Games People Play
Preamble ................................................................................................................................................................................................ 1
Terminologies ......................................................................................................................................................................................... 2
Games ................................................................................................................................................................................................... 4
3.1
General .......................................................................................................................................................................................... 4
3.2
Life Games ..................................................................................................................................................................................... 4
3.3
Marital Games ................................................................................................................................................................................. 6
3.4
Party Games ................................................................................................................................................................................... 9
3.5
Sexual Games ............................................................................................................................................................................... 10
3.6
Underworld .................................................................................................................................................................................. 12
3.7
Consulting Room Games ................................................................................................................................................................. 13
3.8
Good Games ................................................................................................................................................................................. 14
4
Beyond Games ...................................................................................................................................................................................... 15
5
Autonomy from Games ........................................................................................................................................................................... 16
6
Attainment of Autonomy ......................................................................................................................................................................... 16
7
After Games, What? ............................................................................................................................................................................... 16
8
References ............................................................................................................................................................................................ 17
9
Author: [email protected] ............................................................................................................................................................ 17
10 Disclaimer ............................................................................................................................................................................................ 17
1
2
3
1
Preamble
The best way to study this material is to study the original book ‘Games People Play’ by Eric Berne M.D first and then to read through this material to recap what
reader has grasped. Glancing through this material can be a good motivation for reading the original book. The material might mislead, due to its very nature that
it is an extract. I suggest reading the book in any case for complete understanding, as half-baking is more dangerous when we deal with ‘Games’.
At places, where I have the least information, I have left them unexplained. Readers are advised to go through the book and other sources to get more
information.
An interesting observation is that many successful movies are based on a ‘game’ and many a time based on a single game.
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 1 of 17
2
Terminologies
S. No
1.
Terms
Stroking
Definition
Recognition
2.
Hungers
Stimulus hunger
Recognition hunger
Structure hunger
3.
Time Structuring Ways
Rituals
Pastimes
Games
Intimacy
Activity
4.
Ego states
Parent position
Child position
Adult position
Parent for limiting decisions
Child for enjoyment
Adult for survival
There is nothing called ‘childish’ or ‘maturity/ immaturity’ in transactional analysis
5.
Stimulus-Response
6.
Results of transactions between ego
states
.
Transactions
Crossed transactions cause conflicts (‘Uproar’)
Angular transactions, typical in Salesman – Middle Class Housewife transaction
P-C and C-P
The child looses (as it does not want to show that it can not afford).
7.
Procedure
Simple complementary adult transactions
Data and experience adds value
8.
Ritual
Transactions enabled by external social forces
Informal greetings to religious gatherings
Careful intuitive computations
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 2 of 17
S. No
9.
Terms
Pastime
Definition
To structure an interval of time. Semi-ritualistic.
10.
Different Pastimes
In corners of Party rooms
Sociological
Man talk
General Motors
Who Won
Middle-aged
Balance sheet
11.
Game
Lady talk
Grocery
Kitchen
Wardrobe
Small talk
How to
Teens
Making out
Lonely people
Do you know
What became
Middle class
How much
Ever been
Young person
Morning after
Martini (I know a better way)
Any person: Look ma no Hands
Predictable outcome with a concealed motivation.
Games are dishonest, where as pastimes/ rituals/ procedures are not.
Not for fun. With a serious purpose.
12.
Operation
Transaction with stated purpose
13.
Importance of Games
Parents teach children about pastimes, rituals, and procedures. Children need to differentiate games and should not be
allowed to play bad games.
I don’t feel well – you must grant me privilege
14.
Characteristics of Games
Some games are flexible (words, money, parts of body in psychiatry, debtor and poly-surgery games respectively.
Some games are persistent (tenacity)
Some are hard games (intensity)
15.
Three degrees of games
First degree: socially acceptable
Second degree: No permanent damage. It can be cured still. Game is hidden from public.
Third degree: Needs intervention of a third person or jury or Psychotherapist
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 3 of 17
3
S.
No.
1.
2.
3.
