How to Use Emotional Control
and Observation Skills To
Become a Better Negotiator!
James W. Haile Jr., C.P.M.
Procurement Manager
McNeil Nutritionals
1
Purpose
• This interactive session will help
you build up your personal
capabilities in managing your
emotions and perceptions toward
achieving your business results
when negotiations occur.
2
AGENDA
• Negotiation Basics
• Rational Thought and Critical Thinking
• Perception and Observation
• Listening Skills
• Negotiating Hints and Tactics
• Summary and Questions
3
Who are We? Why are We
Here?
4
Negotiation Basics
5
Definitions: Negotiations
• To move or shift a belief, a position or
course of action by creating a new set
of values and behavior by providing
relevant and believable information.
• A discussion of two or more parties’
respective wants and needs which aims
for a mutually satisfying agreement.
• To create a need to obtain a product or
service in exchange for something of
value.
6
Creating The Negotiating Environment
to Achieve Profitable Results
• Integrative (aka Win-Win)
Outcomes that is highly acceptable to both
parties
• Distributive (aka Win-Lose & Lose-Win)
Outcomes that have one party exceeding
their goals and the other party falling short
of their goals
7
Creating The Negotiating Environment to
Achieve Profitable Results
Negotiation is not by definition a process
where one party must win and the other
party must lose, although all too often it
ends with that result.
8
Creating The Negotiating Environment
to Achieve Profitable Results
• Remember, the objective is to obtain
profitable results.
• The purpose is not to embarrass, step
on or kill the other party!
9
Criteria For Excellent Personal and
Professional Behavior
• Emotional Control
• Rational Thought
• Critical Thinking
10
What Influences Emotional
Control, Rational Thought and
Critical Thinking?
11
Emotions
• Negotiation processes and outcomes may
create both positive and negative feelings
• Joy, pain, happiness, anger, hate,
impatience, competitiveness, bias, good
vibrations, sadness, feeling bad, loss of
face, liking a situation and stubbornness
are some of the emotions that can be
generated.
12
Positive Emotional Impact on
Negotiations
• Integrative process more likely to be
exhibited during the negotiations
• Creates a positive attitude toward the
other side
• Promotes persistence
13
Negative Emotional Impact on
Negotiations
• Leads to a Competitive or Distributive
situation
• May undermine one’s ability to analyze the
situation accurately which adversely
affects desired outcomes
• Negotiators may escalate the conflict
• Parties may feel the need to retaliate and
thus thwart integrative outcomes
14
Items that Influence Our Thinking
•
•
•
•
Our personal needs
Our upbringing and experiences
The way we view life
The value programming that we place
on ourselves and others
• Our personality
15
Items that Influence Our Thinking
• List five items that some people exhibit or
have that really turn you off
• List five items that some people exhibit or
have that you really admire
16
Items that Influence Our Thinking
• Gain an understanding of your “likes” and
“dislikes” because these are your “hot buttons”
that can affect your thinking in negative ways
when negotiating
• These items can be the color of someone’s
clothes, their manner of speech, words actually
used, the way they sit, the way they shake your
hand, their celebrity status, actions taken, their
age or many other characteristics or behaviors.
17
Items that Influence Our Thinking
• Hot buttons can be good or bad. Examples:
1. That new salesperson is a former professional
athlete who was my idol when I was growing
up. I can’t wait until I do business with him
2. He dresses too nicely. Must be making a
fortune!
• Learn how to manage your thinking
18
Thinking Drives Behavior
Equals Results!
If emotional control and focus is lost,
you will never ACHIEVE your
goals and objectives!
19
Engaging Your Brain!
20
Controlling Your Thoughts and Emotional Responses!
Keep your eyes on the prize. Objectives,
Purpose, Goals, Vision or Mission !
Focused
Self remember and Self observe!
Instinct
Ego
Rational Thought Process
21
Observation and Perception
What Am I Looking at?
22
Observation and Perception
23
Observation and Perception
24
Observation and Perception
• What you see is not what you always get?
• Don’t go for the obvious. Ask questions
and challenge!
• Do not be a Surface Observer or Learner.
• Be aware of everything that is around you!
• Be Focused! Don’t get faked out of the
game!
25
Non-Verbal Observations
• Definition: Any information that your senses
perceive that is not written or spoken
• Examples: Physical Gestures and Attitudes
26
Non-Verbal Observations
• Not looking you in the eyes (mistrust, fear)
• Watching the clock/watch
(impatient or
going somewhere)
• Yawning (Bored, not focused, inattentive)
• Sitting on edge of seat (paying attention,
interested in what you are saying)
• Arms folded across chest (defensive)
27
Non-Verbal Observations
• Stroking Chin
(evaluating)
• Packing their bags (I’m out of here!)
• Stepping aside or backing away
(deference)
• Head in palm of hand (bored)
• Hands on Hips
(ready, set, go)
• Hands behind head and leaning back
(territorially dominant, has answers already)
28
Listening Skills
29
Why is Listening Important?
• Builds respect and trust!
• Courtesy: Treat people as you want to be
treated!
• Information gathering purposes!
• Understanding and Alignment (U&A)
• Supports creativity, flexibility and quick
thinking on the feet during the negotiations.
30
Listening Skills
• Completely focused vs selective listening
• Did you understand what you heard?
• Is the speaker saying one thing, but meaning
something else? Words and Music aligned?
• Are you talking too much to listen to others?
Silence is Golden!
• Listen, don’t evaluate!
31
Listening Skills
• Don’t be distracted by gestures or
mannerisms!
• Be patient and understanding to the
speaker!
32
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
33
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
• Make sure that when negotiating, keep all
discussions around the Purpose/Goals of
the meeting. If discussions go off-track,
bring them back to the Purpose/Goals
• Keep the conversation at the
organizational level versus the individual
level. Stay away from the personality and
behavior issues at this time
34
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
• If you reach the “Brink of Insanity”, call for
a caucus with your team. Take a break!
• If you get an impasse or things break
down to a personal level, ask for another
member of their team, as well as your
team to comment or sit in as a straw man
to participate to reduce the personality
tensions.
35
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
• Avoid reacting to “smart remarks”! Stay
focused on the Purpose and your
position. Ignore and disarm them by not
reacting to rants and ill advised remarks.
• Resolve the easy stuff first. If you hit a
snag, move to another item and park the
difficult one for later on in the meeting.
36
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
• When you go back to the difficult
item, determine what this issue
means in terms of everything else
that has been negotiated.
Ask the question, “How much energy
do you have on this issue?
Negotiate appropriately from there.?
37
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
If the impasse continues, ask these
questions:
-What is the basis for your position on this
issue?
-What is your perceptions or beliefs around
this issue
38
Negotiating Hints and Tactics
Probe their comments with questions that
indicate genuine interest and understanding.
Discuss faulty perceptions/beliefs, as a shift
in time, conditions, resources or faulty facts.
•
Share your own beliefs and get him to
walk in our shoes. Try to resolve again.
39
How to be Successful in Your
Negotiations!
40
Summary
• Thinking Drives Behavior Equals Results
• Understand Your Own Emotional Hot Buttons
• Be A Good Listener
• Silence is your Friend
• Be Observant and Understand
• Stay Focused on your Goals
41