Cleaning Up the Dirty
Fighting in Your SGA
www.asgaonline.com
ASGA New Orleans
Michael D. Anthony, Ph.D.
Conflict Continuum
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
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How do you feel about conflict?
A = Energized, “I love it!”
B
C
D
E = Drains me, “I hate it!”
Assertiveness Concepts
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From text, Exploring Leadership, 2nd ed.
In every communication, each
person has a _______________
to be heard and a
_________________ to listen.
Assertiveness Concepts

Each has a right to make a
___________________ or ask a
question, and the recipient has the
right to make his or her own
decision without ______________.
Assertiveness Concepts

Being assertive does not mean that
you get your own way but that you
did what you could to be
_______________.
Assertiveness Concepts

Practicing relational
leadership…you would have done
your best to _______________
their involvement, ____________
for true understanding, and be a
productive community member.
Comparison
Non-assertive
 Aggressive
 Passive-Aggressive
 Assertive

Non-Assertive
Underlying
Messages
Goals
Characteristics
I don’t
count,
you
count.
To
Low
appease
others
To avoid
conflict at
any cost
self esteem
Deferential treatment
of others
Self-denying actions
Dishonest
communication (of
negative or unpleasant
feelings or actions)
Martyr attitude
Automatic acquiescing
to others
Reluctance to take a
stand
Positive
Consequences
Negative
Consequences
Conflict
Diminished
is
avoided
Considered
a good guy
self esteem
Unexpressed
feelings of
anger or hurt
Internal
tension
Reinforcing
the demands
of others
Aggressive
Underlying
Messages
Goals
You
don’t
count, I
count.
To
dominate
and win.
Characteristics
Inappropriate
anger
Selfishness
Judgmental
stance
and accusations
toward others
Attitude of superiority
Seek immediate
payoff, demanding own
way
Discounting of others
Putdowns of the total
person, not just his
behavior
Punitive toward
others
Positive
Consequences
Negative
Consequences
Getting
Creating
one’s way
Achieving
a sense of
power over
others
resentment
in others and
eliciting their
retaliation
Feelings of
guilt and of
alienation
from others
Passive-Aggressive
Underlying
Messages
Goals
You
don’t
count, I
count.
To
dominate
and win.
Characteristics
Procrastination
in
carrying out other’s
requests
Misunderstanding of
others
Forgetting a the
expense of others
Being consistently late
and keeping others
waiting
Getting angry over the
wrong thing or at the
wrong person
Withholding warmth as a
punishment
Developing physical
symptoms which
inconvenience others
Positive
Consequences
Negative
Consequences
Achieving
one’s goals
without
creating
conflict
Internal
stress
Creation of
resentment in
others
Feelings of
anxiety and
alienation
Assertive
Underlying
Messages
Goals
I count,
you
count.
To
respect
others’
rights,
while
standing
up for
one’s
own.
Characteristics
Honesty
in
communication
Directness in dealing
with others
Respect for others,
but no deference
Consideration of the
rights of others
Appropriate response
to others
Regard for self
Ability to choose how
to respond
Positive
Consequences
Increase in self
esteem and self
confidence, and
in respect from
others
Greater
likelihood of
having one’s
needs met and
one’s wishes
respected
Chances for
closer and more
satisfying
relationships
enhanced
Negative
Consequences
Threatening a
relationship that
is based on a
previous nonassertive
behavior,
aggressive or
hostile reactions
from others or
over apologetic
reactions from
others
What is an Assertive Response?
Direct
Honest
Appropriate
Respectful
Focus on my
Feelings/reactions
Indirect
Dishonest
Inappropriate
Disrespectful
Focus on others’
Feelings/reactions
How Do We Communicate with
Each Other?

A = Non-Assertive or Passive

B = Passive Aggressive
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C = Aggressive

D = Assertive
Types of Assertiveness

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compassionate courage – willingness
and ability to tell someone something
they need to hear even it if upsets them
or hurts them initially
fighting for fairness – standing up for
yourself, matching what you think with
what you say
Role Playing
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Initiating Communication
Making a Request
Refusing a Request
Dealing with Others’ Anger
Dealing with My Own Anger
Taking an Unpopular Stand
Final Commitments

Based on this discussion – what will you
do differently?

How can you hold each other
accountable for your learning here?
Thank You
Dr. Michael D. Anthony
Anthony Creative Solutions, LLC
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