Games
Name of the Game
Motive
3.1
General
Insurance game
Real estate
Pajama
Uproar
Prospect
Make a killing
If it weren’t for you
IWFY
Marital type
4.
There I go again
5.
3.2
Life Games
Alcoholic
Hard game. Difficult to give
up.
Rescuer plays ‘I’m only
trying to help you’ ITHY
Child does not
want to show that
it is afraid and
blames the parent
Actors
Concept
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Balance sheet
pastime
Child
Parent
Wife
Husband
Neighbors
Reassurance:
Its not that I’m afraid,
its that he wont let me
Allow the child to
perform
Instructioncompliance
Instruction-protest
‘Why don’t you –
Yes But’
YDYB
Vindication:
Its not that I’m not
trying, its that he
holds me back
IWFY
Alcoholic - husband
Persecutor - wife
Rescuer - doctor
Connexion –
Professional
bartender
Patsy/ Dummy –
alcoholic’s mother
How bad I’ve been;
see, if you can stop
me
See, if you can catch
me
Focus on morning
after than on drinking
Persecutor needs to
change the role to
Rescuer (from ‘I’m a
sinner’ to ‘What do
you expect from a
sick man’)
Persecutor plays ‘Look
what you’ve done to me’
Provocation –
accusation/
forgiveness
Indulgence –
anger/
disappointment
Martini (pastime)how many drinks
and how they were
mixed
Morning After
(pastime)-Let me
tell you about my
hangover
Alcoholic offering
‘Have One’
Patsy plays ‘Good Joe’
‘Dry Alcoholic’
Alcoholics play ‘Wooden
Leg’
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 4 of 17
S.
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6.
7.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Debtor
Put someone in
debt for life.
Debtor
Society
Encourage a debt
Celebrate ‘buying’.
‘If it weren’t for
debts’
Do not celebrate
closure of debt.
‘Try and collect’
TAC
Try and collect
TAC
Win either way
Couple
Collection Agency
Regard someone as a
problem, if he has
closed all debts.
Cheat
Blame
Give justification and
Get Credit
Antithesis
Request immediate
cash payment
Transactions
TAC
NIGYSOB
GJ
Related Games
‘Now, I’ve got you,
You son of a Bitch’
NIGYSOB
‘Good Joe’
7.1
8.
Try and Get Away With It
Kick Me
Promised sport.
Serious sport (as
money is
involved)
Get help from
kindhearted
Promptness and
honesty
Innocent
Society
Bearing a sign ‘Please
don’t kick me’
‘Try and Get Away
With It’
‘TAC’
‘Why Does This
always Happen To
Me?’
WAHM
‘WAHM’
‘ITHY’
‘Threadbare’ –
Women
9.
Why Does This always
Happen To Me WAHM
-Destructive
‘Mother’s friend’
‘Kick Me’
Victim (because of a
Aggressor)
Confidant
‘There I go again’
What did I do to really
deserve this?
-Constructive
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 5 of 17
S.
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10.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Now, I’ve got you, You son
of a Bitch
NIGYSOB
Get somebody at
your mercy
Victim
Aggressor
Always wait for a
chance to blame
someone and blame
with utmost severity
Set rules right at the
start with the player
and adhere to it
If there are disputes
with the player, yield
gracefully
Provocation –
Accusation
Defense Accusation
Defense –
Punishment
WAHM
‘See you have
done wrong’
‘Yes I was wrong’
11.
See/ Look What You made
Me Do
SWYMD: 1st Degree
11.1
SWYMD: 2nd Degree
Self-destructive when used
against seniors at work
11.2
SWYMD: 3rd Degree
12.
3.3
Marital Games
Corner
May lead to asthma, if
children are cornered, as
there would be breathing
difficulty if they do not
know the anti-thesis
Author: Azhagarasan
Stay away from
me
(Becomes
Hereditary)
Delegate a
responsibility to
blame later, when
things go wrong
If player encourages
something, it means
that there is a trap.
