KEYS TO CHAPLAINCY
INSTRUCTOR: CAPTAIN (DR) WILLIAMS, D.MIN., BCC
KEYS TO CHAPLAINCY
• BEING HEARD = BEING LOVED! DAVID AUGSBURGER SAYS THIS, “BEING HEARD
IS SO CLOSE TO BEING LOVED THAT FOR THE AVERAGE PERSON THEY ARE ALMOST
INDISTINGUISHABLE…WITHIN EACH HUMAN PERSON THERE IS A DEEP NEED TO BE
HEARD AS A REAL PERSON, A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE WHO MERITS ATTENTION
AND RESPECT.” LISTENING IS A FINE ART THAT REQUIRES A HEART OF LOVE AND
COMPASSION, A WILLINGNESS TO RISK RELATIONSHIP, AND A READINESS TO
SHARE PAIN.
DAVID AUGSBURGER, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD (VENTURA, CA: REGAL BOOKS, 1982), 12.
KEYS TO CHAPLAINCY
•
LISTENING = PRACTICAL THEOLOGY! THE GREEK WORD FOR THEOLOGY IS LITERALLY
TRANSLATED: “TO TALK ABOUT GOD.” MARY PELLAUER HAD IN MIND WHEN SHE WROTE, “IF
THERE’S ANYTHING WORTH CALLING THEOLOGY, IT IS LISTENING TO PEOPLE’S STORIES — LISTENING
TO THEM AND HONORING AND CHERISHING THEM…” LISTENING IS WHERE THE RUBBER TIRE OF
THEOLOGY MEETS THE BUMPY ROAD OF LIFE.
•
LISTENING = DOING! LISTENING IS DOING SOMETHING HELPFUL FOR HURTING PEOPLE. LISTENING
IS DOING PASTORAL CARE.
•
LISTENING = MESSAGE! RAPHA CHRISTIAN COUNSELING CENTER, MAKES THIS STATEMENT: “THE
AWESOME POWER OF THE LISTENING EAR EQUATES TO THE POWER OF THE SPOKEN WORD.”
DAVID AUGSBURGER, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD (VENTURA, CA: REGAL BOOKS, 1982), 12.
EMPATHIC LISTENING
• WHAT IS IT? FIRST OF ALL, IT IS WE’RE HEARING WITH THE INTENT TO UNDERSTAND RATHER THAN
TO REPLY.
• SECOND, IT’S EMPATHIC LISTENING BECAUSE WE’RE CONCENTRATING WITH OUR HEART
(WHICH INCLUDES THE MIND AS WELL AS THE EMOTIONS) AS WELL AS OUR EYES AND EARS.
• FINALLY, EMPATHIC LISTENING IS SEEKING TO UNDERSTAND THE CLIENT/PATIENT FIRST,
BEFORE I AM UNDERSTOOD.
EMPATHIC LISTENING: HOW DO WE DO IT?
• FIRST, TUNE IN TO GOD’S SPIRIT.
• SECOND, WE TUNE OUT OUR OWN AGENDA.
• THIRD, TUNE IN TO OUR SENSES, YOUR SENSES ARE YOUR EYES, EARS, SENSES
ALONG WITH YOUR HEART AND MIND RITUAL SENSE TELLING YOU ABOUT THE
REAL MESSAGE YOU’RE RECEIVING?
• FOURTH, TUNE OUT DISTRACTIONS.
• FINALLY, TUNE IN TO THEIR MESSAGE.
EMPATHIC LISTENING: IT’S A BIBLICAL PROCESS
•
EVERYONE SHOULD BE QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK (JAMES 1:19).
• HE WHO ANSWERS BEFORE LISTENING — THAT IS HIS FOLLY AND HIS SHAME (PROVERBS 18:13).
• THE HEART OF THE DISCERNING ACQUIRES KNOWLEDGE; THE EARS OF THE WISE SEEK IT OUT
(PROVERBS 18:15).
