Ten Tunes to Play Life
Social Etiquette Public Seminar
Define Life……..
One Tool to Play Life
Right..
Define Trial….
• Trying to take something away from
somebody else
• Reflected in competition
• Where results are often sharply focused
• Where freedom may be lost
• Where money may be taken away
• When the world starts coming after you
Destroying Attitude
Patterns
• Denial
Fail or resist to see WHAT IS
• Making initial assumption
Fail to test for truth or accuracy
• Inertia
Paralysis caused by fear
• Deceptive masking
Wear a mask & forgetting your real needs
Right or Happy
No good time, no better time
It is Right Now
Life Ten Tunes to Play It Right
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3.
4.
You either get it, or you do not
You Create your own experience
People do what works
You cannot change what you do not
acknowledge
5. Life rewards action
6. There is no reality only perception
7. Life is managed, it is not cured
8. We teach people how to treat us
9. There is power in forgiveness
10. You have to name it before you can claim it
Tune One: You either get
it, or you do not
Strategy
Become one of those who gets it
Break the code of human nature
find out what makes people tick
Learn why you and other people
do what they do, and do not do
what they do not.
What is “IT”…..
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Code of life
Is it relationship?
Is it self-management?
Is it career competition?
Is it emotional life?
To Get “IT”
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Be prepared with necessary information
Be prepared with required skills
Pay attention
Make adjustment
Do not miss the time
Will to learn to make better choices
To Get “IT” recognize the
EDGE
• Existing
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2.
3.
4.
Instinctual
Involuntary
Reactive self preservation
Primary goal from one day to another
• Living
1. Exercise of certain learned skills
2. Attitude
3. Abilities
To Get “IT” Keep a Primary Goal
• Have a quality of experience
• Keep unique and rewarding experience
• Skills needed are “Understanding” &
“Controlling”
• Make it “Happen” the way you “Want”
• Learn “Why” & “How” you do what you do
• Do not “Do” what they do not “Do”
“knowledge” if you want to
Get “IT”
• Knowledge gives you an incredible edge
• Knowledge makes you the one to control
• Knowledge makes you “The One” every ones
“Follow”
• Knowledge makes you enjoy special peace of
mind
• Knowledge make you confident
• Knowledge makes you know the buttons
• Knowledge makes you predict
• Knowledge is POWER
Hardest Part of Knowledge
• In learning something new, is unlearning
the old way of doing it…….
• You must be careful and discriminate
about where and from whom you accept
input…..
• Know the fact, but do Know the Ropes……
• Get the Map, Plan and Time Table if you
want to Know….
Your Life Strategy & Involving
People
• Overcome their resistances & excuses
• Get them to accept your view of the world
HOW?
• Let them find similarities between you
and your values and their own
• Find similar things, both of you can deal
in with
Tune Two: You create your
own experience
Strategy
Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life
Understand your role in creating the results that are
you life
Learn how to choose better so you have better
You are Accountable….
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If you are successful or unsuccessful
If you relationships are on the rocks
If you are happy or sad
If life is fair or unfair
Misdiagnose
every problem
If you do not
accept
accountability
You cannot
find a link
between your
problem
and yourself
Mistreat
and
things won’t
get better
To be Accountable…Ask
Yourself
• What is the life circumstance that I do not like?
• What did I do to arrange the situation so that it
happened in the way that it happened?
• What did I do to make the result possible?
• Did I trust foolishly?
• Did I miss important warning sings?
• Did I fail to be clear about what I wanted?
• Did I choose the wrong person?
• Did I choose the wrong place?
• Did I have the wrong reason?
• Did I fail to take needed action?
• Did I fail to require enough of myself?
• Did I need to start certain new behaviors?
You are a Victim………
You are not a
Victim………..
I Own the Problem……..
The Problem is in ME
I am a Victim…..Because
What happened to me
as a child
Difference Between
Child & Adult
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Child
Does not have the
knowledge
Does not have the
power to choose
Reacts
Powerless
Cannot choose the
source
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Adult
Has the knowledge
Has the power to
choose
Acts
Powerful
Can choose the
source
How to Create your
own Experience?
When you Play, you Pay……
When you Choose?