Actor
Intruder
Actor
Victim
Any intrusion is
considered an
opportunity to drive
people away
Enjoy things when it
goes right. Blame the
volunteer when it
goes wrong
External
psychological gain
– Avoid ultimate
end result, by
cheating/
cornering the
partner
Throw decisions
back.
Avoid taking
responsibility.
If taking
responsibility, end it
with SWYMD to
blame the actor (3rd
Degree)
Should be handled by
professional
psychotherapist
Ends fatal, while it
may seem like
ITHY initially
Corner partner to
ones advantage
Take calculated risk
with the player
Leave him alone
Husband
Wife
Move smooth, Find a
fault/ proactively lead
to a faulty situation
and find a fault, leave
angrily
Shift from child to
adult role.
So that the
subsequent leads to
ultimate end result are
abruptly terminated
Don’t take his/ her
annoyance seriously
Appreciate his hard
work/ coax her
Smile and act as if
nothing happened.
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
‘Ain’t it awful’ is
totally different
‘You got me into
this’
(UGMIT)
ITHY
Offer
Responsibility
UGMIT
Kick Me
WAHM
TIGA
‘UGMIT’
‘See what you’ve
done now’
‘ITHY’
‘WAHM’
‘There I go again’
‘Kick Me’
Transactions
generally to avoid
sex, end-of-day
(after a movie)
‘Double-bind’ in
children – Dilemma
type of corner
‘Lunch Bag’
‘Threadbare’
Page 6 of 17
S.
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13.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Courtroom
Reassurance
Plaintiff - husband
Defendant - wife
Judge/ Jury –
therapist
They’ve got to say
I’m right
Antithesis
One Kid
Other Kid
Mommy
14.
Furthermore
You need to say
that I’m right
Parent
Child
15.
Frigid Woman
1.Freedom from
guilt of sadistic
fantasies
2. Avoids feared
exhibition and
penetration
3. Uproar
4. Blame husband
in the society
5. Inhibited sex
play
6. I’m pure
Wife
Husband
Dangerous Game
Flow arguments one
after the other
continuously till the
parent fails
Repulsive Wife
(especially on having
sex)
Transactions
Related Games
1. Complaint –
Defense filed
2. Plaintiff files
good-will gesture
3. Instruction to
Jury
4. Final decision
‘Wooden Leg’
‘Debtor’
‘Sweetheart’
‘Furthermore’
‘Uproar’
‘Uproar’
Do not attempt to
give explanations.
Antithesis is
dangerous.
Seduction –
Response
‘Frigid Man’ – Less
common
Intensive individual
psychotherapy.
Rejection –
Resignation
‘Uproar’ – Crucial
point in Frigid
Woman and Climax
Going for an affair
may make her realize
the game but would
be too late. Otherwise
the affair can give her
an edge to play
NIGYSOB.
Provocation –
Response
‘Beat Me daddy’ –
Similar
Rejection – Uproar
‘NIGYSOB’
Decline ‘Uproar’
16.
Beat Me daddy
17.
Harried
Uproar
Beat Me Daddy
Escape from
responsibility
Housewife
Assume multiple
roles and collapse
without getting
anything done
Must refuse to play
two or more roles
simultaneously
May lead to
‘Psychiatry’
‘State Hospital’
‘YDYB’
‘If It weren’t for
Him’
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 7 of 17
S.
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18.
Name of the Game
19.
Look How Hard I’ve Tried
Motive
Actors
State Hospital
They can’t push
me around.
Vindicate thyself.
Attain a blameless
position
Stand fast
Persecutor
Authority
Admiration
Actor
Wife/ Society
19.2
‘Look How Hard I’m
Trying’ – 2nd Degree
Admiration than
never before
Actor
Wife/ Society
20.
Sweetheart
Admiration after
loss of oneself
(actor).
Make everyone
stumped at an
irrecoverable loss.
