deep breath…..What new insights and more accurate messages are you aware of now
regarding this negative belief and how can you integrate them into your belief system?
Replacing the inaccurate old beliefs with the more accurate new ones. Reflect and write…..
E.g. I realize after all these years that I have needlessly suffered from this thought that was
generated from a toddler! I am going to make a commitment to be more compassionate to
myself and more realistic when this feeling takes over. I am going to practice the PBAC process
whenever I start to feel insecure, needy, or reassurance seeking. I will practice with
perseverance so that I can begin a new automatic thought pattern that is positive!
9. Take a deep breath…..When you become upset and your negative beliefs are triggered, what
phrase would be the most effective way to respond in those situation? Reflect and write…..,
E.g. I am a good person and always have been, I know that now!
10. Write this down on a card to remind yourself each day how you would like to respond when you
become upset rather than how you have been “programmed” to respond. You may need to
narrow the phrase down to a few short words to be most effective.
Do this for each negative conclusion that you have. Soon you will have more insight and awareness
around your current belief system than you ever thought imaginable. You will also have the mindful
tools to begin using more accurate and skillful/compassionate ways to respond to present moment
stressors. This gives you the power to determine how you will respond in difficult situations, which can
feel incredibly freeing!
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 5
Mindful Life Coaching Workshop Series – Week 5