• When you choose the behavior, you
choose the consequences
• When you choose the thoughts, you
choose the consequences
• When you choose the thoughts, you
choose the physiology
Choose
Behavior
Results
Experience
Self
Physiological
Programming
Mental Programming
•Low/High-self esteem
•Low/High-self confident
Behavioral Programming
•Anger-Peaceful
•Bitterness-Sweetness
Real World Choices…
You Choose….
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Where to be
How to act
What to say
What to do
Whom to be with
What to concentrate on
What to believe
When to go along
When to resist
Whom to trust
Whom to avoid
Tune Three: People do
what works
Strategy
Identify the payoffs that drive
your behavior and that of others
Control the payoffs to control life
Why/What ……. Because
• What is wrong
with me?
• Why in the world
do I keep doing
that?
• Because I am like
others
• Because at some
level they work
Choose …….. Get
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Choose Behavior
Repeat Behavior
Do not repeat behavior
Change the behavior
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Get Result
Get Desirable results
Results are not desirable
Different results
Steps Forward
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Know what you need to do
Behave positively
Stop behaving in ways
You cannot eliminate your negative behavior
Know what buttons to push
• Know how to do it
• Know what is necessary to have what you
want
• That interfere in having what you want
• Without understanding why you do it to
begin with
• To get the desired change
Concept of Payoff
It is a crucial ingredient in
shaping all sorts of behavior
Types of
Payoff
Monetary
:: Money
:: Certificate
:: Position/Promotion
Psychological
:: Lobe
:: Acceptance
:: Approval
:: Praise
:: Companionship
:: Fulfillment
Negative Payoff
Tantrum
Behavior
Masochistic
Behavior
Tune Four: You cannot
change what you do not
acknowledge
Strategy
Get real with yourself about life
and everybody in it
Be truthful about what is not
working in your life
Stop making excuses and start
making results
You won’t Change if…..
Unwilling to acknowledge
• A thought
• A circumstance
• A problem
• A condition
• A behavior
• An emotion
• Your role in the situation
To Have a
Winning
Life Strategy
Acknowledge
Acknowledge
Where your life is;
Right Now
Where you want your
life to be
Tools to Acknowledge…..
Examine and Questions
• Every belief
• Every position
• Every pattern in your life
• Afford the luxury of lies
Fail to Acknowledge
Because of:
Denial
Self-Protective
Mechanism
Perceptual Defense
Denial
• Kills dreams
• Kills hope
• Kills YOU
Self-Protective Mechanism
perceptual Defense
• It is a mechanism that protects us from those
things that our minds at some level, determine
we cannot handle or which we do not want to
face
• That takes effects during over-whelming
traumatic situations
Perceptual Defense
If Negative …..
• Prevent your picking up warning signs; which
could prompt you to take important and timely
coping steps
• Keep you from recognizing the warning signs of
a serious disease, that, if detected and treated
early, could be contained or cured
• Keep you from seeing the warning signs of any
number of negative behaviors in your children,
such as depression, addiction etc
To Acknowledge…Speak
OUT
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Your Needs
Your Fears
Your Pains
Your Failure
Your Success
Your Confusion
You cannot heal what you do not
acknowledge
Tune Five: Life rewards
action
Strategy
Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger
Learn that the world could not care less about
thoughts without actions
Your Stimuli
=
Your Behavior
Positive
Negative
•Purposeful
•Meaningful
•constructive
•Purposeless
•Meaningless
•unconstructive
People
rewards you
Superior Results
People
punish you
Inferior Results
Life Reward Actions
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If you do Nothing you get Nothing
People do not care about INTENTION
The road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions
Good Intention without Actions, leads you nowhere
but DOWN
People care about what you DO
Child do not care that you “Meant” to fix dinner
What determines the Script of Life, is what you DO
Measure Yourself Based on Results
Results, is how the World is Measuring YOU
Results, is your Basic Out-Come
Thinking
Analyzing
Time
Intention
Corners
Evaluating
Procrastination
Discussing
Planning
Time
Formula
Be
Do
Have
You will Have
what you want
Be Committed
Do what it Takes
Winner Does-Loser Does
Not
If you do not
Translate
NO VALUE
Knowledge
Awareness
Insight
Understanding
PASSENGER ROLE
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Faith without deeds is of no value
No purposeful action
Pulled along
Without self imposed direction
No control
No pressure to decide
Do not stand accountable
Careless to life results
Dummies
START
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Priorities in your life
Allocate your time
Allocate your energy
Recognize that if you do not have, it is
because you do not act
• If you do not act, you won’t have
Time to Pull the Trigger
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Get up off your knowledge
Do something different with your life
Begin to do different things
Exercise
Give your feelings a voice
Go back to school
Start praying
Apply for a new job
If the Trigger if Pulled….