Force someone to
accept by being
polite and lovely
in public
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Identify the player
and break the game so
that the game player
seeks therapy
genuinely
Suggestion –
Resistance
‘Psychiatry’
‘Courtroom’
Pressure –
Compliance
‘Look How Hard I
Was Trying’
Approval - Failure
‘Look How Hard I’m
Trying’ – 1st Degree
Look How Hard I Was
Trying – 3rd Degree
Last thing I want is to
be sent to a hospital
Limited try and make
sure it does not
succeed, thence make
it fail. Go free.
Husband
Wife
19.1
19.3
Concept
Wife feels trapped
than won over
Actor
Wife
Husband
Wife
In spite of difficulty,
work (for family).
Keep people aware.
In spite of difficulty,
work (for family).
People are made
aware, but not by the
actor.
Sudden surfacing of
truth that how hard
one was trying for
someone
Accept it. Yes.
Isn’t it right
sweetheart?
Yes, Honey!
Or
You have a dirty face
too, dear.
Careful psychiatric
review of the situation
and child (Child is
using the game as
weapon.)
Antithesis cannot be
applied to the actor.
LHHIT
Yes
‘Look How Hard
I’m Trying’
Better than
‘wooden Leg’
If this happens
twice to the same
woman, than the
woman needs to
find out what she
has been playing.
‘Schlemiel’
Unspoken
‘Sweetheart’
(You can tell
derogatory anecdotes
about me. But don’t
call me ‘sweetheart’)
21.
If it weren’t for you
IWFY
Author: Azhagarasan
Refer to General
section
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 8 of 17
S.
No.
22.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
3.4
Party Games
Big Daddy
Little Old Me
Schlemiel and his
victim
23.
Ain’t it awful
24.1
Ain’t It Awful
Nowadays
(Parental pastime)
Ain’t It Awful
Broken Skin
24.2
24.3
24.4
24.
Adult variation
Ain’t It Awful
Child Pastimes
Water Cooler
Coffee Break
Political form
Bar Stool
Ain’t It Awful
Poly-surgery
Poly-surgery addicts would
play game and get the
surgery done.
Blemish
Seek injustice to
complain about it
to third party
I know everything.
Aggressor
Victim
Confidant
Middle-aged women
Misery loves
company
I know a better
one.
More horrifying
the better.
Anyone
Listeners
Flow of blood.
Different from idle
gossip ‘Its no
Wonder’
What a pity.
‘Look what they’re
doing to us now’
Earn a living by
deliberately
incurring
disabilities
Gain comfort after
finding a blemish
(in a person).
Avoid exposure of
one’s own
blemishes
Author: Azhagarasan
Everything is bad
nowadays
Actor
(Doctor)
Society
Doctor-Shoppers
Demand sympathy
and indemnification
Gain negative
reassurance
‘What’s he trying to
prove’
‘Can’t hold his
erection’
‘Not 100% of a
category’
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Child: I am no
good
Parent: They are no
good
‘Last year’s hat’
‘Hasn’t got $$$s in
the bank’
‘Hasn’t read
something (a book/
report)’
Page 9 of 17
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25.
26.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Schlemiel
Exploiting
opportunity
Actor
Victim (Host)
You need to forgive
me for things I do that
appear accidental
Helpless person –
inadequate but
intelligent child
Idea is not to get
suggestions, but to
reject them
Provocation –
Resentment
Apology –
forgiveness
P: I can make you
grateful for my
help
‘Sweetheart’
Avoid quietness/
lull
You can be as
destructive as you
want. But do not say
‘I’m Sorry’
Do not play ITHY
Advisers (Any
number) – sage
parents
No suggestion is ever
accepted
I can be destructive, still I
can get forgiveness
Why Don’t You – Yes But
(YDYB)
May seem like adult
conversation
Avoid exposing
child when the
adult is not busy
Inverse of ITHY
ITHY – One therapist;
Multiple clients
YDYB – One Client;
Multiple therapists
Hiding fear of
unstructured time
Husband
Wife
Resembles ‘Peasant’.
But peasant accepts
suggestions. But turns
down the suggestions
later.
Harmless game
27.
