“I Wish I’d Never Been Born”
Job 3:1-10
“Let the day perish on which I was born, and the night that said,
‘a man-child is conceived.”
Pretty harsh words, but who among us has not suffered moments when we wished we’d never been
born. I think of the young senior high girl who sat in my study in tears recounting the date she had with
her boyfriend. He had pushed her down and forced sex on her. She felt it had been her fault. They’d
gone to an after prom party and alcohol was consumed by everyone there. If only she had refused, she
cried. Despite my words that there was no excuse for date rape, she said she wished she’d never been
born.
I remember the husband with whom I spent a lot of time listening as he beat himself up over the affair
he had at work. It was a familiar story. The kids had left the nest and his wife and he had spent so much
time and energy raising their children that they now did not know each other. He knew the woman at
work. They talked often. Yet, it was an affair he deeply regretted and had jeopardized his marriage. He
wished he was dead. During one session, he pleaded with me to please share his story with others if it
would help them avoid making the mistake he had made.
Life is filled with regrets. Someone said that a life with no regret is no life at all. It is a part of who we
are. To regret is to be human. The most memorable stories from the Bible are about regrets and
forgiveness. Jacob and Esau were twins. And, arguably, Esau was the more responsible and hard
working. Jacob literally stole Esau’s birthright by fooling his aged, blind father into thinking he was Esau
and getting his dad’s blessing.
Joseph is another biblical story of regret, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Here is a young man who in his
adolescent arrogance was a constant thorn in his brothers’ sides. Yet after they sold him into slavery, he
was able to forgive them in one of the most dramatic scenes in scripture. You can see the regret on the
parts of Joseph and his brothers, yet forgiveness was their final destination.
The prodigal son is a story of a parent who was willing to let his son take his inheritance and squander it.
Yet we love to rehearse the scene where the prodigal son returns home and the father throws a great
banquet for him. Akin to this is the woman caught in the act of adultery who is forgiven by Jesus.
But how do we who face our awful role in sinning against God and others come to grips with it? The
first step in forgiveness is the forgiveness of our self. Dr. Jeffery Bernstein, a licensed psychologist,
writing in Psychology Today, said, “Forgiving yourself is crucial for healing (October 1, 2010).”
The fact is that almost all of the literature dealing with forgiveness indicates that we must begin with
ourselves. This may take the form of confessing our own vulnerability to error or that we foster the
-2feelings of revenge that are so human when dealing with our own hurt in a given situation. We hear it
said again and again that nobody is perfect, yet continue believe that we or others ought to be.
I’ve told you the story about the parishioner who died and whose funeral at which I was to preside. I’ll
never know whether the funeral director gave me the wrong time or I heard it wrong. At any rate, I
showed up an hour late as everyone was leaving. I went to the graveside, then went home in tears.
When the doorbell rang it was the family of the deceased bringing me flowers from the funeral and
saying that I would need these more than they would.
Contrast this with the family whose wedding I was late to. The time of the wedding had been changed
several times, and I evidently had not entered the latest time. I arrive to do the wedding and we started
15 minutes late. I apologized verbally and in writing and returned the honorarium. The response in
writing from the mother was reluctant acceptance of my apology along with words to the effect that
there are consequences for our actions.
Think about those waiting to stone the woman and about those who wanted Jesus’ head on a platter.
Not until Jesus reminded the crowd of their own imperfections did they lay down their stones and leave
the woman alone. Like the chief priests and scribes who could not accept this, they were unable to
accept in themselves what they condemned in others, which is why Jesus castigated them for their
hypocrisy.
This part of the process of forgiveness is called confession—an assessment of what reality is. Confession
carries with it three “Rs.” Risk is the first and most difficult. When we are honest with ourselves, we
risk discovering the depth with which we have hurt others or the depth to which we have been hurt
ourselves. We risk admitting that we were wrong about what we did or about the ways in which we
have short-changed God.
Job finally had to confess his own arrogance in putting limits on God. After hearing that God had
created everything including Job, Job finally took an honest stock of himself and confessed: I know that
you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted . . . I have uttered what I did not
understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know (43:2-3).
When finally Job was able to turn it completely over to God to instill in him the balm of mercy, you can
sense the relief in Job. Now I can repent of carrying too much around on my shoulders. I have sinned
against you, God, by thinking you could not shoulder my burden. Before I only heard. Now my own
eyes see you.
Having taken the risk of confessing and sensing the relief it brings, the process of renewal begins. We
see this in the story of Zacchaeus. Once he took the risk to assess his own dishonesty, you can sense the
relief he feels and he begins the process of renewal by giving back, with interest, that which he had
defrauded others.
-3Let me emphasize that this whole process is not instantaneous. We read wonderful articles about
people forgiving others, but that refers to their decision to forgive, not the process of hills and valleys
that follow. It all begins with a choice we make to forgive others. This choice fosters the attitude we
need to make it through. The apostle Paul writes of this attitude:
Brothers and sisters, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should
restore him in a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1-2).
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along
with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in
Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Max Lucado recounts an incident in his life when he was thirteen years old. He played left field and had
dropped a fly ball, his second error of the game, which also allowed the opposing team the winning run.
He turned around and headed for home. On the way his father drove up and opened the passenger side
of the door inviting him to get in. Nothing was said. When they arrived home, Max headed for his
bedroom and his dad for the kitchen. His fathered presently appeared in Max’s room with a plate of
cookies and some milk. Somewhere in the dunking of the cookies as they broke bread together, Max
realized that he could forgive himself. That life would go on and so, too, would his father’s love, even
when he dropped the ball (You Changed My Life).
God’s love is about loving us when we drop the ball so that we can begin to forgive ourselves in order
that we might forgive others.
Mac Hamon, Pastor
Acton United Methodist Church
Indianapolis, Indiana
04.07.13