Assertiveness I:
The Drama Triangle Game
Chapter 4.2.6
Overview
• This presentation explains “The Drama
Triangle”, a model developed in the field of
psychology to describe a very common pattern
of behavior that keeps us playing games and
going around in circles rather than really
solving problems.
Being Helpful
• Many of us are drawn to work with DB people
because we enjoy being helpful and have a
sense of social justice.
• This is a strength.
• Yet, this strength overplayed becomes a
weakness.
• When we overdo being helpful, we take-over
from others inappropriately.
Being Nice
• Many of us were taught to “be nice” and not
bother other people, not be pushy or selfcentered. This is a strength.
• Again, this can be over-done. When it is
overdone, a ‘nice’ person does not take care
of their own needs.
• Yet, SSPs get tired, need to use the restroom,
and so on. To ignore these needs is not
healthy.
Self-Care
• Similarly, self-care is a virtue but this too can
be overdone.
• When we defend our boundaries and guard our
own space over-zealously, we can cross the
boundaries of others or act in an aggressive
way.
Drama
• When we let feelings carry us away and don’t
focus on a problem analytically, we get all
upset and there ensues “drama”.
• Feelings or emotions should be a signal to
think through the problem:
– If cold, turn up the heat, get a jacket, etc.
– If worried about paying bills, get a raise,
take more work, cut back on spending, etc.
• Sometimes we would rather enjoy the drama.
Karpman & Steiner
• There is a model of interaction called “The
Drama Triangle”
• This model was developed by Stephen
Karpman and further developed by Claude
Steiner, who applied it to dysfunctional
relationships as interpreted by Eric Berne
(Transactional Analysis).
• This model has been extremely helpful for
interpreters and SSPs.
Conscious
• The Drama Triangle (DT) ‘game’ is so
prevalent in society that it is present in
virtually every group or class.
• The goal here is not to criticize (punish or
persecute) ourselves for engaging in it, but to
become conscious and change.
The Drama Triangle
The Drama Triangle
• The theory of the Drama Triangle is that there
are three basic roles to most ‘dramas’.
• The classic roles are:
– Victim
– Persecutor
– Rescuer
• Think of the dramas we see in the movies, in
books, and so on: the bad guy, the victim and
the good guy.
Game
• These ‘dramas’ are interesting, keep us
engaged, and get our adrenalin going.
• Unfortunately, the roles also keep us ‘playacting’and not being genuinely ourselves.
• We also do not solve the underlying problems.
• There are real victims and rescuers.
• The Drama Triangle is about pseudo-victims
and rescuers, when we solve the problems of
others that they can solve themselves.
3 Roles
• When we are too nice (Rescuer) or feel
helpless (Victim) for too long, we get angry
and seek pay-back – and become a Persecutor.
• The Persecutor hurts the other.
• While there are three roles, the game is often
played with just two people who interchange
roles (Rescuer-Persecutor / Victim-Persecutor).
Passive-Aggressive
• We may triangulate, bringing in a third party.
• By whining and complaining to others, we
both act as a (pseudo)-Victim and punish the
offender (Persecutor) at the same time.
• We may make sarcastic comments that are
meant to be humorous on the surface but also
intended to hurt.
For Example
• The SSP is always late (pseudo-Victim).
• The DB person says nothing (Rescuer).
• After months of this, the DB person takes
longer and longer to do the tasks, making the
SSP late on the other end (Persecutor).
Another Example
• The DB person has a guide-dog, but does not
pick up the dog’s waste even when they are in
public places (Victim).
• The SSP says nothing & picks up the poop,
even though this is odious to him (Rescuer).
• Eventually, the SSP tells the coordinator he
will not work with that DB person any more
(passive-aggressive).
Assertiveness as Problem
Solving
Feeling vs. Problem Solving
• Every time we get stuck in our feelings
without thinking about what the problem is, or
who owns the problem (whose problem is it?),
we are playing a game.
• Every time we complain about our problem –
instead of looking for a solution – we are
playing this game.
• Feelings should prompt us to think and
problem-solve.
Personal Problems vs.
Systemic Problems
Personal Problems vs.
Systemic Problems
• Some problems are small and personal (e.g.
“I’m taking too much work, I need to re-think
my schedule”).
• Other problems are big and societal (e.g.
unemployment, the education system, or no
regular financial support for SSP services).
Solutions
• When the problems are personal or interpersonal we can solve them ourselves with the
help of our friends.
• When they are societal, we must work together
to solve them.
• What is not helpful is getting stuck in the
Drama Triangle, playing a game.
Mixed
• Models are pure while reality is mixed.
• A DB person maybe both a real victim of a
lack of resources as well as play Victim by not
participating in efforts to resolve this lack of
resources.
Example
• An elderly DB woman is finding it
increasingly difficult to live independently.
She complains (Victim) to her SSP. The SSP
volunteers more often, trying to help (Rescue)
and complains to other SSPs that the agency
serving her does nothing (Persecutor).
• Clearly, this depends on interpretation. Is the
DB woman ‘complaining’ as Victim, or
asking for time to problem-solve?
Self-Reflection
• Think about the times you have done more
than you really wanted to, have felt taken
advantage of, played Victim, gossiped or
‘gone-off’ on someone inappropriately.
• What would have been a better, healthier
approach?
Discussion
• Take a break, get into groups and discuss what
you have just learned. Does it make sense?
How does it fit with your experiences? Do
you sometimes play this game in your family?
Discussion Part II
• How might this game play out in an SSP-DB
person relationship? Without revealing
confidential or private information, talk about
your experiences (or the experiences of others
that you know about) relating to SSP work.
Conclusion
• It is critical that SSPs become assertive vs.
Rescuing or taking over for DB people.
• On the other hand, there is no conflict in
providing information to DB people that they
can use to solve their own problems.
• It is not a conflict to volunteer when it will not
cause undue hardship on the SSP.
• Assertiveness is mutually respectful.