JUANITA R. RYAN, STANDING BY (WHEATON, IL: TYNDALE HOUSE PUBLISHERS, 1984),79‐86.
EMPATHIC LISTENING
• AS PASTORAL CAREGIVERS AND CHAPLAINS ONE OF OUR ROLES IS TO BE A BURDEN‐BEARER.
HOW IS LISTENING PART OF THE BURDEN‐BEARING PROCESS (SEE GALATIANS 6:2)? HOW WILL
WE LEARN IF WE DON’T LISTEN? HOW WILL WE KNOW WHAT THE BURDEN REALLY IS
WITHOUT FIRST LISTENING? HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW TO HELP LIFT AND/OR CARRY THAT
BURDEN WITHOUT FIRST LISTENING TO THEM DESCRIBE THE BURDEN?
JUANITA R. RYAN, STANDING BY (WHEATON, IL: TYNDALE HOUSE PUBLISHERS, 1984),79‐86.
EMPATHIC LISTENING
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH WHAT YOU HEAR?
• SOLOMON SAID THAT THERE’S “A TIME TO KEEP SILENCE TO LISTEN, AND A TIME TO
SPEAK GIVE COUNSEL” ECCLESIASTES 3:7B.
• DON’T JUDGE THE PERSON.
• TRY NOT TO OVERREACT TOO EMOTIONALLY TO WHAT WE HEAR.
• PLEASE DON’T PREACH AT THE PERSON. (CARE FOR THEM, AND EMPATHIZE WITH)
JUANITA R. RYAN, STANDING BY (WHEATON, IL: TYNDALE HOUSE PUBLISHERS, 1984),79‐86.
FINAL FACTS ABOUT EMPATHIC LISTENING
• EMPATHIC LISTENING SKILLS REQUIRE A DIFFERENT SUBSET OF ABILITIES THAN CONVERSING,
AND IT IS CERTAINLY AN ACQUIRED SKILL.
• MANY INDIVIDUALS, AT FIRST, FIND THE PROCESS SOMEWHAT UNCOMFORTABLE.
• FURTHERMORE, PEOPLE ARE OFTEN SURPRISED AT THE ENERGY REQUIRED TO BECOME A
COMPETENT LISTENER.
• ONCE THE SKILL IS ATTAINED, THERE IS NOTHING AUTOMATIC ABOUT IT.
• IN ORDER TO TRULY LISTEN, WE MUST SET ASIDE SUFFICIENT TIME TO DO SO.
PERHAPS THE ROOT OF THE CHALLENGE LIES HERE.
• PEOPLE FREQUENTLY LOSE PATIENCE WHEN LISTENING TO ANOTHER’S PROBLEM.
• EMPATHIC LISTENING IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH BEING IN A HURRY, OR WITH THE FAST PACED WORLD
AROUND US.
FINAL FACTS ABOUT EMPATHIC LISTENING
• SUCH CAREFUL LISTENING REQUIRES THAT WE, AT LEAST FOR THE MOMENT, PLACE TIME ON SLOW
MOTION AND SUSPEND OUR OWN THOUGHTS AND NEEDS.
• CLEARLY, THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS TO EMPATHIC LISTENING.
• EMPATHIC LISTENING SKILLS HELPS RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNICATIONS, COMPLAINTS, CUSTOMER
RETENTION AND CONFLICT.
• EMPATHY AND TRUST ARE A PLATFORM FOR EFFECTIVE UNDERSTANDING, COMMUNICATION AND
RELATIONSHIPS.
• EMPATHY AND TRUST ARE ESSENTIAL TO DEVELOP SOLUTIONS, WIN AND RETAIN BUSINESS, AND
AVOIDING OR DIFFUSING CONFLICT.
• EMPATHY AND TRUST ARE ESSENTIAL FOR HANDLING COMPLAINTS AND RETAINING CUSTOMERS.
