Diocesan Advisory Committee
Guidance Note
Gardens of Rest and areas for cremated
remains
Remembering a loved one………..
The burial of the earthly remains of someone we’ve known and loved is an issue that
inevitably stirs powerful emotions in all of us, especially if that loved one died
relatively young. We tend to decide how best to commemorate the death and plan
the details of a memorial while we’re still in the early stages of grieving. This is
understandable, but in one sense it’s too soon. And it can make us very sensitive to
anything and anybody that seems to be preventing us from making those plans
come true. We may well feel that the regulations about memorials are unreasonable.
But if we think about it, those who look after any kind of burial place, municipal or
church, have to devise certain basic rules, if it’s to be kept tidy, well-ordered and
maintained. That goes also for rules about marking graves with headstones or
plaques. And, if we’re honest, there need to be rules to prevent those occasional
requests from relatives which, by any standards, seem unreasonable or bizarre.
The guidelines about churchyards in particular try to balance two things – the need
for private and public space. First, the personal feelings of relatives; how can they
best establish a private space for remembrance where they can visit and locate their
grief, even though there are many other graves around? And second, the need for
that individual grave to blend in with all the other graves in the churchyard. How can
the wider community maintain down the years the beauty of a churchyard in relation
to its historical setting – a mediaeval church building?
When it comes down to the details, these things are a compromise between what
relatives think are appropriate or tasteful headstones, words on memorials, flowers
and other personal items, and the local church’s desire to protect the overall look of
a place which is centuries old. A churchyard isn’t meant to look like a War Grave
cemetery with regulation headstones, and manicured lawns, but neither can it be a
place where anything goes, with memorials which are out of keeping with the ancient
church that stands beside it.
So, decisions about what can be allowed and what can’t are not easy, whoever is
deciding. Tastes and conventions are always changing down the centuries, as many
of our best loved memorials and texts in churches and churchyards reveal, and most
of us expect to personalise, individualise, a grave if we can. But there have to be
rules!
Diocesan Advisory Committee (DAC), Diocesan Office,
Bishop Woodford House, Barton Road, Ely CB7 4DX
[email protected] 01353 652729
Who makes the rules?
Each diocese in the Church of England regulates these things via someone called
the Chancellor (usually a Judge), but the Chancellor delegates to local vicars the
right to permit any request which meets the normal guidelines set by him. Any
request from relatives that’s outside the guidelines can’t be allowed by the local
vicar, and it’s important to understand that he’s not responsible for making the rules!
What do the rules cover?
They relate to matters like the size, shape, material and colour of headstones; the
text and lettering on headstones, the use of flowers (artificial flowers are not
allowed), and the handling of disputes about what may be placed on graves.
What if I want to break the rules?
If a request is made by relatives for something outside the regulations, it is still
possible to ask for permission, but local vicars can’t give permission themselves. An
application must be made directly to the Chancellor by means of what is called a
Faculty request. This involves no small cost, and such a request may or may not be
granted in each case. The local Parochial Church Council (PCC) must agree to
support the application.
Whose grave is it?
All parishioners, those on the electoral roll of the church, and any normally nonresident person who happens to die while living in the parish, has a right to be buried
in the churchyard. In a legal sense, although a grave is the grave of a person, that
grave isn’t ‘owned’ by relatives in the sense that they have bought leasehold a small
plot of land in the churchyard. The ownership of the graves and the churchyard is
technically vested in the vicar/rector, while it’s the PCC which has the overall duty of
care for the churchyard. This is important because within a generation or so of a
death there’s a natural tendency for graves to be visited less often, or simply
neglected, as relatives die or move away. It’s then that the PCC has to continue the
process, and funding, of maintenance, grass cutting etc.
Headstones
When a headstone or monument is erected in a churchyard it’s the property of those
who erected it, and they may repair it. However, in view of what has been said
above, it’s often the PCC, in reality, who are left to fund repairs of headstones and
make them safe, as well as to carry out routine gardening and maintenance. This
again illustrates the point about balancing private and public needs in a churchyard.
It’s often true that as the years pass, and private grief subsides, a grave moves
slowly from being private to public space. It’s been like that for centuries!
Flowers and mementos
Many spouses or relatives manage to keep a regular routine of visiting a grave with
flowers or plants, and in some cases it can take many years before those routines
decline. Other relatives of course can only visit from time to time, and there can be a
problem about the removal of dead flowers or the use of artificial flowers, and
personal mementos such as teddy bears, etc. Occasionally, relatives feel the need to
Diocesan Advisory Committee (DAC), Diocesan Office,
Bishop Woodford House, Barton Road, Ely CB7 4DX
[email protected] 01353 652729
personalise a grave further by planting shrubs and making the plot into a sort of
garden. All this creates problems both for the local church and sometimes for those
relatives with graves next to such graves who don’t approve. That’s why local
churches have to have rules about how far a grave can be personalised, in terms of
plants and mementos, and it’s important that relatives respect them even if they
disagree with them.
Diocesan Advisory Committee (DAC), Diocesan Office,
Bishop Woodford House, Barton Road, Ely CB7 4DX
[email protected] 01353 652729