Going from Bystander to
“Upstander”: Helping Your
Child to Deal with Issues of
Bullying and Harassment
South Brunswick Parent Academy
January 26, 2009
7-8:30 pm
Crossroads North Cafeteria A
Goals
• How to recognize bullying.
• Identify strategies to empower your child
to handle bullying and cyber bullying.
• Share how South Brunswick Schools
address the issues of bullying.
• Apply strategies to handle bullying.
Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com
What is Bullying?
• Bullying happens…
whenever someone uses
his or her power
unfairly and repeatedly
to hurt someone.
What is Cyber Bullying
• Cyber bullying is when a child, preteen or teen is
tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated,
embarrassed or other wise targeted by another child,
preteen or teen using the internet, interactive and digital
technologies or mobile phones.
• Cyber bullying by proxy: using others to help cyber bully
the victim, either with or without the accomplice’s
knowledge.
•
http//www.stopcyberbullying.org
What are the types of bullying?
•
•
•
•
Physical
Social
Verbal
Electronic
Where Does Cyber Bullying Occur?
• E-mail, cell phones, text messaging devices,
interactive games, instant messages, password
and ID theft or cyber-bashing websites, blogs,
social networking sites, chat rooms…
 It is EVERYWHERE…..
He said he’s afraid to go home because that’s where the computer
is….
• Victims can be harassed anywhere anytime!
Who are the players in bullying?
• The bully
• The victim/target
• The bystander
• The upstander
Why bullies bully?
• Provides a feeling of excitement from the
reaction of the targeted victim.
• Thrive on feelings of dominance and
power.
• Possess low levels of empathy and
compassion.
• Have an inflated sense of self-worth.
Why electronic bullying?
• Quick and easy!
• It is impersonal.
• Bully does not see
the reaction of the
victim.
• Bully can remain
anonymous.
Loser!
If You Think Your Child May Be a
Bully…
•
•
•
•
Set limits and enforce consistent
consequences.
Encourage your child to take
responsibility for his or her action.
Spend time together.
Model and practice respect and
empathy.
If You Think Your Child May Be a
Bully…
•
•
•
Keep an eye on your child’s
media use.
Encourage your child to get
involved.
Utilize available counseling
services.
The Targeted Student
May…
• Have been teased by other students and
had an extreme reaction.
• Be overly sensitive and show it.
• Depend on adults for emotional support
more than most their age.
• Rarely report incidents of bullying.
• Not believe adults can help.
Keep in mind…
Sometimes the victim is bullied
for no apparent reason.
If You Think Your Child May Be a
Target/Victim of Bullying…
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Focus on your child.
Keep a log of the events with the help of your child.
Discourage retaliation.
Contact the school administration/counseling services.
Discuss appropriate emotional reactions and self control.
Encourage your child to get involved.
Reinforce strategies taught in school.
What Parents Can Do
Electronic Bullying
• Remind: Keep passwords a secret from
everyone (except you).
• Trust your child and do not “blame the victim.”
• Keep a record of electronic bullying incidents.
• If the electronic bullying involves threats and
harassment or frequent cyber-attacks, call the
police to ensure your child’s safety
What Parents Can Do
Remember that cyber bullying
incidents sometimes end violently.
Stop cyber bullying as soon as
possible!
The Bystander
DEFINITION:
A person who is present but not involved.
• Make up approximately 85% of a school
population ~ “the silent majority”.
• Most ignored and underused resources in
the schools.
• Become desensitized over time (diminished
empathy).
The Upstander
DEFINITION:
A person who is not engaged in the wrongful
act, but steps in to ensure the right action
occurs. A person who assists the victim with
their emotions, feelings and possible actions to
address the bullying.
Upstanders can make a difference!
They can break the cycle of bullying.
• How can you support your child to be an
Upstander?
How to help your child become
an Upstander…
• Encourage empathy.
• Talk to your child about what to do if
they see bullying.
• Role play scenarios with your child
using these strategies.
• Normalize fears and worries.
How to help your child become
an Upstander…
• Emphasize strength in numbers.
• Communicate the expectation to take
action.
• Teach skills and strategies to take a
stand.
• Notice and acknowledge caring
behaviors.
Parents, Teachers, Counselors and Administrators
Character Education Approach
Student Handbook
Bullying and Harassment Policy
“I’ve learned that people will forget
what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never
forget how you made them feel.”
~ Maya Angelou
Contact Information
• Amy Bertelsen-Robles, Indian • Deborah Robey,
Fields
Crossroads North
[email protected]
• Judy McCormick, Cambridge
[email protected]
• Victoria Moses, Crossroads
North
[email protected]
[email protected]
• Ann Jahr, Staff Developer
for Technology
[email protected]
• Nicole Pormilli, District
Project Specialist
[email protected]