3.5
Sexual Games
Lets you and Him Fight
LYAHF
Feminine psychology
LYAHF
A maneuver - Romantic
Author: Azhagarasan
Accept it, if there was
a statement from
child.
Hypnotic injection
and then treatment
Start another game
Enjoy watching a
fight between men
Basis for many world’s
literature
31.1
Ask for answers from
the child, if there was
a question.
Woman
Men fighting for
women
‘Stupid’
Drinker to rescuer
in ‘Alcoholic’
‘ITHY’
C: Go ahead and
try
Problem – Solution
Objection –
Solution
Objection Disconcertion
‘What Do You Do
If …’
‘Why Do You – No
But’ YDNB
‘Rapo’
Second degree hard
form of ‘Do Me
Something’
A maneuver or a
ritual or a game
Fighting is induced
by woman
Live happily with
the winner
Challenge two men
into fighting, with a
promise that she
surrenders to the
winner. She is honest
and honors the
promise.
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 10 of 17
S.
No.
31.2
Name of the Game
Motive
LYAHF
Actors
Concept
Society
Men (for a woman)
Custom demands that
two men fight for her.
Antithesis
31.3
LYAHF
A game - Comic
28.
Perversion
Honest
competition is for
suckers!
Women
Men
(The Man)
Derive satisfaction
from humiliating
foreplay
Confused Child
Related Games
‘Lets Pull A Fast
One On Joey’ – If
the woman is
disappointed of the
outcome
FOOJY
A ritual – Tragic
Woman has already
made a choice and
does not want a fight
Woman sets up the
competition and
while the two men are
fighting, she decamps
with a third one.
Obsession
Fetish
Sadism
Masochism
Transactions
Extend courtesy to
self and spouse.
‘Wooden Leg’
‘Homosexuality’
‘Cops and robbers’
C&B
‘WAHM; always
to US’
‘It’s the Society We
Live In’
‘All Great Men
were…’
30.
31.
‘It’s the Society We Live
In’
‘All Great Men were…’
Rapo
35.1
Rapo – 1st Degree
35.2
Rapo – 2nd Degree
29.
Man
Woman
Derive happiness
by accepting
flirtation
Derive happiness
by rejecting
flirtation
Mild flirtation
Accept and stop the
game
Prolong and then stop
Politely called ‘Kiss
Off’
Politely called
‘Indignation’
Righteous Anger
‘Buzz off, Buster’
Man may play
‘Kick Me’
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 11 of 17
S.
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35.3
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Rapo – 3rd Degree
Seductress &Wolf
Woman & Man
Distinguish genuine
expressions of love
from the game
transactions
Seduction –
Counter Seduction
Surrender –
Victory
Confrontation Collapse
NIGYSOB
Typically ends in murder/
suicide/ courtroom
She makes
compromising
physical contact and
offends that
irreparable damage is
done
ProvocationResponse
Illegitimate cry of
rape or
Homicide/ suicide
In children ‘Frigid
woman’
Uproar
Retire
‘Frigid Woman’
‘Frigid Man’
‘Courtroom’
Or
Woman
Man
Her Husband
(Blackmail)
32.
The Stroking Game
33.
Self-destructive
Uproar
Seek sexual
attention
Attention from men
in a women-men
group
Domineering fathers
and
Teenage daughters
Husband-Wife
Brothers-sisters
34.
3.6
Underworld
Cops and robbers
C&B
Derive happiness
by getting caught
Cops (or Judge)
Robber
Hide and seek
OR
Kleptomaniacs
35.
How Do You Get Out Of
Here
Structuring Time
Good Behavior –
parent, child and
adult work together
and get freedom
Women will initiate
counter-moves and
stop the game
Mother can make
antithetical move
‘Badger Game’
Male versions:
‘Casting Couch’
‘Cuddle Up'
‘Rapo’
Hand over the issue to
relatives (as jury)
Retire and slam the
door OR
Expel the daughter
No effective tools
Defiance –
Indignation
Concealment –
Frustration
Provocation –
Victory (of cop)
Note that police &
court are playing their
roles and are not
antithetical
Play ‘You Have Got
To Listen’ to the
Child in ‘Want Out’
Outsiders play
‘LYAHF’
‘Alcoholic’
‘Auditors and
Robbers’
‘Customs and
Robbers
(smugglers)’
‘You Have Got To
Listen’
“Bum Rap”
Want Out – Child
spoils the work at the
climax
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 12 of 17
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36.