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Your action will gain momentum
You will meet new people
You will find new possibilities
Your life is no longer the same song
Find new areas in your life
“You do not catch a fish if you do not put
your hook in the water”
“If you Die no Second Chance”
“Be Risky”
Define Risk….
• Something of value is put in jeopardy
• Something is at a minimum PEACE
• The very act of admitting that you want
more puts the balance of your existence in
jeopardy
• Tension between wanting to maintain the
security of sameness and exciting of having
what you really want
Do not Act like……
No matter what the circumstances of your
life may be, even if it is painful, disrupting
the sameness can be scary. A familiar
pain is like a not-very-good friend: it is
not a good friend, but it is an old friend. It
is predictable, you know how bad it gets,
and you know where the bottom is
What out of a Risky Life…
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You will make efforts
You will be persistent
You will have goals
Your life will be filled with victories and rewards
If you are losing, it means that somebody is
winning
Winning might as well happen to you
It will happen because you make it happen
It will happen because you will know what you
want
When you know you will move towards it
Take Action and insist on Results
Action is a Supreme of Life
Tune Six: There is no reality;
only perception
Strategy
Identify the filters through which
you view the world
Acknowledge your history
without being controlled by it
If there is no Reality, only
Perception
• It profound that it determines whether or
not you are happy, satisfied, and at peace
• Accepting it means that you embrace the
fact and no matter what happens in your
life
To Apply
Understand
the Difference
Sensation
Perception
Sensation
When light waves are received by
your eyes
Sounds waves by your ears
Stimuli being received by your
sense organs
Perception
• Organizing and interpreting of those
sensations
• Level at which you assign meaning to the
sensations you receive from the world
• Observation in the eye of the beholder
• You are a unique behavior so your
perception is unique
individuality
gender
Trials
Age
Experience
Factors
to Affect
Perception
Culture
Education
Education
Heritage
Social level
No Reality-Only
Perception
Who is Right?
Who is Wrong?
It is Perception…Because…
• How you view the event is what
determines its meaning to you
• Where your perceptions are concerned,
you have the ability to choose differently
No Good News-No Bad
News-Only News
Your Perception
Choose Reaction
Manage Circumstances
Discovery
Step to Change
Deliver Message to the World
Pilot/Driver not a Passenger
Personalities
Power
of Influence
Attitudes
Life Filters
Affect
Perception
Styles
Points
of view
Types of Filters
Healthy
and
Constructive
Distorted
and
Destructive
You create your Own Experience
Your
are
Accountable
Do not use
past to build excuses
Tell me about your History
Know your History
You are a Product of your History
Value of History
Aware of the Life Filter
Where Filter is Located Eyes or Mind
Awareness leads to Recognize
Recognition leads to Choice
Choice leads to Perception
Perception leads to Understanding
For Better Perception
Find the Difference Between
• Reality
• Assumption
• YOU
• Truth
• Expectations
• ME
Negative Effect on Perception
Fixed Belief….
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It is a life decision
Treating the belief as a fact
Things you hold to be true and accurate
Where you miss new information
Where you are caged
Leads to frustration
Then comes depression
Death out of Madness
You have Fixed Belief
about..
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Your mate
Your relationships
Your career
Your friends
God
The world in general
People in general
Tune Seven: Life is
managed, it is not cured
Strategy
Learn to take charge of your life and hold on
This is a long ride
You are the driver every single day
Life is a Problem
• Facing problems builds character
• Without occasional pain, we would not be
able to recognize and appreciate pleasure
• Problems are opportunities to distinguish
your self
• Problems helps you to manage not cure
How to Be a Life Manager?
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Life is realistic rather than naïve
Success is a moving target
World is an ever changing
Life is a great place
Consider Results not People
Be powerful to make people have to do
YOU want to Do
Life is a client to manage
Do not evaluate the MANAGER OF LIFE
Measure your efficiency
Keep yourself safe from foolish risks
Utilize all your skills & abilities
Create new opportunities to get what you want
Take care of your BEING
Design your life flow
Find your life tranquilizer
Balance Life…..
