“Why Did You Step On Me?”
A Spider Asks
Lowell L. Getz
Why did you step on me? It was not an accident. I saw you reach your foot
out to squash me. Even twisted it to make certain I was dead. What did I do, or
what did you think I could do, to warrant such action? At only three eighths of an
inch in diameter, what could I have done to hurt you? Come on, you are five feet five
inches tall and weigh 125 pounds. Even had I climbed up your leg, my tiny fangs
could not have begun to pierce your skin, let alone cause you any pain. As a matter
of fact, your leg was the last thing on my mind. I was concentrating on making it to
the edge of the rug before your shoe came down on me. I guess it would have been
too much of a stretch for you to have considered picking me up in a tissue and
tossing me outside. Why did you not simply ask your husband to do so? Surely he
would have humored you.
What gives with this arachnophobia you humans display? We spiders do not
go out of our way to hurt you. Sure, we scurry about on your floors and carpets,
mainly trying to get out of your way. Do you not realize the favors we do for you?
We feed on carpet mites, ants, baby cockroaches, fleas, earwigs, fruit flies, and any
number of other small pests that really bug you (sorry, no pun intended).
I know, some of us spin unsightly cobwebs in the upper corner of your living
room. I can understand that you do not want your friends to get the impression you
are an untidy housekeeper. So, sweep down the webs, along with those responsible
for them. Perhaps they deserve that fate. But, please, let those of us down here on
the floor go on about our lives.
OK, a few us, a very few I might add, are poisonous. One, the Brown Recluse,
gets a lot of press. Don’t use the larger Brown Recluse as an excuse for stepping on
us. You will not find it scurrying about the bathroom floor. Size difference aside, do
you not understand the “Recluse” bit? Means hidden in secluded places, not bustling
about on a bare bathroom floor. I realize there is also the infamous Black Widow,
but it, too, is almost never seen in a house, even less so in exposed places. Besides,
we small compact species hardly can be confused with the large rotund long-legged
Black Widows.
Do you not have a feeling of remorse for killing a living being? Do you not
understand that we, too, have lives to live? Do you not realize that we feel pain
when flattened on the hard tile floor? It is true, most major religions tend to
perceive their God in some sort of human form and emphasize the dominance of
human life. But, these same religions, including Islam, Hinduism, Judeo-Christianity,
and Buddhism, in one manner or other preach the sanctity of life, whether it be
humans or “small creatures that crawl upon the ground.” These religions teach that
you should treat all of God’s creatures with respect and dignity, never with
contempt, because every living being has the right to exist. Irrespective of religious
teachings, why should a human kill another of God’s beings? After all, if She (OK, so
I’m pandering to you) went to all the trouble of creating us, She must want us to live
our own lives in the intended manner. Does it really give you a sense of superiority
to step on us?
If you only took time to look at us carefully under magnification, perhaps you
would appreciate us more. You would see that we have incredibly complex body
structures. If you could set aside your paranoia for at least a few minutes, you
would be amazed at how intricate and striking are our bodies. And, we have
fascinating life habits that are about as complex as are yours. We may do things
differently than do you, but to us, just as it is to you, life is important.
While we are on the subject of phobias, what gives with this thing you have
about snakes? As when you see one of us, your first instinct upon spotting a snake is
to dispatch it to its Maker. Even though you may recognize it as a harmless garter
snake or some other innocuous little snake, out comes the hoe and off comes the
head. How can they hurt you? A snake’s first reaction upon spotting you, is to slip
away. Forget the: “If it had been a snake it would have bitten you.” Actually, should
be “. . . it would have slithered away.” In addition, snakes help you by eating mice,
slugs, insects, spiders (OOPS), and other animals that you consider pests. Yes, there
are poisonous snakes. But, how often do you hear of poisonous snakes in town?
Like, maybe, never? Cannot use that excuse. But, I digress.
I know what you are going to ask. “So why are you in my bathroom? Why
don’t you spiders stay outside where you belong?” Do you think I am so naïve to
think you would not step on us on the patio, too? Obvious to me, it is not that we are
in your house. Rather, it’s because we are spiders. Besides, we are in here because
the climate and cover are good and, more importantly, there is plenty of food for us.
“Food”, I might add, that also grosses you out.
And, don’t think we are not aware of the lame excuse, “It was going to die
before long, anyway. I just hurried up the cycle of life.” Right. Great view point.
As I said before, do we not have the right to live out our natural lives? To make sure
our species are perpetuated? How about the next time you make a trip to the clinic,
the doctor suggests speeding up “your cycle of life?” After all, I have seen your
grown daughter and her children here in the bathroom. You have fulfilled your role
in maintaining your species. So why hang around any longer? I know, a bit of an
exaggeration, but seems to follow your rationalization for my early demise.
I realize you will not change and will continue to squish us as we try to scoot
under the edge of the rug or behind the clothes hamper. Guess it is just our lot in life
to be squashed. Our only hope is that at least enough of us scurry away more
rapidly than you can reach out to smash us, so that we can perpetuate our species.
Thus, will continue the deadly bathroom routine. We spiders trying to escape your
shoe and you trying to do a deadly dance step on us. In spite of the teachings of your
religion, you will have no remorse when you do us in. You will paraphrase General
Phil Sheridan, “The only good spider is a dead spider.” No consideration of the pain
we feel when you step on us. Can you not appreciate the panic we feel when we see
the humongous sole of your shoe coming down on us as you crunch us into oblivion?
Even if I could, it is too late for me to attempt to change your mind-set. I am gone.
Squashed. You saw to that. Nor, will others be able to appeal to your sensibilities.
Those coming after me simply will have to play the stomping/survival challenge and
hope for the best. When you win, you will continue to have a smug feeling of
superiority. Another “good” spider. So continue your spider stomping routine, if
you must.
Oh, by the way, when it’s all over, you better hope God does not have eight
legs.