Name of the Game
Motive
Concept
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Initiator – who
blames Joey
Actor - looser
Joey – Jerk, but the
winner
Lets Pull A Fast One On
Joey – FOOJY
‘LYAHF’
3.7
37.
38.
Consulting Room
Games
Green House
Actors
I’m only trying to help you
ITHY
Player takes things
seriously. No sense of
humor
39.
Exaggerate
something as a
‘genuine feeling’
to get regarded
with awe.
Help honestly
with the intention
to get credit (but
always
unsuccessful)
Indigence
(Not a honest one)
Peasant
Author: Azhagarasan
Helper
Client
Supplier
Receiver
Need
40.
Player
Receiver
Praise and exploit
someone to get
what you want
Can this be accepted
as a ‘Genuine
Feeling’ (to be
showcased for
National feelings
Show!)
See how adequate I
am.
I will make you feel
inadequate
ITHY
LWYMMD
WAHM
I’ll try to help you
(provided you don’t
get better)
I’ll try to get better
(provided I don’t
have to get better)
Two forms:
1. Gee, You’re
Wonderful GYWP
2. You’re
Uncommonly
Perceptive YUP
‘Psychiatry’
Don’t tell me what to
do.
Don’t help me, help
him.
Request Instruction
– Offer Instruction
Procedure bungled
– Reproof
Demonstration that
procedures are
faulty – Implicit
apology
‘WAHM’
‘SWYMD’
‘Schlemial’
‘ITHY’
If innocent,
automatically cured
when the adult takes
over
‘Little Old Me’
2nd degree ‘Rapo’
Take countermeasures
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 13 of 17
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41.
42.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Antithesis
Psychiatry
To be a better
player
Actor
Therapists
(Amateur
psychotherapists)
I’m coming to be
cured
You’ll never cure me.
But you’ll teach me
to be a stronger
psycho
Differentiate between
procedure and game
Stupid
I am cute and harmless. I
am seriously stupid.
43.
44.
Wooden Leg
3.8
Good Games
Busman’s Holiday
(More a pastime, if honest)
45.
Cavalier
Casual
As I am stupid, I
can take lesser
responsibilities;
My mistakes can
be forgiven
Plea of Insanity
Insane (supposedly)
Good Parent:
Accept the plea
Harsh Parent:
Reject the plea
Therapist
Related Games
‘ITHY’
‘Archaeology’
‘Tell me this’ –
Twenty Questions
Don’t play ‘stupid’.
Don’t laugh at
stupidity.
‘YDYB’
‘Schlemiel’ –
aggressive version
(and asks for
apology)
No use telling him
that he is NOT stupid.
‘ITHY’
What do you expect
of someone who has a
wooden leg? (Expect
him to turn his wheels
only)
Adult Therapist:
Don’t accept/reject.
Plea is valid; But do
you need to plea/
play.
Mutual Admiration
Admire the art
Woman has to
sophistically handle
it. Do not take it as
seduction.
‘YDYB’
‘ITHY’
‘Indigence’
‘Rickshaw’
Paid Holiday
Keep work as
secondary and
accomplish
something else
Art of admiration
without crossing
boundaries
Poet
Appreciative Subject
Man
Woman (Blarney)
Brutal antithesis –
‘Buzz off, Buster’
Author: Azhagarasan
Transactions
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
See How good I
can make you feel.
You make me feel
good
‘Gee You’re
Wonderful,
Professor’
GYWM/ GYWP
See what phrases I
Can create.
You’re creative
2nd Degree Rapo
1st degree of Rapo –
if woman is stupid
Page 14 of 17
S.