HHTP://WWW.BUSINESSBALLS.COM/EMPATHY.HTM, ACCESSED JANUARY 17, 2017
CARING BY LISTENING: 5 BASIC PRINCIPLES
RALPH NICHOLS SAY THIS, “THE MOST BASIC OF ALL HUMAN NEEDS IS THE NEED TO UNDERSTAND AND BE
UNDERSTOOD. THE BEST WAY TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE IS TO LISTEN TO THEM. “
THE KEYS TO LISTENING ARE FIVE BASIC LISTENING SKILLS:
•
ATTEND
•
ACKNOWLEDGE
•
INVITE
•
SUMMARIZE
•
ASK
Creating Relationships with People
He Writes, “the fact that I’m neither dead nor still in prison is due not to any
government program or fancy rehabilitation center but to some folks I met in prison---poets, playwrights, activists, theologians, and philosophers. One of my favorite
professors was Sister Martha who taught chemistry and physics (at Western – a
prison)…Even though Martha was white, she became a kind of surrogate mother for
me, helping to free me from my dead-end quest for my real mother’s
approved…Martha’s influence is still with me today.”
To help someone, is it not necessary to have “been there.” Those who work with
people from the poverty culture but don’t come from that culture themselves can, if
they have the necessary skills, play a valuable role in the lives of others. It’s all about
caring, for people God’s way.
ACTIVE LISTENING
THE SADDEST PART ABOUT BEING HUMAN IS NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
PRESENCE IS THE GIFT OF LIFE.
STEPHEN LEVINE (1942‐ ), POET, AUTHOR, TEACHER
• A CHAPLAIN FRIEND OF MINE RECEIVED A PLAQUE FROM THE DIRECTOR OF NURSES IN HIS HOSPITAL
WITH THESE WORDS: CALLED TO LISTEN TO THE NEEDS OF OTHERS, EVEN THOSE THAT ARE
UNSPOKEN.
• LISTENING IS AN INTERACTION BETWEEN SPEAKER AND LISTENER.
• ACTIVE LISTENING INVOLVES THE LISTENER OBSERVING THE SPEAKER'S BEHAVIOR AND BODY
LANGUAGE. HAVING THE ABILITY TO INTERPRET A PERSON'S BODY LANGUAGE LETS THE
LISTENER DEVELOP A MORE ACCURATE UNDERSTANDING OF THE SPEAKER'S MESSAGE. HAVING
HEARD, THE LISTENER MAY THEN PARAPHRASE THE SPEAKER'S WORDS. IT IS IMPORTANT TO
NOTE THAT THE LISTENER IS NOT NECESSARILY AGREEING WITH THE SPEAKER—SIMPLY
STATING WHAT WAS SAID.
BARKER, LARRY, AND KITTIE W. WATSON. LISTEN UP: HOW TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS, REDUCE STRESS, AND BE MORE PRODUCTIVE BY USING THE POWER OF LISTENING. NEW
YORK, NY: ST. MARTIN’S PRESS, 2000.
ACTIVE LISTENING
• THE BENEFITS OF LISTENING
• ACCORDING TO ELIZABETH JOHNSTON TAYLOR, ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR IN THE
SCHOOL OF NURSING AT LOMA LINDA UNIVERSITY, “IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PROVIDE A
HEALING RESPONSE TO A PATIENT WHEN YOU HAVE NOT FIRST HEARD HIS OR HER
SPIRITUAL PAIN. NOT ONLY IS LISTENING A PREREQUISITE TO A HEALING RESPONSE, IT
IS A HEALING RESPONSE.”
• BE A CATALYST
• CARL ROGERS SAYS, “MAN’S INABILITY TO COMMUNICATE IS A RESULT OF HIS FAILURE TO
LISTEN EFFECTIVELY.” CARL ROGERS (1902‐1987), AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST
BARKER, LARRY, AND KITTIE W. WATSON. LISTEN UP: HOW TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS, REDUCE STRESS, AND BE MORE PRODUCTIVE BY USING THE POWER OF LISTENING. NEW YORK, NY: ST. MARTIN’S PRESS, 2000.