Assertive Life Manager
• Commit yourself to resolve not to endure
• Solve your problems not every ones, but not
yours
• Remember you cannot give away, what you
do not have
• If you let problems plague you, you do not
have peaceful self to those you Love
Effective Life Manager
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To identify when you are hurting
To identify when you are angry
To identify when you are frustrated
To identify when you are confused
Insist on getting a Closure
Define Closure….
• You do not carry the problem or the pain
• You address the issue then you close the
book and put it away
• You are able to confront yourself and
others
• You are able to forgive or apologize
• Avoid piling up life burdens
• Give yourself emotional closure
Life Manager has to
Honor..
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Honor your word
Honor your agreement
Honor your promise
Honor value of Time
Honor value of Humanity
Honor YOUR SELF
Honor your Parents
Honor your Relation with GOD
If you allow LIFE to Be
• Life can be Cruel
• Things of value may be snatched away
• Someone you love may be lost
• You will be a stepping stone
Now
It is your Turn
Start
I will DO
I won’t Do
Tune Eight: We teach people
how to treat us
Strategy
Own, rather than complain about,
how people treat you
Learn to renegotiate your
relationships to have what your
want
Focus on
Why they treat
me like this
How do they treat
me like this
How do you Get Back the
Treatment
• You get the result
• You your self is a result
• Your shape the behavior with whom you
interact
• Your behavior impact their conducts
• Your behavior let them determine how
you to be treated
• You get treated by your results not your
intention
You put the
Guidelines
You put
Respond
Pattern
You put Rules
Relationships
are Mutually
Defined
You put the
Boundaries
Your put
the Terms
Tune Nine: There is power in
Forgiveness
Strategy
Open your eyes to what anger and
resentment are doing to you
Take your power back from those
who have hurt you
What is the Difference
Between….
• Emotions
• Treatment
Negative
Emotions
Change
Heart
Mind
Soul
Repertoire
Self
Destructive
Emotions
Anger
Resentment
Result of
Negative
Emotions
Vicious
Aggression
Internal-Deep
Bitterness
Fight to Fight
Respond
Incompatible with
Peace
Joy
Relaxation
Ugly Emotions
Heterostasis
Physiological imbalance
Sleep Disturbance
Nightmares
Poor Concentration
Fatigue
Tension Headaches
Migraine Headaches
Ulcers
Back Spasms
Heart Attacks
Cancer
Ugly Emotions
Emotional
Prisons
Build Walls
Around Yourself
Trapped in
Emotional Complex
Recall Ugly Emotions
to other Relationships
Won’t Switch on/off your Feelings
Bitterness & Anger of Powerful Influence
Now Present in all your Relationships….
Payoff for Ugly Emotions
• Those who love you do not get you
• They get the bitter shell of who you were
once
• Bitterness & anger disfigures your
perceptions
• Then you will receive your manners
• This is the filter of your world
• Only perception, no reality
If you want to
Start With Every
Relation
Either
Contribute
Or
Contaminate
Forgiveness
• First for yourself
• Second it is for others/all relationships
• Free yourself by forgiveness
• Forgiveness is about you not them
How will you FORGIVE…
Tune Ten: You have to name
it before you can claim it
Strategy
Get clear about what you
want and take your turn
Before you Claim “IT”
• Place your order
• Declare what it is that you desire
• Speak truth/be honest with yourself
• Have the clue of what you want
Example-What is Success to
You
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What is the it that you want?
What will it look like when you have it?
What will it feel like when you have it?
What will you be doing behaviorally when
you have it?
• Who are you doing it with?
• Where will you be doing it?
• How will your life be different from the
way it is now when you have it?
How ????
• Prepare to name what you want
• Be bold enough to reach
• If it sounds a little disheartening, just
stand by
• Be careful not to confuse the means with
the end
• Focus without following through to the
next important step
Life Ten Tunes to Play It Right
1.
2.
3.
4.
You either get it, or you do not
You Create your own experience
People do what works
You cannot change what you do not
acknowledge
5. Life rewards action
6. There is no reality only perception
7. Life is managed, it is not cured
8. We teach people how to treat us
9. There is power in forgiveness
10. You have to name it before you can claim it
Thank You