No.
46.
47.
Name of the Game
Motive
Actors
Concept
Happy to Help
Help with
underlying
purpose
Helper
Get credit sooner or
later for what I’ve
done
Learn everything
to be a sage
Learner becomes
helper
Society
Everyone comes to a
retired sage, who can
help
Success is secondary
Constructive Commercial
Game
Homely Sage
48.
They’ll Be Glad They Knew
Me
49.
I’ll show Them
4
Gain prestige,
make people
proud of you
Gain prestige,
make people
repent for not
treating him better
Antithesis
Transactions
Related Games
Help
Get something in
return
‘I’ll show Them
(who I am)’ –
Destructive form
Success is secondary.
People should envy
and die of such
feeling
Beyond Games







Games are passed from generation to generation
Grand children are the mostly affected ones
‘Raising Children’ is primarily a matter of teaching them what games to play
Games are treated good or bad, depending on the society where we live in
Games are sandwiched between pastimes and intimacy
o Pastimes get bored with repetition
o Intimacy can be abused
o ‘Child’ is afraid of people abusing Intimacy/ Privacy, hence it plays games
Disturbed people play hard games
Sulks and Jerks
o Angry vs. Stupidity
o Child vs. Parental attributes
o Both the angry and jerk elements are to be kept minimal
o (Jerk for men and Prig for woman)
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 15 of 17
5
Autonomy from Games
o
6
Recovery of following three capabilities
 Awareness
 Aware of what is present and at the moment
 Awareness is lost, when a child focuses on learning
 Learning is important for the survival
 Awareness is recovery of one’s ability to see things, without applying what he has learnt
 Don’t be a jerk or a sulk or pastime player.
o Jerk reaches late and plans to play ‘ Look How Hard I’ve Tried’. Honestly he has tried.
o Sulk reaches late and works on excuses and plays ‘Look What They Made Me Do’
o Jerk is ‘dead’
o Sulk is ‘half-alive’
o Pastime player ‘alive to an extent’
o Player with awareness is ‘alive’
 Spontaneity
 Freedom to choose and express feelings, irrespective of parent or child or adult
 Liberation from compulsion to play games
 Intimacy
 Natural uncorrupted child
 The child is aware and spontaneous
 Does not have parental influences (Infants are the most loving ones)
Attainment of Autonomy
o
o
7
We influence children that causes them to lose mainly ‘Intimacy’ and Spontaneity & Awareness
Children make reversible decisions by adapting to selective teachings from parent (The selection should be correct)
After Games, What?






Human life is filling of time until the arrival of death, with a very little choice
For the people who know about games
o They can classify the behavior – Awareness
o Rise above the programming in the past – Spontaneity
o Know that something that is more rewarding than games – Intimacy
For the ones who do not know, it is frightening, as they are unprepared
The society at large does not face changes in the way the games are played, as games descend through generations.
The society does not see many variants of the games played in the past.
But the learning can make you a better individual in the society
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 16 of 17
8
References
The Book ‘Games People Play’ by Eric Berne M.D
9
Author: [email protected]
Date written: 18th Feb 2003
10
Disclaimer
This material is not and can never be a substitute for the learning that one would gain from the original book ‘Games People Play’. But it would be a good
supporting material. This material is intended to help the readers in reviewing their understanding of games with the cross references presented and to help
readers in relating or comparing the games. Though most of the material’s contents are exact reproduction from the original book, author of this material has
rephrased some definitions to give a different perspective. If any of the content is not correct as per research findings or any other sources of information, then
the information from other sources overrides the information presented here.
This material is not intended to violate any copyrights of the original book. If it is found against the law, please report to the email id mentioned, along with the
appropriate action to be taken. As long as the author is convinced that the action can be taken, author would try his best to honor the same.
Reproduction of this material, if found illegal due to the nature that the material itself is a reproduced one or otherwise; author claims no responsibility for the
consequences.
Author: Azhagarasan
Date Created: 18th Feb 2003
Page 17 of 17