MENTAL STEPS TO ACTIVE LISTENING
BE QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK. (JAMES 1:19)
• RESIST THE IMPULSE TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO OUR MIND.
• FOCUS ON THE OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE RATHER THAN OUR OWN.
• OBSERVE BODY LANGUAGE TO DISCOVER HOW THE OTHER REALLY FEELS.
• SCAN WHAT IS BEING SAID FOR BASIC IDEAS.
• CONCENTRATE ON THE FEELINGS BEING EXPRESSED.
BARKER, LARRY, AND KITTIE W. WATSON. LISTEN UP: HOW TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS, REDUCE STRESS, AND BE MORE PRODUCTIVE BY USING THE POWER OF
LISTENING. NEW YORK, NY: ST. MARTIN’S PRESS, 2000.
HOW TO ENCOURAGE A PERSON TO TALK
HERE ARE SIX ACTIONS YOU CAN DO THAT WILL HELP A CLIENT, RESIDENT OR LAY-PERSON OPEN UP IN SHARING
THEIR STORY, WITH YOU SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH AND HOW YOU CAN
SUPPORT THEM:
• RELAXING
• ACCEPTING
• REASSURING
• CLARIFYING
• RESTATING
• USING SILENCE
HELPFUL OPEN‐ENDED QUESTIONS TO USE
OPEN‐ENDED QUESTIONS THAT HELP OPEN UP CONVERSATION
• HOW ARE THINGS GOING?
• HOW IS THE BATTLE/JOURNEY GOING?
• WHAT WOULD BE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT TODAY?
• CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?
• WOULD YOU TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT?
• WHAT ARE THEY DOING FOR YOU?
• CAN YOU DESCRIBE IT TO ME?
• WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
• WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED?
• WHAT HAS THE DOCTOR TOLD YOU ABOUT YOUR CONDITION?
• HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
• WHAT ARE YOUR CONCERNS?
HOW DO YOU EXPECT THIS SURGERY (ILLNESS) TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE OR LIFESTYLE?
HOW IS THE PAIN MANAGEMENT GOING?
HOW IS THE REST AND RECUPERATION GOING?
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY?
HOW HAS PRAYER BEEN HELPFUL TO YOU THROUGH THIS?
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR CHURCH INVOLVEMENT?
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF GOD’S CONCERN FOR YOU?
YOU SEEM WORRIED, ANGRY, FRIGHTENED, SAD, ETC; WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE?
WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND THAT HELPS YOU THE MOST WHEN YOU’RE AFRAID, LONELY, IN PAIN,
SAD, ANGRY, ETC?
HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR FAITH HELPFUL AT TIMES LIKE THIS? HOW SO? OR WHY NOT?
WHAT IS YOUR PRIMARY SOURCE OF STRENGTH FOR YOU RIGHT NOW?
QUESTIONS TO AVOID
WHILE WE ARE ASKING QUESTIONS, WE WILL WANT TO KEEP IN MIND THAT WE WILL WANT TO
AVOID USING CERTAIN KIND OF QUESTIONS. HERE ARE FOUR TYPES OF QUESTIONS YOU MAY WANT
TO LIMIT OR AVOID ALTOGETHER:
• AVOID TOO MANY CLOSED QUESTIONS.
• STAY AWAY FROM QUESTIONS THAT USE AMBIGUOUS OR OVERUSED EXPRESSIONS.
• STEER CLEAR OF PRYING QUESTIONS, SUCH AS ASKING FOR DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT AN
ACCIDENT.
• LIMIT THE USE OF LEADING QUESTIONS.
BECHTLE, MIKE. CONFIDENT CONVERSATION: HOW TO COMMUNICATE SUCCESSFULLY IN ANY SITUATION. ADA, MI: REVELL, 2008.