Working With
Challenging Families
Mary Jamin Maguire, MA, LP, LICSW
Adler Center for Family & Community
Families
 “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is
unhappy in its own way.”
 Leo Tolstoy,
Anna Karenina
Challenging Families
What Are The Challenges?
Personal/Family
Community
Professional
Challenges
 Personal/Family
Personality Issues/Mental Health Issues
Violence: Anger/Intimidation/Aggression
Ambivalence/Avoidance/Non-Cooperation
Denial/Minimization of Issues
Physical Health Issues
Chemical Dependency Issues
Poverty
Challenges
 Community
Lack of Resources
Court Involvement
Cultural Difference
Inequities /Racism/other “isms”
Challenges
 Professional
Having too much work (paperwork)
Unclear goals
Unreasonable expectations
Lack of professional resources
Minimal supervision/training
Conflict with co-workers
Lack of collaboration
So – What Do We Do Now??
“The Four Agreements”
 By Don Miguel Ruiz
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
“The Four Agreements”
 Be Impeccable With Your Word
Always be honest with clients – take a risk
Be consistent in what you say – to clients, co-workers, the courts
Be “Firm & Kind”
Notice strengths and challenges
Balance encouragement and confrontation
“The Four Agreements”
 Don’t Take Anything Personally
It’s not about you
Maintain a professional attitude
Listening is not agreeing
Remember – Conflict is not, necessarily, a bad thing
The Four Agreements
 Don’t Make Assumptions
Watch out for labels (“labels disable”)
Don’t be judgmental
Remember – We’re all doing the best we can, at the time,
with what we’ve got…
Ask open-ended questions
The Four Agreements
 Always Do Your Best
Be at your best – take care of yourself
Get adequate supervision & training
Collaborate with other professionals
Be flexible & creative
How To Start??
 Alignment of Goals…
__________________
Client Goal
________________
Helper’s Goal
If the goals are aligned … there will be no resistance!
Some Effective Approaches
 Have a calm. friendly demeanor
 Use active listening
 Communicate openly, share information
 Find points of agreement
 Set/keep effective boundaries
 Neither conspire nor collude with families
 Work to solve problems collaboratively
 Be patient & persistent, don’t give up
Clients Have A Right …
 To tell you they’re not ready
 To lead the conversation
 To participate in setting the agenda
 To expect you to be unemotional
 To be emotional
 To expect you to be objective
 To be subjective
 To be treated with respect (even when they are not
respectful to you)
Remember…
 A thorough Assessment leads to effective change (what
needs to change, what is needed for change)
 If professionals are too intimidated to confront
someone, how must it be for the other family members?
 All behavior has meaning & purpose
 We only do what works
When We’re Frustrated …
 We feel inadequate
 We hold ourselves responsible
 We criticize the client/family
 We blame “the system”
 We want to give up
“Changing the Pattern”
 Events Don’t Cause Feelings/Actions …
Do It Yourself Therapy
Lynn Lott, Riki Intner & Barbara Mendenhall
What is the Current Pattern?
 Think of a challenging situation with a family …
What was Your Goal? _______________________
What were you thinking? ___________________
What did you do? ________________________
What were you feeling? ____________________
What is the pattern?
______________________________________________
Creating a New Pattern?
 Think of the same challenging situation with a family …
and, using the same goal …
How would you like to feel? ____________________________
What would you be doing (if you felt that way)?
_____________________________________________________
And what would you be thinking? ________________________
You’ve created a different pattern!!
____________________________________________
Success
 “In order to succeed, you must know what you’re doing,
like what you are doing, and believe in what you are
doing.”
 Will Rogers
North American Society of
Adlerian Psychology
65th Annual Conference
May 17th –21st – 2017
Marriott Pinnacle, Vancouver, Canada
www.adlredadler.org
Encouragement Consultant
Training
Lynn Lott
May 9th & 10th
Adler Graduate School
Richfield, MN
[email protected]
Social Worker Post-Test
1. Describe an effective way to eliminate resistance in
challenging clients.
2. Describe some effective strategies for establishing an
working relationship with a challenging client.
3. How can conflict be helpful in a relationship with a
client.
4. What is the role and responsibility of Social Workers in
a conflict with a client.
5. Describe/discuss a technique to reframe a conflicted
and/or challenging relationship with a client.