Assertiveness
Year 11 Semester Health
ASSERTIVENESS
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Assertiveness is expressing our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a
direct, honest and appropriate way.
Being able to communicate calmly without attacking another person
Saying “yes” when you want to, and saying “no” when you mean ‘no”
(rather than agreeing to do something just to please someone else)
It means that we have respect both for ourselves and for others.
Deciding on, and sticking to, clear boundaries – being happy to
defend your position, but at the same time respecting other people’s
positions.
We are consciously working toward a “win-win” solution to problems.
A win-win solution means that we are tying to make sure that both
parties end up with their needs met to the degree possible.
An assertive person effectively influences, listens, and negotiates so
that others choose to co-operate willingly.
ASSERTIVENESS IS NOT…..
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Assertiveness is very different from aggressiveness.
Aggressiveness involves expressing our thoughts,
feelings and beliefs in a way that is inappropriate and
violates the rights of others.
It involves bottling up feelings which eventually explode,
leaving no room for communication
It can be either active or passive, but no matter which, it
communicates an impression of disrespect.
By being aggressive, we put our wants, needs, and
rights above that of others. We attempt to get our way by
not allowing others a choice.
NON ASSERTIVENESS……
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Assertiveness is also different from nonassertiveness
Non-assertive behaviour is passive and indirect
It allows others to violate our rights and shows a
lack of respect for our own needs
It communicates a message of inferiority
It creates a lose-win situation because the nonassertive person has decided that his or her own
needs come second to others and they opt to be
a victim
WHAT STRATEGIS CAN I USE TO ENSURE I
AM AN ASSERTIVE PERSON?
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USE “I” MESSAGES
An “I” message is a good way to let people know what you are thinking. It is made up
of three parts:
Behaviour – what it is exactly, that the other person has done or is doing
Effect – what is happening because of their behaviour
Feelings – what effect does their behaviour have on your feelings?
By using this kind of message, you are giving another person complete information,
leaving no room for second guessing or doubt about how you feel.
Example: “When you come late to class (behaviour) I feel angry (feelings) because we
have to listen to the teacher repeat information the rest of us have already heard
(effect)
CHOOSE ASSERTIVE WORDS
Use factual descriptions instead of judgements
Compare the following:
“This is sloppy work.” (Aggressive)
“The pages in this report are out of order.” (Assertive)
Avoid Exaggerations
Compare the following:
“You never are on time! (Aggressive)
“You were 15 minutes late to practise today. That’s the
third time this Week” (Assertive)
Assertive Words cont…
Use “I” not “You”
Compare the following:
“You always interrupt my stories!” (Aggressive)
“I would like to tell my story without being interrupted.”
(Assertive)
Express thoughts, feelings, and opinions reflecting
ownership
Compare the following:
“He makes me angry.” (Denies ownership of feelings)
“I get angry when he breaks his promises.” (Assertive
and owns feelings)
BODY LANGUAGE
TYPES:
 Passive body language: would be the classic
“victim” stance of hunched shoulders and
avoidance of eye contact.
 Aggressive stance: is one with clenched fists,
glaring eyes and intrusive body language
 Assertive body language: is a tall stance, but
with a relaxed manner, looking people calmly in
the eyes, with open hands