Men, masculinities and fatherhood
Dr Alan Dolan
Masculinity
At its most basic level, masculinity has been understood
as the outward expression of being biologically male
linked to the Y chromosome, testosterone and other
hormonal influences – discredited as an explanation
‘Sex role theory’ drew on theories of socialisation to
explain how men and women were conditioned into
appropriate gendered roles – criticised for failing to
address issues of power relations between men and
women
Masculinities
The notion that masculinity changes over time and is infused
with other aspects of social differentiation, such as social class,
ethnicity, disability, sexuality and so forth
‘Hegemonic masculinity’ accounts for men’s domination over
women, but also recognises less powerful groups of men who
become subordinated or marginalised
Implicitly supported by men as a means of defending
patriarchal dominance; the patriarchal dividend
Fathers and fatherhood
Early constructions premised on biological and genetic differences
Concepts such as ‘socialisation’ and ‘role models’ reinforced fathers
as the breadwinner and women as the carer
Fatherhood and masculinities; fathering is understood through
cultural ideals of masculinities as well as ideas of fatherhood
Notions of a reconstructed fatherhood need to be located within a
wider patriarchal framework and the changing nature of gendered
domination
Fathers on the agenda
Fathers’ apparent increased involvement in the care of their
children that incorporates more attentive and nurturing
characteristics and practices
The role of fathers has been subject to significant debate;
fathers have been both problematised and accorded a
positive role in children’s well-being
How does men’s primary role as economic providers
structure their experiences as ‘new’ or ‘involved’ fathers
Men’s desire for fatherhood
I can’t imagine not being a father, it’s a kind of main role
in life as far as I see. (Ethan, 52)
It’s almost programmed into you. ...Even though it’s
different for a man, there’s still a sort of biological urge
to have your own children. (Henry, 42)
Men’s desire for fatherhood
On the surface it’s a bit different but deep down it’s the
same. …I want children as much as my wife does. But …
amongst men, it’s obviously not as gushing or as
…maternal or however you would describe it. (Max, 32)
Fatherhood as embodied masculinity
Over the moon. …I suppose it's like a man thing. It's like
you feel more of a man in a way. I know it sounds a bit
weird but you feel more a man. …You feel everything's
working and you're alright. So I was over the moon,
overjoyed. (Danny, 32)
Obviously that’s part of being a man is being able to
produce children. …When they tell you that you can’t,
that your semen’s no good, it’s like… taking a bit of
masculinity away from you. A bit of being a man.
(Leonard, 25)
Men’s wish to be ‘better’ fathers
I want to be better ... a million times better. ...I don’t
think he wanted to be a dad. I don’t ever feel there was a
connection or love or anything like that. (Michael, 30)
Men’s wish to be ‘better’ fathers
In my mind … I was there for the children … doing the right
thing because I’m providing all the money they need to do
what they want to do. …I was bringing them up with a sort of
a stern attitude. …And I got what I wanted. More out of fear
than anything else. … I was like ‘I need to be in control’. …I
had to dictate what was happening. (Peter, 47)
In the past I would react very quickly as in shout straight
away or stop the situation straight away. ...I’m realising now I
was at times overreacting. I’m trying to react to that and to
change that. Even still now I can still see myself going the
opposite way. (Adam, 29)
Men’s wish to be ‘better’ fathers
It wasn’t really a dad’s thing to get involved. That’s
nothing like it now. ...I want to feel like a family man. I
want to get all hands on (Gavin, 30).
Well I think a normal male if he’s normal as I class it he
wants to be the breadwinner. …He wants to look after his
family. He wants to care for them. Give them all the nice
things in life. (John, 46)
Men’s wish to be ‘better’ fathers
I always feel guilty. ...You come home from work at night
and you have very little time (Gavin, 30)
I don’t want to be exactly the same as my dad, just
seeing him on a Saturday. But the way things are I’m not
sure if I’ve got much of a choice. (James, 19)
‘Being there’ for their children
I want them to be safe and well looked after … and that
they’re protected....Shown that they’re loved. Really loved.
…To be there for them. ...So they respect me. Instead of the
frustration I had with my own dad. (Adam, 29)
Growing up I was not really ever able to explore my own
feelings or to be able to say how felt or what my needs were,
or if I ever expressed them that they were certainly dismissed
or rubbished. …I said if ever I have children … then these are
some of the things I would like to give. …I wanted … my
children to grow up without having the same … levels of
anxiety … that I had growing up. (Liam, 53)
Men lack knowledge around children
and childcare
I think not knowing how a father should actually be …
and not really having any other influence … it was a big
risk, a gamble. …What if I … had a baby and I’m rubbish
at it. That would be horrendous. …That would just be my
worse idea … having a child and then going ‘I can’t cope
with this’ and then having to phone someone and say
‘you need to take it back’. (Graham, 40)
Men lack knowledge around children
and childcare
I want to actually have knowledge of kids … to do my
best for my children. Bring them up as good as I can.
