Internal Family Empowerment
(Basic Course)
(7) Deposit trust in your life
(6) Deposit trust
Understand the need to change yourself, and a
method to apply it to your real life.
1) Deposit = Initiate action to build
trust.
2) Withdraw = Reactive action that lowers
trust.
Effect of depositing trust
If the trust balance is kept
high, your mutual
communication will go well,
and even if some small
mistakes were made, the
trust balance will
supplement that.
□ Five items of depositing
1) Be kind
“It is no small matter to care for the people
around you and continue to be kind to them.”
・Words
・Thanks
・I'm sorry
・What can I do for you?
・I’d be glad to.
1) Be kind
“It is no small matter to care for the people
around you and continue to be kind to them.”
・Action
・ “Wash dishes together”
・ “Go shopping.”
・ “Put a memo in their lunch box.”
・ “Convey your feeling by telephone”
・ “Convey your feeling of gratitude”
・ “Embrace”
(2) Apologize
・"I am sorry."→ Barometer of initiative
Worrying about how other people may look at me; my
image, position and their evaluation on me.
Is "Apology" to my detriment?
It is not so!
Apologize promptly!
If you apologize first, then I will,
too. This is the worst.
(3) Do not speak ill of someone
who is not with you.
(4) When you make a promise, then
keep it (Important)
・Remember their birthday and have a party
・Hold meetings as promised
(5) Forgive
・It is a key point to love
・Until you forgive others, you will
remain to be a victim
• A story of a father
I pondered upon the idea of trust balance deeply. "Is
my existence contributing to the happiness of each
family member? The answer coming out from my
heart was "No. "My existence was making my
daughter unhappy. When I realized that fact, I felt my
heart was torn apart. When I began to recover from
that initial shock to a certain degree, I realized I had to
change the way I am, the way of my mind.
I needed to start taking different action
towards my daughter, and I made up
my mind to love her in a true sense. I
needed to stop criticizing her, and stop
blaming her as the cause of the
problems we are involved in.
I had to stop trying to win over her when we fought.
I decided to put my determination into practice at once. I
decided to make five “deposits” every day to my trust
account for one month.
When my daughter came back from school that day, I
asked her with a warm smile, “How was school?” “It's
none of your business,” replied my daughter coldly. I
restrained myself and pretended I didn't hear her words. I
kept smiling, and said, “I just wondered if you are well.”
I continued making efforts to keep depositing for several
days. I also ignored her toxic words.
Before, I couldn't be quiet when I heard such words from her,
so, it was quite difficult for me not to say anything.
I began to realize, each time I hear her toxic words, how
miserable our relationship has been. I also realized how much
I blamed her and demanded her to change in our relationship
without trying to change myself.
By not trying to change her but trying to change my feeling
and action, I was able to see things from a totally different
viewpoint. I also came to understand that she is longing for
love and affection. Instead of feeling anger to her attitude
who ignores my effort, I began to feel a power spring up from
inside of me to deal with her with love and affection. ….
□ Let's talk
・What is the trust balance?
・Let's talk to each other about what you
think