And not have complications in doing so. ...Not making
them feel bad. ...Doing it the right way instead of going in
charging like a bull. (Gavin, 30)
Men lack knowledge around children
and childcare
Your wife will know naturally what to do. They’ve got
that more sensitive side. …Men are a bit more egotistical
and a bit hard and all that; “Do as I say!” …I was never
sure how to help out. …I was always saying to my wife:
“What do I do”? “What do you want me to do”? (Adam,
29)
The changing practices of fathers
I don’t feel like I’ve ever kind of hit the panic button as I
used to. ...I just didn’t know what was going on. Things
escalating and he’d be in a real state. I don’t feel I’ve ever
got to that stage again. ...I’m very much in tune with him
now. ...I’m more sensitive. I know now he likes to be
close and touchy. ...I can pick up on that now and do that
rather than shake this, hit that or whatever. ...I feel a
very good bond with him now. (Adrian, 28)
The changing practices of fathers
Your grandfather beat the hell out of your father, your father
beat the hell out of you, are you going to ... will you smack
your child. ...Before ... I probably thought it’s not something
that I’d enjoy, but probably it’s a necessary part of helping
establish what’s acceptable or not. And I came away thinking
no it’s just a pathetic thing to do. How could you? ...Here’s
somebody that is struggling with their own development and
communication and they don’t know ... how the world
operates and what’s right or wrong. And you come along and
whack them. ...I kind of felt quite small at that point. It really
made me challenge everything. (Michael, 30)
The changing practices of fathers
People probably would say … the man’s there to be the
discipline and the mum’s there to love them. But it’s
about being responsible. To help them grow up the right
way with the right discipline in the right areas. ...But
coming from a more sensitive side. (Adrian, 28)
Demonstrating affection
I think men are scared to show their feelings. ...A dad to a
kid is a quick cuddle, peck on the head. ...I’ve learnt to
give them proper cuddles, proper kisses. …Actually
showing love for my children. (Daniel, 31)
Demonstrating affection
We care for them, we do our best, but have I got a
relationship more than a practical caring one? Have I got
… a loving relationship with them … the answer is most
definitely no. …It’s avoiding a sense of loss … that’s
probably why I’ve avoided forming a connection. …It’s
about this emotional attachment being carved away from
you with absolutely nothing you can do about it. (Albert,
60)
Demonstrating affection
There is the aspect of how others may judge how you
act. …It’s just the way blokes are. …They ain’t going to do
it with other people there. (Robert, 42)
Demonstrating affection
Just because you’re a male doesn’t mean you can’t be affectionate. I
mean [Name] will come up to us for a hug as he did this morning, ‘can I
have a hug’, and there’s no problem with that. … That’s not something
I’d launch into before I knew it would be well received. …I would never
be the first to initiate. (Lucas, 56)
I’m a bit reluctant just because a bloke touching a girl is a bit funny.
We had [Name] who stayed with us for about a year, and she’d give
me a cuddle … and I felt comfortable. …We talked about … standing
shoulder to shoulder … but I’m an instinctive kind of bloke and do
things without thinking and it’s not really that instinctive if you have to
think to stand side by side to cuddle. (Ethan, 52)
Demonstrating affection
Men feel very vulnerable because allegations, we’re all aware can
be dropped at any time. I’m very fearful of the fact that any words
or anything like that can be taken out of context and turned
around, and they can put us into a vulnerable position. …So we’re
constantly double checking, thinking twice and thrice about what
we say or how we say something (Rob, 51)
The perception is that you’re a kiddiefiddler. …I do feel judged for
being in a same sex relationship and having a child, that you are
some kind of ring leader for something kind of dodgy. …What are
you doing with these children, you’re men? (Graham, 40)
Demonstrating affection
You don’t really tend to talk that much about children.
Or all the problems you have with children do you? It’s
not something you do down the pub is it? …Nobody was
going to laugh at you or tell you to shut up because they
don’t want to hear about that sort of stuff. (Christopher,
45)
Summary
Men have to manage both masculine and fathering identities
Men may feel they are doing some of the same tasks as
women, but delivered in a more masculine way – can erase
women’s disproportionate responsibility for childcare
Men’s greater involvement may reflect new possibilities for
the role of men within families?
Involved fathering potentially may signal the recreation of
patriarchal dominance in new guises?